CES 2008, A Geek’s Wet Dream

Kevin Costner, Yoko Ono, Mary J. Blige and Danica Patrick will be hawking products at the Consumer Electronics Show (CES 2008) in Las Vegas today, but they'll hardly be noticed. As usual, the main attraction at CES will be the blizzard of new gadgets that will have tech geeks salivating the whole year. Instead of celeb-stalking or whiling away the hours at slot machines and Blackjack tables, 140,000 like-minded gear-hunters will be prowling 1.7 million square feet of exhibit space to find never-before-seen phones, TV screens, chips and other devices that defy conventional gadget categorization.

The most sought-after products at the convention, which runs January 7 - 10, will likely be mock-ups and prototypes of products that are still a few years away from hitting store shelves. Many companies may bring working prototypes of cutting-edge devices with them to Las Vegas, but they won't display them under glass or leave them at a booth for manhandling.

Rather than risking poor reviews for a product that isn't nearly ready, these companies will hold closed-door meetings with a select group of potential partners and analysts…after making them sign non-disclosure agreements of course. More important than touching a buggy prototype is hearing a secretive chief executive disclose plans for his or her company. Some of these speeches will also take place behind closed doors.

Eww ahh. Intrigued? Of course you are. So stay tuned to my blog for more CES 2008 coverage in the next few days as the products are unveiled. I’ve already started compiling the list of must-have gadgets from the unbelievable (like the 150-inch plasma TV) to the “what were they thinking” (like the diamond encrusted USB thumbdrive).

The Racist Wendy's Girl Logo Has Gotta Go!

A group of approximately 50 angry Gingers united and are seeing red! They came out in droves today to form a protest rally infront of a Wendy’s fast food joint in Manhattan. Their beef? They say they are offended by the Wendy’s logo. (Wait, hold your giggle and your “what the f*ck are you kidding me” comment.) They claim the logo is racist as it portrays redheads inaccurately, unfairly and the Wendy's girl has gotta go! The protesters belong to the NAARP - National Association for the Advancement of Redheaded People. To my knowledge, this is the first time the public is hearing their voices. With chants like “Biggie Size Bigotry”, their voices will certainly be heard and their message is clear with protest signs like these…

I have to admit, the NAARP has a good argument and reason for such beef. After all, how many redheads do you know that wear their hair in pigtails? Probably none, well I can think of only one. And not all redheads have pasty chalk white skin with dime size freckles on their face as the little Wendy’s girl logo would have us believe. So you see, there is reason to complain. No one likes being stereotyped. Blondes don’t like being called dumb anymore than redheads like being called fire crotches. Whether the carpet matches the drapes isn’t really anyone’s business. It doesn’t matter if you were born a redhead or you are a bottle redhead, you are still a Ginger kid in the eyes of the NAARP.

Famous redheads absent from the rally...Pippi Longstocking (a proud pigtail wearer), Carrot Top, Chuck Norris and Lindsay Lohan just to name a few. Apparently they didn’t get the memo.

Now I'm not sure how long the rally went on, but for those of you concerned, the redheaded protesters did spread on the SPF 50 to protect their fair skin from the mid-summer sun. (Remember Ginger kids, safety first.) Redheads make up just 1% of the world’s population and with the racial diversity in NYC, it’s probably an even smaller percentage. Despite their small numbers, it’s good to see them ban together for a common cause. And only in New York City could you see something like a Wendy’s racist logo protest while walking down the street. Just another reason to heart NY. Nobody will ever say the city is boring or uninteresting.

Want more? Then go behind the scenes of the Wendy’s racist logo protest with the NAARP mission report, photos and video footage on the Improv Everywhere blog.

Man Shoves 66 Weenies In His Mouth & Lives To Tell About It

Is it just me or does the overwhelming urge to shove 2, 3 and even 4 weenies in your mouth at the same time seem a little gay? On second thought, wanting to shove a single weenie in your mouth sounds a little sketchy if you are a dude. You have to admit, it has a certain connotation to it - some underlying homosexual tendencies there. Of course, I’m talking about hotdogs though and not penises. But still…this is pretty gross.

It’s a 4th of July tradition in NY, Nathan’s Famous Hotdog Eating Contest. The goal is to shove down as many hotdogs as humanly possible in just 12 minutes. You must eat the dog and the bun, although you are allowed water to help the weenie slide in with more ease. Some prefer to dunk their weenie and buns in the water, which creates this stomach turning pile of regurgitated looking mush. (Yes, I’m getting nauseous just writing this.) Whoever downs the most weenies once the 12 minute mark is reached is declared the champ! They are awarded the yellow mustard championship belt for their efforts and a massive stomach ache.

