I’ll Create An App For That

Apps are everywhere and do just about anything! They can give you the latest snow report, help you book a flight to that ski resort, and even turn your phone into a compass when you get lost on the slopes. In less than 2 years, the app craze has taken over. These small applications (AKA, apps) fit on our mobile phone and do everything from helping us accomplish mundane tasks to keeping us entertained while we ride the subway. Innovative and often addictive apps are changing the way we work and live. Research shows that 50% of smartphone users view apps as essential tools for helping them stay organized. We’ve all seen the commercials. Apple tells us "there’s an app for that." Pretty much you name it, they got it. But I don’t believe that. Surely there has to be something you want an app for that hasn’t been created or an existing app idea that needs improved upon, right? That’s where I come in.

When the original Apple iPhone debuted in June 2007, it featured just 11 apps. But customers quickly wanted more. Today Apple features more than 100,000 apps and developers submit roughly 1,000 new app ideas every month to the company. While all apps are taken into consideration, not all will make it to Apple’s App Store. However, you never know unless you try. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to create an app and submit it to Apple! Now this is where you, the reader, comes in...

When I was a teenager the biggest craze was instant messaging, in particular AIM. Back then I saw ways to improve upon the existing AIM client - cleaning up the code, simplifying the interface, and adding features the existing application lacked. It was geeky and somewhat challenging, but fun. In the process I taught myself some programing languages and a discovered a new appreciation for software engineering and design. Now granted AIM wasn't the most difficult software to work with. And creating iPhone apps aren't the hardest thing to create. But it has always been a little geeky goal of mine to create an iPhone app. So I'm making that one of my New Year resolutions. I'm going to create an app for that. For what YOU want and need.

So, like Apple, I too am asking you to think different. Think outside the box. Help me get the brainstorming going. No idea is too far fetched. Pitch it to me. What do you need? What do you want? What would you love to have? Let me make it happen.

Want it? I'll create an app for that.

More Cool Tech Gadgets - FREE Giveaway!

So a little good news/bad news today regarding my blog and you the reader...

Bad News: My blog didn’t generate enough buzz during the HP dm3 contest. So I don’t get a second laptop to give away to another lucky reader.

Good News: HP was impressed with the amount of hype my blog did create. So I'll be doing future promotions, more tech gadget giveaways!

I can’t tell you what they will be because I don’t even know yet myself. However, when I do get word, I’ll pass it on to you immediately via my blog and my Twitter. That way you can take advantage of the free goodie goodness that is a shiny, new tech gadget!

As you're probably already aware, there are two things I love in life - writing and tech gadgets! So when I can combine the two, my heart nearly bursts with love. Although now that my first giveaway is over, I’ve discovered that I lost some followers and subscribers. I'm a little sad about that, but it's ok. It just means they’ll miss out on my future awesomeness...and of course more tech gadgets I’ll be giving away for free!

I would just like to reassure those who may be thinking that my blog is going to turn into some ad-laden, promotional pushy, constant contest/giveaway extravaganza that nothing could be further from the truth. My blog has been and always will be a place where I write. It’s my creative outlet and I’m not interested in changing my mission statement. So the same content that you’ve enjoyed over the course of my 5 years in blogging, and has given me nearly 2,000 subscribers, it’s staying. I will keep writing. I hope you’ll keep reading. And in the process I’ll toss a new laptop or some other cool gadget your way to say thanks for being loyal.

xoxo,
David

HP dm3 Laptop Winner Announced!

***NOTE***
The follow-up post to 11/23/09 - Oprah Gives Cars, I Give Laptops - Get Yours!

Today is the big day! After 1 week, we had nearly 4,000 comments/entries and 300 Tweets! There were countless mentions around the web from various websites, blogs, Facebook, Digg, Craigslist, etc. Now it's time to announce the winner of the new HP dm3 laptop! After a rather time consuming process, I managed to collect all entries (yes, all multiple entries were counted) and randomly drew one name from the pile. So without further ado...

drumroll please

The winner is...James!

Congratulations to James for winning my first ever giveaway prize, a brand new HP dm3 laptop with Windows 7! I will be in touch with James today to get his mailing address and with HP to make sure it is shipped directly to him ASAP.

I want to thank all of you for your participation in this giveaway contest. I was very pleased with everyone's enthusiasm and I hope the buzz everyone created was enough for HP to want to give me a second laptop to give away too! If you didn't win, don't be too sad. There will be more opportunities to win cool tech gadgets in the near future. So be sure to subscribe to my blog and follow me on Twitter that way you'll be the first to know when it happens!

Also, a special thanks to Hewlett-Packard and Microsoft for selecting my blog to give away such a great prize to one lucky reader.

Happy Holidays from "The Rest Is Still Unwritten" :)

Oprah Gives Cars, I Give Laptops - Get Yours!

They say it's better to give than to receive. Doing so makes one feel "clean" inside. So what better way for a self-proclaimed techwhore like myself to cleanse the gadget slut out of me than to give away a gadget! That's right, I'M GIVING ONE LUCKY READER A BRAND NEW LAPTOP FOR FREE! (You may now start jumping up and down and screaming "OMG, OMG" like you're on the Oprah show.)

I've been informed that the kind folks at HP have selected me as 1 of just 9 bloggers who will be giving away a brand new HP Pavilion dm3 laptop loaded with Windows 7. Depending on configuration, this laptop can retail up to nearly $1,200! And for someone who has NEVER done a giveaway on his blog before, that is one hell of a good prize!

What’s the catch you ask? No catch. HP simply wants help in creating a buzz about their new HP Pavilion dm3 laptop. So they are giving me 1 laptop to give away to one lucky reader. And rumor has it I’ll receive a second laptop if my blog generates the most buzz! Even better news, I’ll be giving that second laptop away too! That means your chances of winning have just doubled! So let me treat you to an early gift this holiday season by giving you a laptop. It's my way of simply saying thanks for reading my blog and because I like the warm, fuzzy feeling I receive putting a smile on someone’s face (insert collective aww here). Now let me tell you how to win that laptop...

Prize Specs: HP Pavilion dm3

• HP Pavilion dm3 offers an ideal balance of performance, mobility and affordability in a 1” thin, sleek design that features a meticulously clean design and iconic keyboard enhanced by a brushed aluminum-magnesium alloy case.
• Features like snap, pin, shake, and peak in Windows 7 make day-to-day tasks a breeze on dm3
• Windows 7 also offers better ways to find and manage files like Jump Lists and improved taskbar previews that help you speed through everyday tasks. To open a Jump List, just right-click a program icon on the Windows 7 taskbar.
• Great features like HomeGroup makes sharing music, pictures, videos, and document on home networks easy.
• The dm3’s HP MediaSmart along with its BrightView LED display, SRS Premium Sound and Altec Lansing speakers with the option to connect to your HD TV via the HDMI port make the device ideal for experiencing music and video.
• Windows 7 enhances that experience with features like Play To, which allows users to play media through a home video/audio system, and the Windows Media Center that enables users to watch Internet TV and record TV for playback.
• Ultra-low voltage processors and other features give the dm3 up to 10 hours of battery life, letting users go where they need to without having to find a plug.
• Windows 7 power management contributes to battery longevity by running fewer background activities, automatic screen dimming, powering off unused ports and more.
• See more on the HP Pavilion dm3.
• See more Windows 7 features.

