What Were You Thinkin'

I saw a commercial the other day for an upcoming Dr. Phil episode. They said this Monday Dr. Phil would be tackling all the problems of the Osbourne family! LOL, I'm not a loyal Dr. Phil watcher but I will have to TIVO that!

A "Good Friday" Indeed

Finally Friday is here and that is a good thing since my brain is fried. As the calendar would have it, today is also "Good Friday" so that makes it a little better than the average Friday? (Kidding, I know bad joke.) Some of you may have today off, if so I'm jealous! Enjoy the long weekend and here is a classic poster to start it out right.

It's Official, I Suck
I'm like a vanilla cone, a brown paper bag, a colorless Crayon. What is wrong with me lately? I'm dull and boring. Uninteresting and bland. I'm just blah. I can't think of anything good to say to her and she isn't saying anything to me. I'm totally dropping the ball on this. She makes me nervous sometimes and I don't know why. This is so silly. This isn't like me. I'm usually cool, calm and collected. Being myself usually is a good thing and comes natural, but lately I feel being me isn't good enough. It's not cutting it. I need more. I need something.

Perhaps a magic trick will work. Should I pull some flowers out of my sleeve? Perhaps this is all just in my head and I need to relax. In fact, I know I need to relax. I feel like I'm 13 again trying to make a girl like me. This is pathetic.

(Just a small side note, I hope people don't read this and assume things. I'm not in love or anything and I don't have "the hots" for someone. Although I do have a slight case of "the warms". I'll leave it at that.)

Inspire Me

Since 2006 has kicked off, I've been searching for a little inspiration in certain areas of my life. Even on my blog, I sometimes search for inspiration. Something that inspires me to write, something that moves me enough to bother posting about. I like it when my mind is challenged and I love it when the challenge is brought on by the inspiration of another. Inspire me and you've caught my attention. Continue to inspire me...or better yet, inspire total strangers in this world...and you will not only capture my full attention, but you will hold it for a lifetime. That is when I develop a deep interest. In my eyes, that is when the depth of a person begins to shine thru and intensifies. I'm inspired by another's courage, pain, happiness, sadness, success, triumphs, failures, their strengths and even their weaknesses. Not to sound cliché, but it's the good, the bad and the ugly that are inspiring in life.

Lately, I seem to be lacking outside inspiration from other people. Therefore, I need to find that inspiration within myself. It can be a difficult challenge sometimes to fuel my drive and keep me going from day to day. Although I will dig down and pull up past inspirations of mine or of others and allow those moments to grip me. I will once again breathe in that period of time when I felt inspired, motivated and eagerly accepted a challenge no matter how big or how small. A single breath can bring a new awakening to a new day. I will hold onto the people, places, things and moments in life that have given me inspiration. It will be like inhaling and never exhaling. To never let go of what gives your life, life.

I don't think I am going to do those "1st of the month wrap-ups" anymore on my blog. You may recall that I use to sum up the previous month's posts in one single post on the first day of each new month. It's become too time consuming to do that. Plus I'm bored doing it and frankly, I don't feel inspired to do it anymore. Instead I am going to leave everyone with 2 posts from January that seem to of made people think and even inspired a few of you. I feel that inspiration comes in all different forms. If I've inspired just one person out there by sharing the story of the old man with the threadbare scarf and trembling hands, then I've done well. If I've inspired just one person out there by revealing some very personal things about myself with my 101 list, then I've done well. If I've inspired someone in this world in some way, anyway...then I've done great...and with that, the inspiration has come full circle. Inspiring someone inspires me.