This year’s winner, Joey Chestnut, took in a total of 66 weenies! He upset the 6th time defending champ, Takeru Kobayashi, who came in 2nd place with 63 weenies. Despite having a wisdom tooth pulled just a week before the contest and suffering from “sever jaw arthritis”, Kobayashi competed in memory of his late mother. He was on track to win, but in the closing seconds of the contest, he spewed the final 3 dogs in his mouth. Heartbreaking and nauseating. Don’t be too sad though. Not many men can say they took in 63 weenies in 12 minutes! So smile, your Mom would be proud.

PILLOW FIGHT!!!

Feathers flew in Union Square this past weekend during the second-annual NYC Pillow Fight. With more than 2 inches of feathers covering Union Square, it was a free-for-all as people dressed as pirates battled fairies and shirtless fat men smacked leprechauns. It’s not exactly my idea of a pillow fight. I would much rather see a couple hot 20-something year-old girls going at it in their underwear. Long hair blowing from each down filled whap. They giggle. They squeal. Their bra strap accidently breaks. Oops.

Yes, I have a vivid imagination. In my head, I like to believe women in their 20s are not too old to partake in such slumber party activities. So don’t give me your dose of reality. I don’t want to hear it. Let a guy dream a little. I’m not hurting anyone.

The event was established by two avid pillow fighters from Toronto and has since spread to the states, stretching from San Francisco to New York City. Earlier this month several hundred pillow-fighting enthusiasts gathered in SF to slug it out, but more than 2,000 people attended the NYC Pillow Fight. This year's NY crowd grew substantially from last year's approximate 200 attendees, thanks to Facebook.com and blog publicity.

It was a swashbuckling extravaganza, with pillows substituting for swords as salty rapscallions swung from light poles and jumped from atop trash cans. You just have to go in swinging and keep your pillow hand strong if you want to hold your own in a feather brawl.

No Pants, No Problem...Almost

Move over Naked Cowboy, there is a new breed of nakedness in the city - the Naked Subway Rider. More than 200 people dropped their drawers to participate in the 6th annual "No Pants Subway Ride", which has been a yearly tradition since 2002. Over 200 participants (50 more than last year) gathered at the Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall station, boarded the 6 train, de-pantsed and exited at different stations. Then they re-boarded other uptown trains to the shock and amusement of fellow subway riders. Unlike last year's ride which resulted in arrests, this years annual event was "pulled off" without a problem.

It's subtle at first and it's hard for people to explain what could possibly be happening. By the end of the ride, when there's 20, 30, 40 people in their underwear, it becomes something that's obviously meant to be funny. However, not everyone sees the humor in it. Last year a police officer stopped a train at 59th Street, ordered all the passengers off and handcuffed 8 of the pranksters on the platform. A judge later threw out the disorderly conduct charges, noting that it's not illegal to wear underwear in public.

Although I tend to feel it should be a crime for a 250lb hairy dude to be pantless in public. Further more, I think it should be a felony for this man to have nothing but a thin layer of tighty-whiteys between his nuggets and me on a crammed subway. That's just a little too close for comfort, even by New York standards.

RunForRuby.wordpress.com

On November 19th, Jessica from SassySuspect.com will running the Philadelphia Marathon. Completing a full 26.2 mile marathon is a goal in itself, but it's not just about crossing the finish line. The goal here is raising money for a little girl nicknamed "Ruby" (Jessica's niece) thru the MAGIC Foundation. Ruby was born with a chronic, life-threatening disorder called panhypopituitarism. If you've never heard of panhypopituitarism, then you aren't alone. Since panhypopituitarism is rare, it is often a struggle to find information about it...and especially to find adequate, informed medical care. That is where the MAGIC Foundation steps in. The MAGIC Foundation has had a dramatic and life-saving impact on Ruby's life. Now, Jessica is asking for your help to continue the ongoing support and care for Ruby and other kids like her from the MAGIC Foundation. To learn more about Ruby, the RunForRuby, panhypopituitarism and of course the MAGIC Foundation, check out www.runforruby.wordpress.com And while you're there, be a love and donate to the cause. If I still haven't convinced you, then take this into consideration...

If a heart warming tale doesn't move you emotionally, then perhaps I can move you visually. Yes, Jess is easy on the eyes. So you can donate a lil cash to help a good cause and in the process watch a cute girl run a marathon! It's a win-win situation all the way around. So you can't lose and neither will Ruby, even if Jess doesn't win the marathon.