How To Enter:
To enter simply leave a comment on this post stating what one of the first things you would do with this laptop should you receive it. Any answer is acceptable, from downloading porn to chatting with Santa via Skype. The more you enter, the more chances you have to win! And remember the winner will be the person who creates the greatest buzz! So leave tons of comments, Tweet it, Digg it, tell your Facebook friends, link to it from your blog, however you want to do it is fine with me. Just get the word out.

Contest Rules:
Basically, there are none!
Everyone is eligible!
No restrictions apply!
HP will ship directly to you - anywhere in the world!
Just be sure to leave some type of contact info (such as a profile link to your blog) in your comment/s so I can get in touch with you if you win.

Contest Entry Dates:
November 23, 2009 - November 30, 2009
(You'll know the contest has officially ended when the Comments section closes.)

Winner will be announced on December 1, 2009 here my blog (The Rest Is Still Unwritten) and via my Twitter (@diamondkt). So make sure you subscribe to my blog and following me on Twitter. Good luck!



***TIP***
Digg Users: Digg the story here at Digg.com

Twitter Users: To help me keep track of entries, when Tweeting this post please copy/paste this phrase...

Win a brand new HP dm3 laptop with Windows 7! http://bit.ly/8uqTtv via @diamondkt #freelaptop

Verizon To Offer Apple iPhone Lite

Hal lay lu ya. Praise the Lord. And it’s about f-ing time! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this? Finally, my prayers have been answered and I’m so excited I could piss my pants! However, I’m going to cross my legs until I finish this post and relieve my bladder later. So are you ready for the earth shattering news? You better make sure you’re seated because if you have a little geek in you, you are certain to faint.

The iPhone is coming to Verizon!

Oh my God. Deep breath. Don’t hyperventilate, David. Compose...and continue.

It seems that Verizon and Apple finally have a deal in the works to bring the sexiest phone on the planet to the #1 wireless provider on the planet. While Apple may be in bed with AT&T until their 2010 contract expires, that hasn’t stopped Steve Jobs from cheating just a little bit in the last 6 months by making nice with Verizon. It’s been a secret love affair, but now the dirty laundry is being aired! If you recall back when the iPhone was in development, Jobs had shopped the idea to Verizon first before settling with AT&T. Of course back then Verizon stupidly rejected the iPhone. However, it seems both companies are willing to let bygones be bygones and work together to give consumers what they want - an iPhone on the Verizon Wireless network. Just be warned, AT&T is about to throw a full blown hissy fit when they hear the news!

But enough about AT&T, they suck anyway and I no longer care to talk about them. So let me spill the goods on what this new iPhone deal means for you the consumer. First the bad news, this will not be the same Apple iPhone that is already on the market. The new Apple iPhone made exclusively for Verizon will lack one main feature, Wi-Fi. I know, I’m upset about that too. It’s one of the best features the iPhone offers! However, let’s not dwell on the negative and let’s focus on the positive. So the good news is that this will be a smaller, thinner, less expensive iPhone! And all the other bells and whistles today’s iPhone offers will be included in this new Verizon iPhone. Go ahead, you may cheer now.

Inside sources are saying it will be called the "iPhone Lite". And rumor has it that it will be officially announced sometime this June and will go on sale by early July. I for one will be getting it that very first day it’s released!

In other related Verizon and Apple news, another device is said to be in the works as well. Some are dubbing it the "iPad" which is a media pad that would let users listen to music, view photos and watch high-definition videos. Also, it would have the ability to place calls over a Wi-Fi connection. Pretty cool indeed!

So there you have it. The best tech news I’ve heard all year! I can die a happy boy now.

How's Your Date Going? Just Ask The Table

Computers have already relieved their human creators of plenty of mental chores, such as doing their taxes and keeping track of their appointments. But what about reading a date’s signals at dinner? We all know body language says far more than words ever can. However, sometimes we miss the little signs or completely misread the message being conveyed all together! Does he like me, like me? Or is he just not that into me? He’s leaning in. He’s nodding his head. That means he’s interested in me and what I have to say, right? Or is he just trying to get closer to his dinner plate to stuff his face, while politely nodding his head as if he were listening, but instead just trying to block out every word I say so he can enjoy his 12oz steak in peace? Girls overanalyze. They obsess! Well to be fair, we guys sometimes do it too. So wouldn’t it be nice to get an outsider’s opinion on the situation, without having to excuse yourself to the bathroom so you can call your roommate up? If you ever wanted to know how your date was going without having to leave the dinner table, then you’re in luck! Introducing the EyeTable.

Three undergraduates at Carnegie Mellon University have applied computer technology to the science of romance with their EyeTable, an artificially intelligent dinner table that reads physical gestures and speech patterns that lets the participants know how the date is going - in real time! Here’s how it works...

EyeTable’s centerpiece is a pair of motion sensors that communicate with sensors attached to a headset worn by each participant. (I know, not sexy and a total mood killer, but just overlook that part for now.) The table analyzes the movements and orientation of the participants’ heads. It senses whether they are making eye contact or glancing restlessly around the room, whether they’re drifting into more intimate proximity with one another or leaning apart. The headsets are also equipped with microphones that register levels of enthusiasm in the couple’s dialogue, as well as the frequency and length of awkward silences. I’m not sure if it measures comfortable silences, but it should! A comfortable silence is the BEST sign you can get on a date! Well, other than her just jumping your bones. That kind of says a lot too.

The EyeTable isn’t just an armchair analysis, it’s also a wingman. If it senses a date is going well, it might suggest an index of post-dinner activities, or tip off the waiter that the table might enjoy another bottle of wine. If it senses the date is doomed, it conveniently lists the numbers for local cab companies.

Amusing as it is in concept, the practical applications of the EyeTable prototype are limited. After all, live feedback could easily have the effect of making a bad date worse. Or if could derail a potentially good one, especially since subjects behave differently when they know they are being studied. Also, headsets with motion sensors and microphones? As I stated earlier, unless you are James Bond or a pilot flying a Boeing 787, not sexy and a total mood killer. Although I suppose an exception could be made if the two of you have some type of role playing geek fetish you want to act out. Personally, that scares me, but to each their own.

Regardless, revolutionizing the dating scene wasn’t the three CMU students’ goal. It’s just a proof-of-concept that they hope will inspire others to think about how computers can understand human emotions. Now if we can only get the table to do the dirty breakup work for you. If it could deliver that dreaded speech, I would buy two and keep one as a backup...in case the girl gets really pissed, goes all psycho on you and smashes the first table to bits.

The BarackBerry - The Hottest Most Secure Phone Ever

Remember this...11/18/08 - Say Bye To His Crackberry? If Obama Has To, Yes He Can. Well when Obama was sworn in on Inauguration Day, the skepticism began. We all know how hard it is to kick a habit, especially when that habit has developed into an addiction! However, the President has managed to kick his bad smoking habit, but he simply could not part with his precious Blackberry/Crackberry. Can you really blame him? My body begins to convulse a little when I even THINK about having to give up any of my tech gadgets. When you have geek in you, it’s very difficult to part with those devious digital devices we’ve grown to not only love, but depend upon. It’s our lifeline to the world. It’s how we stay connected. And at times, it’s how we disconnect from the outside world. We’ve become so engrossed in our little toys that if forced to part with our favorite tech gadget, it almost feels like we are being asked to give up our first born. So in that sense, I understand and I sympathize with our President. I feel his pain and I am happy to report we have found a solution to that ache in his heart. It’s official – President Barack Obama can keep his Blackberry! Ok, it’s not exactly the same phone he’s been using, but this new Crackberry wannabe is better, or at least is supposed to be.