01/19/06 1 Second Added To Your Life, What Will You Do With It?
01/23/06 101 Things You Didn't Know About Me

Keys To My Heart

Forget Magic 8 Balls, crystal balls, Ouija boards, tarot card readings, pixie dust or even waiving a magic wand. Not even the great psychic Miss Cleo herself can see into me as clearly as BlogThings.com can. Yes, I know, it's a frivolous website that is most likely geared to pre-teen girls with too much time on their hands. However, put that stereotype aside and check it out - seriously. You may recall that I posted about this website a few months ago. Well since then I have forgot the site even existed, until I came across it once again, randomly. So I had 2 minutes of time to waste and decided to try my hand at the one test called "Keys To My Heart". I wanted to see how accurate this thing was because in the past I've been really surprised how well it matches me.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Wow! I have to say that this has me down to an exact T! I don't think I could of put it in a more straight forward manner, simple, clear and gets right to the heart of it. It's a little freaky that this website can sum a person up after just answering a few questions, but somehow BlogThings.com manages to do it and does it very well...or at least in my experience it has been accurate. It's important that you answer all the questions honestly. I believe this one contained less than 10 questions all relating to animals for some reason. So go try it out and see how well it matches you.

I've always had a pretty clear idea of what I look for in a woman and based on prior relationships, I have an ever better understanding of the things I really cherish in a woman and even the things I don't want in a woman. I've come to realize what the keys to my heart are, but I never thought a website would be able to see what lies in me. I'm impressed.

It's True Because Miss Cleo Says So
Miss Cleo, the self-proclaimed Jamaican psychic, is back at it again. From late-night TV infomercials in the '90s to blogosphere predictions in 2006, not even Dionna Warwick's flared nose and The Psychic Friends Network can stop her. Like a good swami, she pulls a magical card from her hat. On it holds my future, my horoscope for today. Hey mon, read this...

Your Scorpio Horoscope for January 31, 2006
Use your charisma and finesse to get what you want in your personal life. But when it comes to an important business arrangement, you may have to bend more than you think. A passionate encounter is apparent.

Perfect! Who doesn't want to close out the first month of the New Year getting laid...and a passionate session at that! Miss Cleo, you're alright girl. That news was well worth the $2.95 per minute charge. Only a crazy person wouldn't believe your tarot card reading. I mean we all know it's just as reliable as the palm reading or looking into your crystal ball of power. It's just common knowledge that Miss Cleo posses a rare gift and she should be viewed as a higher life form than the rest of us. I don't know what the FTC was talking about, they should release you from prison at once! I say free Miss Cleo!

Mother F-ing Son Of A Beeeeep
Damn it! How did I miss a Cussing Convention and Swearing Festival? I'm not f*cking kidding, there really was such an event held in San Francisco the other week. It was held in a pub, no surprise there. Of course a truck stop or catholic girl's school would of been a fitting atmosphere as well, considering everyone loves a lady with a trucker-mouth and nobody can out-cuss Sister Mary. I bet you didn't know that swearing takes up 13% of adult conversation, not to mention that 72% of men and 58% of women swear in public. Can you believe that sh*t? I wonder how many people swear online? Not f-ing me, that's for f-ing sure.

I'm sure the "F bombs" were going off right and left. I also bet that the most hated cuss word of all-time, the "C word", made an appearance at the event. Want to see a woman commit murder? Don't call her a b*tch, call her that "C word" and I can nearly guarantee you that she will slice your throat faster than OJ. Hey, I'm a guy and I even hate hearing that word. I wonder if they kiss their Mother with that mouth. Anyway, you want to know what the Cussing Convention and Swearing Festival event schedule was for the day right? Well, here was the lineup...

• Panel forum of swearing experts (whatever the hell that is) debate the current state of foul language in the culture and the media.
• The Mass Swearing Experiment - A multi-media exposure of us and our mouths.
• A Most Horrible, Vile Oaths Contest
• Classic Cussing Performances from Movies, Literature and Music
• The Shit Parade
• Filthy, Foreign Tongues - Foreign guests educate America on how to cuss like a drunken sailor outside the US.
• Shite Discotheque Party
• Special guests, raffle prizes and a book sale.

Basically it's a swearing ponderosa full of lots of pointless crap...I mean sh*t. Maybe next year those bastards will remember to mail me an invite.