Best of luck to you in Philly Jess. May your kind heart fuel your ruby red slippers/running shoes and carry you thru the 26.2 miles. You're a better man than me. I say that because I've never run a marathon and I should be running with you or at least running in this weeks NYC marathon. One of these days I'll do it. Like I told my sister when she ran the LA marathon...just remember, pain is only temporary and there's nothing you can't overcome.

Amish Thug Life - Beyond Crazy!

What is the world coming to when people are shooting up the Amish? Are you kidding me - the Amish? Who hates the Amish? What did the Amish ever do to anyone? Ok, maybe they screwed the power company out of a few sales. But seriously, the Amish? They are harmless! How can you justify killing a bunch of Amish schoolgirls? Man, we live in a sick world! As morbid as it may sound and as morbid as it really is, I don't mean to make light of what happened the other day in Quarryville, PA. However, I have a few questions on my mind...

Since the Amish don't like being photographed, they feel it shows vanity and pride, I'm going to respect that. Although if I may make a small suggestion, the new Amish attire should include this shirt. It's still black, which is their color of choice, and it gives crazies fair warning. So as you see, it may be quite beneficial to Amish lifestyle these days...unless they are going to start packin' heat? Or this could be used in conjunction with your nine?

Who here is offended by bowl haircuts? A show of hands please. I'm raising mine. Not to be a hater, but having your hair styled in the form of my morning cereal bowl just isn't sexy. Perhaps there was a day in time, way back when, that it was viewed as "sexy". Although today, not even Justin Timberlake could bring sexy back in the form of a bowl haircut. That style should only be worn by the little boy who graces the outside label on a Dutch Boy paint can. Other than him, sorry but the bowl gotta go. Still, with that said...as much as I dislike the Dutch boy cut, I wouldn't go postal on an Amish schoolhouse!

So what is it that posses someone to unload all their hate and anger on the Amish? Do you not like churned butter? Is that what's bothering you so? I don't know if I've ever had churned butter myself, but I'm sure it can't be horrific tasting. I assume it's similar if not tastier than "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" spray? These are just my thoughts. And what about the home sewn outfits, clunky soled shoes, brimmed hats and free flowing beards...are those things rubbing people the wrong way too? I mean you won't see that look being shown during NY Fashion Week, but does it offend people so much that they need to be shot over it?

Hey, the Amish may be a little different (alright, ALOT different), but there are many good things to be said about the Amish. One being that you never saw a single Amish person featured on Dateline's "To Catch A Predator." Right? You don't see it because they aren't online. No cell phones. No computer. No PPV porn? Wow, life as an Amish man must suck! You won't see them cybersexing little boys while they are in congress...ahem, Mark Foley. Which reminds me, Mr. Foley, please stop asking me what color panties I'm wearing. They're pink ok. Happy now? You sick son of a...

That's One Hot Child Molester!

Here's a teacher I wouldn't bring in an apple for. I would dig up and replant the whole damn tree! I would purposely flunk my quizzes so she would have to pull me aside and speak to me privately. I'll let you molest me. Touch me in my "naughty place". I can keep a secret, you don't even have to ask. Discretion I can do. Extra credit I can do. Staying late after class for math tutoring, doable. Go ahead and throw me in the corner. I'm all yours!

They're right. Life really isn't fair. Nobody molested me. My childhood wasn't sabotaged/decorated because there wasn't a teacher in my school that looked anywhere near as hot as her! Am I not molestation-worthy? I mean come-on. I'm a nice looking guy, right? You would think I could of had at least ONE pervert who fondled me. A little groping, something, anything? And I'm not referring to that old woman from the grocery store. I'm talking about a hot 23-year-old female teacher that I would of been more than ok with stealing my virginity at a pubescent age. A Debra Lafave. The closest I came to being molested was by a skanky English teacher and that wasn't until my senior year that she hit on me. I was almost of legal age by then - boo.

Even though I'm all grown-up, the offer is still on the table. Although I realize I'm probably not your type because you are attracted to 14-year-old boys with their greasy hair, oily skin and their crackling voices. I know that must sound soooo sexy to you. Plus, I know it's hard to pass up the deep satisfaction they must give you with their full 4 seconds of pleasure. I realize you have a tough decision on your hands so I'll let you ponder it a little while Debra, but just don't wait too long because I'm hot for the teacher (er, molester)! We could even play a game - stick the tip in, just to see how it feels. I mean I'm just throwing this out there...as a suggestion, that's all. Let me know. I'm good to go.