Move over iPhone. The latest must-have gadget for international men of mystery is the BarackBerry. The President of The United States is now the proud owner of a secure, souped-up, high-tech personal digital assistant (PDA). It comes fully loaded with encryption devised by NSA which gathers intelligence from cyberspace. And no, I’m not making this up. It’s real life 007 stuff! And we all know how I wanted to grow up to be James Bond! These days, apparently all you need to do is run for President and you can live the life of 007. How badass is that? If there’s one thing I love about Barack Obama it is that he’s a tech geek at heart! You can put a geek in the White House, but you can’t take the geek out of the boy? Errr, nevermind. That’s not how that saying goes, but close enough, you understand what I mean.

The buzz about Obama’s BlackBerry replacement is almost as exciting as the Presidential dog, which I may remind you he has yet to deliver! Tick, tick, Mr. President. We are still waiting with baited puppy breath. Puppy Promise aside, let me give you the lowdown, or rather the download (hardy har har), on the BarackBerry.

It has been appropriately nicknamed the "BarackBerry", but the real name of it is the Sectera Edge. It is made by General Dynamics, the military contractor, and developed specially for the NSA. At the touch of a (red) button it can switch from an ordinary PDA to a secure communications device. The screen of the Sectera Edge turns red when used in classified mode and can then communicate only with similar handsets. However, Obama is more likely to use his top-secret smartphone to receive messages from his two daughters than from Vladimir Putin. Still, you have to admit that you would feel pretty sexy and important carrying around that special high-tech phone, not to mention sly and all secret-like! Coming in at around $3,350 for the device alone, the Sectera Edge does not run cheap. Keep in mind though that the price includes the option to exchange secure e-mail with government personnel – ew ahh. The downside, it will not be possible to forward Presidential e-mails to third parties. I guess I won’t be receiving any of those annoying e-mail chain letters with dancing Care Bears and animated glittery stars from the Pres then anymore. I for one am thankful for that.

The search for a secure Blackberry-style phone came after Obama told his advisers that he was determined to hang on to his lifeline to people outside the White House bubble. "They’re going to have to pry it out of my hands," he said. There had been security fears about terrorist hackers being able to pinpoint the President’s location, but Obama has overridden these concerns. By law, all but the most personal e-mails will be stored in the National Archives.

Now the burning question, how can I get my hands on a BarackBerry? Unless you are working for the US government and you have some insider ties, you’re shit out of luck.

***NOTE***
You can also see this post featured on the frontpage of BrazenCareerist.com

CES ’09 - Gadgets That Will Get You Laid

My favorite geek event of the year, CES (Consumer Electronic show), was in Las Vegas again this past weekend unveiling 2009’s slew of gadget goodies. For a tech-whore like myself, CES is my belated Christmas. Walking into CES actually does make me feel like a kid on Christmas morning. I look around all glossy-eyed with electronic "toys" as far as the eye can see, not knowing where to start! There are literally thousands of new products and I want to play with them all! Seriously, few things excite me more than tech gadgets. It’s an obsession, a sickness of mine. I just can’t get enough. Sadly though, I could not make it to this year’s CES. I had to go to that stupid place called work instead of getting to tinker with cool digital devices - boo. I didn’t pout though and I didn’t sulk. If I couldn’t be at the show, then I was bringing the show to me. I was going to follow all 4 glorious days of CES coverage via the web. Now even though this post is titled "CES - Gadgets That Will Get You Laid", there are few gadgets in this world that can do just that. Because let’s be honest, 99% of women don’t care about tech gadgets. Some sleek little wireless router that does everything except walk my dog may seem orgasmic to me, but to most women, they couldn’t care less. "What’s a router?", they’ll ask. I’ll roll my eyes and walk away because they just don’t understand how sexy it is. However, there are some exceptions in this world, that remaining 1%. That rare breed of woman that actually does understand the pulling power of a data encrypted self-destructing thumb drive. And in that small remaining 1% of women, few are as hot or as tech obsessed as my girl Meghan, who can be seen below hugging (or depending on how you look at it – humping) the CES world logo from last year’s event.

For those of us tech obsessed, the free swag bag given out at CES is like a mini bag of porn! (Which is rather ironic because the Adult Entertainment Expo takes place right next door to CES every year. Warning! NSFW - Link contains adult content.) Pop it open and the drooling begins! To me, it might as well be Santa’s bag of goodies. An iTunes card, free software, Blu-ray movies, a Bluetooth headset, an underwater digital camera, the list goes on and on. Of course the majority of women would just shrug their shoulders. No biggie to them. They would not revel in the same delight that I do. Instead they would toss that to the side and opt for a swag bag consisting of Manolo Blahnik shoes, a Burberry scarf and a small turquoise blue box from Tiffany & Co. That’s their idea of "gadgets". That’s fine though. To each their own.

Guys I know you are wondering and anxiously awaiting. Just tell me what gadgets will get me laid! That’s what you want to know, right? Well, as I said earlier, probably none. So why did I title my post "CES - Gadgets That Will Get You Laid"? Well, would you have wanted to read it if it was titled "CES - Gadgets Won’t Get You Laid"? Where’s the teaser in that? That won’t lure you in. I know. I’m sorry. That was a sick and evil trick on my part. Now if you want to get laid, your best bet is to forget trying to woo her with your 60inch HDTV. She’s just not interested. However, you may get a lil play if you go the route of an unexpected well thought out gift, some properly placed compliments, perhaps flowers, maybe a heartfelt letter, taking her on a totally original date. I could keep going on, but you get the idea. Of course I don’t guarantee you’ll get laid, but it certainly can’t hurt your chances. One thing I can guarantee you is that you’ll kill your chances of every getting laid in your lifetime with this...

If you’re a guy who loves tech gadgets, then lean in close because you’ll want to hear every word I'm about to say! I can tell you what the #1 gadget from CES '09 that you should stay away from. Far, far away from...unless of course your goal is becoming a 40-year-old virgin. It is certain to NOT make panties drop. In fact, I’m positive it will be such a mood killer to a woman that she will actually get up and run away from you! Yes, it’s that serious. I’m talking about the LG GD910 Wrist Watch Phone. If you thought those digital LCD/calculator watches from the 80s were bad, you ain’t seen nothing yet! I love almost all tech gadgets, but this watch would actually make me lose an erection. So I can only imagine how much it would turn a girl off!

I know LG was going for the cool James Bond wannabe spy image, but there is nothing cool about this product. As a kid, I wanted to grow up to be 007, but there is no way in hell I would ever let this watch touch my skin! I can hear Sean Connery mocking it in disgust. The LG GD910 Wrist Watch Phone is more than just a watch and phone combo. Besides being touch-screen and water resistant, it has about a bazillion other features jammed in it. It’s also an mp3 player, has a camera, built-in Bluetooth, speech recognition, video calling capability, 3G Internet access, stop me when you heard enough. Oh, and I think it tells time? Not sure though. So what isn’t it? Well it’s not an aphrodisiac, that’s for sure.

Dare to wear this watch and 3 words will go thru your date’s head. And they aren’t: "I want you." They are: "You fucking nerd." Her next sentence will contain just 4 words - "Get away from me." Not exactly the smooth sailing path to getting you laid now is it?

Is My New Smartphone Choice A Smart Choice?

