David Is...

At last count, my blog had slightly over 100 RSS feed subscribers and an average of roughly 300 readers that visit my little corner of the web per day. They aren’t wonderful numbers, but they aren’t too shabby for a small time blogger like myself either. Obviously though, not all those people leave comments. Of course normally that’s not a big deal, except for the fact that in the next few days, the comments will need to pour in or else this post will be rather pointless. You see, unlike most days where I write/ramble and maybe 20 people or so leave a comment, that just won’t do today. The reason it won’t do is because I’m not writing the post! You are! You’re job is to complete the sentence, to fill in the blank. You have a blank canvas to work with and it’s open to virtually anything! It can be nice, mean, silly, stupid, sweet, sad, whatever you want. That’s the beauty of it. It’s totally up to you. You write it. I’ll read it.

Stuck? Here are a few examples, but be creative and come up with your own.

David is...
...the father of my unborn baby.
...my gay lover.
...the devil in disguise.
...CrazySexyCool. (thanks 90’s TLC)
...someone I want to beat like a red-headed stepchild.

Hey, what else do you have to do today at work? You planned on f-ing off all day anyways, right? And as we move into the long holiday weekend, why not grab yourself a turkey leg (which reminds me - Happy Thanksgiving!) and love, hate, or poke fun at me some more? You're free to leave more than one "David is..." entry and you can even post anonymous if you choose to, but it is easier for me to follow if you leave some type of name or nickname.

So today I’m asking for your participation. Yes, you. All of you. So this post goes out to my long time followers, the first time visitor, and of course the lurkers - I know you’re out there. Help me write this post. All you have to do is complete this sentence, to fill in the blank.

David is...

Sarah Palin Pardons A Thanksgiving Turkey

That isn’t a joke post title, although I wish it was because this is too unfucking believable! When news of this broke, I thought someone was messing me. "Ha-ha, very funny guys, another Sarah Palin joke. Ok, ok, what is it now?" That is the response I initially had until I saw the video for myself! And it’s not even just the video that cracks me up, it’s the actual news story behind it all. Sarah Palin, the world’s most intelligent woman (read that with total sarcasm) and the woman known for her joy of slaughtering innocent animals, is pardoning a turkey! Are you fucking kidding me? (Please note, I tend to swear a lot when I’m angry or completely in shock. And in this case, I’m completely in shock.) A turkey? A Thanksgiving Day turkey? Pardoning it? Seriously? Wait, let me say it in a complete sentence so the absurdity of it sinks in – Sarah Palin is pardoning a Thanksgiving Day turkey. Wow. Just when I thought Sarah Palin couldn’t leave me dumbfounded anymore, she goes and pulls this stunt!

Anyone paying attention to a single word that idiot is spewing?
Nope, didn’t think so. The farmer trying to slaughter a turkey
in the background is waaay more entertaining!

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin visited a turkey farm in her home town of Wasilla (yeah, I never heard of it either) yesterday to grant the traditional Thanksgiving pardon to one turkey. But as the former Republican vice presidential hopeful took questions from reporters, a farm worker was seen in the background slaughtering other turkeys and feeding the birds into a grinder. Priceless! She can see Russia from her house, but can’t see 5 feet behind her.

Video by KTUU-TV of the governor and the bloody work over her shoulder became an overnight YouTube hit. Holding a Starbucks cup of talka-lota-crapa coffee, Palin said of the outing at Triple D Farms, "Oh, this was neat." Oh my God! What are you five? This was "neat"? I suppose it’s a tad better than her saying neato. It really frightens me that a woman who drops the letter G off of every word in the English language, uses the word "neat" to describe a slaughter farm, and just repeats the same catch phrases over and over again could have been in the White House helping run our country! Horrifying indeed.

What really strikes me about this interview is that she even makes reference to how she is going to have a turkey on the table at her house for Thanksgiving. Ok, so let me get this straight. You are ok with killing a moose, but you save a turkey’s life? And you save one turkey’s life, but you’re ok with killing another turkey and eating it on Thursday? I don’t know, something just doesn’t make sense here. Oh wait, we are talking about Sarah Palin. She NEVER makes sense so I shouldn’t be surprised.

Maybe I’m oversensitive, but if I had the power to pardon a turkey, I would just feel really, really guilty about slaughtering the pardon turkey’s relative right before his very eyes and celebrating his Uncle Tom's dead carcass by smothering him in gravy and eating him just days later! I think in that case, I would have to eat spaghetti for Thanksgiving Day dinner. Noodles don’t get pardoned, right? But since I don't have the power to pardon, I'm going to chow down on a big, fat lifeless bird! Mmm.

By the way, is it just me, or does anyone else think her voice sounds like a turkey gobble grating on your last nerve? Also, who wants to take a guess at whether or not her Burberry scarf was part of that elaborate wardrobe taxpayers ponied up the doe for? My vote is a youbetcha!

Related posts of interest...
10/2/08 - The Palin Interview That Will Make You Cringe
9/18/08 - 45 Minute Palin Hack? I Could Have Knocked It Out In 5

How Changing Your Facebook Dating Status Can Be Deadly

Some people take social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace waaay too seriously! And although I never understood the addiction to social networking sites, others seem to live on there. I’ll login every now and then, but in no way is it the highlight of my life. Although for others, it is their life. In fact, it cost one woman her life! I’m not talking about one of those stay-at-home Mom types that neglects the outside world and daily responsibilities, like taking care of her kids, to live virtually thru cyberspace. You hear about those kinds of people with severe Internet addiction being found hunched over their keyboard dead because he/she forgot to logoff and eat food to sustain life. No, I’m not talking about those freaks. I’m talking about something entirely different and even more unbelievable! I’m talking about a fully-functioning normal woman who made the deadly mistake of changing her Facebook dating status from "married" to "single".

Not long ago news broke about a man being sentenced to life in prison for stabbing his wife to death (on 2/18/08) over a status change she made to her profile on Facebook. Wayne Forrester, age 34, told police he was devastated that his wife Emma, also 34, had changed her online profile to "single" days after he had moved out. Now as I understand it, if a spouse moves out, that’s called a separation. So yes, technically they are still married, but not really "together" - hence the term separated. Now I don’t know if Facebook has a relationship status option to choose from that says "separated", but perhaps she should have choose that since really she’s not single and back on the market...or at least not yet, legally speaking that is. Basically, she’s still a married woman, but I digress.

Apparently the husband drove back to his former home, where his wife was still living, and attacked the mother of two in the early hours as she slept. He stabbed her with a kitchen knife and a meat cleaver. Wayne Forrester, who pled guilty to the killing, was said to be drunk and high on cocaine at the time. The murder was brutal. He beat her, tore out clumps of her hair, and repeatedly stabbed her in the head and neck. Neighbors were woken up by her screams and called police when they found Wayne Forrester sitting outside the house covered in blood. The couple, who had been together for 15 years, had a "volatile" marriage and there were rumors in the past of Wayne Forrester accusing his wife of having an affair.