What A Difference A Day Makes (9-11 Five Years Later)

I've been thinking about whether or not I want to write today. I feel that today would be better spent with my pen down. I realized that although I am remembering 9-11, I don't want to relive it. I don't want to write about it and make others relive it. Too many people haven't stopped "living it" and today although we remember, in a way we would love to forget.

This morning, two soaring towers of light will defiantly pierce the sky from the wounded western stretch of lower Manhattan. These luminous ghosts are a tribute to remembering what hardly had been forgotten. That exactly 5 years ago today, on September 11th, a terrorist attack destroyed the World Trade Center, killed more than 2,800 innocent people and changed the lives of everyone across our nation.

September 11, 2001. What a difference a day makes.

Defcon 14 & BlackHat 2006 Conventions

No, I didn't forget. I'm just late on posting about this...Defcon 14 kicks off today! It runs from August 4-6 in Las Vegas. Also BlackHat 2006 is taking place this weekend in Sin City as well. For hackers and security experts, you know these 2 events well. For those not familiar, educate yourself by reading 2 posts I did last year on Defcon 13 & BlackHat 2005.

• 7/22/05 DefCon 13 & BlackHat 2005 Conventions
• 8/16/05 DefCon 13 & Black Hat 2005 Wrap-Up Coverage

Thanks to "Dark Tangent" of Defcon.org who linked to me in his Defcon Media Coverage section. You can find the link to me by visiting www.defcon.org/html/links/dc_press/dc_press.html There you will see my blog linked as...

Confrence Overview - Blogs
Blog for DIAMONDKT - Blog by attendee - extensive length

I'll do a Wrap-Up Coverage post in the near future for this year's Defon & BlackHat conventions.

People Are Stupid

Do we have so many stupid people in this world that we really need a road sign telling us NOT to run over other human benings? Seriously. I don't care if they are illegal aliens crossing the boarder in San Diego (which by the way, San Diego means a whale's vagina, thought I would throw that in to impress you) or real green aliens from Mars. If you run over someone with you car...um, that's kind of a crime. Yeah, it's called manslaughter. Murder. Ever hear of it? Perhaps this sign should be accompanied with the words "Hey stupid, don't kill people". Then again, many stupid people can't read so that's why we have pictures telling us what rules to follow.

Lately the news seems to be filled with stupidity and it's driving me insane! If you haven't heard, a California man had his face completely ripped off by a chimp! He had raised the monkey and thru the years ignored the fact that he had attacked 5 other people prior to mauling him and his wife. That would raise a red flag in my head, but apparently a light bulb never went off in the victim's head. History is the best predictor for future behavior and I'm no genius, but you think that would alert him to the fact that there may be a problem boiling below the surface. A problem that could resurface and blowup before his very eyes, that is IF his eyes remained in their sockets! Gruesome is an understatement, but so is the word stupidity is this case.

Hey, here's a thought...stop f*cking around with wild animals! You may think you have tamed a wild animal, but he is still wild and the chimp's actions are not that unusual for a wild animal. Stop trying to make him something he isn't and accept the fact that you are messing with nature. You are tempting fate. So don't be shocked or angry with your pet monkey. Sorry your lesson had to be taught so roughly, but maybe now you have learned, the hard way. What is really irritating is that they shot this chimp. Why, because he was being a chimp? It's not his fault some dumb man tried to conform him into our human society. Yes humans evolved from monkeys and yes monkeys today are very "human-like" with their fingers and facial expressions. However, they are not human beings.

They are monkeys and monkeys belong in the jungle. Maybe this monkey was pissed he wasn't left in the jungle like he should of been? Maybe instead of shooting the monkey, we should of shot the guy for being an idiot? Or maybe I'll take down that road sign and tell him to cross the road. That way other stupid people will run over him because there wasn't a stupid sign telling them NOT to kill stupid people that run thru lanes of oncoming traffic. Perhaps we should let stupid people just kill other stupid people. It would cancel out the stupidly in the world and we may be a better world because of it. Stupidity, it's contagious, but I may of found the cure!

Hmm, I wonder if this chimp ever wore a "I'm With Stupid" t-shirt?

***NOTE: For The Stupid***
This post wasn't me calling illegal aliens stupid. Actually it wasn't about the whole illegal alien/boarder jumping hot button topic at all. So if you didn't get the point of my post, then you are stupid. Sorry. (And I mean sorry that you are stupid, not sorry that I just insulted you by calling you stupid. Now leave me an insightful comment like "your blog is stupid".)

