Don't Cry Mr. Brightside A River

I'm feeling a little bad that the trend lately on my blog seems to be that I'm making people sad, well at least some of my female readers. My intention is not to make anyone feel down after visiting my site and I don't think it's a pity thing, like some people felt sorry for me when I said that all I wanted for Christmas was a girlfriend. I also didn't mean to choke anyone up when they read my post about life thru the eyes of a someone who is 20something. In a sense if people are feeling misty eyed when reading my writing, I should probably take that as a compliment. It means that I am able to touch something inside of you thru my words and that to me is pretty powerful. It's something that lets me know that I'm not alone in how I feel, relate and express myself to the outside world.

For me, it's comforting to put pen to paper (or in this case, fingers to keys?) and let things flow out naturally. I tend to deal with my feelings better if I can see them in black in white rather than verbalize them. In the process of sharing my own experiences (both good and bad, both happy and sad) and sharing my own perspective on life, it has left an open invitation to the public to not only judge me, but to also sympathize with me. On many occasions I feel as if I shouldn't share this or that and I want to retract a post and eat my own words. Only then is when I learn that the very posts and words I question are the same ones that people needed to hear. One post in particular that comes to mind is Letting Go. It wasn't easy for me to write. In fact it was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done, let alone write about. I found the courage to really dig down deep and finally set what was trapped inside of me free. I exposed myself in a light that few have seen from me before and perhaps many wouldn't share so candidly themselves.

I debated about deleting it...that was until someone told me that what I wrote spoke directly to them and hit them pretty hard - they could relate to the same pain. So I'm glad at times that what I post helps people, regardless if it's painful for me to put into words, naked for the world to judge. I suppose it's part of being real and true to yourself when you can take something so ugly and somehow make it beautiful. The raw emotion is what makes it and the ability to express it is what tells the story - the story of life's little lessons that sometimes only suffering can bring about change for the better. I'm not a poet. I'm not an artist. I'm just a regular guy who's blank canvas is this blog. I bring it to life by painting the letters that make up the words, that make up the stories that are woven deep within my life and at times tied to my heart and soul. That is what you see. That is what you read. For some, that is what you feel - me.

As I sit here and write this, Winamp is playing the song by The Killers - "Mr. Brightside". When this song came out, I immediately loved it! The lyrics were simple, but very powerful. Then later I grew to despise the song as the words in it portrayed a time in my life when I let my head get the best of me. I felt as if it the lyrics were speaking to me in a sense. It was too real of a message that I could, but didn't want to, relate to. These days, I can listen to the song and not feel that sickening twist in my stomach and that ache in my heart. Today I can smile because I can find good in the bad. Today I am Mr. Brightside as I sing along to the final words to the song...

Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
I'm Mr. Brightside

My point is, don't be sad for me and don't be sad for you. We are all human. I go thru ups and downs just like you do. I will be ok, as will you. There is always a bright side. Even in the darkest of nights, there is light. The key is knowing where to turn to look beyond the shadows, beyond the cold and in search of the warm fuzzy feeling that only new love can bring. It's like those footed PJs that you use to wear as a kid. You felt so safe, secure and warm. You were all cozy zipped up nice and tight in that fuzzy security blanket of a suit. You felt like you could take on the world. You would be protected from all harm and evil doings. You weren't a superhero. You were a child and in a child's eyes there is always a Mr. Brightside. The tears will fall in life, that is inevitable. When they do begin to drop, even if nobody is around to wipe them away, you catch them. You dry them and remember that a bright side will and always does come. Destiny is calling. Open up your eager eyes. There is a Mr. Brightside.

To "One Special Girl" who I almost made cry when she read my All I Want For Christmas post. She even asked Santa to grant my wish in one of her own posts. To "Anonymuis" who confessed this time of the year makes her sad. To "Megalitz" who held back the tears as she read my post about 20somethings...I want to take a minute to not only say I'm sorry to all of you, but to also thank you for getting me - understanding me and relating to me in a way that not everyone can.