Remain Silent & Spread 'Em

Picture it - you're driving along and it's late at night. You are tired. Your buddy is drunk and annoying you in the passenger seat. You just want to get home, but it's more than a 2 hour drive to reach home. You crank up the stereo and slide down the window hoping to drown him out and also help wake yourself up. Then out of nowhere red and blue lights flash in your rearview mirror. You look down and realize your foot got a little heavy and you are going over 70 in a 55. Now you are busted - shit. So you pull over and out steps, not a local cop, but a state trooper. Yeah, you are guaranteed to be getting a ticket now. No sweet talking your way out of this one - or for women, crying your way out. Then you see it's a woman cop. Oh great, even worse! Forget about flirting with her to get out of the ticket. Chances are she's a lesbian and will be further agitated by your advances.

Cops in general usually have this "I'm the law/god-like mentality" about them that just rubs me the wrong way. (Sorry if I'm offending anyone here. Note that I say "some" and not "all". There are always exceptions to anything.) They seem especially irritated with younger people who have sporty rides. It's not like I get an attitude with them. On the contrary, I am very nice and polite. I always apologize if I was speeding or was in the wrong in any way. In fact I've apologized even when I felt I did nothing wrong, just to get on their good side, but to no avail. I know they are just doing their job and yes I did break a law, petty it may be, but still I see why speed limits are enforced - I'm not dumb. I just don't know what it is, but usually I come across as a pretty charming guy, or so I'm told. I have no problem meeting new people and making a good impression (well with a few rare exceptions, but that's another tale). I am nearly always able to close a business deal and carry a solid reputation with a client making me an honest and trustworthy character. For the most part, I'm a pretty responsible guy - minus the "bad boy/dare devil" craving that lurks within. Unfortunately for me when it comes to cops, I'm f*cked.

I don't know how everyone else gets out of tickets. I have never been able to - never! It's not like I'm that bad of a driver. I'll admit I do drive fast now and then, but don't we all? So my days were numbered as I knew it was only a matter of time I got pulled over for speeding. Although I've only ever been pulled over 3 times in my life and I have ZERO accidents - not even a small fender bender. Yep, a near perfect record. So you think that would help, right? Nope. First ticket was from a female cop. Second ticket from a male cop, but I told him I hadn't been pulled over for anything in 10 years and have never had an accident! Still, he didn't care and wrote me up a nice hefty $180 ticket. Now the 3rd time being pulled over I am given a $150 ticket and points.

I'm bitter about it, but what can I do? Go and fight it? Forget it. I tried that before and it did nothing. So the way I look at it, there is no point in me taking a day off of work to fight some ticket that I would have to drive over 2 hours both ways just to stand infront of the judge and hear "sorry pal, pay it". Therefore I guess I am going to just bend over and take it up the tailpipe while remaining silent. I can think of alot of other ways to spend $180 than giving it to the f-ing state! In fact I think I will take $180 and invest it in a nice radar detector! Yes, I think I will do that purely out of spite. I have nothing to lose. If I speed and get pulled over again, who cares if I have a radar detector in my car. Technically they are legal in my state, plus I never get out of tickets anyways so f*ck it. Pedal to the metal!