Time is up. My contract has expired. And now I need to pick a new cell phone...and a new calling plan...and maybe even a new service carrier. I committed myself to Verizon back in December of 2006, and for 2 solid years now, I’ve been faithful. My Razr has been my lover. I fell hard for her the very first night we met, right there in the Verizon Wireless store. The connection was so strong that I took her home that very night. Once we were alone, we became "better acquainted", if you know what I mean. Ever since then, she hasn’t left my side. It’s been a good relationship. I can’t really complain. Sadly though, love fades over time, or at least our love has. It’s normal to grow apart. Sure, parting is such sweet sorrow, but I really think it is best we go our separate ways. It’s just time, don’t you agree? Now don’t look at me like that, with that sad low battery flicker in your eyes. You know how that makes me rush to your side and perform the digital equivalent of CPR - recharge you. I hate when you become weak. Because when you become weak, I become weak, and that just isn’t a good look for me. So let’s be strong about this. Let’s be brave. Let’s do this as quickly and as painlessly as possible, like pulling off a Band-Aid. At first it will sting, but eventually we will look back at our relationship with fond memories. I’m not denying that change isn’t tough and of course some days will hurt more than others, but please put your trust in me. I know what is best. I don’t want to leave you on bitter terms. I want to say goodbye with a happy heart. I want to reminisce and say..."Ahh, the good old mid 90s. Those were the days where my Razr and I were inseparable!" It’s almost 2009 now and goodbye is inevitable.

I’ve never owned a smartphone. I didn’t want to be someone that could be reached 24/7 and I didn’t want the ability to reach out 24/7 either. I may be a tech whore, but that’s too much connectivity and electronic commitment for me. There are times I like to unplug. I like to get lost. I like being M.I.A. I need that separation. I need that downtime. I need "me time", old skool style. Don’t take it personal, it’s just how I am. It’s how I want to be, or rather, how I need to be. Besides, I can see myself being a Crackberry addict and do I really need to adopt another obsessive compulsive disorder? I’m already a neat and clean freak as it is, which is exactly why these new touchscreen phones may be good for me! Perhaps a BlackBerry Storm or an iPhone 3G will help me overcome my overwhelming urge to wipe greasy finger prints away from smudging its beautiful black, glossy surface. The way I see it, I will be exposed to greasy finger prints so much that eventually I will become immune to it, thus learning to accept a smudge here or there...or so I hope. Otherwise, this will only propel my neat and clean freak behavior to a preposterous level!

I’m usually not this indecisive, but for whatever reason, I simply could not decide between getting a BlackBerry Storm or an iPhone 3G. I asked for everyone’s input and even conducted a voting poll on my blog to help me decide between the two. The poll has since closed and the iPhone won by just a small margin. 39 votes for the iPhone and 33 votes for the Storm. I continued to research both smartphones and compare them side by side. And today, I think I’ve finally come to a decision. It’s going to be the BlackBerry Storm. I know, I know, boo hiss. Many of you believe this is the wrong choice and want to throw your shoe at me in disgust. But before you do that, let me explain why I chose the less sexy Storm over the super sexy iPhone.

I chose my new smartphone much the same way I choose a girlfriend. The way I see it, this phone is going to be with me for the long haul, at least 2 years. So because of that, I can’t go on looks alone. She has to have something on the inside to offer me as well. Date a girl who is really beautiful on the outside, but doesn’t have much to offer other than good looks, and I can assure you the relationship won’t last long. We will maybe date for a couple weeks before the novelty wears off and I find myself looking for something more. This is the type of relationship I see myself having with an iPhone. There’s no denying the iPhone is gorgeous and everyone wants her, but she’s missing some really important things on the inside - like a higher resolution photo camera with flash. And the fact the iPhone doesn’t have video shooting capability shocks me! Even those crappy Virgin Mobile throwaway phones can shoot video! So when I ran down the pros and cons on both smartphones, I’ve come to the conclusion that the BlackBerry Storm would make the better girlfriend for me, feature-wise she just has more to offer. Plus I get $50 off a Storm, whereas with an iPhone, I would need to pay full price and switch to AT&T service whose signal isn’t as strong as Verizon.

I haven’t picked up the BlackBerry Storm yet, so if you feel my choice is a disastrous one, then I want to hear from you. My mind is pretty much made up, but at the same time, it’s still open. I’m sure it won’t be long before I am a self-proclaimed Crackberry addict. I just hate the corporate guy image, the stuffy suit with a BlackBerry in hand. As a CEO, technically I should be that guy, but I’m not. Instead of a shirt and tie, I’m more jeans and Pumas. Although I suppose that’s normal since I run a tech company. We are a lot more kicked back and relaxed than your typical mid-life crisis investment banker. We are young and we like to have fun. So yes, the iPhone fits that image better, but it’s not just about aesthetics, it’s about function. And on that note, the BlackBerry Storm seems to deliver more bang for my buck than the iPhone 3G. Sorry Apple. I’m hoping the 3rd revision of the iPhone will greatly improve upon its predecessors and when that day comes, I will glady purchase one. Until then, I will make sexytime with a BlackBerry Storm.

Related posts of interest...
6/11/08 - I Wanna Make Sexy Time With An iPhone 3G
9/7/07 - I...Must...Resist...The Urrrge!
1/10/07 - Contemplating Cheating, With The iPhone

Say Bye To His Crackberry? If Obama Has To, Yes He Can

***UPDATE***
This post is being featured on the front-page of BrazenCareerist.com
It's my 4th appearence in the last month.

The man whose entire presidential campaign was based on the word, "change", is discovering that before he attempts at changing the country, he will have to change himself. President-Elect Barack Obama will be sworn into office on January 20, 2009 and on that day, he will dread hearing these seven words..."Sorry, Mr. President. Please surrender your BlackBerry." And before he officially accepts his presidency, he will have to sync his wireless session for one last time, until 2012 at least. Unlike John McCain who openly admitted he doesn't spend much time with computing devices, saying he relies on his wife's help with computers, Obama is a tech geek! And like most men, he likes his gadgets. In fact, he says he is addicted to e-mailing and texting on his Crackberry, AKA BlackBerry. Now I’m not a Crackberry addict/user myself, although I might be in roughly 30 days when I upgrade my Razr cell phone and make the difficult decision between going with the new BlackBerry Storm or the sexy iPhone 3G. Regardless, I still understand the trauma he must be going thru, imagine the withdrawal symptoms! They don't nickname it the "Crackberry" for nothing. It's like crack cocaine. Just one hit, one touch of it's sleek electronic goodness, and you're addicted for life!

Like many professionals, for years, the device is rarely from his side. It’s usually fastened to his belt, like a gunslinger he can whip it out and fire off an e-mail like nobody’s business. Even the night he was elected, he was sending out e-mails and txts thanking those who sent their congratulatory messages via the digital world. So why does the next president have to turn over his Crackberry? Well security reasons of course. Email privacy concerns is not the only security issues in question for Obama though. He also has to be in line with the Presidential Records Act that forces his correspondence to be placed on official record for review by the public and also subjects anything he does to the threat of subpoenas. There has yet to be a decision made as to whether or not Obama will be the first emailing president, but his aides are guessing that it is not very likely.

