Cute & Cuddly Panda Bears Get No Love

As you may know, Panda bears are on the endangered species list. One main reason why there are so few Pandas in the world is because Pandas just aren't "doing it". To put it another way, Pandas are indifferent to sex! Yes, it's hard to believe, but true. Most Panda bears give birth through artificial insemination. It may not be the most fun way to "do it", but it gets the job done. There have just been 25 cubs this year and only 21 have survived. Although those numbers sound low, the record for births and survival rates are up ever since China took up the breeding challenge in the 1960s. There are about 1,590 Pandas in the wild and 161 in zoos. Because it’s so difficult for Pandas to reproduce in captivity or in the wild, scientists have resorted to artificial insemination, sperm banks and even showing the Pandas videos on natural mating in the wild to arouse their sexual instincts. You can refer to that as Panda porn!

Ok, listen. Let me help you here buddy.
You need to be on the OTHER end after the foreplay session has ended.
Am I making sense to you? It's just like the movie showed.

Am I am the only one that is disturbed that there are scientists wasting thousands, if not millions, of dollars on Panda porn flicks? Do they really think that a creature with no sex drive whatsoever is going to be turned on enough by porn to go out there and get a little loving in? I think it's going to take more than that. Perhaps they need a more romantic setting - set the mood with candles, soft music and rose pedals? A longer courtship? More kissing and holding? Sweet gestures like flowers and love notes? Then again, perhaps the Panda is happy with his present situation of eating leaves and basking in the sun. Maybe a female Panda shaking her big old fluffy ass in front of him only makes him yawn. I don't know, you would have to ask the Panda his thoughts.

I can't help but be curious as to what exactly are on these movies. Do they just jump straight to the action or is there that ever riveting porno storyline leading into the "big scene"? I'm thinking it's something along the lines of a sexy female Panda seductively climbing a bamboo tree and gazing down at her soon to be lover. Of course there is forest music grooving in the background. Do they have Panda porn titles like "The 3 Little Bears", assuming it would be a threesome? As you can see, I am full of questions on this topic. According to the director of the Giant Panda Breeding Technology Committee (yes, there is such a thing), she says that "female Pandas are extremely picky about Mr. Right". Hmm, sounds alot like the human female species. So they raise panda cubs in pairs hoping puppy love will create soul-mate couples. Unfortunately, even that doesn't seem to be doing the trick. I suppose that is when some genius came up with the concept of introducing Panda porn into the mix. Talk about taking your cute and cuddly bear and turning him into a dirty little animal.

Pandas show little instinctive reproductive behavior in captivity, especially sexual desire, essential for natural mating and conception. Statistics show that fewer than 10% of male Pandas mate naturally and fewer than 30% of females conceive naturally. So I guess a little Panda Porn 101 may not be a bad idea after all. Even if it fails to stimulate their sexual desire, there's always Viagra for Panda bears right?