Life's Greatest Catalyst Is Death

Why does it take death, or the threat of death, to create necessary change in our lives?

Sick people wait until they've been diagnosed with cancer before they make changes to their lifestyle. And healthy people wait until someone they love dies before they start telling those still living that they love them. Why do we wait so long before we take action?

When did death become a catalyst for living?



I waited until my Grandmother turned 90 before I started calling and visiting her on a regular basis. When she turned 90, it scared me. And like a much needed slap to the head, it woke me up. She will turn 92 in a few weeks and I feel more frightened than I did 2 years ago. It took the reality of her death being near for me to create change.

I waited until I was faced with an impending layoff at my first real job out of college to give myself the extra push I needed to start my own company. Ever since I was a kid I knew I wanted to be an entrepreneur. But for whatever reason, I waited. I waited until it was physically impossible for me to wait anymore. It took the death of my first real job for me to create change.

I waited until I was in a near fatal motorcycle accident (police even prematurely announced me "dead on the scene") until I got up the balls to break up with my then girlfriend. I knew she was selfish and cared more for herself than me. But I needed that final punch to the gut. The timing of my accident wasn't convenient for her. It interrupted plans for a vacation I had promised to take her on. I needed to witness her lack of compassion and understanding. I needed to witness her thinking of only herself so I could do what was best for myself, which was to move on. It took the death of that relationship for me to create change.

Last week Apple CEO, Steve Jobs, announced he was resigning due to his declining health. Since then, countless news articles have been written about his resignation that read less like a corporate restructuring plan and more like a Steve Jobs obituary column! Steve Jobs is NOT dead! However, many are predicting the worse will happen sooner rather than later.

So today I leave you with some words on Life, Death, and most importantly Change...

2005 Stanford University Commencement
by: Steve Jobs

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Here's to naked living.

Wanting. Wanting What You Don't Want. And Giving Up.

Ever want something or think you want something, give it to yourself and shortly after realize you didn't really want it that bad after all? That you could have made due without, but fell victim to that overwhelming greedy "want it gotta have it right now" syndrome.

It's called wanting what you don't want. And it can be applied to just about anything from a pizza to a relationship.

It reminds me of those Cold Stone Creamery cups where you must decide your level of self-indulgence. They offer 3 portions sizes - Like It, Love It, Gotta Have It. I always imagine a fat little kid's face pressed up against the glass, wide-eyed and salivating over the countless sugary choices. They all look so delicious! How could one ever decide?

That's exactly what I feel like. A kid in a candy store ice-cream shop, indecisive and drooling. Even when I manage to finally decide on one selection, I realize shortly after that what I thought I wanted I didn't really want that bad after all. I simply satisfied an urge. Acted on impulse. I indulged on a Gotta Have It cupful. Then again, it's NYC. And the streets are filled with an abundance of beautiful, single women.

Don't get confused. That's just an example. And this post isn't about casual sex. It's about the abundance of decisions we are faced with everyday in our lives! It's enough to make anyone's eyes glaze over like a fat little kid in an ice-cream shop.

People talk about not acting on things quickly enough. But think about all the things you acted too quickly on! If you had just allowed yourself to want it a bit longer. Admired it. Pined for it. Thought it through. If you had just delayed instant gratification for the soul purpose of mastering a beautiful quality known as patience, just think of how differently things could be right now.

Then there are the times that despite not being impulsive or greedy, your interest simply fades.

And you can't quite figure out if you truly no longer want it, or if you just gave up on wanting it so bad that you subconsciously fooled yourself into believing you no longer want it.

Because it's easier to say "I no longer want this" than to say "I gave up on wanting it."

Life Is Made Of Mud, Sweat, And Beer

Warrior: A person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness.

If you've ever run a full marathon (26.2 miles), you know about The Wall. The Wall is that point around the 20 mile mark where your body physically shuts down on you, making the last 6 miles excruciatingly challenging. It's the body's natural safety mechanism. A way to keep you from harming yourself. So to muscle through the remaining 6 miles you need mental toughness. Your mind has to tell your body don't quit! And isn't that the same for anything in life?

Life is about mental toughness. Perseverance. Being a warrior.



I signed up for a race called Warrior Dash. Warrior Dash is a mud-crawling, fire-leaping, extreme run from hell. This fierce running series is held on the most challenging and rugged terrain across the globe. Warriors conquer extreme obstacles, push their limits and celebrate with kick-ass music, beer and warrior helmets.

It's been dubbed, "The Craziest Frickin' Day Of Your Life!"

Mud. Sweat. Beer. Competition. Fire. Did I mention FIRE? Naturally, I'm all in!

Although this post isn't about Warrior Dash. It's about life. Or rather how competing in events like Warrior Dash are filled with metaphors that transfer over to life.