The day before the murder, he called her parents and complained about his wife's Facebook entry which he said made her look like a fool. He also claims his wife posted messages on an Internet website telling everyone she had left him and was looking to meet other men. In court, Wayne Forrester said he loved Emma and felt totally devastated and humiliated about what she had done to him. So when she changed her Facebook status from "married" to "single", it obviously was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Killing someone over a Facebook status change? That’s beyond crazy! There was even a story about some nerd virtually killing another nerd’s avatar in an online game because their virtual relationship fell apart. And he was charged with a REAL murder when he killed an avatar! I don’t remember all the details, but it was beyond dorky and ridiculous! So what’s next? I mean seriously, what’s even left? Is it possible for society to outcrazy itself once again? People scare me, they honestly do. There are so many crazies out there that I pretty much don’t trust anyone anymore. And the way they act, or rather act out on the Internet, just ups the crazy factor by at least 85%! Please note, that isn’t a real number. That’s just the level of crazy that I’ve seen with my own eyes. So in no way is that an official percentage of crazy recorded with the Crazy Institute Of Online Crazies. I should also note, if you are reading this post and I don’t know you in "real life", there’s a very good chance I think you’re crazy too. I don’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I’m just saying...if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then it must be crazy.

If She Wasn’t Already Engaged, I’d Marry Her

Every once in awhile a girl will say something that makes me want to jump up and scream YES! I want to thank her, praise her, even applaud her for being bold and just putting it out there. Speaking her mind. Telling it like it is. Short, simple and sweet. Or in this case...short, simple and a bit crude. If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile now, you probably have noticed that I like brutal honesty. I appreciate it. I admire. And most of all, I’m grateful when someone is brutally honest. Sure brutal honesty may sting from time to time, but it’s also refreshing. It’s refreshingly honest and what’s better than that?

With the crappy economy forcing all of us to rethink our spending habits, the word "save" has been on everyone’s mind! But when it comes to holidays (like birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc.), we feel bad about cutting out the gift giving. And unfortunately, if you are over the age of 10 and not very creative, then handmade gifts are nearly impossible to pull off. But don’t fret. All hope is not lost, especially if you are a girl looking to give your guy a little something special. Now if you are a guy looking to give a girl something special, bling is still in stlye, as well as romance. Combine the two and you’re as good as platinum! Of course the guys will still need to open up their wallet, but there is good news for the ladies - you don’t have to spend a dime to make your guy feel like a king! Take this e-mail below as an example, it’s just a portion of it, but you’ll get the idea.

"We’ve been saving this last year for a house so we are applying the things we’ve learned about cutting back on spending to the way we spend today because of all the uncertainty. For instance, instead of spending money on a birthday gift for my fiancé, I told him his present was the "the best 2 hours of his life". I gave him a full body massage and got him all oiled up then drew a hot bubble bath with candles and basically went at him. He loved it! Besides, guys don’t want watches or cologne. They want to get laid in every way possible for as long as possible. So we just skipped the wallet bleeding aspect of gift giving and he said he had the best birthday ever. Success!" – name withheld

A truer statement has never been made! Seriously, if this girl wasn’t already engaged, I would drop down on one knee right now. Scratch that. I would drop down on BOTH knees right now and marry her. She should write an advice column for women on what men REALLY want and how to deliver. So for my future sweetie this upcoming holiday season, please take heed of this advice. I promise I’ll love you for it.

Girls just don’t pamper guys enough and it kind of sucks, if I can be brutally honest myself. It’s not just the sex. It’s more than that. It’s the effort. It’s the thought. It’s the time she took to put into giving me something I REALLY wanted, not something Macy’s department store told her I wanted. It’s even the surprise of it. And can I be brave here and say it’s even the romance? Yes, it’s true. I love the little note left for me on a foggy bathroom mirror. There’s a misconception out there that says romance is for women, but for a few select men, we want it too. And I am one of them. I don’t think that’s unmasculine to admit. If anything, it should be seen as masculine, that I’m secure enough with my own sexuality that I’m not embarrassed or ashamed to admit that I like being swooned. It feels good. It’s as simple as that.

The thing is that even though some men may secretly want it, we don’t openly admit it. And we certainly don’t ask for it! Most men just don’t expect a woman to go all out for him. It’s seems it’s almost unheard of and it rarely occurs, or at least in my experience, it’s rarely occurred for me. It makes me a little sad, but it’s something I’ve grown to accept. Hey, I’m all for spoiling a girl. In fact, I love doing so! But sometimes it’s nice to get spoiled a little in return. You know what I mean guys.

Obama Won’t Hire You If You’ve Ever Been Online

Brace yourself for this one. What you are about to read will seem incredibly shocking and absolutely ridiculous at first, but as you continue to read on, you’ll understand why it’s going to be virtually impossible for Barack Obama to ever hire you for any position in his office, including cleaning lady! You say you’re willing to work your way up to the top. That you’ve gone to the best schools, obtained the highest grades, and had countless job offers to work on Wall Street and overseas. You say that you’ve polished up your resume, put together an impressive reference list, and your credentials are impeccable! You’re a hard worker. A true go-getter. A visionary. All of this and more is true and you say that you are even willing to fetch coffee and photocopy documents, without pay, if that’s what it takes to get your foot in the door of the White House. You are determined and you are persistent, but sadly, that won’t matter here. So you want to work for Obama, huh? Well Gen-X and Gen-Y need not apply. Here’s why...

The application for jobs in the Obama administration is, without a doubt, the most "complex" (that is nice talk for "ridiculous") piece of work I have ever seen. If I ever intend to work in politics, I have just killed my career before it has even started by writing this very post. In fact, I killed my future political career sometime back in high school when I logged on to the Internet for the very first time...or as we called the Internet back in the day, AOL. I’ll explain what I mean in a minute. But first, let’s put aside all my teenage hacker run-ins with a certain Fortune 500 company, who will remain nameless. And let’s put aside the fact that I just barely escaped being brought up on charges with the FBI and other law enforcement agencies for my "curiosity" of a certain network and its inner workings. So let’s put aside all of that and just look at what makes me no different than you. I’m online. You’re online. I’ve left a digital trace. You’ve left a digital trace. Let me give you some examples that a prospective Obama employee is asked to answer. These come straight from the intrusive and extensive list of queries the Obama Transition Team has put together, which expands over 7-pages and 63-questions in length! It’s a revealing glimpse into the Obama team's determination not to repeat the mistakes of its predecessors, as well as the new era on which he will lead.

"If you have ever sent an electronic communication, including but not limited to an email, text message or instant message, that could suggest a conflict of interest or be a possible source of embarrassment to you, your family, or the President-elect if it were made public, please describe."
Uh, duh, of course. What other good kind of e-mail, txt or IM is there to send that isn't embarrassing in some way?

"Please provide the URL address of any websites that feature you in either a personal or professional capacity (e.g. Facebook, My Space, etc.)"
Good God! Where should I even begin and how many lines are you providing to write all these web addresses out?

"If you keep or have ever kept a diary that contains anything that could suggest a conflict of interest or be a possible source of embarrassment to you, your family, or the President-Elect if it were made public, please describe."
Umm, like this blog you are reading? Guilty.

And my personal favorite:
"Please list, and, if readily available, provide a copy of each book, article, column, or publication (including but not limited to any posts or comments on blogs or other websites) you have authored, individually or with others. Please list all aliases or 'handles' you have used to communicate on the internet."
Ah fuck it. I can't even comment on this!