Obama has been described as a tech-savvy president, mostly because of the extensive use of technology during his presidential campaign. And it appeared that he was taking steps to bring at least some of that technology with him into the White House. For example, Obama wants to have a laptop computer on his desk in the White House. If that is achieved, he would be the first American president to accomplish this feat. It is reported that Obama has yet to send a goodbye message from his personal e-mail account, which has not changed in years, but those he communicates with say that the frequency in which they receive his messages has declined. In recent days, he has been photographed communicating via his BlackBerry, which shows he is enjoying his last days with the device (insert sad smiley face here). There is no doubt that giving up this habit and communication path will be difficult. And don't look for BlackBerry to patent a special edition BarackBerry phone anytime soon.

Honestly, I’m sort of scared to go the smartphone route because I know me and I know I’ll become addicted! When it comes to my job, I’m connected to the digital world enough. So do I really want to be connected 24/7? Will I become one of those freaks that sleeps with their Crackberry under their pillow? (cough:Cristin:cough) Or will I be strong enough to unplug, or rather leave the wireless devices at home, when I hit the slopes this snowboard season? In the past, I’ve always been good at turning my cell phone off when I needed that down time - like on a date, a family gathering, while snowboarding, a weekend getaway, etc. Although I see that changing should I get a smartphone. I see myself becoming weak, unable to say no and giving into its temptation. I imagine it giving me a sexy come hither look, drawing me into sending just one more e-mail, just one more text, surf just one more website. Damn you technology. I wish I could quit you.

So President Obama (I like the sound of that), if you can give up your Crackberry, you’re a far better man than me. I admire your strength in doing so. You’re "yes I can" attitude. But let me just say, that when you are alone in the White House and it’s late at night and you miss the touch of your Crackberry lover, it’s ok to weep. It’s ok to morn this lost. Afterall, it’s a HUGE lose! Whether you look at this as a breakup or a death, both are equally devastating to endure. There’s no shame in crying. It’s a healthy release. So you do what you need to do. Nobody needs to even know. When you ask a man to give up his most beloved tech gadget, you might as well ask him to chop off his penis as well! Yes, a dramatic comparison, but I believe Obama and I feel that strongly about our love for everything technology related. In short, I feel your pain, bro. I feel your pain.

***NOTE***
I need help choosing a new phone and since I'm torn between the iPhone 3G and the BlackBerry Storm, I need your help! So check out the voting poll on my sidebar and cast your vote for what phone I should get.

The Cult Of Oprah

When I say names like Britney or Madonna, you know who I’m talking about. These celebrities are so big that they are known by their first name alone. But what about Oprah? Wasn’t it enough that she was identified by one name alone? Obviously not because she had to take it a step further and narrow it down to just a single letter – O. I mean comeon. Everyone knows what "The Big O" has always been in reference to and now you are going to try and steal that? Have you no shame, woman? If there are two things I know in life, it’s that women love orgasms and Oprah. Ok, well some women love Oprah. Actually some women take their love of Oprah to a whole new level and have a big "O" over her. Hey Oprah is big, but she shouldn’t be that big! And no, I’m not referring to her fluctuations in weight. I’m referring to the fact that Oprah has somehow managed to brainwash millions of women into hanging on her every word and following her every step. If you ask me, she’s constructed nothing short of a cult! It honestly disgusts me! They bow down to her like she is some God! If Oprah took a big shit on her stage, I am willing to bet some crazy woman would run up there and snag a nugget for herself. Anything to be close to the big "O".

I get that people often find someone in life they look up to. And often that person is someone famous. I used to look up to Michael Jordan. I loved the dude, but I certainly didn’t cry over him like these women do with Oprah! Besides, I was 13-years-old. I was a kid! It’s perfectly normal and rather acceptable for a kid to look up to someone. But these women that are in the cult of Oprah are grown ass women! It is NOT normal and it should NOT be acceptable behavior. Admire the woman if you must, but don’t drop to your knees and weep like God himself just walked out in a pair of Manolo Blahniks. I’m not even exaggerating when I say these women are literally fainting as they scream hysterically and streams of salty tears pour down their face. It’s sooo ridiculous!

I’m extremly thankful that I have a full-time job so I don’t have to endure the nauseism that is daytime TV. However, some days I work from home and I leave the TV on as background noise. So of course the one particular day I happen to be home with the TV on, Oprah appears. I groan in distaste and look for the remote. Before I have time to flip the channel, I hear her proclaim that on today’s show she is going to unveil her most favorite tech gadget of all-time. What, the electric mixer? Oprah is in her mid 50s. What does she know about cutting edge technology? I immediately roll my eyes knowing that whatever little gadget she pulls out of her sleeve will most likely be stupid and has probably been on the market for months, if not years! It’s sort of like the old folks on "60 Minutes" when they talked about this new technology that is taking the music industry by storm – mp3s. Um, ok fine, if that aired in 1999 when Napster hit the scene. But these old farts ran the segment nearly a decade later! Can you say old news, ancient history, get with the times? Despite what my instincts were telling me (turn the channel), I decided to see what this tech gadget of hers was.

So after some well rehearsed hoopla, Oprah works her worshipping cult members (AKA viewers) into a fit of hysteria and busts out her favorite tech gadget of all-time. Get ready for it...it’s the Amazon Kindle. Ha. Hold your laughter. It gets worse. If you don’t know what the Amazon Kindle is, it’s an e-book reader. An embedded system for reading electronic books (e-books). Did I mention it’s one of the biggest flops in tech gadget history? When it was originally introduced to the public about a year ago, it fell on its face. It seemed like a clever idea and a handy gadget in theory, but for many reasons it just didn’t go over well when it came to actually selling it to consumers. In fact sales were so poor that there was talk of production on it being stopped. That was until "O" came along and breathed new life into it like the God she is. After working her cult into a fit of hysteria, like any good cult leader, she then pushed them over the edge by announcing that everyone in her audience was taking home a Kindle with them for free! Needless to say these mindless women, who come in droves to tapings of the Oprah show like a bunch of zombies, began screaming and crying! They were so full of emotion over one of the worst tech gadgets of all-time that they could barely speak the words..."Thank you Oprah. Thank you my God. You have given my life meaning and a reason to keep on living." I stood infront of my television completely shocked over their insanely crazy reaction. Was this for real? Surely they can’t be serious!

The Amazon Kindle costs $385. Not exactly cheap, but not all that expensive either. Regardless of what the price tag is on an item that Oprah gives away, these women act like she just gave them her first born child! I’ve seen Oprah give cars away and I’m not surprised people get excited over that. So a little "Price Is Right" jumping up and down on that one is fine. But even when Oprah hands out some washed-up artist’s CD or some unknown author’s book, her audience becomes just as thrilled! These are items under $20. Are you telling me these kept housewives and stay-at-home Moms can’t afford to slap down an Andrew Jackson on one of those items themselves? Just because the "O" says the Kindle rocks, you believe her? That is what I’m referring to when I call it cult mentality. Oprah can pretty much say dog poo tastes like chocolate and I can guarantee you these women would be wanting to snack on it too.

What really tops it all off is that because she is "endorsing" (read that as being paid to advertise) the Kindle, Amazon founder and chief executive, Jeff Bezos, is now her BFF. He even went on her show to help promote it. If you think about it, it was more of a paid infomercial than a talk show that day. Of course you can’t tell her cult that! They wouldn’t believe that! And more importantly, do they even care? They can’t comprehend the fact that many celebrities are paid to endorse products that they may or may not love. And sorry to break it to all these women, but Oprah is no different! Oprah makes $385 million a year, which is roughly $385 million more than I make. But that’s not why I’m hating on her. And the fact that she is one, if not THE most powerful woman in the world is also not why I’m hating on her. Afterall, I am not threatened by a successful woman. Actually, I find successful independent women very sexy, with the exception of Oprah.