So I present to you...

10 Obstacles You Will Face In Life
(And In Warrior Dash)

1. Run Uphill
If you can't run uphill in life (and in Warrior Dash), you might as well roll over and die now. Life is challenging. That's the point of living! To overcome obstacles and bask in the glory that follows after conquering whatever life throws at you. It's about eating it up and spitting it back in life's face. Saying..."Is that the best you got?" Bring it, Life!"

2. Hurdle Over Walls
"The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough. They are there to stop the other people!" - Randy Pausch

I don't care how you do it. Get your ass over that wall! It doesn't matter if you have a broken arm or a broken heart. You WILL overcome! You MUST hurdle over life's brick walls.

3. Enter Dark Tunnels
Not being able to see where you are going in life. Not knowing when, or how, you will come out on the other side. It's scary! In life you must take risks. And you must trust in yourself enough that no matter what the outcome of that risk is, that you'll find a way to be ok. To say, "hey at least I tried."

4. Walk The Plank
The only thing scarier than venturing down dark tunnels is seeing disaster in plain daylight! Similar to walking tight ropes, use extra caution when crossing life's planks.

5. Sidestep Holes
Few things in life are as easy and as smooth as they appear. Whoever coined the phrase "smooth sailing" obviously didn't sail much. Needless to say, if someone says life is easy, they obviously don't live much.

6. Untangle Yourself
From financial messes to relationships messes. Chances are you got yourself into this mess. Now it's up to you to get yourself out! So start untangling.

7. Wade In Murky Water
Ever been knee-high, waist-high, chest-high in shit? Of course you have! The key is keeping it from reaching neck-high. Keeping your head afloat. Chin up. You can make it through.

8. Crawl Through Mud
Before you can learn to run, you have to learn to crawl. There is no shame in crawling. I've watched Ironman competitors crawl to the finish line on all fours! It's about wanting something bad enough that you'll do whatever it takes to get there. Pay your dues. Nothing is beneath you. Dirt work are stepping stones to something greater.

9. Jump Fire
Sometimes in life you will get burned. It happens to the best of us. Learn to put out the flames, wrap your wounds and leap higher next time.

10. Avoid Getting Trampled
Basically, survive. If you fall and you're lucky, someone will lend a hand. But don't count on it. It's really up to you stay on your feet. However if you do slip, brush yourself off and get up quickly like a warrior!

Because you are a fucking warrior! Now get out there and kick life in the ass! And I'll see you at the finish line for beer, dancing, and a big fat turkey leg. I think that is what heaven is suppose to entail, right?

Life is made of mud, sweat, and beer.

Get dirty. Be strong. Find happy. Live!

For Every Minute

Time is the one thing in life you can't ever get back. And as humans, we waste a lot of it. The older you get and the busier you become, the faster time flies! It's always moving forward and tic-tocing away. And you never really know when your time is up. God forbid you read this post, step outside and get hit by a bus! But it could happen. So it's important to use your time wisely. To make every minute of your life count - right now.

"For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Such a simple message to adopt, but yet we often stray from doing so. I started thinking about that quote, about all the time we waste and how that time could be better spent. Here are a few of the ways I've come up with to help you manage every minute more efficiently...


For every minute you waste being consumed by that anger, you could spend working toward forgiveness.

For every minute you waste pointing blame, you could spend taking accountability for your share.

For every minute you waste living in silence, you could spend talking it out.

For every minute you waste talking, you could spend listening.

For every minute you waste holding a grudge, you could spend letting go.

For every minute you waste plotting revenge, you could spend planning resolve.

For every minute you waste on regret, you could spend learning from your mistakes.

For every minute you waste beating yourself up, you could spend patting yourself on the back.

For every minute you waste reminiscing, you could spend moving forward.

For every minute you waste holding it in, you could spend letting it out.

For every minute you waste crying, you could spend smiling.

For every minute you waste in a funk, you could spend in laughter.

For every minute you waste feeling unloved, you could spend loving yourself a little bit more.

For every minute you waste suffering in pain, you could spend seeking pleasure.

For every minute you waste staying with someone you only kinda like, you could spend with someone you really love.

For every minute you waste hating your reflection in the mirror, you could spend complimenting yourself.

For every minute you waste comparing yourself to others, you could spend admiring all that you already have.

For every minute you waste complaining, you could spend changing things.

For every minute you waste wishing, you could spend doing.

For every minute you waste playing it safe, you could spend saying "fuck you" to fear.

For every minute you waste conforming, you could spend starting a revolution.

For every minute you waste doubting yourself, you could spend believing in yourself.

For every minute you waste accepting a "no," you could spend fighting for a "yes."

For every minute you waste dismissing a new idea, you could spend giving it a chance.