If your mind is reeling right now, you’re not alone. As tech-savvy as Obama's campaign was, his new transition team is not. Maybe the balding middle-aged executives they're hiring into senior positions in the administration have never used electronic communication, but for anyone under the age of 35, this application is a nightmare! What packrat can track down every blog post and blog comment they've ever written? Many people our age have run blogs since they were kids! So from the past 20 years or so, we are expected to go dig up Facebook photos, blog comments, text messages, and old emails we exchanged even with our sweet Nana? We have an electronic paper trail following us everywhere we go, something today's politicians obviously don’t seem to understand the extent of. We can’t just go collect it like it’s a pile of change that fell off the bedroom dresser. This task is a little more complicated than that. It’s pretty much an impossible feat even for the likes of 007, let alone your average Joe. This is basically like looking for a needle in a haystack, or rather lots of needles spread out across the field-filled state of Texas!

Who has even thought about how to deal with this? Seriously. Just imagine the future 50th President of the United States. Right now, he is probably some random, backward-baseball-cap-wearing, class-ditching, hard-partying frat boy. He’s posting drunk pictures of himself on Facebook and writing on his friends' walls about tomorrow's barcrawl, oblivious to the fact that modern technology means that this will all resurface when he runs for office later in life. My point is, this application doesn’t even work for 2008, let alone 2020. By then EVERYONE, young and old, will have a digital footprint that stretches back into cyberspace for years and years. That is, unless the federal government's HR department wants to drive themselves insane.

Good luck to anyone crazy enough to apply! Personally, if I had that application before me, I would have ripped up the paper after reading the very first question. There’s just nooo waaay in hell this guy would ever hire me. And I’m willing to bet there is nooo waaay in hell he is ever going to hire you either. The truth hurts, doesn’t it?

Say Bye To His Crackberry? If Obama Has To, Yes He Can

***UPDATE***
This post is being featured on the front-page of BrazenCareerist.com
It's my 4th appearence in the last month.

The man whose entire presidential campaign was based on the word, "change", is discovering that before he attempts at changing the country, he will have to change himself. President-Elect Barack Obama will be sworn into office on January 20, 2009 and on that day, he will dread hearing these seven words..."Sorry, Mr. President. Please surrender your BlackBerry." And before he officially accepts his presidency, he will have to sync his wireless session for one last time, until 2012 at least. Unlike John McCain who openly admitted he doesn't spend much time with computing devices, saying he relies on his wife's help with computers, Obama is a tech geek! And like most men, he likes his gadgets. In fact, he says he is addicted to e-mailing and texting on his Crackberry, AKA BlackBerry. Now I’m not a Crackberry addict/user myself, although I might be in roughly 30 days when I upgrade my Razr cell phone and make the difficult decision between going with the new BlackBerry Storm or the sexy iPhone 3G. Regardless, I still understand the trauma he must be going thru, imagine the withdrawal symptoms! They don't nickname it the "Crackberry" for nothing. It's like crack cocaine. Just one hit, one touch of it's sleek electronic goodness, and you're addicted for life!

Like many professionals, for years, the device is rarely from his side. It’s usually fastened to his belt, like a gunslinger he can whip it out and fire off an e-mail like nobody’s business. Even the night he was elected, he was sending out e-mails and txts thanking those who sent their congratulatory messages via the digital world. So why does the next president have to turn over his Crackberry? Well security reasons of course. Email privacy concerns is not the only security issues in question for Obama though. He also has to be in line with the Presidential Records Act that forces his correspondence to be placed on official record for review by the public and also subjects anything he does to the threat of subpoenas. There has yet to be a decision made as to whether or not Obama will be the first emailing president, but his aides are guessing that it is not very likely.

Obama has been described as a tech-savvy president, mostly because of the extensive use of technology during his presidential campaign. And it appeared that he was taking steps to bring at least some of that technology with him into the White House. For example, Obama wants to have a laptop computer on his desk in the White House. If that is achieved, he would be the first American president to accomplish this feat. It is reported that Obama has yet to send a goodbye message from his personal e-mail account, which has not changed in years, but those he communicates with say that the frequency in which they receive his messages has declined. In recent days, he has been photographed communicating via his BlackBerry, which shows he is enjoying his last days with the device (insert sad smiley face here). There is no doubt that giving up this habit and communication path will be difficult. And don't look for BlackBerry to patent a special edition BarackBerry phone anytime soon.

Honestly, I’m sort of scared to go the smartphone route because I know me and I know I’ll become addicted! When it comes to my job, I’m connected to the digital world enough. So do I really want to be connected 24/7? Will I become one of those freaks that sleeps with their Crackberry under their pillow? (cough:Cristin:cough) Or will I be strong enough to unplug, or rather leave the wireless devices at home, when I hit the slopes this snowboard season? In the past, I’ve always been good at turning my cell phone off when I needed that down time - like on a date, a family gathering, while snowboarding, a weekend getaway, etc. Although I see that changing should I get a smartphone. I see myself becoming weak, unable to say no and giving into its temptation. I imagine it giving me a sexy come hither look, drawing me into sending just one more e-mail, just one more text, surf just one more website. Damn you technology. I wish I could quit you.

So President Obama (I like the sound of that), if you can give up your Crackberry, you’re a far better man than me. I admire your strength in doing so. You’re "yes I can" attitude. But let me just say, that when you are alone in the White House and it’s late at night and you miss the touch of your Crackberry lover, it’s ok to weep. It’s ok to morn this lost. Afterall, it’s a HUGE lose! Whether you look at this as a breakup or a death, both are equally devastating to endure. There’s no shame in crying. It’s a healthy release. So you do what you need to do. Nobody needs to even know. When you ask a man to give up his most beloved tech gadget, you might as well ask him to chop off his penis as well! Yes, a dramatic comparison, but I believe Obama and I feel that strongly about our love for everything technology related. In short, I feel your pain, bro. I feel your pain.

***NOTE***
I need help choosing a new phone and since I'm torn between the iPhone 3G and the BlackBerry Storm, I need your help! So check out the voting poll on my sidebar and cast your vote for what phone I should get.

Enough With This "First Ever Pregnant Man" Crap!

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last year, you’ve heard of the so-called "First Ever Pregnant Man". Can I just say this...not only is he NOT a real/true man, he is also NOT the first transgender to become pregnant. He/she? Or should I refer to him/her as shim? I don’t know, but let’s call "it" a "he" for argument sake. Anyway, he is not a pregnant man and his story isn’t some miracle. I wish the media, like Oprah and old Babs, would stop feeding into this because it’s just hype. And this couple just wants the public’s attention. Can you say media whore? And if you ask me, they’ve had more than their fair share of 15 minutes of fame. Their story has once again resurfaced thanks to his second gender-bender pregnancy. Thomas Beatie is the 34-year-old so-called pregnant man. He was a former swimsuit model as a female and a pretty damn good looking one too. Today however, he has traded in his boobies for a beard. What a shame.