So why do I hate Oprah? Well I hate her for the simple fact that I hate women who have nothing better to do with their lives than watch re-runs of Dr. Phil and Oprah on a Tuesday afternoon. I suppose in a way it is sort of amazing they are able to squeeze in an hour or two of tube time in-between their busy schedule of palates and stopping at Starbucks on the way to getting their nails done. Get a life. Get a job. Get a mind of your own and stop following Oprah like she is preaching the gospel. Breakaway from her cult. Please, I beg of you!

***NOTE***
Just another reason why I hate the Kindle is because often tech gadgets are anonymous, anodyne, soulless. I'm a tactile person and part of the enjoyment one gets from reading is the actual feel of the book in your hands. And as much as I love tech gadgets, you can't replace or duplicate that sensation. I have a small love affair with paper and ink. Read the post below and you'll see.
9/12/08 - The Handwritten Letter Is A Dying Art

I Wanna Make Sexy Time With An iPhone 3G

Guess what? The new iPhone 3G is finally here and went on sale today! Ok, now go change your shorts because I’m sure you just peed them due to overwhelming excitement. Some people have been camping outside Apple stores around the world since last week to be the very first geeks to own the new cell phone...and with it, a priceless sense of self-satisfaction. Who wouldn’t want to be top geek for a day? If you’re not a tech whore like me with in insatiable lust for gadgets, you just wouldn’t understand. Now with that said, perhaps I should remove my tech whore crown because I did not pick up an iPhone 3G today. Nope, I suppressed my urges. I suppressed my urges because I am still under a 2-year contract with Verizon that doesn’t end until this December. I know, I suck, but I’ll be making the switch soon enough.

One of the reasons I never purchased an iPhone in the past is because like most technology, it’s always best to hold off on the first version. First versions always have bugs and it takes some time to work out these bugs. Also, second versions always have a couple extra goodies added that the original version should have included, but didn’t. Another reason I never bought an iPhone is because I’m afraid I’ll become addicted to having my e-mail and the Internet on the go 24/7. Sometimes I wonder if it’s healthy to be that connected to the world. I have Crackberry friends and they sleep with their smart phones! Not naming any names, ahem. I figure if I really want to tear her away from her Crackberry, I’ll just drop it down my pants. Then if she really wants it, she will have to go get it. ("it" meaning the Crackberry, or do I mean...?)

So the diehards surged forth at 8am to purchase the next generation iPhone, the 3G. While the lines didn’t seem as long as last year, the feeling of desperation was considerably thicker. Apple employees stood outside the doors cheering on geeks as if it were a high school pep rally and the home team was a geek bearing a shiny new phone. Customers slowly began trickling out with phones in hand, but many walked out a little unhappy due to a slew of problems. Much like last year when the original iPhone was released, users are having AT&T service issues. However, new problems have risen with the 3G including the Apple Web apps page being down and the Apple firmware update not being accessible. Some people have even begun reporting an iPhone shortage at select stores. Oh, the horror!

Though nothing could match the euphoria of the very first iPhone release last year, the 3G does have plenty of exciting new features, even if according to some high demanding geeks it falls a little short. But for the most part, it does everything you could ever possibly dream of, except for making you pancakes and rubbing your balls. Hey, but the good news is that you can use your new iPhone 3G to call someone up to do just that! Or text or e-mail. The possibilities are endless.

You can even use the built-in GPS to locate her and return the booty call favor the next night. And while you’re at it, why not download some Barry White from iTunes to use as your very own homemade porno soundtrack. Don’t forget the iPhone 3G has a 2.0 megapixel camera. So you can snap photos and take videos...and you know what to do with all that great multimedia after, right? Exactly. Upload it to the web from from your iPhone. Ahh, life is good and it’s only going to get better once I lay hands on my very own iPhone 3G. Speaking of which, can I really overcome the fingerprints of a touchscreen phone? Ugh. Why must I be such a neat and clean freak?

Saving Your Beloved Laptop At All Costs

Let’s face it. Apple’s new ultrathin, ultraportable, ultra sexy Macbook Air laptop is awful pretty. And Charlie Rose’s face...well not so pretty...and that’s on a good day. So what about when he is black and blue, bloody and swollen? Charlie Rose’s black eye and forehead injury are not from an interview subject fed up with Rose's incessant talking. It's actually from his valiant attempt to save his precious MacBook Air! It’s been reported that Rose tripped on a 59th Street pothole in NYC while carrying a newly purchased MacBook Air. He made a quick, but ultimately flawed, decision while falling (although Mac addicts would argue it was a smart move). He decided to sacrifice the face to protect the computer. In doing so, he pretty much hit the pavement face first. And for those of you that are concerned, the Macbook Air is fine, with the exception of a few blood stains on it.

Like myself, Charlie Rose has a hardcore fetish for gadgets. However, I’m not sure I would eat cement in order to save my Dell Inspiron widescreen laptop. Don’t get me wrong, I love my new laptop, I just feel kind of attached to my front teeth.

How far have you gone, or would you go, to save your laptop or other precious gadget?

The Gadget Gods Deliver At CES 2008

CES 2008 can be summed up as a vile clusterfuck of nerds, sluts and suits…a deadly combo. Although with that deadly combo comes the most innovative minds that lead the way in technology by supplying the average Joe with a plethora of gadget goodness. And for that, I’m very thankful. CES runs for just 3 days in Las Vegas, but in that short time, literally thousands of gadgets were showcased. Of course being the tech whore that I am, 90% of them I wanted. Unfortunately, many are still prototypes and may never see production. That’s a sad, sad shame. However, the good news is that many of the gadgets will be hitting store shelves and those that won’t will be sent back to the drawing board for redesign and improvement. There is no way I could cover all the action, so if you missed this year’s CES, here are some of highlights from it.

Purty Screens

World’s Largest HDTV, 150"
www.panasonic.com
Let’s start off with the big guns. The biggest attraction at this year’s show was the world’s largest HDTV. Last year spectators drooled over Sharp’s 108" LCD, which was the world’s largest at the time, but this year seeing was believing when you stood infront of a 150" plasma from Panasonic. 150 inches, good God! No price has been set for the 150-incher, but rumor has it that it will carry a six figure price tag. Ouch.

World’s Thinnest HDTV, 9mm
www.pioneerelectronics.com
HDTVs seem to be the most sought after “gadget”. Bigger and thinner, that’s what consumers want. So while Panasonic was wooing the crowd with 150", Pioneer was creating their own buzz with the world’s thinnest TV. It’s a 9mm plasma, actually thinner than an iPhone!

Curved and 3D Monitors
www.alienware.com and www.samsung.com
If you’re a gamer, you love being immersed in the action. So what better way to immerse your eyes, ears and body than with a curved computer monitor that wraps around you from Alienware? Or try out a 3D monitor from Samsung. Sure, you still have to wear those goofy 3D glasses, but it’s a step in the right direction in bringing 3D interaction home. This is technology that will surely be improved upon in the years to come.

Chic Geek

Solar Powered Fashion Apparel
(website link unavailable at this time)
We already know you’re a geek, but there is no need to dress the part. Be a fashionable geek. You can now carrying around your mp3 player, cell phone and other gadgets without the worry of the dreaded dead battery = dead gadget. Jackets with solar powered panels in your collar will keep you powered on the go.