My Dog Ate My Taxes

Don't you wish you could use the classic childhood excuse of "the dog ate my homework" to get out of turning in your taxes? Just like homework, taxes too suck! The more you make, the more they take. It's irritating, but it's part of living in America. So like everyone else, I will do my taxes. Actually I don't do my own because it's just too much of a hassle these days. Instead I will stop by to see my accountant. He's a loveable little fella that can't weigh more than a buck and a quarter. He is such the stereotypical book keeping nerd that it almost makes my visit with him comical. I can count on him to wear that ever so stylish signature short sleeve dress shirt. It will be buttoned tightly up to his throat, topped off with a tie that came out of 1988 and of course the black rimmed glasses are a must. No joke.

The guy is soft spoken, but hard when it comes to Uncle Sam squeezing an extra penny out of me. You gotta love that. I can't complain too much about tax time. It's not like I have to do much work when I have my nerd by my side. I am good at keeping my books in order when it comes to my business, so when March rolls around, all I have to do is hand all of that junk to my man Martin (that's the account's name or "Starvin' Marvin" as I've secretly nicknamed him) and he's got the rest covered. His fees are reasonable and although they seem to increase every year, I can understand that because each year I have more sh*t for him to wade thru - property, employee payroll, ect. Hey, I wonder if my dog can get me a tax break? Probably not if she eats the taxes.

Oh well. I'm not going to drag my feet and groan when I sign all those lines and seal all those envelopes. I've never owed on my taxes before, so hopefully this year I will once again get a nice check back. Then perhaps I will buy Martin a tie out of 1990...you know, upgrade the dude. He deserves something nice. Just keep in mind, there are only 2 things certain in life - death and taxes. So I suggest everyone temporally puts away that March Madness tournament poll you've been slaving over at the office and work on getting your taxes turned in before the IRS shows up for the big dance instead.

I Can't Drive 55...Or Apparently 120 Either

Every guy reading this, prepare to be nauseated. No, I'm not going to show you nude pics of Rosie O'Donnell or anything that grotesque. Instead I have something that will make you sick to your stomach in a different sense. I'm sure you have a dream car. A car that more than likely the closest you will ever get to one is pleasuring yourself to it thru the pages of duPONT Registry - for those that don't know, that's a classified ad magazine dedicated to selling exotic sports cars. My dream car has always been a Ferrari. I make it my goal to own one, one day even if I have to sell the future wife and kids on eBay (kidding, sort of). It's just something about that Italian design. The Ferrari badge of excellence in high performance sports cars that makes me droll. So it's only natural when I see something like this (below), that my heart feels as if it's ripped out of my chest and my stomach turns.

So this is the front of the car. Where is the back of the car?

Ah yes, there is the back end. Ferrari's have the engine in the back,
so where is the missing engine?

Of course, there it is, waaay down the road on fire. Lovely/sickening.

Former Gizmondo executive Stefan Eriksson, who left the company under a cloud of allegations that he had links with the Swedish mafia, has been involved in a car crash which destroyed his $1 million Ferrari Enzo. The car was traveling at an estimated 120 mph on the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu when it slammed into a power pole, leaving the vehicle sliced in two! Police believe the Ferrari was taking part in a illegal street race with an SLR Mercedes, worth around $500,000. Thanks to the Enzo's legendary safety system, Eriksson escaped with only minor injuries. Eriksson's blood alcohol level was over the limit, but he claimed that he was not behind the wheel at the time of the crash, stating that a German man called "Dietrich" was driving and fled the scene. A 3 hour search by the LAPD failed to locate him and are questioning whether or not "Dietrich" even exists or if it was Eriksson that was really behind the wheel. This is not the first time Eriksson has been involved in an expensive car crash. In 2002, he totaled a Porsche 996 GT3-RS in a race in Sweden.

Less than 400 Ferrari Enzo cars were ever made. The Ferrari community is mourning the loss of a vehicle which many describe as a work of art. He destroyed one of the finest cars on Earth, maybe the finest. It's like taking a Van Gogh painting and burning it! What I find interesting about all of this is that I've driven on PCH. It's a nice stretch of highway along the beach. I understand how hard it is to resist putting the pedal to the medal and tempting fate, especially behind something with over 600hp! That car is a beast! The closest I can come to owning a Ferrari right now is taking my Ducati out for a spin - Italian sports bike with a Testarossa engine at a fraction of the price. Of course what I don't understand is how this guy can't keep a car like the Enzo on the road? I can keep two wheels on the ground at 120, he has 4 wheels and he slams into a pole? He better of been drunk, that's all I can say.