I’m not going to lie. I don’t understand transgenders, transsexuals or even Transformers. I get the whole gay and lesbian thing because that is just being attracted to the same sex. But transgenders and transsexuals, all this sex swapping confuses the hell out of me! They can’t decide if they are a boy, a girl, heterosexual, homosexual, bi-sexual, what! They can’t decide because they can’t even identify themselves so how are we supposed to identify/understand them? Speaking of bi-sexuals, isn’t that just a label to throw on yourself when you can’t make up your mind at the candy store so you say you want it all? Isn’t that like being greedy? You have to pick a flavor, damn it. And asexuals, what’s up with them? I think they are just too picky! You don’t want any sex? From anyone? Really? That my mind can’t fathom!

I've seen the so-called pregnant man before and although I may be a bit frightened, I’m not impressed at all. For starters, he has a uterus. Last time I checked, a uterus is not so man-like. Basically, he's a woman who is just taking some hormone pills. If anything, it's rather stupid that people are referring to him as a pregnant man. He's a chick with a beard. That’s it and that’s all. No magic here folks. Tell Barbra Walters to give you your money back because you are not witness to a freak show. Like I said before, he's not even the first pregnant woman who is living like a man. He’s just the first one to go public about his pregnancy. So really, he's not "the first" of anything.

After the birth of their first child, the couple is once again going public with news of their second pregnancy. And just like before, the media is gobbling up interviews and spreading the story like wildfire! Why? I have no idea. Maybe because everyone loves a circus sideshow? And here is something to ponder...if the pregnant man is technically a woman just living as a man and married to another woman (a real/true woman), does this mean he’s gay? And if they are in fact a lesbian couple, which technically they seem to be, are they even legally married? Sorry, don’t mean to bring up the whole Prop 8 rant of mine, but one has to wonder these odd questions in odd circumstances.

You know it’s one of my favorite topics. So as Salt-N-Pepa once sang..."Let’s talk about sex, baby." Chime in on your thoughts about the pregnant man and all the questions I proposed surrounding him/her, shim. I'm dying to be enlightened!

Spending Time With The One I Love

When it’s 65 degrees, sunny and an overall beautiful fall day, you simply must cut out of work early on a Friday afternoon and spend it with the one you love. Of course in my case, the one I love is a Bulldog. Is that kind of sad? I don’t know, but I don’t care, I love him regardless. I mean how could you NOT love that face?

The Cult Of Oprah

When I say names like Britney or Madonna, you know who I’m talking about. These celebrities are so big that they are known by their first name alone. But what about Oprah? Wasn’t it enough that she was identified by one name alone? Obviously not because she had to take it a step further and narrow it down to just a single letter – O. I mean comeon. Everyone knows what "The Big O" has always been in reference to and now you are going to try and steal that? Have you no shame, woman? If there are two things I know in life, it’s that women love orgasms and Oprah. Ok, well some women love Oprah. Actually some women take their love of Oprah to a whole new level and have a big "O" over her. Hey Oprah is big, but she shouldn’t be that big! And no, I’m not referring to her fluctuations in weight. I’m referring to the fact that Oprah has somehow managed to brainwash millions of women into hanging on her every word and following her every step. If you ask me, she’s constructed nothing short of a cult! It honestly disgusts me! They bow down to her like she is some God! If Oprah took a big shit on her stage, I am willing to bet some crazy woman would run up there and snag a nugget for herself. Anything to be close to the big "O".

I get that people often find someone in life they look up to. And often that person is someone famous. I used to look up to Michael Jordan. I loved the dude, but I certainly didn’t cry over him like these women do with Oprah! Besides, I was 13-years-old. I was a kid! It’s perfectly normal and rather acceptable for a kid to look up to someone. But these women that are in the cult of Oprah are grown ass women! It is NOT normal and it should NOT be acceptable behavior. Admire the woman if you must, but don’t drop to your knees and weep like God himself just walked out in a pair of Manolo Blahniks. I’m not even exaggerating when I say these women are literally fainting as they scream hysterically and streams of salty tears pour down their face. It’s sooo ridiculous!

I’m extremly thankful that I have a full-time job so I don’t have to endure the nauseism that is daytime TV. However, some days I work from home and I leave the TV on as background noise. So of course the one particular day I happen to be home with the TV on, Oprah appears. I groan in distaste and look for the remote. Before I have time to flip the channel, I hear her proclaim that on today’s show she is going to unveil her most favorite tech gadget of all-time. What, the electric mixer? Oprah is in her mid 50s. What does she know about cutting edge technology? I immediately roll my eyes knowing that whatever little gadget she pulls out of her sleeve will most likely be stupid and has probably been on the market for months, if not years! It’s sort of like the old folks on "60 Minutes" when they talked about this new technology that is taking the music industry by storm – mp3s. Um, ok fine, if that aired in 1999 when Napster hit the scene. But these old farts ran the segment nearly a decade later! Can you say old news, ancient history, get with the times? Despite what my instincts were telling me (turn the channel), I decided to see what this tech gadget of hers was.

So after some well rehearsed hoopla, Oprah works her worshipping cult members (AKA viewers) into a fit of hysteria and busts out her favorite tech gadget of all-time. Get ready for it...it’s the Amazon Kindle. Ha. Hold your laughter. It gets worse. If you don’t know what the Amazon Kindle is, it’s an e-book reader. An embedded system for reading electronic books (e-books). Did I mention it’s one of the biggest flops in tech gadget history? When it was originally introduced to the public about a year ago, it fell on its face. It seemed like a clever idea and a handy gadget in theory, but for many reasons it just didn’t go over well when it came to actually selling it to consumers. In fact sales were so poor that there was talk of production on it being stopped. That was until "O" came along and breathed new life into it like the God she is. After working her cult into a fit of hysteria, like any good cult leader, she then pushed them over the edge by announcing that everyone in her audience was taking home a Kindle with them for free! Needless to say these mindless women, who come in droves to tapings of the Oprah show like a bunch of zombies, began screaming and crying! They were so full of emotion over one of the worst tech gadgets of all-time that they could barely speak the words..."Thank you Oprah. Thank you my God. You have given my life meaning and a reason to keep on living." I stood infront of my television completely shocked over their insanely crazy reaction. Was this for real? Surely they can’t be serious!

The Amazon Kindle costs $385. Not exactly cheap, but not all that expensive either. Regardless of what the price tag is on an item that Oprah gives away, these women act like she just gave them her first born child! I’ve seen Oprah give cars away and I’m not surprised people get excited over that. So a little "Price Is Right" jumping up and down on that one is fine. But even when Oprah hands out some washed-up artist’s CD or some unknown author’s book, her audience becomes just as thrilled! These are items under $20. Are you telling me these kept housewives and stay-at-home Moms can’t afford to slap down an Andrew Jackson on one of those items themselves? Just because the "O" says the Kindle rocks, you believe her? That is what I’m referring to when I call it cult mentality. Oprah can pretty much say dog poo tastes like chocolate and I can guarantee you these women would be wanting to snack on it too.

