My Backyard Bear

Grab a clean pair of drawers because you may end up soiling yourself after you read this true tale of mine. Let me start off by saying that behind my house there is a nature trail that runs thru the woods. This is where I take my dog for walks. If you remember awhile back I posted about my little doggie and how she is old/sick. So the other day since she was feeling well, I decided to take her for a walk, despite the fact that it had rained earlier and the trail was somewhat muddy. As we go walking along we came to one section that was even too muddy for her to cross. As I was thinking that we should turn around and head back, I notice my dog had sat down. Now being that it was about 90 degrees out I figured she just wanted to rest a minute, but as I looked down at her, I noticed she was sitting in what appeared to be a large paw print - a bear print at that! Needless to say we high tailed it out of there in a hurry.

Actual photo of the bear paw print, roughly 6 inches in diameter.

For those that don't know, there are approximately 14,000 bears in the state of Pennsylvania and it looks like one has decided to go camping at my house! Lucky me (sarcasm). The most common type of bear in the north east are black bears. So I did some research on black bears. I wanted to mostly find out how many are in Pittsburgh area, what the latest tips are in terms of what to do if you encounter one and of course...the game commissioner's phone number so he can deal with this instead of me. As I waded thru the information I came across some bear cooking recipes. Yuck. Even if I could cook, which as many of you know I am a "cooking challenged" bachelor, I wouldn't make nasty old bear stew. Besides that useless info, I did find this bit of knowledge...

The PA Game Commission offers this advice in terms of a safety precaution to take if you should see a bear near you. The say to keep your distance - ah, duh. If a bear shows up in your backyard, stay calm - rrright. From a safe distance, shout at it like you would to chase an unwanted dog - are you kidding me? If the bear won't leave, call the nearest Game Commission regional office or local police department for assistance - no sh*t. Like I am really going to stand around and yell profanities at something that weighs up to 500lbs, has teeth as big as my fingers and claws that can slice down to my bones! I'm not a wimp and I do have balls, but I'm not crazy/dumb enough to take that advice. If only I was a real life Tristan (Brad Pitt's character in "Legends Of The Fall") who fought a grizzly bear off with a little Swiss army knife, but that only happens in the Hollywood movies. In real life, people shit themselves when they see a bear.

For now my dog and I are staying off that trail. I'm going to let the game commissioner know about this so he can come out and inspect. I'm not positive it's a black bear print, but it sure as hell looks like one to me. Do you agree? They say it's better to be safe than sorry. So if I am wrong on this and I have the game commissioner come out and it turns out to be something else, I am going to feel lame. Oh well, it's not like I didn't noticed my manhood getting sucked out of me when I spotted it to begin with. What's another blow to my pride?

***UPDATE***
I sent the photo to the game commission and he confirmed it to be a bear print. He will be paying my house a visit to see what we can do about it and to investigate a little more - follow the trail, inform the neighbors, ect.