Man's Colon Cancer Death Blamed On Ass Xeroxing
In an journal issue of the American Medical Association, a University of Chicago study has established a conclusive link between colon cancer and Xeroxing one's ass. Hot on the heels of the study follows the $30 million civil suit award by a Florida jury to the family of Floridian Barry Lesky, office prankster and renowned buttocks photocopier who died of colon cancer in late 1996.

In response to the findings and legal rulings surrounding their products, major manufacturers of photocopy machines are scheduled to testify before Congress to ascertain whether or not they knew their office equipment to possess such butt-zapping power. A spokesman for the Xerox corporation had this to say..."It is our position that buttocks photo replication poses no statistical risk of harm to the participant". They went on to ask people to save the potential embarrassment of having their pasty flat hams posted on the office bulletin board for all to jeer at.

Thus far, public response has been strongly in favor of photocopy regulation. The Surgeon General has mandated the application of cautionary labels on all photocopy machines that explicitly warn against the risky behavior. Many feel if consenting adults want to throw away their health and their money on a dangerous practice like ass copying, that's their business...but for God's sake let's educate our children about photocopy safety and protect them from these merchants of death!

Introducing The Ass Copier 5000
For longer than anyone can remember in the workplace, ass-copying technology has always been too far "behind" the times, taking up the rear in function-specific business innovations. However, there is a new business product available which is expected to give the rump-replicating market a good kick in the pants. I introduce to you the revolutionary Ass Copier 500, or better known as ASS 5000. It's a spanking-new business tool that has been introduced to plug a gaping hole in office administration. Before the creation of a back-end solution, copying products were unable to meet the demand of partying office workers or disgruntled mail-room staff. Attempts to scan company cornholes usually led to serious damage to existing equipment, which was never intended for posterior reproductions. Now that is all about to change thanks to the ASS 5000!

One of the advantages of the new ASS 5000 is that it will significantly reduce damage to existing standard copiers, making ass copying on your old Xerox a thing of the past. After only a few fannies, the ASS 5000 will have paid for itself! The flat screens of normal copiers were never intended to support the heavy weight of human hindsides. The tempered plate glass panel of the new ass copiers will support the bottoms of most of the office staff. Realizing that support is important in situations where alcohol may be consumed, the ASS 5000 goes the extra mile by sporting arms, a backrest and an optional drink-holder. A fold-out step-ladder is conveniently set inside the front panel for height-challenged members of the office. A contoured keister seat is also available as an upgrade, but critics claim the moulded glass distorts the photocopies, making the model look over-weight.

The ASS 5000 isn't all about appearances, though. With the latest electronics inside, it will reduce running costs with programmed multi-functionality. It boosts all-in-one capabilities from the same seat including copying, scanning, faxing and printing. So while photocopying 50 copies of your derriere for distribution in the lunch room, a high-resolution scan can be sent to the main server for e-mailing to outside clients or faxed directly to a programmed list of recipients. Now THAT is how to conduct business!

Most business photocopy machines are still black and white. While the base model ASS 5000 uses standard toner and the ASS 5001 is a full-color machine with a special skin-tone palette for more accurate reproductions, without constant recalibration. The manufacturer claims accuracy for everyone from the pasty tones of Richie Cunningham to dark shades of a Wesley Snipes and everyone in between. At a stellar 20 cheeks-per-minute the machine is fast enough for "run and grab" moments when you know the boss is just around the corner. A special teflon-like coating on the glass means smears, smudges and streaks are easy to remove. The bottom line is that the ASS 5000 and ASS 5001 are the business solutions to meet your ass-copying requirements. The manufacturer has plans to expand their product line in the next 2 years with a PC scrotum scanner, a virtual pelvic mapper and a digital ass camera - all products the entire world is eagerly anticipating.

