Take The Black Off A Crow

I don't want to come home at night. It makes me awfully sad. The sound of my keys hitting together, followed by silence. I hate it. I'm still not use to it. How much longer does it take before it gets better? Truthfully...will it? Can someone please speed this along for me? I have to shake this. I have to shed the weight that lays heavy on my heart. I have to free my mind from the thoughts. The missing. The reminiscing. Memories are good to have, but right now I only think of memories that hold pain. When I force myself to think of the good times, I feel even worse.

I have days like these. Moments in time when I enter a melancholy state of being. I guess that's normal. They come and go. I wish they would go more often than come. I'm exhausted. I can't be "super happy fun guy" 24/7. I don't know why one day the emotion is stronger and another day it's not so bad. Like taking 1 spoonful of horrible tasting medicine instead of 2. Today, I must have drank the entire bottle. Now I'm sick with sadness.

Where is my sea of red? My color of happy? I want that forecast. Instead, there is a gloom in the sky. An ache in the wind. A sorrow in the grass. A chance of a lonely rain shower. Funny thing is, the weatherman is telling me it's calm, warm and sunny with not a drop in sight. I see it, I just don't feel it beneath my skin. If I could drink some magic potion and feel better, I would. Then I could carry a smile. Although sometimes I think it would be easier to take the black off a crow.