For every minute you waste casting judgement, you could spend practicing acceptance.

For every minute you waste spreading gossip, you could spend making a new friend.

For every minute you waste speculating, you could spend giving the benefit of the doubt.

For every minute you waste tearing someone apart, you could spend building a billion different things.

For every minute you waste telling lies, you could speak the truth.

For every minute you waste cheating your way to the top, you could spend earning respect.

For every minute you waste on greed, you could spend on appreciation.

For every minute you waste acting selfish, you could spend acting selfless.

For every minute you waste stressing, you could spend meditating.

For every minute you waste trying to impress, you could spend being authentic.

For every minute you waste protecting your heart, you could spend following it.

For every minute you waste stuck at idle, you could spend living your life to the fullest!


And the list goes on and on. What would you add to it?

Forever Connected To Someone - Quantum Entangled

***NOTE***
This is a follow-up to my last post, Decrypting The Universe. And stick with me here, this gets deep! But a fascinating read that will surely have you thinking and looking at your life much differently from this day forward.

True story!

A young waiter (Kevin) saves the life of a woman (Penny) who is choking to death. Oddly enough, 7 years early, the same woman had saved the waiter’s life when he was just a boy.

A bizarre twist of fate or can such instances be logically explained? Was it more than coincidence? Was it part of The Universe’s grand design? Do random events happen for a reason? Or can the mystery be explained by science?

Before you say Kevin and Penny were destine to collide, it was "God’s will," fate, or it was good karma coming back around, take this perspective into consideration...

Dr. Jeffrey Rosenthal, Professor of Statistics from the University of Toronto, doesn’t believe that these amazing coincidences are really that remarkable. He states that while lots of coincidence stories can be interesting and fun to retell, you have to think about the numbers. And when you do, you realize that even really surprising sounding things are just going to happen by chance every now and then. To demonstrate how mathematics can demystify seemingly improbable events, Dr. Rosenthal performs a simple experiment on randomness and probability. He randomly selects 40 people off the street and asks them to write their birthday down on a piece of paper. He believes that out of 40 people, at least 2 of them would share the exact same birthday.

You would think it would be rather rare that 2 people will share the same birthday, but actually there is an 89% chance that it will happen. And the reason is there are 780 pairs you can make out of a group of 40 people. (I’ll save you the long and nerdy formula.) And of course in Dr. Rosenthal’s experiment, the math proves true. 2 of the 40 people did share the same birthday.

What does all of this have to do with Kevin and Penny or with your life in general? Well, if you just take a specific pair of people, the chances of A saving B’s life and B saving A’s life is about 1 in 40 billion billion! It’s incredibly unlikely. But once you factor in the fact that there are so many different pairs of people out there who are trained in CPR, then there is about a 1/3 chance that at some point in your lifetime there will be some pair of people living in some local area that will save each other’s lives.

So can mathematics explain everything? Some believe in a much more mysterious theory. Dr. Gary Schwartz, Professor of Psychology from the University of Arizona, believes that random events are not random at all, but caused by synchronicity. Coincidence means something happens by chance. Synchronicity means something happens beyond chance. Synchronicity is a powerful, invisible, organizing force that orchestrates our lives - you may refer it simply as The Universe.

To understand how The Universe works, visualize iron filings. If you sprinkle them on a piece of paper, they just land haphazardly. But if you place a magnet under the piece of paper, a structure will emerge. And that structure reflects the underlying fields that are interconnecting the events. Were Kevin and Penny drawn together by an underlying force they weren’t aware of? And more importantly, if synchronicity (AKA, The Universe) is an invisible force, where is it coming from? Some type of super intelligence? That G-word?

Author and physics lecturer, Dr. Fred Alan Wolf, has a scientific explanation that has nothing to do with the existence of any God. He believes things can become quantum entangled. That means that 2 people can become linked in such a way that anything that happens to one of them is instantaneously communicated to the other, regardless of distance. That is quantum entanglement. And his theory on how The Universe works.

In short, two people that interact and then separate remain quantum entangled until they met in the future.

Whether you believe in the scientific explanations of The Universe, a super intelligence beyond our comprehension that dictates our lives, or a little of both, you have to admit it's weird. Personally, I believe that people come into our lives for a reason. And a part of them never leaves you. Take comfort in that, despite distance or the passing of time. The chances of bumping into them again are much greater than you once believed.

Phantom Pain

Is happiness only real when shared?

I proposed that question early this year after pondering over the age-old question: "If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, did it really fall?" Meaning - the objects of sense exist only when they are perceived.

So now I wonder once again. If happiness is only real when shared, does pain only exist if we permit it?