What really tops it all off is that because she is "endorsing" (read that as being paid to advertise) the Kindle, Amazon founder and chief executive, Jeff Bezos, is now her BFF. He even went on her show to help promote it. If you think about it, it was more of a paid infomercial than a talk show that day. Of course you can’t tell her cult that! They wouldn’t believe that! And more importantly, do they even care? They can’t comprehend the fact that many celebrities are paid to endorse products that they may or may not love. And sorry to break it to all these women, but Oprah is no different! Oprah makes $385 million a year, which is roughly $385 million more than I make. But that’s not why I’m hating on her. And the fact that she is one, if not THE most powerful woman in the world is also not why I’m hating on her. Afterall, I am not threatened by a successful woman. Actually, I find successful independent women very sexy, with the exception of Oprah.

So why do I hate Oprah? Well I hate her for the simple fact that I hate women who have nothing better to do with their lives than watch re-runs of Dr. Phil and Oprah on a Tuesday afternoon. I suppose in a way it is sort of amazing they are able to squeeze in an hour or two of tube time in-between their busy schedule of palates and stopping at Starbucks on the way to getting their nails done. Get a life. Get a job. Get a mind of your own and stop following Oprah like she is preaching the gospel. Breakaway from her cult. Please, I beg of you!

***NOTE***
Just another reason why I hate the Kindle is because often tech gadgets are anonymous, anodyne, soulless. I'm a tactile person and part of the enjoyment one gets from reading is the actual feel of the book in your hands. And as much as I love tech gadgets, you can't replace or duplicate that sensation. I have a small love affair with paper and ink. Read the post below and you'll see.
9/12/08 - The Handwritten Letter Is A Dying Art

What It’s Like To Date Yourself

***UPDATE***
Another featured post on the front-page of BrazenCareerist.com
My 3rd time in under a month - yeah me! Here's the direct link.

Ever wonder what it’s like to date yourself? I’m guessing you are shaking your head no because most people don’t have these odd, deep thoughts that I do from time to time. But if you’ve never wondered what it’s like to date yourself, perhaps today is the day you should give it some thought! Because if you wouldn’t want to date yourself, chances are nobody else does either. So with that said, it’s important that you possess some attractive qualities that...well, attract the opposite sex obviously. Or for some, attract the same sex. The point is, whether you are gay or straight, just make sure you can tolerate yourself or nobody else will be able to tolerate you either. Of course nobody is perfect so just like you shouldn’t look for the ideal date or the ideal companion, you shouldn’t place unnecessary and unrealistic pressures on yourself to be the ideal date or companion either.

Wondering what it’s like to date oneself...
I think my question would make Carrie Bradshaw proud.

This isn’t a soap opera. This is real life. And I have a secret for you, so come close. Psst, that guy that’s dreamy on TV, in the movies and in your cheesy romance novels, he doesn’t exist. He’s totally fake, the product of someone’s well scripted imagination. In reality, he’s probably just some dopy meathead that can’t complete a sentence without grunting and overusing the word dude. The harsh reality is that Mr. or Miss Perfect doesn’t exist in this world. Although, Mr. Perfect "FOR YOU" or Miss Perfect "FOR YOU" does exist! Simply put, the perfect guy or girl isn’t out there. But I can assure you that there is someone who is perfect for you, a perfect fit! They say there is someone for everyone. And for the sake of a feel-good post, let’s just say that’s true.

If you were asked to put together a brochure on how-to date yourself, could you do it? Could you do so in a fair and objective manner? Could you include the cons to your personality, just as you could the pros? Could you give specific keys to your heart – how to win it, how to lose it? What picks you up and what puts you off? How well do you know yourself sexually, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually? These are all aspects that come into play when dating. You need to know yourself, your true self, and not just know the person who you would like to be. If you don’t know yourself well enough to put together that brochure, then perhaps it’s time to discover yourself. Often the best way to do that is thru others and who knows you better than those you date? I can say with much certainty that a woman will always know me better than a man. Around my buddies, I’m just one of the guys. But around a girl, somehow I’m able to tap into my softer/sensitive side. Women just seem to always have the ability to bring that out of me naturally and comfortably. With a girl, I don’t have a problem opening up. With another dude, I rather we go play some hoops and check all that touchy/feely stuff at the door.

Since it never hurts to get to know yourself a little better, I’ve put together my "how-to date me" brochure. Ok, I cheated just a bit because what you will read below was not written by me. It was written in the stars! Stop giggling. I’m being serious. It’s part of an astrology profile on my sign, Scorpio. I’ve always half-believed in all that horoscope stuff. I think a daily horoscope is more for entertainment purposes. Although I think there has to be a good amount of truth in what sign you were born under. At least for my sign, the Scorpio characteristics fit me to a tee! And since the below profile tips on how to date a Scorpio man are so on point and I couldn’t have said it better myself, I’m using it as my brochure. So if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to date me or any other Scorpio man, wonder no more.

How-To Date Me, The Virtual Brochure
So what is it like to date a Scorpio man, to date me? Well according to one source, they claim..."The Scorpio male is unlike any other man of any other astrology sign. He is so unique that a separate section is needed to explain about dating the Scorpio man." I don’t know if I should revel in the fact that I’m so unique or be scared that I’m so complex that an entire extra page is needed just to describe how to date me! These online dating tips about Scorpio men are a woman's secret peek into his mind, which boils down to a secret peek into my mind!

Scorpio men are the most misunderstood and mysterious men of the zodiac. Every woman should date a Scorpio man at one point in their lives because dating Scorpio men is a relationship full of intensity, passion and you definitely won't forget your Scorpio man! The Scorpio man presents a strong masculine, sexual force. The Scorpio man is easy to seduce and take home for the night, it is much harder to form a real relationship with him (cough:manwhore:cough). The Scorpio man is very sensitive and feels lonely and unfulfilled, but he will never let a woman know this. Behind closed doors, be sensitive and affectionate to him. Appeal to his emotions only if you want a close relationship with him. Do not attempt to lead him on because he will see this and never forgive you. Toying with a Scorpio male is an unwise move. He will be jealous and possessive and will never allow a woman to control him. Let him take the lead because the Scorpio male is truly a fascinating person, you can never go wrong when he is planning the night! Do not nag on him for he has a hard enough time understanding his own emotions. Scorpio men make excellent protectors and you will always feel safe under his radiating, passionate and energetic power.

The Scorpio male is never indifferent to anything, he has strong opinions and thoughts. If you are ever dating a Scorpio man, you will see that he is very devoted and feels strongly about you. Part of his mystique is his potential for sudden infatuations and then suddenly losing interest, only to come back again at full force. He is not indecisive but he feels so intensely about every emotion that when he likes you, he likes you a lot. When he no longer likes you, he despises you. This coming and going and playing hard-to-get keeps many women interested in a dating relationship with him. Unlike men from any other sign, Scorpio is not easily swayed by revealing a little cleavage or talking seductively (of course this can help sway him, but he won't be putty in your hands like say, dating a Sagittarius man). Treat him like he is special, a one-of-a-kind person unlike anyone that you've ever met before. He craves this kind of pedestal treatment, this will make him putty in your hands!

