A Prayer To The Poop Gods

Why is it that it always takes a tragedy to strike before people start believing, or rather hoping, in the power of prayer? The power to heal. The power to save. It seems to be the last resort when we are asking for a miracle. We desperately search for possible solutions to the problem, apply those solutions and then douse it with a showering of prayers. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t work. We always follow the path that seems best, that has the greatest chance of providing the desired outcome. And sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. But in the end, when all else fails, did we just not pray hard enough or was it fate? I’m not trying to dive into a religious discussion or debate. I don’t even know if I would call myself a religious person these days, despite being brought up Catholic. I often wonder though, because I seldom go to church anymore, would God even listen to me if I prayed? I’m starting to think that praying or believing in any form of religion is more about providing yourself with emotional strength, rather than opening up some type of spiritual vessel in which God flows inside of you. Honestly, I don’t care what religion people affiliate themselves with or what they do or don’t believe in. I say if it works for you, then that is all that matters. I find religion to be personal and not something I need to stand ontop of a mountain and proclaim as my faith.

I always find it rather humorous that locked up serial killers have a way of "finding God" after committing heinous crimes! I think it’s more of a way for them to grasp onto something good and occupy their time with, than a true life altering religious experience and a new way of being. I suppose "finding God" in a prison yard is a more tangible experience than dropping the soap. I too would be doing a lot of praying in my cell if my life consisted of shanking and soap dropping. Thankfully, I don’t live a life where I am forced to bend over and take it up the tailpipe. Although speaking of asses, my dog has a problem with his and it’s the reason I am currently praying to the Poop Gods. Poop Gods do exist, right? I hope so or else my prayers will need to be rerouted to the correct recipient/s.

If you’ve been following my blog for awhile now, you are probably aware of my four-legged BFF’s recent eye surgery which he has nearly fully recovered from – yeah! But no sooner than he is given a clean bill of health, he is once again back at the vets. As always, it’s my fault, yet again. I’m really starting to believe that I’m a bad Dad and I’m fearing for my future offspring. It started off innocently enough. I wanted to reward my little guy for being such a good boy during his eye surgery and throughout the month long recovery process. So I took him to a new pet store in town and bought him a braided pig ligament (sounds sooo appetizing). It went down just fine, but it’s not coming out. There lies the problem. Apparently a piece of it is lodged in his poop shoot. Because I’m in NYC this week, I wasn’t aware this was going on until I was informed by my Mom that my dog is shitting blood and nothing else. See what I get? I try to do something nice and reward him for being a good boy, but instead I inadvertently end up punishing him to the point where he can no longer take a normal dump!

The vet told me he just needs time to pass it naturally. But if he starts vomiting, even just a little, then he has to be rushed to the vet hospital for emergency surgery to remove it. Apparently you have very little time to save his life if that happens. Oh yeah, I'm not worried at all (sarcasm). If he were a Lab, I wouldn't have to move so fast, but the smaller the dog, the more dangerous and life threatening it can be. Needless to say I’m cutting my stay in NYC short and coming home. I have to. He’s my BFF and even though I heart NY, I love my dog far more. I’ll be praying to the Poop Gods that he passes this ASAP, but I would greatly appreciate it if you would help me pray for poop too. Praying for poop. Hmm, never thought it would come to that. I hope shit happens, literally.

***UPDATE***
Seriously, does this stupid vet tech really need to take HOURS to return my call? No, take your time, really. My dog is only bleeding out his ass! But you keep sipping your coffee and twirling your hair - it's all good.