Baby Shits Gold!

I don't give a shit that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are on the cover of Vanity Fair showcasing off their daughter's first public baby photos. Maybe you don't give a shit either, but apparently someone does give a shit. Her name is Suri Cruise and not only does she give a shit, but her shit is gold! Little baby Cruise shits gold. Can you believe that? Yeah, I shit you not. While most proud parents bronze their baby's first shoes or even rattle, "TomKat" has decided to petrify poo. Suri's first dump has been preserved in gold. If we can find any bit of sanity in turning human feces to 24karat gold, it's that at least you can't smell the poo. That's a plus, right?

Suri Cruise's golden baby poop statue goes on display August 30th at Capla Kesting Fine Art in Brooklyn's Williamsburg gallery district. The artist...yes, you guessed it...none other than Daniel Edwards. The same dude that brought you Britney Spears giving birth on a bearskin rug and a topless Hillary Clinton. Both pieces nauseating, as is this baby poop statue. Suri's bronzed poop is purportedly cast from the excretion of her first solid meal. Mmm, yummy. Strained peas? Carrots? Your guess is as good as mine.

Supposedly, a baby's first log can be a meaningful memento for the family and since this is "celebrity poop", apparently it's meaningful to the public (myself not included). Daniel Edwards "First Poop" is being auctioned off on eBay. Proceeds will benefit the March Of Dimes. (Would that be considered "dirty money"?)

Suri's baby shit will be exhibited under a display case until the eBay auction ends. However, don't worry bidders. If you are outbid, you can still pickup this piece of shit as Daniel Edwards will produce a limited edition plaster replica in addition to the original. Currently the auction is up to $10,000 and ends on Friday, September 8th at 12:00PM EST. So you better hurry if you want a chunk.