Study Claims Laughter Paves The Way For Romance

It's rather ironic that after yesterday's post, I came across a news article relating to the very question I proposed...is a person without a sense of humor doomed to living their entire life single and dying alone? So I began to wonder about this. As my Mom would say "don't wonder too long or you might get lost". As you can see, it's a safe assumption to make that I didn't get my sense of humor from my Mom's side of the family. (To be fair, she has her moments, although few and far between.) Studies suggest humor signals big brain and good partner-potential. So am I to assume that a person who lacks a funny bone also lacks brains and is a bad lover? This study seems a little harsh, but at the same time it seems a little funny. Hmm, maybe because I have a sense of humor or perhaps I'm just giggling at an inappropriate time and at the misfortune of others. Either way, stupid studies like this always entertain me.

If love is blind, then maybe humor is the attention-grabber. That's the conclusion of 2 recent studies that confirm a long-standing stereotype of flirting claiming that women like joky men, while men like women who laugh at their jokes. (Personally, I like women who don't just laugh at me or with me, but also make me laugh as well.) The idea that funny people are attractive may seem obvious, but there have been very few scientific studies to examine whether or not this is true. Two college professors conducted a study by asking more than 200 male and female college students to examine photos of members of the opposite sex. Some had funny quotes pinned beneath them, such as: "My high school was so rough we had our own coroner." Others had bland ones: "I'd rather walk to school than take the bus."

The researchers found that the women ranked the humorous men as better potential partners along with being more friendly, fun and popular. However, men's views of women appeared to be uninfluenced by her wit. So should we assume that a humorous brunette would not win a man's heart in comparison to a dumb blonde? Of course a dingy girl does give you something to laugh at - her stupidity. (Let me just state for the record, not all brunettes are funny and not all blondes are dumb.) Although I tend to feel that after a guy is out of his college years, he no longer just goes for a pretty face. At least in my opinion, after your early 20s, you want a girl that has a little more substance to her besides looks. She needs to have something upstairs in her head to hold my interest and allow the attraction to go beyond skin deep. It's suspected that men and women do both value a sense of humor in a mate, but that they might be looking for slightly different things. Women value an ability to be funny and men value an ability to see the joke. See, even more reason why a dingy girl will not hold a man's interest after so long. Because she's an airhead, she's funny to be around, but because she's an airhead, she doesn't get most of the jokes - even when they are at her expense.

Further research concludes that women generally preferred men who were funny, while men favored a woman who thought he was funny. Women prefer funny men because their wit reveals an active and healthy brain...and a fine set of underlying genes. It's said to be a very powerful and reliable way to show creativity and intelligence. If this theory holds true, a woman choosing a funny man as a partner is more likely to have genetically healthy children who will survive and reproduce themselves. This so-called sexual selection could, in some circumstances, favor women who like humorous men and men who like women with an appreciation for humor. What does this means for those seeking love? Well because we are asking scientists rather than relationship therapists, the scientists were reluctant to say. Although they gave this advice for the ladies: "If you're not interested in a guy then don't laugh at his jokes."

I'm Too Lazy To Blog, So Here's A Deep Thought
Have you ever noticed that when you talk to anyone, they always say "I'm looking for someone with a sense of humor" or "I married so and so because of his/her great sense of humor". It's apparent to me that one quality everyone is looking for in a partner, or even just in a friend, is a sense of humor. With that in mind, what happens to all those people that DON'T have a sense of humor? Do they go thru life single and die alone?

That's your deep thought for the day. Ponder it and give me feedback if you aren't feeling lazy. ;)

One For The Thumb, One For The Bus
The Pittsburgh Steelers are the new AFC Champs and are headed to Detroit to play in Super Bowl XL! After a convincing 31-17 win over the Denver Broncos, the 6th seeded Wildcard team that nobody gave a chance to has taken it all the way! Never has a 6th seeded team made it to the Super Bowl until now. The Steelers almost didn't even make playoffs, but one more regular season win squeezed them into the post season. However, despite being the underdogs for every single playoff game, the Steelers proved critics wrong. They showed that football isn't played with a bunch of stats on paper, but rather with alot of heart on the field.