Scorpio men are very emotional and sensitive, but this is hidden under a solid exterior. Ladies, if you are interested in dating a Scorpio man, do not be overly sentimental. He hates the gushy romance part of dating. You have to be sensitive and non-critical of his ways in the relationship because he is easily hurt. Also, never tell your Scorpio man that you are reading these online dating tips because he is the one who needs to have the upper hand, he is the one who is "in the know" of peoples motives! Let it be your little secret that as you are dating your Scorpio male that you are fully aware of his mysterious ways and understand his hidden agenda! Dating a Scorpio is a slow process, trust is built up over time because he never naturally trusts anyone. Do not expect to be treated special just yet. Once the dating relationship has gotten more intimate (not sexually but emotionally), then he will let some of his true feelings show.

Beware of the downfalls of dating a Scorpio male. Scorpio men do not like to compromise so you will have to. They like to be the leaders so for all the independent controlling women out there - you'll have to let him have the power in the dating relationship (he's a good leader, he knows what he's doing, everything he does is for a reason so you don't have to worry about pointless outings and stupid boring dates). If you every get into an argument or a fight, the Scorpio male has the ability to "sting" you. He will actually go out of his way to get revenge. So never cheat on him or cross him in any way, this includes lying. Never lie to a Scorpio man because he will never forgive you and he will never forget. Be careful not to play him while you're dating. (Side Note: I may like my own way at times, but I am willing to compromise. And I don’t really go for revenge, but most likely will be nasty right back. The rest of it is definitely true. Girls who are shady with me might as well forget it. Even if I manage to forgive, which doesn't happen often, it's fair to say I won't forget. And in the back of my mind, I will forever be bother by it.)

In order for dating compatibility, you have to follow his lead and give him his space. But beware that he won't give you much space or freedom. You belong to the Scorpio man but his sexy manliness makes you feel good under his protective, jealous arm. Dating a Scorpio takes patience and time and you have to able to deal with his strange mysterious ways, but this is part of the fun. The Scorpio male will always keep you on your toes. (Side Note: Jealousy is always tied to a Scorpio, but I’m only jealous if you’ve given me reason to be. Otherwise, I’m totally fine with giving a girl space and I won’t hound you with questions if you’ve earned my trust. And girls who purposely try to make me jealous will find they fail in that attempt. I won't become jealous, but I will lose all respect for you. Trying to hurt someone on purpose just seems so childish to me and that is a huge turnoff.)

The best relationship advice for dating a Scorpio male is get ready to go with the flow and have fun being seduced by him and watch out for that voracious sex drive. In the end, he will always treat you like a lady, not just his property. He wants you to remember him forever and be mesmerized by his seductive allure - a fun experience while it lasts! And that is why regardless of your compatibility with Scorpio, every woman should date a Scorpio man at one point in their lives. The most compatible dating matches for Scorpio men are Cancer, Pisces, Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo. With a little more effort and compromise, Scorpio males are also a compatible dating match with Aries, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius. Scorpio men have the least compatible match for dating with Gemini, Sagittarius and Libra.

If you want to read the dirty stuff in terms of what it takes to attract me, what are my erogenous zones and what sex with me is like, you can follow this link. Or you could just date me and find out. Oh yeah...you can also lookup your own astrology dating profile there too. Get to know yourself. The good. The bad. The ugly. And the beautiful parts that make up you. The combination of those parts is what makes you unique. There’s only one you in this world, but would you date you? That’s the question!

A Giant Thanks

I want to thank everyone for the slew of comments that poured in on yesterday’s highly controversal post "One Giant Leap Forward And One Giant Leap Backwards". Between my blog here and having the same post also featured on the front-page of BrazenCareerist.com, I received over 75 comments and a few e-mails in less than 24 hours! Today, the comments and e-mails are still coming in and I think it’s great! Like any good debate where people are sure to have strong opinions and disagree with one another, the conversation did get a little heated at times. However, I’m happy to say that it never really got to the point where anyone was "name calling" or being disrespectful when speaking their mind or listening to another speak theirs. I love the fact that everyone was able to interact with one another so maturely about such a hot button topic and do so in such a passionate way. You made this boy proud.

Originally, my rant against banning gay marriage started a few months back when I left a comment on the 20SB forum, it’s a community for Gen-Y bloggers which I’ve become mildly-addicted to. Someone had brought up gay marriage and I threw in my two cents on the matter. Then on November 4th when I learned Prop 8 passed, I was not only shocked and angered by the news, but I was also deeply sadden. And THAT is what prompted me to take, what at one time was essentially just a message board comment, and turn it into a full blog post. What’s kind of funny is that I wrote the post rather quickly, in about 15 minutes, and didn’t think it was all that special or would impact people as much as it seems to have. Although, from what people are telling me, it’s not so much what I said, but the fact who said it – a straight male. People expect a gay man or gay woman to stand up for gay marriage. People may even expect a lot of straight women to stand up for gay marriage since most women are the more understanding and compassionate sex. However, most people didn’t expect a straight man to feel so strongly against the gay marriage ban.

Even with all the feedback I received and all the insightful things people had to say, I STILL don’t feel like anyone has given me a valid reason, that is completely unrelated to religion, as to why gay couples shouldn’t be allowed to marry. But in a way, that’s ok because the conversation expanded into other areas and beyond, like whether or not gay couple should be allowed to raise children. It even spiraled out of control at one point when Ryan asked if it should be ok for people to marry animals. Let the record show, I love my dog enough that I would probably marry him. Although I can’t seem to slip the ring over his fat paw so don’t look for our wedding invite in your mailbox anytime soon. It’s more likely he will be my ringbearer one day, rather than the ring wearer.

In all seriousness, whether you agreed or disagreed with my post, I want to thank all of you for getting involved and letting me look at it from multiple angles. I did read each and every comment that was left and I did take into consideration what each and every person had to say. I think it’s important to be as open minded as possible in this world. Because when you open your mind, you also learn a great deal not just about others and the world, but also about yourself. So I want to thank everyone for that. And I say it with the utmost sincerity - thank you.

Below are the direct links if you would like to read what everyone has been saying and/or keep the discussion going.

On My Blog
http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2008/11/one-giant-leap-forward-and-one-giant.html

On BrazenCareerist
http://www.brazencareerist.com/2008/11/06/one-giant-leap-forward-and-one-giant-leap-backwards

Also a special thanks to "well-intentioned heartbreaker" who out of all 70+ comments, was the only person who shared her condolences about my Aunt. That means a lot and I appreciate that.

One Giant Leap Forward And One Giant Leap Backwards

This post was recognized by BrazenCareerist.com
as #73 on "The Brazen Top 100 Posts Of All Time" list.

I just don’t get it. Someone please explain it to me because I simply can’t comprehend how we can create such a historical moment as electing the first ever black President, and in the very same night, be prehistoric in our views and beliefs when it comes to voting on Proposition 8. This is 2008, right? So we are ok with a black man, but not a gay man? For those reading this outside the U.S. and wondering what Prop 8 is, it’s a law in the state of California that would eliminate the fundamental right for same-sex couples to marry. I think Amanda said it best when she asked..."How you can look at someone and say you don't deserve what I have?"

