I Cracked The Da Vinci Code

Hey, did you know there is this little film out. It's called "The Da Vinci Code". I bet this is the first time you are hearing about this, huh? The film was made from a book. Well, not really FROM the book. They didn't turn paper into video. However, they may of turned water into wine? No, wait. I think that is what the book/film is about - the debate of turning water into wine. Or maybe it's about Mona Lisa's smile or lack there of? Perhaps it's about a hacker that cracks the password to Da Vinci's e-mail? Ok, it's obvious now that I don't know what I'm talking about. All I know is that the film is causing a huge stir and I want to see what all the hype is about. Besides, the main reason I go to the movies is for the popcorn and the hot make-out sessions in the back of the theater. Alright, so I'm not 14 anymore and I don't make-out with girls in the back of a dark theater. However, I still order popcorn. Yes, movie theater popcorn is my weakness. Something about that fake buttery grease that comforts me. Actually, I wouldn't call it "comforting" after it digests. I would call that regret. I would call that stomach rage. A state of hell my body goes into when an excess amount of junk food is indulged upon a body that is use to eating healthy. Anyway, enough about popcorn and Pepto. Back to The Da Vinci Code...

I'm going to confess. I'm probably the only sole alive that has never read The Da Vinci Code book. Is that bad? Should I be ashamed? Believe it or not, it was going to be one of my New Year's resolutions, to sit and read that book. However, another resolution was ahead of "read The Da Vinci Code" on my list. The resolution was "don't procrastinate". As you see, I didn't make it to the book reading. I seem to of gotten hung-up on committing to the resolution just before it. Actually, that's a lie. I didn't even really compose a New Year's resolution list. Is that bad? Should I be ashamed of that too? The way I see it, if one of your resolutions is to not procrastinate and you fail to even write down the words "don't procrastinate", well then you are fucked anyways so why bother with the rest of the resolution list? Ahh, genius! See, I knew I would find an easy way out of this mess.

In all seriousness, I am not a slacker. In fact, sometimes I think I need to slack more often. So tonight I am going to do just that. I'm going to slack. I'm going to zone out with a big tub of popcorn on my lap for a solid 2 1/2 hours. (Can I even sit still for that long? That's a job in itself.) When the show is over, I won't blog about it. Why? Well if I blogged about it, that wouldn't be slack-like of me and that is the goal for tonight. Besides, I don't want to spoil the ending for those of you that haven't seen it yet. On second thought, what am I saying? Everyone and their Mother knows how it ends, EXCEPT me. I don't even know the beginning or the middle. I'm the only illiterate fool that never read the book. Hmm. Maybe one day I'll pick it up just so I can "fit in and look all smart and shit" when people stand around discussing The Da Vinci Code. Actually, scratch that. I would pick up the Cliff Notes if I wanted to go that route, or even better, see the movie...and so I will do just that. Now nobody needs to know I didn't read the book. Well "nobody" doesn't include you reading this in Blogger Land. Just a FYI, if you spill this secret to the "outside world", I will hunt you down and kill you. Not a threat. A promise. (insert big hug)

Ok, I'm off to read a book now. The new Victoria's Secret catalog just came in the mail!