The Black & Gold will take on the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XL. Unlike the Steelers, the Seahawks have never been to a Super Bowl. So this is a first in their franchise history which makes the trip that much sweeter. Although, I hate to say that it will also make their future Super Bowl lose to the Steelers that much more bitter. Yes, I'm predicting my Steelers will finally get "one for the thumb" - their 5th Super Bowl ring. More than likely, this will be running back Jerome Bettis's last game and last shot at a Super Bowl ring. Usually Super Bowl games are blowouts and I wouldn't mind if the tradition continued this year, as long as it is the Seahawks getting spanked. Finally, a Super Bowl game that will be good to watch for the game and not just the commercials or occasional boob popping incidents.

The Death Penalty Would Of Been More Lenient
It's a punishment tailored to hit a diehard football fan where it hurts the most, taking away his right to watch Super Bowl Sunday. A Cleveland court judge has ordered a grown man be sent to his room and have his TV privileges taken away during the biggest football game of the year! You may remember the December 24th Steelers-Browns game when a drunken Browns fan ran out onto the field. The fan was quickly caught by Steelers linebacker James Harrison who body-slammed the fan onto the ground and held him for police. In my opinion, it was the best play of the game and definitely a worthy video clip for any NFL highlight reel.

The fan in question is 24-year-old Nathan Mallett who was convicted earlier this month of misdemeanor counts of disorderly conduct while intoxicated and criminal trespassing. He said he ran onto the field because he was upset by Pittsburgh's 41-zip blowout of the Browns. (Of course a thorough ass kicking handed from the Steelers to the Browns is nothing new or unusual.) Mallett will begin his 3 day sentence February 3rd and he won't be allowed to watch the February 5th Super Bowl game on TV, or listen to it on radio. The judge also ordered Mallett not to attend Browns games in Cleveland or any other city for 5 years as a condition of his probation. In addition, he also has to do 150 hours of community service with team charities.

Personally, I think the judge is doing this guy a favor by forbidding him to attend any more Browns games. Let's be honest, the Cleveland Brows suck! It's usually a miracle when the team sees any post season action. With that aside, the guy did look like a fool getting body-slammed by a pro linebacker, but it sure gave me a good laugh. So I have to thank him for that. You would think seeing that clip of himself over and over again on the news would of been punishment enough, the embarrassment and humiliation factor. However, a judge says he wants to see the Browns fan rot in jail...well at least for Super Bowl weekend he will rot there.

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Ass Xeroxing Is A Spreading Epidemic

If you are like most people, you attended some form of an office party over the holidays last month. For many it's a time when you see your boss and co-workers "true colors" shine thru as they appear in vivid form after...I don't know, say 5 cocktails. You may catch your shy IT guy running around with a lampshade on his head or the mousey front desk receptionist using a half empty fish bowl as a margarita glass. Then of course there is always either the most appalling or the most exciting part of the party - the time when people get bored and begin photocopying their ass on the company's Xerox machine. Ah, yes. Everyone knows what I'm talking about here. Either you have done it yourself or you know someone that has. Of course, there doesn't need to be an office party going on and you don't even need to be buzzed to partake in this activity. Some of the best Ass Xeroxing portraits have come on your average mundane Monday afternoon.

Office party photos are always memorable,
whether you are the guy holding the mistletoe over your crotch
or you are the lady photocopying her butt.
The memories are priceless and last a lifetime.

So raise your hand if Ass Xeroxing is a spreading epidemic in your office? I hope your hand is raised or you really do have a dull work life. I for one am guilty of photocopying my ass and various other body parts (except that part, I do have morals) at work on many occasions. I'm not sure if I'm really proud of that statement, but it is what it is. Hey, I'm an energetic person and if you trap me in an office for hours on end, I will get a little crazy when I'm bored. I've been know to participate and encourage others in said behavior. From back in the days of helping out in my HS office, to my college library, to my internship, to my first real job, yes I have made a photocopy of my ass, the side of my face, my hand and even my new tattoo to fax over to Mom. Sweet right? Ok, so maybe it's a little disturbing, but it was funny at the time and when one gets really bored, it takes little to amuse you.

