Kiss It & Make It Better...Or Just Snap It So It's Straight

I hate to admit it, but I will. A Mom is always, usually right. Nobody likes to hear "a Mother knows best", especially when it's true. I am often reluctant to heed my Mom's advice. Although for the most part, it is good sound advice from a wise woman. A source I fully trust. However, if you know my Mom, you know how she overreacts. How she freaks out even over a paper cut on me. How she quickly breaks out her Magical Mom Medical Book and begins diagnosis. (Note: She is not a licensed MD, but she plays one in real life...at least on me she practices.) According to her, the usual diagnosis for a paper cut would be to clean the wound, sew the wound, wrap the wound and keep elevated. Then go thru physical therapy for the next 6 months so you can return to normal finger to paper mobility. Fine, I exaggerate. It's more like 3 months of PT. I tell her to keep it simple and just amputate my entire limb! I hear the pirate hand-hook look is making a comeback anyway. She shoots me a disapproving look.

My Mom needs to relax here because I'm no Mamma's Boy. If she had it her way, she would lovingly cover me in bubble wrap on a daily basis so I could never get hurt. Of course, this is the real world Mom. No matter how ideal of a cure that would be for you, you can't seal me up like fine China. Besides, you know I'm addicted to snapping those little bubbles! Protection level - nada. Seriously though, I know she has my best interests in mind. She's doing what Mom's do best. She's continuing to protect and nurture her little boy even though I've long since outgrown sitting on her lap. Even when I was small enough to be scooped up and cuddled, she couldn't keep me from harm. I was a daredevil. There was nothing you couldn't double-dog-dare me to do. Actually, forget the double-dog-dare, I just needed a good old fashion plain "dare". A bet. Raise the stakes. Put my life on the line if need be. It is all in the name of fun to me. Perhaps that sounds a little crazy, but I'm a competitive freak who loves an adrenaline rush. It's what pumps blood thru my veins. There is nothing I won't try at least once...well minus engaging in gay acts. I have to draw the limit somewhere.

Last month I was playing basketball with some friends and I go up for a shot. The ball doesn't even get to leave my fingertips before another player comes over my back with a giant block. (Which by the way is a foul - over the back.) Yes, I got stuffed and so did my finger. My knuckle busted under the force and my finger was left pointing 90 degrees in the wrong direction. It wasn't pretty. I quickly popped it back into place and although it was sore and began swelling immediately, I figured it was just a really bad sprain and continued to play. Over the course of the next 24 hours, it looks disgusting. Not only is it huge, but my hand turns purple, all the way down to my wrist from the bruising. I switch back and forth between heat and ice like a good boy and pop an Aspirin. I think, no big deal, I'll live.

Today, nearly a month later, it is still swollen and I'm not really able to bend it. It's still in pain somewhat and has just become annoying since it's my right hand, my writing hand. My finger grew crooked and that's a sign to me that perhaps I should of had it looked at long ago. I think I did in fact break it and didn't properly reset it. My Mom was probably right when she said I broke it. I had a friend of mine look at it and she said it was broken too. Of course I was a smartass and said "what do you know, you aren't a doctor, you're just a nurse". Lucky for me she knows I was joking and wasn't offended. I say "lucky for me" because a statement like that may of called for a swift knee to the groin. Not much you can do for a broken finger, but if you let it heal crooked, then the only way to straighten it is to break it...again! That is what I'll be doing tomorrow. Having my finger broke on purpose. Sounds like fun! I bet it will tickle.

I'm going to ask them to smash it with a sledge hammer! That way it's really exciting to blog about. Ha.