A Day Of Disappointment

A word of caution, you may not want to read this post if you are having a lousy day yourself, because if you do, you might depress yourself even more. Now with that said, if you still want to hear about my multiple failures packed within a 24 hour span, do read on! By definition, the word disappointment means it's the act of disappointing. The condition or feeling of being disappointed. One that disappoints. A feeling of dissatisfaction that results when your expectations are not realized. An act (or failure to act) that disappoints someone.

So what is it about disappointment that makes us physically sick to our stomach? Whether you are the one doing the disappointing or on the receiving end of a disappointer, it's never pleasant and it's certainly an unsettling nauseas like feeling that comes over every part of you. It's a powerful thing, too powerful I think...did I mention it sucks? Yeah, it does. Without going into too much detail, here is a quick rundown of how I've failed and disappointed myself and others. It happened yesterday over and over again throughout the entire course of the day.

We can start off with my job. I've been away on business since Sunday night and it wasn't suppose to carry out all the way into Thursday, but it did. In my line of work, expectations can be extremely high. It's only normal that it puts stress and strain on you trying to meet those expectations. The majority of the time I manage to succeed, but sometimes I crack under pressure. I suppose I could use the pep talk phrase on myself and say "you're only human, everyone makes mistakes", but unfortunately when I do f-up, I f-up big! What's surprising is the last trip out to DC I impressed these guys. Here was someone less than half their age doing things for them they didn't even fully understand and all within record setting times. Hell, I even impressed myself a little. Then this next trip out the same group of people that were praising me had a completely different attitude towards me once I "messed up". I was no longer the "talented kid in his 20s". I now became the "overrated punk who was in over his head".

Then without getting too personal and respecting her privacy, I've managed to come back home and disappoint a woman. Yes, I know that is far worse than disappointing a bunch of stuffy government guys. She's having a hard time and I know what I need/should do for her, but somehow I manage to screw that up too. I don't know what is worse, living with the screw-up on my mind or having to break the disappointing news to her knowing what she must be thinking or feeling about it. Being the jerk I am, I make matters even worse by putting off telling her for a few hours because I'm such a puss. I can't say I wouldn't feel the same way towards me if I was in her shoes.

Lastly, I close out the day being the party pooper out tonight with my friends. Tired from traveling and feeling bad about how the day had played out so far were all weighing on me. It was keeping me from being my normal "life of the party" guy. I suppose I should brush that one off because it's not huge and it happens, but still. One other thing, I should add that my dog not getting better is very disappointing to me. Now that might sound silly to some, but if you have a pet you love and has been with you since you were a kid, you would understand. Ok, enough of me being a baby.

I want to say that I didn't write this post for pitty. I don't expect that. I wrote it to show I do in fact acknowledge my own mistakes and take responsibility for them. I hope to learn and change for the better from them. If I am being hard on myself right now, it's only because I feel I deserve it. I'm sure this will past and I'll live to disappoint another day - bad joke, sorry. Tomorrow I have a lighter/more happier post to upload. Perhaps I will put it up early to lift my sad blog spirits. I hope everyone's weekend is enjoyable and do your best not to follow in my disappointing footsteps.