Photocopier supplier Canon warned customers to take better care of their office equipment during the Christmas period, claiming that the festive season traditionally leads to a 25% hike in service calls due to incidents such as the classic backside copying prank. Such a stunt, a mainstay of the office party, often results in cracked glass on the copier. 32% of Canon technicians say they have been called out to fix glass plates after attempts to copy body parts went wrong. A Canon employee admits that they always fit lots of new glass to copiers after New Year's due to rear-end copying. In fact, Canon claims a shocking 46% of service calls are in response to non-work-related breakages.

In one case, a young lady had cracked the glass in mid-scan! She also jammed the scanner so that it wasn't until the machine was fixed that her colleagues looking on, all saw the copies of her backside pouring from the machine! Partly in response to this trend, or perhaps because of the "supersizing" of the western physique, Canon has now increased the thickness of its glass by an extra millimeter. However, one of the most alarming tales comes from a service engineer who claims he had to repair a machine with a photocopy of a man's groin jammed in it! We can only hope he meant it was the photocopy that was jammed in the machine. Perhaps an office identity parade is necessary to see who the guilty ass photocopying culprits are. Then they will be charged for the call-out service fees.

***UPDATE***
This is only Part #1 "Ass Xeroxing Is A Spreading Epidemic". More to come on this subject in the near future. Look for...
Part #2 "Introducing The Ass Copier 5000"
Part #3 "Man's Colon Cancer Death Blamed On Ass Xeroxing".

What Are You Wearing?

Apparently there was some fancy awards show last night in Hollywood. The Golden Globes, right? As you can see I get all these award shows mixed up. I find them all pretty boring to watch. However, just so I don't look totally clueless, I try and glance at the news the next morning or pick up the newspaper so I can at least see who the big winner was. That way I can look "well informed" and "in the know" around the office water cooler. Clever huh? It seems that the big winner was "Brokenback Mountain". Notice my maturity level and self control there to resist the urge of making a joke about the film title? Yes, it's about 2 gay cowboys and no, I don't know anything more than that because it's not exactly a movie I'm eager to put down my 10 bucks to see. I'll just take the word of the Golden Globes, say it's a good flick and keep my wad (of cash that is) in my pocket. (Darn, a harmless gay joke still snuck in - sorry.)

So my sister calls me last night and is shocked that I'm not watching The Golden Globes. Shocked? Is she serious? I don't know any guy that watches award shows unless they are gay or forced to sit on the couch with a girl and partake in the "what are you wearing" red carpet arrivals. I mean seriously, there was a basketball game on the other station so what does she think I would be watching? Silly girl. Well being the fashion guru that she is and if she sees this post, she will appreciate what I am about to do. It's the "what am I wearing" red carpet interview via a blog. Now unless you know me pretty well, you probably won't find this very funny because it has to be said/read in my pretend gay/lisp/snooty celeb voice.

"I'm wearing Armani and I'm going tieless because I can rock it without it. The shoes are by Aldo. My bling...I'm going blingless. However I did find a rather shiny new paperclip in my coat pocket. Does that count as bling? Now that is what I wore to the big show, AKA work today. For the after party, AKA going to the gym...I will be sporting some Nike shorts and a plain white tee. Yes darling, I look fabulous but did you expect anything less? After all, it is Golden Globe night! Now you fierce bitches step aside while I strike a pose for the cameras."

Be Annoying Online And You'll Be Arrested Offline

Annoying someone via the Internet is now a federal crime. It’s no joke. President Bush recently signed into law a prohibition on posting annoying messages online, sending annoying IMs or e-mail messages without disclosing your true identity. The law comes under the Violence Against Women and Department of Justice Reauthorization Act. Criminal penalties include stiff fines and 2 years in prison! Web Anonymity may not be a crime, but annoying someone on the web is? So is it ok to flame someone in a message board forum or in a blog as long as you do it under your real name? These are questions that are raising alot of issues.

