I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

In my ongoing mission to fully comprehend the female brain and their own "unique" language, I've found a nice reminder of some of the basics every guy should know when it comes to understanding that creature we can't live with or without - her name is woman. You know her. You love her. You hate her. You secretly admit to yourself that she scares you, but damn it if you can't help but fall for one of these sexy creatures. So here is "The Woman Manual" (which by the way is always work in progress being revised) for any man that hasn't figured out the obvious in dealing with the opposite sex. What she says translates to something totally different than what she really means. So guys study it, learn it and apply it to the woman in your life. Ladies, feel free to add to this.

Not the best photo, but it captures the title well.

• Yes = No
• No = Yes
• Maybe = No
• We need... = I want...
• I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
• We need to talk = You're in trouble.
• Sure, go ahead = You'd better not.
• Do what you want. = You will pay for this later.
• I'm not upset. = Of course I am upset, you moron!
• You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?

***UPDATE***
It's only fair I also add the "The Man Manual" for women. What we say is usually what we mean, except with just a slight twist.

• I am hungry. = I am hungry.
• I am sleepy. = I am sleepy.
• I am tired. = I am tired.
• Nice dress. = Nice cleavage.
• I love you. = Let's have sex now.
• I am bored. = Do you want to have sex?
• May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
• Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
• Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
• Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
• I don't think those shoes go with that outfit. = I'm gay.