Friend Request Or A Fuck Request?

I have a MySpace account. I know, I know. Giggle, point, snicker. I get it, ok. I’m a dork. I know all the "cool kids" moved to Facebook, but honestly, I was never really into the whole social networking scene. I never got hooked on Friendster. I don’t have a Twitter account. And I doubt I’ll ever pack up and move to Facebook, but I do have a MySpace. Ever since my friends nagged and peer pressured me into signing up on MySpace, I’ve received a slew of very disturbing people contacting me. Not long ago I had a gay dude trying to lure me into "hanging out" with him, which in my mind screamed DATE...or more to the point, f-me! Now I have nothing against gay guys, but I don’t want to date, bang or spoon a dude (any dude, gay or straight). I’m sorry if that hurts some people’s feelings, but that’s just how it is and no matter how much you sweet talk me, I’m just not being persuaded to try it. And when you tell me you have some candy in your pants, I’m so not being lured into that trick! I fell for it one too many times. Nice try, but no. Seriously, no! And stop feeding me a massive amount of man compliments. It’s making my skin crawl and the only way I can comfort myself is scrubbing my body down with a wire brush soaked in straight bleach. But still, you make me feel dirty. I don’t want to be your boy toy. So please quit.

These are the only 2 photos I can show. The rest were too graphic.

I could write an entire book filled with all the creepy people I’ve encountered in my lifetime. Some of the stories are quite ridiculous and rather unbelievable. Although they are all true, that’s the scary part. Perhaps I’ll share a few of those stories here on the blog, but that’s for another day and another time. For now, let’s focus on the latest Friend Request I received on MySpace just tonight. I give you Kim and Kelly...

About me:
ME AND KELLY ARE LOOKING FOR GUYS TO GET CHECKED OUT BY ANOTHER COUPLE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHICH ENVOLVES GOING TO ANOTHER COUPLES PLACE WATCH 2 MOVIES OF US IN ACTION FROM OUR SWINGER S CLUBS THAT WE GO TO!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IF YOU LOVE WHAT YOU SEE AND WANT TO HOOK UP WITH US LET THEM THE OTHER COUPLE GET 2 SHOTS OF YOU NAKED NECK DOWN TO PROVE TO US THAT WE ARE GETTING WHAT YOU SENT US AS FAR AS PICS! AND IF YOU ARE THEN WE FUCK YOUR BRAINS OUT IF YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU SENT US CAUSE YOU LIED THEN FORGET IT!

Who I'd like to meet:
WE ARE ALSO LOOKING FOR A GUY TO TAKE TO OUR SWING CLUBS~~~~~~~~~~ AND IF WE TAKE YOU TO OUR KIND OF SWINGERS CLUBS..~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ YOU MUST BE DOWN FOR ANYONE THERE ORALLY SUCKING YOU OFF TO COMPLETION! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ YOU DONT HAVE TO GIVE BACK, BUT MUST BE DOWN FOR GETTING SUCKED OFF! THAT S THE DEAL SEXY!

Do I seem like the type of guy who would want a bunch of horny hotties fighting over who goes down on me first? What man would want that? That’s just disgusting! I’m offended she would even offer. There is probably girl-on-girl kissing involved in these parties too. It just turns my stomach. Lesbians who want to fuck my brains out? The more I think about this, the more disgusted I get. I’m totally sending my naked neck down pics right now! I’m kidding, obviously.

Hmm. Maybe I am gay because instead of feeling excited that some unknown slutty bisexual girls want to suck me off, I’ve focused more on her bad grammer, spelling and how she shouts in all caps. And don’t ask me what the squiggly lines are all about. Your guess is as good as mine. Oh...and am I the only one who’s afraid if I actually answered her invite that a bunch of gay dudes would be there in buttless chaps and chains waiting to molest me? I get so scared sometimes. I think I need a hug, not from a dude though.

Related posts of interest...
03/20/07 - I'm Being Propositioned To Do A Porno?
10/2/06 - The Booty Call Surprise