Originally the purposed law stated that...
"It was reasonable by comparison and criminalized only using an interactive computer service to cause someone substantial emotional harm."

Toady the signed law states this...
"Whoever...utilizes any device or software that can be used to originate telecommunications or other types of communications that are transmitted, in whole or in part, by the Internet... without disclosing his identity and with intent to annoy, abuse, threaten or harass any person...who receives the communications...shall be fined under title 18 or imprisoned not more than two years, or both."

The use of the word "annoy" is particularly problematic because what's annoying to one person may not be annoying to someone else. Therefore this makes the definition of the word "annoy" open to personal interpretation and makes this new law seem a little sketchy to fully understand. So who decides what is annoying? The official word is that as long as there is "intent to annoy" and not whether or not someone is actually offended, that seems to be all it takes for it to be considered a crime. However, while people are debating whether or not a crime has actually been committed based on their own personal definition of the word "annoy", what about the real cases of when "being annoying" has gone to a new level and develops into harassment or even stalking? Well we all know that harassment and stalking whether done online or offline is clearly a crime. There are numerous laws that state that you can not harass or "cyber stalk" someone whether you disclose your true identity or remain anonymous. It's against the law either way you do it.

To some, being annoying should be a crime. It's a little funny to think of it like that, but wouldn't life be so much sweeter if you could take every annoying person you know and throw their ass in jail? Ahh, pure bliss! Only in a perfect world would such an easy fix and a true pleasure exist. Since we don't live in a perfect world, annoying people will continue to exist online and offline. It's how you choose to deal with these annoyances that will really make a difference. In many cases simply distancing yourself as far away as possible from the problematic person/s and ignoring them at all costs is the best solution. When that fails, sometimes legal measures need to be taken. To the person/s being annoyed, harassed or even cyber stalked, you can feel like you are on the losing end. However, it's important to keep in mind that although you may feel angry, frustrated and even overwhelmed, that there is help and laws put into place to protect you. You must look at the situation as the annoyer/harasser/stalker as being "sick" and in many cases they really are. How else can you explain the great lengths these people will go to in order to continue their annoying/harassing/stalking behavior? The effort and time they put into it alone is scary. Everyone deserves a peaceful life, online and offline. This new law is meant to protect that right and help insure that you too can have peace from the annoying. Of course, don't abuse it and get "sue happy" like so many people tend to get in the US.

Today is Martin Luther King's birthday and in celebration of him, we remember his famous "I Have A Dream" speech. Today I have composed my own speech which is a little similar...
"I have a dream that one day people will find something better to do with their lives than annoy, harass and stalk others. I have a dream that one day they will wake up and see that their evil efforts are wasted and they have gained nothing by their wrong doings. I have a dream that they will look in the mirror and see how foolish they look and feel ashamed for their behavior. I have a dream that these people will change for the better. Until that day, I wish for the rest of the world to feel not afraid and turn to this new law that has been signed and sing... Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

On The 7th Day, God Watched Steelers Football

Don't disturb me today because I need to focus. I will mentally prepare for the big game by first dressing in the appropriate holy attire which consists of my favorite pair of faded broken-in blue jeans and my black #86 jersey. Then it's time to get nice and comfy on the couch. I will need to turn the volume up on the TV to at least the "L", you know in "Volume", about 20 squares in from the left. That way I'll be drowned out yelling at the plays on the field. I suggest everyone reading this watches the game too. God himself will be watching! How do I know? Let's just say we are tight, we talk and he told me he's a Steeler fan. Just between you and me...there is a slight chance that lighting may strike the entire Colts team dead today, guaranteeing a Steeler win!

Polamulu, voted "Sexiest Hair" in the league!
(Anyone gullible enough to believe that?)

