I Wanna Make Sexy Time With An iPhone 3G

Guess what? The new iPhone 3G is finally here and went on sale today! Ok, now go change your shorts because I’m sure you just peed them due to overwhelming excitement. Some people have been camping outside Apple stores around the world since last week to be the very first geeks to own the new cell phone...and with it, a priceless sense of self-satisfaction. Who wouldn’t want to be top geek for a day? If you’re not a tech whore like me with in insatiable lust for gadgets, you just wouldn’t understand. Now with that said, perhaps I should remove my tech whore crown because I did not pick up an iPhone 3G today. Nope, I suppressed my urges. I suppressed my urges because I am still under a 2-year contract with Verizon that doesn’t end until this December. I know, I suck, but I’ll be making the switch soon enough.

One of the reasons I never purchased an iPhone in the past is because like most technology, it’s always best to hold off on the first version. First versions always have bugs and it takes some time to work out these bugs. Also, second versions always have a couple extra goodies added that the original version should have included, but didn’t. Another reason I never bought an iPhone is because I’m afraid I’ll become addicted to having my e-mail and the Internet on the go 24/7. Sometimes I wonder if it’s healthy to be that connected to the world. I have Crackberry friends and they sleep with their smart phones! Not naming any names, ahem. I figure if I really want to tear her away from her Crackberry, I’ll just drop it down my pants. Then if she really wants it, she will have to go get it. ("it" meaning the Crackberry, or do I mean...?)

So the diehards surged forth at 8am to purchase the next generation iPhone, the 3G. While the lines didn’t seem as long as last year, the feeling of desperation was considerably thicker. Apple employees stood outside the doors cheering on geeks as if it were a high school pep rally and the home team was a geek bearing a shiny new phone. Customers slowly began trickling out with phones in hand, but many walked out a little unhappy due to a slew of problems. Much like last year when the original iPhone was released, users are having AT&T service issues. However, new problems have risen with the 3G including the Apple Web apps page being down and the Apple firmware update not being accessible. Some people have even begun reporting an iPhone shortage at select stores. Oh, the horror!

Though nothing could match the euphoria of the very first iPhone release last year, the 3G does have plenty of exciting new features, even if according to some high demanding geeks it falls a little short. But for the most part, it does everything you could ever possibly dream of, except for making you pancakes and rubbing your balls. Hey, but the good news is that you can use your new iPhone 3G to call someone up to do just that! Or text or e-mail. The possibilities are endless.

You can even use the built-in GPS to locate her and return the booty call favor the next night. And while you’re at it, why not download some Barry White from iTunes to use as your very own homemade porno soundtrack. Don’t forget the iPhone 3G has a 2.0 megapixel camera. So you can snap photos and take videos...and you know what to do with all that great multimedia after, right? Exactly. Upload it to the web from from your iPhone. Ahh, life is good and it’s only going to get better once I lay hands on my very own iPhone 3G. Speaking of which, can I really overcome the fingerprints of a touchscreen phone? Ugh. Why must I be such a neat and clean freak?