What Happens In Vegas...(you know the rest)

You know the saying "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas"? Well that is true, but I'm going to make a small exception in some areas and leak out a few details from my weekend in Las Vegas. Sound good to you? Now it's probably safe for me to recap most of the CES show considering it didn't contain any explicit sex acts involving a nymphomaniac, a monkey and barrel full on bananas. Of course for just an extra $50 more you could of got yourself in the Adult Entertainment Expo which I'm sure contained a similar act. Unlike the Consumer Electronics Show, I believe the Adult Entertainment Expo was open to the general public and from what I heard, it was packed! I wasn't even aware until the last minute that there was a pornstar convention going on right next door to CES!

The best tech gadgets are also great eye candy. I prefer black and silver,
but this hot pink Razr phone displayed as a Martini caught everyone's eye.
It was so appealing, that all the display phones
were stolen by the end of the weekend!

A porno expo sounds entertaining right? Well I wouldn't know because I didn't attend, but I do wonder what exactly goes on in a porn convention - hot lesbians giving live toy demos? If so, then perhaps I should of paid the extra $50 to see that! Then again, if that interests you, in Vegas you can see those types of acts everywhere...if you play your cards right, some are even free and involve audience participation if you know what I mean. Now try and forget the porn for a minute and focus on technology. CES was a blast if you put aside the fact that you had to wait in line forever to tour the NextGen Home (which was a house of the future) and the fact that celebs like Justin Timberlake, Tom Cruise and others cheezed the atmosphere up a little, there was still much to see and do. So among the booth babes and all those shiny sleek tech gadgets, a few products I felt were worthy of mentioning. Although instead of me writing about them, I'm going to let these photos below speak for themselves. Consider this your virtual tour - The Best Of CES.

More than 150,000 people from all over the world witnessed the introduction of thousands of new products and technologies. The show floor consisted of nearly 2 million square feet of space, giving plenty of room to the 2,500 exhibitors that were setup. The 2006 International CES lived up to its billing as the world’s largest technology tradeshow and made every tech head, including myself, feel like a kid in a candy store! Although we may only be in 2006, it felt more like looking into the future of 2010 and beyond. Of course many of the prototype products that were introduced to the public won't officially make it into production for several years, but it's always amazing to see what some of today's most brilliant minds are coming up with - concept ideas for the everyday Joe to integrate into his daily lifestyle.

The majority of gadgets I thought were pretty cool and useful, but there were some products that I was rather disappointed in and I don't see them selling well if they should ever hit the shelves. Then there were products that made my mouth water and my eyes glaze over, things that blow your mind. However, CES at times can be frustrating, or at least to me it can be. I feel frustrated when I see something and I want to slap my forehead saying "duh, why didn't I think of that or I had that idea, but I could never put it into motion". I have that creativity in me and I see these ideas in my head, I just have a hard time getting them out. I know that is a huge downfall and something I really need to work on if I ever want to be one of those innovative people I saw before me this weekend.

CES only ran during the day, so there was plenty of nightlife to be had during the rest of the weekend. I made sure to make good use of the time by gambling entirely too much, hitting up a few clubs, consuming my fair share of drinks and doing it all while taking in virtually no sleep. Now that's the way to live in Vegas! Any single guy with a half a brain knows it's not exactly the smartest thing to share his Vegas stories, that is if he can even recall the stories when all is said and done. However, I do wonder how I can go to Vegas with $2,000 spending cash in my wallet and come home with just $22 dollars, especially given the fact that work paid for hotel and flight expenses. Hmm. I also wonder why I have a sizable lump on the left side of my forehead - no joke. I can't really see it, but if you touch it, you can feel it and it does hurt somewhat. I know for sure I didn't get into a fight or anything, but how that bump got there, I have no clue.

One thing I did learn in Vegas, that when you go with a group of guys that are more "co-worker status" than "buddy status", they don't help keep you from doing stupid things like your regular buddies do. For instance, don't you think it would of been the kind thing for this one guy to actually tell me that I tipped some stripper with a $50 bill? I mean that was just a dance tip, not even a lap dance and she wasn't even that good looking! What is up with that? Obviously I must of thought I was tucking her a $5. The next day, he let me know of the slipup and he sure got a good laugh out of me blowing $50 on some stripper in one single tip. I suppose when it comes to some things, I should be thankful. Thankful that I didn't wakeup one morning and find a "Just Married" sign hanging in my hotel room and some questionable girl laying beside me who's name I didn't even catch until I see it on the marriage license. So yeah, things could of been worse.

The Best Of CES Photo Gallery

There was no reason for these trippy/hippy neon beads that hung
from the Intel booth. They were just...well, cool.

The folks at Sony were tight lipped about the upcoming PS3,
but it did make a CES appearance.

Freebies are always good. I was lucky enough to get my hands on the new Lexar JumpDrive, displayed here by an unknown hand model.

This oxygen bar just reminded me that we weren't far from CA.
That is sooo LA (and gay) as they say.

It won't massage your "naughty places",
but it will help relax you and take a load off.

A video phone? Come on now, that is so 2000.

Windows Vista will be the new O/S expected this year from Microsoft.

No trip to Las Vegas would be complete without the usual Elvis sighting.

Dumb product #1, the waterproof iPod case...
marketed toward deep sea podcasting divers?

Dumb product #2, the pussy guitar. Who in the world other than
maybe Avril Lavigne would rock out on Hello Kitty?

Dumb product #3, the 24k PC!
Yes, the front of this clear case is made of real gold bitches.

Dumb product #4, not to be outdumbed by the 24k PC, Dell unveiled their flaming PC. It's basically a fast computer with some fiery graphics - big whoop.

One of my favorite parts of CES is the auto tech area. Ever ride a motorcycle?
If you have, then you know how dangerous it is switching lanes
with a blind spot. This products solves that by giving you an "icon" telling you when it's not safe to switch lanes. I guess "Switch Lanes Now And Die"
was a little too long to print on the mirrors.

This isn't a new concept in snowboarding apparel, but Burton has yet another tech friendly jacket out. This one let's you control your iPod on your sleeve.

There was no shortage of huge TVs to watch the Steeler's game on.
LG introduced a 102inch plasma!

I failed the "no snooze" driving sim software. Several cans of Red Bull
does not make a Vegas partier alert enough to drive.

The Robo Boxer is awesome! What more can I say?

These Blue Man Group look-a-likes carved a Sprint cell phone
out of a giant block of ice. Why? Why not?

Can't attend the porno expo next door, but want to surf a little XXX?
Then grab some "alone time" in here.

Chic geek? Ahh, no.
Classic example of a gadget that won't get you laid...ever!

What makes you think she's a pornstar? Is it the fake breasts, the bleached blonde hair, the excessive makeup? No seriously what gave it away?
It's the fact that she was willing to fuck the guy pictured above.

I had to save the best for last.
I would of called it the "Coc-kit"! However, they opted to naming it "Clone-A-Willy". With CES overlapping with the Adult Entertainment Expo, I figured it's only right I feature one cool adult gadget. The classic Clone-A-Willy allows you to make a copy of your Johnson and with the optional motor you can even turn it into a vibrator. The latest version is the Chocolate Clone-A-Willy which lets you make a real milk chocolate copy that is 100% edible and apparently quite tasty. For Valentine's Day, give your girl roses, chocolate and dick...
or just roses and chocolate dick will suffice.