Lost Your Way? Saying "F*ck Off" Gets You Back On Track

The only thing worse than not asking for directions when you are lost, is following the wrong directions when you are lost. They say (I must find out who the infamous "they" is that people are always quoting) men don't ask for directions. This is not entirely true. We ask sometimes. We just do it in a nonchalant fashion. I feel that is why GPS was invented. Man would rather ask for assistance from a machine than a human being. Perhaps it's a pride thing, but whatever it is, women don't carry this same trait/gene. It's no secret that guys are just overgrown boys who like to play with toys. So the more tech gadgets at our fingertips, the better. Therefore, I feel GPS was invented to help entice men into asking for directions...in a cool, nonchalant way of course. Welcome to my car's cockpit and it's onboard voice activated GPS.

My car came equipped with enough bells and whistles to make a paraplegic dance with joy. Onboard tech gadgets include a CD-changer, iPod capability, Sirius satellite radio, DVD and of course GPS. However, don't eww and ahh just yet, because beneath that pretty blue GPS screen lives the devil! A sick twisted f*ck that has my number. I'm not a morning person as it is and I was running a little late for meeting a new client. To make matters worse, my GPS goes so far off track that I drive a good 20+ miles out of my way before I notice it's huge error.

I don't think my GPS was aware of the increasing hostile situation. Apparently it's numb to human emotion. It lacks the ability to sense my need for urgency in getting to said destination in a timely fashion. Apparently it would rather take me on the scenic route. Take me for a tour of the entire freaking state and then some! It gets sick pleasure in knowing I spent the better part of the drive with this confused "what look" on my face while biting my lower lip, something I have a tendency to do when I am concentrating on figuring something out. The whole idea of GPS is so that I don't have to concentrate on figuring anything out. I say where I want to go and you take me there. Simple, right? Apparently if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is.

If it had eyes instead of ears, I would of gave it the finger. Although a good verbal lashing can be just as effective...well effective to me in terms of releasing stress. Had "The Donald" been riding shotgun with me, I would demand a "you're fired" line. My GPS doesn't work for me, nor with me. It works against me! So I told my GPS to "f*ck off" and believe it or not, I received better directions AFTER my outburst! Ironically, it's one direction it takes serious. It just goes to show you, that sometimes the solution to a problem is simply telling the irritant to f*ck off.