Sexy Taser Guns
www.taser.com
CES introduced us to a taser gun combined with an mp3 player and covered in leopard skin. Why you ask? Why not I suppose is the answer. Now you can taser that mugger and dance all over his ass in style. You go girl!

Diamond & Swarovski Crystal USB Thumbdrives
(website link unavailable at this time)
Diamonds are a girl’s best friend and there is just something about that little extra “bling bling” that catches a geek girl’s eye. Believe it or not, you can now have a diamond encrusted or Swarovski crystal covered USB thrumdrive.

Purse-Like Laptops For Women
(website link unavailable at this time)
Is it a laptop or is it a purse? You may remember years ago when Apple introduced their first line of iBooks, which resembled candy coated purses. No self-respecting dude would ever carry one, but the ladies loved them. So it was only a matter of time before they would return, not as Macs, but as what I refer to as hideous knockoffs. They come in a variety of colors and designs, all aimed to attract women.

Stuff I Want To Adopt Or F*ck

RoboPet Named Pleo
www.pleoworld.com
CES brought us lots of robots, but none as adorable and as awesome as Pleo. For $350 you can have your own dinosaur as a pet! And you thought dinosaurs were extinct. He’s both affectionate and playful. Basically, he delivers all the fun and love of real pet ownership without the massive steaming piles of poop to cleanup.

iBuddy
www.i-buddy.com
To some, this is lame, but I thought it was kind of cool. iBuddy is a little “buddy” that sits on your desk and interacts with your MSN Messenger account. Not only does he alert you to incoming IMs, but he acts out the emoticons used in the chat. Now this isn’t a very useful gadget, but it does supply some pretty eye candy and is a nice nerdy conversation piece. I’m waiting for someone to make an AOL Running Man version that works with AIM.

Orgasmic Network Equipment
www.linksys.com
Linksys unveiled some Wi-Fi routers so sexy you’ll want to fuck them…or rather hang them on your wall as art. Trust me, they’re beautiful!

Arantix Mountain Bike
www.delta7sports.com
If you don’t think this mountain bike kicks serious ass, then there is something wrong with you. It’s made of Kevlar and carbon fiber! This makes the frame super strong and super light, weighing just 2.5 lbs. Not to mention its hollow woven design makes it super cool!

DIY Gadget
www.buglabs.net
Finally, what could be considered “The Mother Of All Gadgets”, comes Bug Labs. Bug Labs allows you to create virtually any gadget combo you could possibly think of. Want an mp3 player/GPS locater/digital camera wrapped all into one? Then you can make it. The catch, you have to be a hardcore geek because even though Bug Labs supplies you with the hardware, it’s up to you to supply the software to make it work. That means you’ll need some programming skills. So if you can’t code, then you can’t build. Sorry.

So that concludes another year of CES. And did I mention that the Adult Entertainment Expo is held right next door to CES every year? Oooh yeah.

CES 2008, A Geek’s Wet Dream

Kevin Costner, Yoko Ono, Mary J. Blige and Danica Patrick will be hawking products at the Consumer Electronics Show (CES 2008) in Las Vegas today, but they'll hardly be noticed. As usual, the main attraction at CES will be the blizzard of new gadgets that will have tech geeks salivating the whole year. Instead of celeb-stalking or whiling away the hours at slot machines and Blackjack tables, 140,000 like-minded gear-hunters will be prowling 1.7 million square feet of exhibit space to find never-before-seen phones, TV screens, chips and other devices that defy conventional gadget categorization.

The most sought-after products at the convention, which runs January 7 - 10, will likely be mock-ups and prototypes of products that are still a few years away from hitting store shelves. Many companies may bring working prototypes of cutting-edge devices with them to Las Vegas, but they won't display them under glass or leave them at a booth for manhandling.

Rather than risking poor reviews for a product that isn't nearly ready, these companies will hold closed-door meetings with a select group of potential partners and analysts…after making them sign non-disclosure agreements of course. More important than touching a buggy prototype is hearing a secretive chief executive disclose plans for his or her company. Some of these speeches will also take place behind closed doors.

Eww ahh. Intrigued? Of course you are. So stay tuned to my blog for more CES 2008 coverage in the next few days as the products are unveiled. I’ve already started compiling the list of must-have gadgets from the unbelievable (like the 150-inch plasma TV) to the “what were they thinking” (like the diamond encrusted USB thumbdrive).

Better Than Sliced Bread

Think of it as God's gift to consumers. It's perhaps one of the best inventions since sliced bread. No, it’s not the Flowbee or The Clapper. Those are both piss poor products if you ask me. This is something much cooler. Something 10x better. Something as useful as the jockstrap and as multipurpose as the Swiss Army knife. It’s as universal as the remote control and “almost” as awesome as the iPhone. You may want to sit down to prepare for this news as I proudly introduce the Dual Bladed EZ Clam Shell Opener.

Huh what’s that, you say. Well basically it’s a little gadget that allows you to effortlessly open plastic clam shells. You know those annoying vacuum sealed packages that everything under the sun comes in. Those plastic packages which are so freaking airtight that not even an angry grizzly bear could tear into if his life depended on it. In the past, I’ve bloodied my fingers and teeth trying to open them. That was before I resorted to stabbing it with a butcher knife in a Psycho shower scene reenactment.

Not only is the Dual Bladed EZ Clam Shell Opener my dream come true, but it’s also the answer to all my problems and questions, except this one…now why couldn’t I think of that?

I would be sitting pretty as a multi-millionaire if I had. Damn this unclever brain of mine.

iArt

Ever wonder what an exploded iPod would look like incased in a giant block of ice? Probably not, but now you don’t have to wonder anymore (even if you never wondered in the first place). The iPod has become the Kleenex of the mp3 players and despite its rather subtle cosmetic facelifts thru the years, the iPod has never looked this cool!

This rather refreshing view was created by dissecting an iPod and dumping resin all over it. I refer to it as “iArt”. And this isn’t just for pretty, it’s fully functional too. The internals of the dock are embedded on the bottom. This allows you to control it, charge it and of course listen to it. The Legos attached to the bottom act as support legs for the standing cube.

The little bubbles you see actually occurred by accident. Originally the artist intended for the piece to be smooth and flawless like glass. However, the air pockets found their way in during a mistake pour of resin. Personally, I like the serendipitous addition.

See more of this artist’s work at BillyChasen.com

Digital Freudology

Has man always wanted the new, new thing? If that man is me, the answer is undoubtedly yes! If there is only one thing you ever learn about me it’s that I’m a Tech Whore, who has an often unhealthy love affair with the latest and greatest tech gadgets. Some see Tech Whores as shallow, morally vacant individuals, pathetic seekers of self-completion relying on things to make them whole. I however see myself as perfectly normal, just as any sick and twisted mentally unstable person does.

We all have “a little crazy” in us. I just happen to be crazy about tech gadgets. There are people who are at times always looking for something new. But there are also people who are afraid of new things. They are called techno-phobs. They find new things destabilizing and therefore reject them. I’ve come to the realization that there are two types of people in this world…those that crave new technology (me) and those that fear it (my father).

