Home Is Where The Heart Is

With Thanksgiving Day less than 24 hours away now, I've been thinking about my family more than ever and reminding myself what is important in life - what I should cherish and hold onto. I don't have a huge family, but the family I do have is pretty tight. Growing up at times I wished we had a bigger family because it would of meant more cousins to play with and just alot more action...and of course more food during get-togethers. However, thru the years I've realized that what I have is just perfect. The small tight-nitch family I think suits me best. It's more intimate, the bonds between different family members seem to be stronger. I like the fact that during the holidays or any family get-togethers there is never any awkwardness, well usually never. I like the fact that the second I walk in my parent's house I feel at ease, a sense of calmness comes over me. It may sound silly, but you can almost feel the love.

It was my home growing up so it's only natural I feel a connection to that house. It's funny seeing my old bedroom with alot of my posters still on the walls. I think my Mom likes to keep it the way I left it since I was "the last birdie to fly the nest". Perhaps it's her nostalgia. It's not just inside the house that touches something in me, it's outside too. When I stand in the grass, I recall the summer days of playing tag and seeing that one tree at the other end of the yard that we use to race to. It seemed to be so far away when I was little, but now I see that the distance isn't that long. Even in the driveway I look up at my old basketball hoop still standing with the breakaway rim and rust forming on the pole. The net is frayed and faded from the sun. There are still dirt marks on the backboard from when I use to go out late at night, even in the rain, and practice my 100 free throws. It takes me back to being 14-years-old again. There's alot of memories there, too many for me to even begin listing. I'm happy to say for the most part, they are very good memories. This year I feel will be a little extra special because my sister is home for only the second time since she moved more than 3,000 miles away. Obviously the bulk of my time I will want to hangout with her. I can't believe I just said that. For someone I didn't get along with very well growing up, I actually miss her. (I hope she doesn't read this or I will never live that down.)

Traditionally during my family's Thanksgiving, all the women gather in the kitchen to chit-chat and cook while the guys tend to hang in the living room watching the game. Now don't think I am super lazy and I don't want to help prepare the meal. I would help, but if you know me, then you know I can't cook very well. So my Mom sort of "bans me" from the kitchen. No, it's not that bad. She just has prepared this meal for so many years that she has it down to a science and she doesn't want me in there messing up her work. I can understand that and I don't blame her. She will only delegate the most idiot-proof cooking tasks for me to handle, like sorting the cranberries - separate the good ones from the bad ones. Impressive skill huh? Yes, that's my job and I mange not to screw it up either, which is even more impressive! One of these days I am going to blow everyone away and whip up Thanksgiving all on my own! Ha-ha, even I have to laugh at that. I am working on my cooking skills though. It's part of my "becoming a better man" program I've enrolled myself in.

So now is the time I am suppose to be thankful for something right? Well I am thankful for many things, but I've decided that they are a little too personal and I'm not going to share them on my blog. Sometimes the world doesn't need to hear what is in your heart. Sometimes it's good enough if I know what's in there even if nobody else does. Before anyone goes off assuming things, no I didn't go and fall in love or anything like that. I'm sure that is what my Grandmother would like to hear, but she will have to make-do with just having me at the table this year, minus any girlfriend. I guess the only time it does get a little awkward around my family is when my Grandmother has to pry into the grandkid's lives about who we are dating.

In the past I'll have to admit that I did invite someone to Thanksgiving who wasn't an official girlfriend, in fact I barely knew her that well at the time. Although she was someone I did like alot and was eager to get to know better. In the back of my mind I was kind of thinking "this will be great because Granny won't ask me that awkward question again". Of course that isn't really why I asked her to join me. Part of me felt bad that she wasn't as close with her family as I am with mine and because of that it sounded like she really didn't have any plans. Another part of me, the more deciding factor, was that I thought this would be a good opportunity to get to know her better and I felt like my family is very non-threatening to guests and she will feel right at home...or at least I hoped, that was my plan. I wanted her to feel like she fit in, I wanted it too. Whenever I want my Mom or any of my family to meet someone I'm interested in, I like to think that the girl would find that to be a good sign. It's a sign that I think highly enough of her that I want to share a part of my life with her, my roots. I want to share the funny stories, the strange traditions, the little quarks that make my family who they are. I want to show the place where I grew up, the things I did, the faces that smiled and laughed with me when we would go sled riding or swimming. I feel the way I was brought up and those that surround me somewhat makeup the person that I am today. They have had a great influence on my life and they are the very people that I care about the most. I value their views and look for their acceptance on any "newcomer" I shall meet.

Unfortunately she politely declined my offer and although I was disappointed, I understood. I guess like most men, I don't deal with rejection that well. It's part of life, it will happen in one form or another, but it does make you hesitate to take a step forward after taking that step back. I do my best to make whoever I am with always feel comfortable in a new surrounding with unfamiliar faces. I know for them it can feel awkward, but I like to pride myself on making them feel at ease and letting them know they are accepted into "the group". My family is pretty laid back and easy to get along with. My Mom's motto has always been "if you like her, I like her". Now if I don't like someone, then my Mom doesn't automatically take my side. She tries to be indifferent to it. I know that may be hard to believe because alot of parents aren't like that, but one quality about both my Mother and Father that I admire is that they have always kept their advice to themselves. My Mom has never been nosey in my life, concerned yes, but never pries. She lets me approach the subject with her first, if I have a problem or something is on my mind, and only then will she give me her views on the matter. It's something that has seem to work very well between us for years and I hope it stays that way. I think that is just another reason why the moment I walk into that house on Thanksgiving, that I will feel comfort. To understand me, you have to understand my heart and home is where my heart is. That is me.