I may be heterosexual, but I'll admit that I probably have a little meterosexual in me or I wouldn't be open to trying this "girly approach". Besides, what could it hurt? My tough guy image? Hah, I threw that out the window the minute I started talking about "feelings" and honestly...I'm ok with that. I am what I am. I won't cover it or make excuses for it. As a wise man...scratch that...I mean as a wise woman once said "you need to own it". So I'm going to do just that, starting right now.
Last night I received the gift of girl medicine. It traveled roughly 3,000 miles to comfort me. It came in just a plain old brown shipping box. Despite it's unpretentious outside appearance, the inside was truly beautiful. Something very kind. Something heartfelt. After my Mom had informed my sister about my recent loss, she must of felt bad for me. Bad enough that she wanted to help make me feel better. So she put together a little care package for her favorite little brother. (I should note that I'm her only brother so of course I'm her favorite!) Inside was a box of See's Chocolates (if you never had See's, you are missing out!), an AE gift card and some handwritten words of support. I don't really have a relationship with my sister where I talk about "feelings". The only time serious conversations between us take place is usually when she is talking to me about her man problems, venting, asking advice, ect. I've rarely, if ever, opened up to her and told her about any problem of mine I was ever facing. So when I read the card she sent me, I was a little surprised. It was rather touching and nothing like something she would normally say to me. Perhaps she too finds it easier to write sometimes than to verbalize what's inside?
Whatever it was, that "girl medicine" is exactly what the doctor would order. It put a much needed smile on my face. Chocolate or shopping probably won't ever be the miracle cure for me, but reading the things she said has been of great comfort. I'm not going to repeat what she wrote because I feel some things should remain private and I want to keep it discrete. I think it was meant to be that way. To stay that way. However, beyond my private thank you, a public thank you is called for as well. So thank you. Although I love the chocolates and gift card, I appreciate what you said to me the most. That will stay with me long after the candy is eaten and the money is spent.
On a somewhat unrelated note, last night while I was sleeping, I think I experienced a panic attack. I'm not really sure if that is what it was because I've never had one and I really don't know the symptoms of one. I just know that I woke up around 5AM, broke out in a cold sweat and got extremely nauseas like I was either going to throw up or pass out...which I may of, had I not been already lying down. Then as quickly as the "attack" came on, it passed. I image it was what Aleksandr Petrovsky (if you don't watch Sex And The City, you won't understand) went thru just before his big gallery opening. Of course, that was fictional, mine was not. I think it very well could of been brought on due to the fact that I've been worrying about going to DC. I was originally suppose to leave a few days ago, but now it's been pushed to first thing Monday morning. I always get nervous and question myself when I go to work there. I know I need to relax. I'm very good at what I do or they would of never hired me. Still, I feel out of place because I am so much younger than everyone else and I worry if I should make even a small mistake, that I would lose that contract. This project has been my main bread and butter, so I can't afford to slipup.
For now my focus is on boxing as I'm off to train. I have a boxing match this weekend, my first in awhile. So wish me luck! I'll have a few photos snapped from my fight and I'll try to post from DC, but I can't promise anything. Obviously blogging can't be a priority, but being happy should be.
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