Fashion Of The Future, It May Get Fugly

I must admit, when the weather warms up, my eyes begin to wonder a bit more. All the cute girls are finally shedding those bulky winter clothes for light, low cut, high cut, barely there clothing...and that makes me pretty damn happy. Ladies, it's time to breakout the skirts and stilettos! Well, almost. With every new season comes a new collection of clothes and Springtime is the perfect time to update your wardrobe with the latest fashion trends. (Wow, I sounded really gay there.) Maybe you will go futuristic this year in your selection. If you're a girl who is into fashion, you will like this post. If you are a guy who is into tech, you will like this post. If you are into clothes and technology, then you may want to reach for a cigarette and take a nap after this because it will be THAT good to you! You decide whether they are "smart clothes" or just plain "dumb wear". Think of it as George Jetson meets Oscar de la Renta...well almost.

"Spray-On Clothes" by Manel Torres of Fabrican
This temporary dress, consisting of a cloud of non-woven cloth, is made by spraying a chemical formula directly onto the skin. Basically, it's a cotton-fabric that comes in a can. Once sprayed onto your body, the pressurized liquid turns instantly into a fabric. Each squirt from the can sends thousands of cotton fibers splattering against your skin. The fibers then bend together to form a disposable garment that peels away when you undress. Since the fibers are delivered in a diffused form, other elements can easily be added, like perfumes, pigments or treatments. The web of cloth is obviously quite thin, but if you spray more lavishly you can get a rather dense fabric. My suggestion, spray it on light like this woman did and then stand in front of your freezer to get that nice nippley affect.

"Heartbeat Hoodie" by Diana Eng
The hood has a built-in camera linked to the wearer's heart rate and adrenaline levels. If the wearer becomes excited, causing the heart rate and adrenaline levels to increase, the camera automatically snaps a photo of their surroundings. The reason for this would be...? I'm guessing some women need a photo snapped to let them know whether or not they are turned-on and to document exactly what made them swoon? Well, if you are a guy, all you have to do is look down and see if something aroused you. Actually, you don't even need to look, you just know. Men are more visual creatures, but most men don't need an actual image to turn them on. We have good imaginations. Just trust me on that. So in that sense, men are ahead of women in terms of technology. We have a natural built-in arousal detector that points north to let us know something is on the radar screen.

"Sweaty Coat" by Kuuchoufuku
First off, should I say "bless you" or "f*ck you too" after a name like Kuuchoufuku? Now to the coat...
Made from grey nylon, these long-sleeve jackets have 2 built-in fans connected to a battery pack on either side of the jacket. If you are a fat sweaty bastard, may I suggest NOT wearing a coat, period. Ahh, duh.

"Anti-Aging Wear" by Kanebo Spinning
The Nano Dew (hee-hee, the name makes me giggle) shirts and blankets contain vitamin E and special enzymes to reduce signs of aging and protect the wearer's skin from ultraviolet rays. Hmm, I wonder what would happen if you put on one of those tan thru bathing suits and then this sun-safe tee? I always wanted to see my clothes duke it out.

"Wearable Skin" by Marta Iwin
This jewelry is made from epithelial skin cells cultured in a lab and grown in a test tube. Forget diamonds, nothing says "I love you" like some stranger's cultivated skin around your girlfriend's neck. This is very disgusting and disturbing...and now I think I'm going to hurl.

"Hug Shirts" by Francesca Rosella & Ryan Genz of Cute Circuit
(previous/related post of mine - huggable PJs for kids) The hug shirt allows people to exchange the physical sensation of being hugged over distance, through sensors and actuators embedded in the textile. Since the shirt is a Bluetooth accessory for mobile phones, the hugs arrive thanks to the mobile network. It's a sad, sad world when you have to settle for a virtual hug over a real one. Sometimes you just can't improve on the original.

"Fugly Boots" by Amanda Parkes
These Muk Lux Flux boots change shape depending on the speed and motion of the wearer. If you know what the abbreviation "WTF" means, then it fits well here. Really, what the f*ck? I've always hated Ugg Boots. To me they were just ugly, no fugly (f-ing ugly) I think the new term is. I may breakup with a girl if she wears Uggs. Yes, it's shallow but I hate those boots that much - huge turnoff for me! Give me a girl who can wear some nice pointy toed boots with a thin heal, umm. I'll take her any day over the Ugger.

"Airplane Dress" by Hussein Chalayan
The "airplane dress" is made from glass fiber and uses a remote control to change shape. It was introduced back in 2000 as part of their Spring/Summer Collection, but apparently no one was collecting it. Gee, I wonder why. Perhaps it would of gone nice with those Fugly Boots.

All this and more coming to a mall near you...or not.