Ass Xeroxing Is A Spreading Epidemic

If you are like most people, you attended some form of an office party over the holidays last month. For many it's a time when you see your boss and co-workers "true colors" shine thru as they appear in vivid form after...I don't know, say 5 cocktails. You may catch your shy IT guy running around with a lampshade on his head or the mousey front desk receptionist using a half empty fish bowl as a margarita glass. Then of course there is always either the most appalling or the most exciting part of the party - the time when people get bored and begin photocopying their ass on the company's Xerox machine. Ah, yes. Everyone knows what I'm talking about here. Either you have done it yourself or you know someone that has. Of course, there doesn't need to be an office party going on and you don't even need to be buzzed to partake in this activity. Some of the best Ass Xeroxing portraits have come on your average mundane Monday afternoon.

Office party photos are always memorable,
whether you are the guy holding the mistletoe over your crotch
or you are the lady photocopying her butt.
The memories are priceless and last a lifetime.

So raise your hand if Ass Xeroxing is a spreading epidemic in your office? I hope your hand is raised or you really do have a dull work life. I for one am guilty of photocopying my ass and various other body parts (except that part, I do have morals) at work on many occasions. I'm not sure if I'm really proud of that statement, but it is what it is. Hey, I'm an energetic person and if you trap me in an office for hours on end, I will get a little crazy when I'm bored. I've been know to participate and encourage others in said behavior. From back in the days of helping out in my HS office, to my college library, to my internship, to my first real job, yes I have made a photocopy of my ass, the side of my face, my hand and even my new tattoo to fax over to Mom. Sweet right? Ok, so maybe it's a little disturbing, but it was funny at the time and when one gets really bored, it takes little to amuse you.

Photocopier supplier Canon warned customers to take better care of their office equipment during the Christmas period, claiming that the festive season traditionally leads to a 25% hike in service calls due to incidents such as the classic backside copying prank. Such a stunt, a mainstay of the office party, often results in cracked glass on the copier. 32% of Canon technicians say they have been called out to fix glass plates after attempts to copy body parts went wrong. A Canon employee admits that they always fit lots of new glass to copiers after New Year's due to rear-end copying. In fact, Canon claims a shocking 46% of service calls are in response to non-work-related breakages.

In one case, a young lady had cracked the glass in mid-scan! She also jammed the scanner so that it wasn't until the machine was fixed that her colleagues looking on, all saw the copies of her backside pouring from the machine! Partly in response to this trend, or perhaps because of the "supersizing" of the western physique, Canon has now increased the thickness of its glass by an extra millimeter. However, one of the most alarming tales comes from a service engineer who claims he had to repair a machine with a photocopy of a man's groin jammed in it! We can only hope he meant it was the photocopy that was jammed in the machine. Perhaps an office identity parade is necessary to see who the guilty ass photocopying culprits are. Then they will be charged for the call-out service fees.

***UPDATE***
This is only Part #1 "Ass Xeroxing Is A Spreading Epidemic". More to come on this subject in the near future. Look for...
Part #2 "Introducing The Ass Copier 5000"
Part #3 "Man's Colon Cancer Death Blamed On Ass Xeroxing".