I’m straight and I was raised Catholic, although today I don’t consider myself a very religious person. I’ve never followed or been a believer in ALL the things the Catholic Church teaches. For that very reason, I’ve somewhat distanced myself from their teachings. And with that said, there are a few things I strongly disagree with, like being gay is a sin and you will burn in hell or whatever crap they preach. I’m sorry, but that’s just an ignorant statement and a total bullshit theory. It’s not just Catholics either. Jews, Protestants and other religions also believe a marriage should only be between a man and a woman. I don’t feel "being gay" is something a person chooses. I think if a person was to "choose" their sexuality, most would choose to be straight simply because it doesn’t carry all the extra "hardships" (for lack of a better word) that being gay does. With that said, I think people are born either gay or straight.

A traditional marriage is almost a joke these days. If you’re a straight couple looking to tie the knot, it’s as simple as a drive-thru chapel in Vegas - like ordering a cheeseburger, you can order a marriage license. Although if you are a gay couple looking to tie the knot, good luck with that! You will need to do more than jump thru hoops and climb the tallest mountain. Our country is making it nearly impossible for you to be seen as an equal. And as a straight man, that angers me. So I know that it must infuriate those who are gay. I had an Aunt who was gay, hid it all her life and eventually hung herself because she could no longer live with the stigma attached to being a gay. If her pain is any indication of how difficult it is to be gay in America, "The Land Of The Free" or not so free as it seems, then my heart really goes out to those directly affected by Prop 8 being passed. I simply can’t believe that California, one of the most liberal states in the country, has banned gay marriage! San Francisco is known as gay-friendly and is practically draped in the rainbow-colored flag. So to see Prop 8 passed with 52% of the vote, truly saddens me.

Sorry, but I don’t see marriage as this "exclusive religious club" it once was. Statistically, 50% of marriages fail and because of that the institute of marriage has lost quite a bit of its religious quality. Sadly, for many these days, it’s just a piece of paper - a legal one that entitles you to certain rights. And because a "marriage on paper" holds so much weight in terms of receiving benefits, dispensing a will, etc...it only seems right that gay couples are given the same opportunity as straight couples in terms of being listed as the spouse. If all the bible bangers are hung up on the term "marriage" being given to gay couples, then how about calling it something else like a "partnership" or whatever term you want to give it? Just don’t deny someone their rights because of their sexual orientation. Last time I checked, denying someone equal rights is unconstitutional.

With the exception of our family, we choose who we form relationships with, we don't necessarily choose who we fall in love with. Love often just happens, regardless of whether or not outsiders approve of the person you're involved with or the situation you are in - gay, straight, bi-sexual, etc. It's true that you fall in love with the heart. It doesn’t matter who the person is - male or female. It's their heart that makes you feel the way you do, not what they have or don't have in their pants. I don't think one should feel ashamed about that. If anything, it's rather mature to be able to put aside physical characteristics and place more importance on the true essence of a person - their heart. Find someone that makes you happy, period. Male or female. Don't find someone that makes OTHERS happy. And if you’re gay and you want to get married, I say you should be able to.

For all those who voted in favor of banning gay marriage, get over yourself. Get over your God-like mentality of what is moral and immoral. You’re being narrow minded and homophobic. Gay people aren’t hurting you. And it wouldn’t hurt you, nor affect your life in the least if they marry. So what’s your problem? As I’ve said in a previous post, I really wish people would understand the concept of "the separation of church and state". And I challenge anyone to argue against abortion or gay rights WITHOUT using religion as part of your debate. Can’t do it, can you? Seriously, I challenge anyone to give me just one valid reason, that isn’t tied into religious beliefs in any way, why we should not allow gay couples to marry. I’m serious because I’m just dying to know how a right that is available to the rest of the population should be denied to someone else based solely on their sexual preference. You have defined the very word of what discrimination is. Tell me how you justify that.

Free Black Coffee With Your New Black President

***UPDATE***
Post updated at 1:30PM EST with MORE freebie giveaways for Election Day! Also, I want to report a case of voter fraud, but not sure who to contact. So if anyone can help me out, please e-mail me at diamondkt@gmail.com I would greatly appreciate it because no matter who wins, this should be a FAIR election.

What if we all cared enough to vote? Not just 54% of us, but 100% of us? What if we cared as much on Nov. 5th as we care on Nov. 4th? What if we cared all of the time the way we care some of the time? What if we cared when it was inconvenient as much as we care when it’s convenient? Would your community be a better place? Would our country be a better place? Would our world be a better place?

I love that song! So relaxing. Name it and I'll kiss you.
Or I could just Google it myself, but I rather makeout with someone (hot).

Tuesday, November 4th 2008. Hmm, there is something I am supposed to do today. Pick up dry cleaning? Change my oil? Walk the dog? Wish my sister a happy birthday? Those are all on my To-Do List, but I think there’s something else. I feel like I’m forgetting something. What in the world could it be? Oh wait, that’s right. Today I have to do my part in changing the world – I have to help elect a new President! And what better way to help congratulate and celebrate our first ever black President than by raising a toast to him with a cup of steaming Joe! No, I’m not referring to "Joe The Plumber", I’m talking about a free cup of freshly brewed Starbucks coffee! And I realize I’m being presumptuous about Obama winning, but think of it more as complete confidence. I’ve always said we will see a black President before we will see a woman President. That isn’t a raciest or sexiest statement, it’s just something I always thought would happen and it’s looking like today may be the day.

Regardless of who gets elected, if you care enough to vote, Starbucks cares enough to give you a free cup of coffee. So go into a Starbucks near you on Nov. 4th between 8AM - 10PM. Tell them you voted and they’ll proudly give you a tall cup of brewed coffee on them. Election Day 2008 - it's bigger than coffee.

And if coffee isn’t enough, how about a free vibrator? I’m actually being serious for a change. Seriously, if you live in NYC, voting never felt so good! The folks at the adult store, Babeland (NSFW), want to make you feel even more gratified. Like, between your legs, if you know what I mean. The sex toy shop is declaring that every voter that comes (no pun intended) in will receive a Silver Bullet vibrator or a Maverick. Don’t ask me what a Maverick is in this case, I think it’s a blue dildo though? Anyway, those are for the ladies, but they didn’t forget about the men! For the guys, you get a "sleeve"...and not that I know anything about this or that I’ve ever been given one as part of a Valentine’s Day present, but I HEAR the sleeve is only fun for like the first day. Sorry, but there’s just no substitute for the real deal. If nothing else, a free sex toy should surely keep your stress level down as the Election Day results roll in. And if you are too conservative and uptight to use a vibrator, why not just pick one up anyway and use it to help stir your free cup of coffee? Genius!

Plenty of other businesses are jumping on the freebie bandwagon of "treating" you on Election Day too. Apparently we can’t use the phrase "rewarding people for voting" as there’s some legal crap about swaying people to vote simply to get a kickback and that is illegal. Regardless, of how you word it, this crap is all free if you show your ballot stub...

• Ben & Jerry’s is offering a free scoop of ice-cream.
• Krispy Kreme is offering star-shaped donuts with red, white and blue sprinkles.
• Chick-fil-A, not sure what they are offering, but surely it’s something tasty!
• Free tattoo removal in Dallas, Texas.
• Free body piercings in Missouri.

I’m sure there are more freebies out there, but you’ll have to Google for them. That’s all I’ve come across at the moment and wanted to pass it along as quickly as possible so you can start taking advantage of them. Happy Election Day!