Ever since Freud, psychologists have been telling us that somehow our relationship with stuff is false because it's a displaced desire for human connection. Detachment plus familial alienation equals the transference of affection from people onto objects. What that says basically is that all of our love of things is some kind of pathology, and from an anthropological point of view, I think that's just crazy. If there's anything that distinguishes our species over the last four million years it is that we are object users. We're tool users. We love stuff. Humans are into possession. Chimpanzees, not so much.

Although, there have been civilizations in history where people seemed relatively happy with stability. The ancient Mayans knew about wheels, but didn't feel any need to invent wagons. Today, if there were no economic innovation, can you imagine what would happen? I guess that would be the end of the modern economy. Maybe the Amish are not really “behind the times” like we all think. Maybe the Amish are actually light years ahead! Could their lifestyle give us a glimpse of our own future? Could it be true that in 2010 I will not be spending my free time playing virtual videogames, but rather churning butter?

Ok, this post got a little out of control at the end and I’m not even sure where I’m going with this anymore. But if I could somehow relate this all back to my penis, then my Digital Freudology post would be complete.

I...Must…Resist…The Urrrge!

I’m an addict. It’s been going on for years. I’m admitting it now, even though I’ve denied its existence to many, even to myself at one time. My friends, my family, they all know its presence in my life. They all see the role it plays. The importance I place upon it. They all see how deep I’ve gone. Sometimes the power it has over me is so great that I simple give in and indulge myself. On occasion, I have excluded myself during family events and social functions. Other times I attend, but isolate myself from the group. Like at Christmas when I excused myself early from the dinner table so I could venture off to another room and “get high”. I can’t say I’m proud of that, but I did it. I can’t say my family and friends understand, but they unwillingly accepted it. However, they all agree I need help. I agree, I need help.

I’ve been doing it for as long I can remember. I don’t recall a time when I didn’t crave it. I go thru withdraw when my body isn’t being fed. It’s an uncontrollable craving in my blood. My mind is screaming, begging for it. I must satisfy its wants and demands. I don’t just want it. I need it! So what is my poison of pleasure? If you’re guessing sex, it’s a good guess, but you’re wrong. Some people put dumb in a shot glass. Others put dumb in a needle. I put dumb in a USB port. I’ve said it before – I’m a Tech Whore and I’m addicted to tech gadgets. My latest weakness, the new iPod Touch.

The iPod Touch (www.apple.com/ipodtouch) was unveiled to the public this week. It looks exactly like the iPhone and even operates exactly like the iPhone, minus calling capabilities. The iPod Touch not only gives you music, but also Wi-Fi Internet access. It’s the perfect on-the-go gadget! I’m starting to salivate just thinking about it. Is there something wrong with me? I’m even nodding my head yes to that question.

You see, some people just don’t understand how hard it is for me and Tech Whores like me. We have this overwhelming urge to stay on top of technology. The beauty of technology is that it’s constantly changing and evolving. However, that also makes it increasingly difficult to have the latest and greatest gadgets in your pocket. It’s a never ending battle, but one we fight on a daily basis, the addiction. Best Buy is like a crack house to me, seriously. iPods, cell phones, laptops – they are the crack cocaine. I love getting high! Love, love, LOVE it! Although, the problem is that there needs to be some cutoff level to just how high I can get.

I already have an iPod, a black 5th generation 30GB video iPod to be exact. It’s only about 2 years old. It works fine. It’s integrated with my car stereo. It travels to the gym with me. It’s by my side at work. It's never caused me problems or given me heartache. Really, it’s been the perfect girlfriend. I hate to dump her. She’s still sexy and quite young. Logically, I can’t justify buying a new improved model. Emotionally, I want to! I want to bad! Temptation is a bitch and I’ve been tempted by the forbidden fruits before – the MotoRazr2. It too just came out and even though I already own a MotoRazr phone that isn’t even a year old, I still want the new one. Maybe I'll just cheat a little and borrow someone else’s iPod Touch and MotoRazr2 to fool around with. Nobody has to know. I can still get my high that way without actually buying the drugs. Slimy? Maybe, but it’s the level addicts go to when they “need a fix”.

How long will I hold out, only time will tell. I…must…resist…the urrrge!

For Those Who Can't Unwind & Unplug

As much as I hate to say it (and don’t kill me, I’m just the messenger), summer is coming to an end. We may not be able to accept the fact that our sunny warm days are numbered, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the time we are left with. In fact, just because fall is around the corner doesn’t mean we can’t extend our summertime by traveling someplace warm, sunny, sandy and carefree. Yes, I’m talking about taking a vacation to the beach! Although for some, unwinding and unplugging on vacation is easier said than done. It’s rather sad that these days we are so tied to our wired/wireless world that many of us are simply unable to leave e-mail and the Internet behind. When we set out to dip our toes in a mountain of white sand and crystal clear blue water, shouldn’t the laptop and other tech gadgets be left at home? I say yes, but if you say no, then I may have the product for you – the solar beach bag.

Introducing “The Juice Bag”, a solar beach bag designed for the geek in you. It not only allows you to safely carry your laptop, cell phone, digital camera, iPod and other tech gadgets, but it also keeps them re-charged…via the sun. In a way, it’s an eco-friendly bag too. Instead of standard electricity, this heavy-duty solar beach tote incorporates a high-tech flexible solar panel that uses natural sunlight to recharge your batteries. And if you are traveling with kids, you’ll love the fact that you can shut them up with a portable DVD player or gaming system. Ahh, quiet at last. Now go take in the sounds of the surf.

Taking in the sounds of the surf is what I was trying to do when it rang...“Hey, what’s up? (pause) Well do they have that same shade of red in them? Because if they do you can always wear them with the first skirt to pull out that color.”

Are you fucking kidding me, I thought to myself. Her girlfriend is calling her on vacation to discuss what shoes she should buy? I’m sure there isn’t any such thing as a “life and death fashion crisis” that can’t wait until we get back. Besides, isn't that what the fashion police are for? Go call them. Ok, so I was annoyed. I hated the fact that I’m the tech whore in the relationship, but she was the one that couldn’t do without her most coveted gadget while lying on a beautiful island. I kept my mouth shut even though inside I wanted to pick that cell phone up and throw it. After it rang several more times in the next hour, even she started to get annoyed. I’m going to say what happened next is to be blamed partially on the countless fruity Bahama Mamas we were drinking and partially on the fact that I was feeling neglected. I’ll admit, I can be a baby sometimes when I feel someone isn’t giving me as much attention as I give them. I understand I shouldn’t use either of these excuses to excuse my behavior, but never the less, I am.

It rang once more. Before she could answer it and without saying a word, I picked up her cell phone and hurled it into the ocean. I laid back down on my stomach and closed my eyes. “Feel better now?” she asked. “I can’t believe you just threw my phone into the ocean, David! I was going to just turn it off.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I overreacted. But you’re smiling, so I know you aren’t THAT angry at me. I’ll buy you a new one when we get home, a better one even!”

Her: “I’m laughing so I don’t cry.”

At this point I feel like a real jerk and begin consoling her.

Her: “You’re so gullible. I was about to throw it into the water too, but I will take you up on a new one. Oh and just so you know, once this buzz wears off, I’ll probably be a little pissed.”

Me: gulp.

I later borrowed some kid's scuba goggles and went searching for the water-logged phone. And surprisingly, I found it! What are the chances of that? Of course it no longer worked. Let us remember this…unlike your Visa card, a cell phone you CAN leave home without it. Although not many of us do leave home without it and it seems we will no longer have to, thanks to products like “The Juice Bag”.