It's onto the next round in the NFL playoffs for the Pittsburgh Steelers. After last week's Wildcard win against the Bengals, the Black & Gold are in Indianapolis today to take on the Peyton Manning and the Colts. I was pretty confident last weekend that we would beat Cincinnati, but this week I'm a little nervous. It seems that every year we are bumped out of the playoffs due to a lose coming from either the Colts or the Patriots. I'm hoping this year will be different and we can pull off an upset. If today marks the end of the season for the Steelers, it may also mark the end of an era for "The Bus", Jerome Bettis. After 13 years, one of the best running backs in the NFL may be making his last stop in Indianapolis. If Bettis does retire, it will be sad, but don't worry because we have Willie Parker to fill his shoes! He is like a black Forest Gump, that boy is crazy fast!

So if I was Coach Cower, I would prepare my football team with a few short words. The same words I was given when I boxed. "Strike first, strike fast, hit hard, no mercy." If the Steelers can come out, put points on the board early and pressure Manning, then I smell the scent of sweet victory...or the smell of sweaty gym socks, whichever you prefer.

Macworld 2006 Is An iSnooze, Except For 'Dissing Intel

If you are a Mac lover, than you are probably aware that the annual Macworld Conference & Expo took place from January 9-13 in San Francisco. It comes just days after Microsoft's CEO Bill Gates took stage at CES to talk about his upcoming Microsoft products. Macworld on the other hand is the place where Apple's CEO Steve Jobs shows off his latest and greatest Mac products. It's the place where the iMac was first introduced to the public over a decade ago. Since then, there has been 2 major redesigns of the original iMac. This year I was expecting we would see the 4th gen iMac, but unfortunately that didn't happen. Since Apple's other big product is the iPod, surely we would see a new iPod at Macword, right? Nope, no new iPod either. So what did Steve Jobs show us? Well, not much if you ask me. It was a bit of an "iSnooze" of a keynote speech giving Mac lovers little to get excited about.

Of course in lue of a new redesigned iMac or iPod, Jobs had to talk about something. Therefore, the bulk of the Macworld news consisted mostly about Apple's new ties to Intel. In the hardware department, Apple released the first ever Intel-based iMac and the new MacBook Pro. When it came to software, 2006 versions of the iLife and iWork suites were introduced, along with a new program called iWeb that helps you design websites, set up blogs and assist with podcasting. New Apple accessories also debuted, including an FM receiver and remote for the iPod. Lastly, the OS X operating system will begin shipping with new widgets. Despite all these new products, many people will look back at Macword '06 and not remember the hardware or software introductions, but rather the huge "insert foot in mouth" Apple campaign slogan. Various banners were hung with the phrase..."What's an Intel chip doing in a Mac? A whole lot more than it's ever done in a PC."

It's no secret that Apple and Microsoft are heated rivals. It's also no secret that for years Intel chips have been the processor of choice in Windows PCs. So it's only natural that the bulk of Intel's business comes from Microsoft. Are you following me so far? Now the big question is...if you (Apple) are trying to break new ground in an area (gaining Intel's business) that is mostly controlled by your competition (Microsoft), I would tend to think you do not want to publicly bash your new business partner (Intel) regardless if they also do business with your competition or not. It just looks...well, childish.

I just don't understand what Apple's PR department and legal team is thinking when it comes to "smart business". You may remember awhile back when word got out that Apple made the biggest tech blunder of all time - forgetting to patent the iPod! When that news broke, I just couldn't believe it! How could a company as innovative as Apple be so dumb? Well it seems Apple didn't learn much from that huge mistake as they once again are embarrassing themselves, or perhaps more importantly, embarrassing their new partnership with Intel. Just a FYI for Steve Jobs in case he hasn't figured this out yet, Intel is pissed over the new campaign slogan. I suggest you change it before you find yourself in an ugly legal dispute.

Fine. You Perverts Want It? You Perverts Can Have It!

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