***NOTE***
For a guy who rarely, if ever, blogs about politics, I've sure done a lot of it lately! I promise to get back to my regular posts of debauchery, geekyness and whit-filled whittery soon enough.

Why You Should And Should Not Vote

***NOTE***
Surprise! Don’t worry, I’m not blogging from Vegas. That would be crazy! Besides, I’m too busy snorting coke off a stripper’s ass to blog. However, I did write this post up last week to be published while I was away. It’s a feature Blogger offers called "scheduled post publishing" and it really comes in handy!

Travel with me back in time, back to 1992, a time before I was even old enough to vote. A man by the name of William Jefferson Clinton was elected President of the United States. Now I was just a kid then so I knew little to nothing about politics. I did however understand that you elect a President based on his policies, not his appearance. Although apparently my Grandmother’s best friend Bess didn’t get that memo. She must have been under the illusion that it was a beauty pageant and not a political race. So when November 4th rolled around, she casted her vote for the contestant/candidate she found best looking. She admitted to voting for Bill Clinton because she found him to be "handsome" (try to control your vomiting urge). I don’t know what’s more shocking – the fact that she voted for someone to run our country based solely on looks, or the fact that she found old puffy eyed Slick Willy to be attractive! In her defense, she did have cataracts. She wore both contacts AND bottle thick glasses...at the same time! She was both nearsighted AND farsighted. And did I mention that she required bifocals as well? Needless to say, she was considered legally blind and had her driver’s license taken from her sometime during her mid to late 80s. Of course that didn’t stop her from sneaking in a car cruise every now and then.

We got her to stop driving around the block, but couldn’t keep her from backing her maroon Caddy out of her driveway. She claimed she missed the power and freedom it gave her. To go where she wanted and when she wanted anytime of the day. She missed the feeling of her foot pressing down on the pedal – her words, not mine. She wasn’t a speed racer though. She was more of a "drive slow and sit low" kind of gal. You know the type. When passing her on the highway all you saw was knuckles on a steering wheel and a small glimpse of a grey top. Have a 90-year-old woman, with a walking cane in her hand, stand before you pleading her case and you can’t help but have it tug on the heart strings. The woman wanted her freedom, her driver’s license. So to take away her freedom, to go and do as she pleased and when she pleased, that was like taking away one of her basics rights as an American.

There is no sugar coating it. She was a safety hazard behind a wheel. A danger to herself and others. Still, I couldn’t help but feel sad for the old woman. So against my better judgment, while fully understanding the dangers and possible legal implications of the situation, I allowed her to back that Caddy out of her driveway. I supervised her closely and she didn’t go further than 25 feet from her garage. Still, it was very scary to me. Although to her, it was very empowering. We all enjoy our freedom and the empowerment it brings. As Americans, we have that right and unless you are a convicted criminal, you deserve to exercise that right. While many questioned Bess’s "right" to keep a driver’s license, nobody questioned her right to vote. And I hate to say it, but perhaps they should have. The woman was like a second Grandmother to me. I love her and miss her dearly (passed away a few years ago), but if we can get a law passed that keeps hazardous people off the road, can’t we get a law passed that keeps uninformed people out of the voting booth?

While I believe your vote is your voice and you have a right to be heard, just make sure that when you open your mouth, you have something intelligent to say. That doesn't mean than I or anyone else needs to agree with your political views, it just means that you should know what you’re talking about and why you are voting. Don’t vote just because it’s "cool" to vote these days or because you are following the herd – your peers, the media, etc. I’m part of the young vote, the 18-35 year-olds that the candidates are trying their damndest to rally up. And while we may be the generation that grew up on MTV and we are familiar with the "Rock The Vote" campaign, I’m not one to follow aimlessly after P Diddy because he is wearing a "Vote Or Die" t-shirt. I’m not one to listen much to celebrity endorsements and I don’t fall victim to catchy slogans. I have a brain and I can form my own opinions without Hollywood or the media smearing one canidate and cramming another down my throat. I hope you feel the same way. Vote because you’ve done your homework on ALL candidates...even Ralph Nader who I bet you didn’t know was running again, for the 5th time! Sure he’s older than dirt (even older than crusty McCain if you can believe it) and doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell to win, but I feel it’s important to study his polices in comparison to McCain and Obama so you can make an educated decision between ALL candidates.

However, if you choose not to vote, then you have no right complaining who gets in office. And if you don't know what the candidates stand for and you are too lazy to learn about them, then by all means DON'T VOTE! The only thing worse than someone not voting and later complaining about who is elected are those that vote simply to say they voted, without having a clue who they really voted for - what they stand for. So get yourself registered, figure out what you stand for, learn about the candidates and cast your vote!

I think I’ve been clear enough on the reasons why you should vote, but if you are still a little fuzzy on the reasons why you shouldn’t vote, then let me give you a short list to ask yourself. Don’t vote if...

• You think Roe vs Wade is a cage match from Wrestlemania III.
• You think Proposition 8 is an alternative sex act a prostitute offers to perform.
• You don’t know how many states there are, how many senators per state, or if you can’t locate YOUR state of a map.
• You think Alaska is a country and Canada is a U.S. state.
• You are frustrated with your GPS because it can’t find the intersection where Main Street and Wall Street are connected.
• You are upset to learn that "Joe The Plumber" will not be listed on the ballot.
• You can’t name a newspaper and you don’t know what the Bush Doctrine is.
• The word "maverick" and the phrase "you betcha" are now parts of your everyday vocabulary.
• You think a bible and a gun go together like peanut butter and jelly. (No joke, I saw a pickup truck with a bumper sticker that read "I love my bible and I love my guns. Vote McCain.")

Ok that last one may just mean you’re a redneck, but I really wish people would understand the concept of "the separation of church and state". And I challenge anyone to argue against abortion and gay rights WITHOUT using religion as part of your debate. Can’t do it, can you? Hey I’m all for people believing in any religion they want, but I am not for them bringing those religious views with them when stepping into the voting booth. Most Americans do not follow the concept of "the separation of church and state" when they vote and they really should.

Whatever you do, just please tell me you aren’t voting for or against Palin because she’s a woman - the sex factor. And please tell me you aren’t voting for or against Obama because he’s black - the race factor. Do me a favor and close your eyes for a minute. If Sarah Palin was exactly the same person she is now, but with the exception that she was a man, would you change your vote? If Barack Obama was exactly the same person he is now, but with the exception that he was white, would you change your vote? If you answered yes to either or both of those questions, then your ignorance astounds me and you should be ashamed of yourself. And I honestly wish you didn’t have the right to vote because you aren’t intelligent or mature enough to be given the power to decide who should rule our country if you can’t even rule out the fact that gender and race aren’t topics that need debated.

So when you step into the voting booth this Tuesday, I ask you to take sex and race out of the race. Think about what the candidates stand for and not what they look like. Seriously, it’s 2008. The color of someone’s skin or what kind of genitals they posses in their pants really shouldn’t be an issue. And if it is an issue for you, then I’m sorry but YOU have issues of your own that need dealt with. So perhaps it’s in our country’s best interest if you stay home Election Day and sort thru your own "issues" before you try sorting out the issues in Washington.

With that said, may the best (black) man win.