I've always followed the rule of "I don't kiss and tell", but I'm not sure if this one counts. Yes, it was a kiss and maybe it meant something but I'm thinking it was more of the alcohol talking. As they say - sometimes a kiss is just a kiss. Nobody ever wants to hear someone brag of how they made-out with someone or slept with so and so. People who do that tend to get on my nerves, bragging just isn't a very admirable quality in a person. Besides that, I find it to be a little disrespectful to the other person involved. When I have a girlfriend or when I am dating someone, I am not filling my buddies in on all the juicy details. It's really none of their business if things become more intimate in the relationship and I'm certainly not giving them play-by-play. It's private, it's personal and I feel should be kept just between the two people involved. With that said, we all have to admit that we do tell our friends some things. I know women tell their girlfriends some general things about a guy they are dating as do men tell their buddies a few things about a woman they may be seeing. That is normal and perfectly fine in my book.
I find what happened on Saturday night to be rather harmless. It didn't go farther than a kiss and even if she would of asked for it to go farther, my answer would of been no. I know, that is crazy talk to turn down a girl I had a huge crush on for nearly a decade, but remember she is married now and that means "off limits" to me. There needs to be a level for respect for her husband and the commitment they made. I don't want to cross that line. I don't want to cause them problems and I will never put myself into a position where temptation takes over my better judgment. I say all of that, but did I really follow my own rules? Am I even following my own "I don't kiss and tell" rule if I share this story? In a sense I am bending the rules here, but I'm sharing in hopes that whoever reads this may be able to give me a little insight on what they feel may be the real message that I'm not seeing, if there is a message at all. Maybe I am partially to blame here. Perhaps I showed her too good of time and was too nice? Can there be such a thing? Yes, I did pay her a few compliments from how great I thought she looked when we were going out for dinner to silly things here and there, like how she can make one killer snowball.
Yes, I did something that in hindsight I see could of been perceived as a romantic gesture even though that wasn't my intention at the time. She had mentioned to me the previous day that she sort of missed being single when a guy would pick her up for a date, knock on the door and she would open it and see flowers - that made her really happy and set the tone for the night. So after we went snowboarding on Saturday, we came back to my house. I went into my room and she went into her room to get showered and dressed for dinner. Well naturally I was ready long before she ever was. So I told her I would pick her up at 7:30. I snuck out of the house early, picked up some flowers and knocked on the guest room door at 7:30 sharp. I think she was a little shocked, but thought it was cute. I told her I was there to take her on our dinner date. It was meant to be kind of silly and make her smile. I think I achieved that goal, but then I didn't really expect what would come later.
After dinner, she suggested we go to some clubs, since married women don't do that much. That idea was fine with me because I'm a rare dying breed of white boy who actually can dance and enjoys doing so. So I knew we would have some fun - drinks and dancing, how can you not enjoy yourself? A handful of drinks later I'm dancing with her to a fast song. I think it was Pharrell's "She Wants To Move" (which the lyrics sound rather fitting now that I think about it). I have my hand on her hip (notice I didn't say butt, I was behaving myself and made a conscious effort to where my hands fell) and I'm sort of looking down while we dance. Next thing I know she pushes me up against the wall that is behind us and starts kissing me. It wasn't just a peck either. It's a real kiss, a pretty passionate and hot one at that. I'm completely caught off guard and not sure what to think or do. Of course it's a little difficult to fight it off considering my ultimate weaknesses is when a girl gets aggressive like that and makes a move, especially anything sexual against a wall. I have no idea what it is about me and walls, but I just find it super sexy and a real turn-on kissing or doing "other things" against a wall. After the kiss is over, she doesn't say a word. Instead she takes my hand and pulls me back out into the open dance floor. Like every nightclub, it's so loud in there that you can't hear anyone talk. After about a minute, she leans in and whispers in my ear "You're really good kisser." Then a few seconds later she leans in and whispers to me again "You look a little lost. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong message there. I don't know what came over me. I guess I'm just sexually frustrated lately and being here with you...I'm having a really good time. Thank you for this whole weekend".
Ok, what? Anyone else totally confused like me? Sorry if you gave me the wrong impression? What impression was I suppose to get? I think if you kiss anyone like that it gives them a pretty strong message, or is that just the alcohol talking in her and the message really is nothing? I think what happened that night was a "slip". It was getting caught up in the moment and losing control for a minute. It was the result of her feeling sexually frustrated and feeling as if she was single again dancing and drinking away the night, until reality set in that she was married and the only guy she should be kissing is her husband. Perhaps she was a little too comfortable with me and showing her appreciation for the fun weekend. That is how I am going to look at it. I don't know if I did something wrong and mislead her early on? Even if I had been hitting on her all weekend, which I was not, I would still think it's up to her to resist any advances or temptations because she's the one who is married, not me. I can respect the boundaries and I was, until that happened. Now I feel a little guilty, but in a way I don't because I'm not the one who initiated the kiss. The good news, that night has not made the rest of our weekend together awkward - surprisingly. It was briefly talked about the next day. We both agree it shouldn't of happened and won't happen again. It was a slipup and we will leave it at that.
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