The other day I took my dog to the vet to be put to sleep. After just shy of 17 years of her being my little buddy close to my side, it's time to let go. She has declined health wise incredibly fast in just the last few weeks to the point where if she hadn't been with me each day to see the change myself, I wouldn't even know it was my dog. If you never had a pet, I'm sure you can't relate to how you feel when your once super hyper and active dog just lays before you on a cold metal table at the vet with those soft/sad brown eyes looking up at you. Does she know why we are there? I wonder. Once I was told something pretty comforting when it comes to animals. I was told that one good thing is that when an animal is dying, they don't know it. Now whether or not that is true, I like to believe/pretend it is true otherwise it breaks my heart even more if she knows the inevitable like I do. They tell me she is not in pain and that is just side affects from medicine. So the dog told you she isn't in pain, but didn't tell me? Ahh, I see. How do they know? It's not like she has a voice to express herself. I'm tired of seeing her go thru this and I'm tired of going thru it. It's not like I am trying to take the fast way out or "just get it over with" because honestly I would love nothing more than to have more time with her - good time. Although at the same time I know the inevitable and I am forced to prepare for it, whenever that time comes and no matter how much it will hurt to say goodbye.
It's not just pets or lives you need to let go off, it's love too. I'm dealing with that also right now and the reality of it all is setting in more and more. I don't need anymore signs to hit me. I know what it means when you say you want to be with me and I fly out to spend time with you and you start a fight with me before I arrive and take off with your friends while I'm there. I know what it means when I say I love you and I don't hear it back. I know what someone means when you ask them if they are happy with someone else and they say yes. I know what it means when you call someone else your boyfriend whether on purpose, accident or whatever excuse you want to give. I know what it means when you go on a weekend getaway with someone. I know what it means when you spend time with him and not take a second to even ask how I am especially after you know what happened last week. I'm not stupid and I'm not naive. I am also not blind to the fact that she has moved on and so must I. So this post isn't to depress everyone and bring you down with me, but my goal is to help you let go if you too should ever find your own heart in a similar situation. As they say in the movie...Bill Parrish: "It's hard to let go, isn't it?" Joe Black: "Yes, it is Bill." Bill Parrish: "That's Life. What can I tell you?"
The above quote was taken from the end of the movie "Meet Joe Black." It is a movie that will move your heart and soul and you’ll find yourself sitting back to ponder your life and what is important to you after watching it. A life well lived and the ingredients needed to do so are being able to let go. Letting go is certainly one of the most important ingredients. Knowing when to cut our losses and walk away with dignity and grace isn't always easy. It helps to look back with love and gratitude for the lessons we have learned from the experience. Life is all about change and letting go. There are times when it is not only the physical rebuilding that needs to happen, but the ever so painful emotional rebuilding. I don’t always want or accept change in my life. I let go only after having white knuckles and scratch marks on my heart, soul and body. I hang on to people, places and things that no longer serve me or add to my life. There have been times when I knew I had to let go and yet was unable to do so. I was the one who suffered as a result. It is human nature not to let go easily and sometimes the universe slaps us with 2x4's upside our heads, hearts and souls before we finally release and let go for good.
When a love relationship ends, whether by choice or not, it might seem like that hole in our heart and soul will never close. Like most people, you are probably left with endless questions and "what ifs". Sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes the relationship just runs its course. We might even overstay in an unhealthy relationship due to fears of the unknown, being alone, never being loved again, financial fear or that we just don't have the courage to believe we deserve better. It often takes a lot of pain and suffering to realize there were many lessons and gifts from each of the relationships I had to let go of. I am not a bad person, nor is the other person bad. Maybe we were just bad for each other? I don't know. Rebuilding ourselves after any loss or having to let go, may take many times of letting go, attempting to take it back and then letting it go again before we finally release it enough to start the rebuilding process. We all need to let go in our own way and time. Others might believe differently, but trust your own heart to know the best way for you to allow yourself to let go. Here are a few suggestions to help you let go...
- Allow yourself time to grieve, cry and feel sad about the loss. Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are.
- Don't berate yourself because you may have made a poor decision.
- Don't allow this loss define who you are or what you are made of.
- When you know better, you do better.
- Look for the good that came out of it, look for the lesson that you needed to learn. Often it takes time and distance to figure it out.
- Don't be afraid to get professional help. Sometimes an objective party can help you sort through and process what has happened much easier and gentler than you can.
- Trust that you will come out a better person, moving ahead after all is said and done.
- Know that everything happens for a reason and you will make it through the pain.
- Try to see what is left, what you have gained instead of what you might have lost.
- Trust that the necessary strength will be there when you need it most.
Finally, always...always remember that "this too shall pass". Like in the movie, once he saw that she was happy and had someone, he needed to let go. I hope this post helps anyone else out there who also needs to let go of someone because I can relate to what it feels like - it's hard to breathe.
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