"Think of it this way...if you break a bone, the pain is so severe that the body actually numbs that limb in order for you to carry on. It’s the body’s natural way of coping. So if one endures enough emotional pain, it’s easy to see how you can become numb after awhile. It’s the body’s natural way of coping." - excerpt from my last post

I received an e-mail from Susan Pogorzelski of TwentyOrSomething.com regarding my broken bone/emotionally numb theory. Below you’ll see her insight was nothing short of brilliant and beautiful!

They say that amputees experience something called Phantom Limbs. That is, when they lose a limb, they experience the sensation (and unfortunately often pain) that it's still there, attached to the body. Studies say that it's related to nerves. Others say it's the brain remembering what was there and thus still reacting. Science aside, perhaps it's a reminder of what you've lost. Or perhaps it's saying that while something may be missing that we perceived was essential, we're still never actually incomplete - learning to compensate, to appreciate what you once had, what you do have. Maybe it's a reminder of all that you still have.

I think hearts work the same way. When we lose someone, no matter how that perceived loss comes about, it feels like a piece of our heart is gone with them. But they're still there with us. That Phantom Piece telling us that we're lucky to have loved them, known them, learned from them. And some of us are still lucky enough to love them, even if it's not in the way we imagined or necessarily wanted.

Whatever is missing, there's still some piece of it there. A reminder that you are in fact fully whole, despite what you think is actually missing from your life.

And whatever is numbed eventually comes back to life. That's the marvel of modern medical practices, in the instance of your broken bone analogy. You see it all around you - everyday in nature, in the seasons. Things become cold, frigid, due to the harsh conditions. Taking its time to heal and renew itself before coming back to life.

In some form or another.

So maybe we can do without, without actually feeling we are ever truly without.



***NOTE***
Related post of interest: 2/21/06 - When Words Seem Generic

The Secret Powers Of Time

You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future.

Or as The Dog Whisper Cesar Millan says..."Live in the now."

Know why dogs are so happy? Because they have no concept of time. They don’t care about the past. They don’t worry about the future. They live in the present moment, blissfully. Know why humans are so miserable? Because we obsess over time! We try to rush time. We try to slow time down. Sometimes we waste time and other times we attempt to squeeze every little drop out of time. When was the last time you looked at a clock and were truly happy with the reading? Is there ever a time when you aren’t wishing you could rearrange the hands on that clock just a little? Think you’re not obsessed with time? Then try this experiment. Go one full day without ever checking to see what time it is. It will drive you insane!

Time is our most valuable possession. We are obsessed with clocks, calendars, schedules, To-Do lists and multitasking. Still, people spend time less wisely than money. The way we perceive time is as unique as our fingerprints. Our time zones interact to create national cultures and economies. Where you live in the world and your religion shape how you perceive time. Every significant choice we make, every important decision, is determined by our perspective on time. It can dictate our success in school. It can sabotage our career or help us gain a promotion. It can affect our health and finances. It can influence our relationships with friends and loved ones. It even has the power to make us happy, or not. Yet we are virtually unaware of its effects.

University of Stanford Psychology Professor and author of "The Time Paradox," Philip Zimbardo, draws on 30 years of pioneering research to reveal how your individual time perspective shapes your life and is shaped by the world around you. Professor Zimbardo’s original classroom-style lecture on the secret powers of time is nearly an hour long, but most people aren’t willing to spend that amount of their "time" soaking in such wisdom. So instead the lecture has been greatly condensed into just 10 minutes and animated for a YouTube audience. Are you catching the irony here?

It's time to reclaim yesterday, enjoy today, and master tomorrow. So do your life and your sanity a favor, take 10 minutes out of your day right now to watch this video. It’s for those that are too focused on the past - those that are wrapped up in nostalgia and memories and dwell on regret and failure. It’s for those that are too focused on the present - Hedonistics that live for pleasure and avoid pain and Fate Sayers that say it doesn’t pay to plan, that life is fated. And it’s for those that are too focused on the future - the workaholics and worry warts. In short, it's for every one of us whose mind is imprisoned by time.

It's time to break free.

Meditative Fart

Farts. They’re funny. Or at least to guys they are, ALL guys. And it never gets old. NEVER! Although for whatever reason, most women don’t seem to share that same sense of juvenile humor. While farting may clear a room, it also clears your mind. Because seriously, when your mind is full of so much crap and someone farts, your mind instantly goes blank and relaxes. You live in that moment and that moment alone. (You live in the fart?) It’s like the fart cloud has magical powers to wash your mind clean, if only for a brief moment.

So while I may physically hold my breath and try not to inhale when someone farts, I’m mentally exhaling. And for someone who has difficulty relaxing his racing mind, the fart is a blessing. The fart calms me, even if I’m not doing the farting, especially if I’m not doing the farting. It’s like a crude form of short lived meditation.

And isn’t that the premise behind meditation - to clear your mind of any and all distractions? Although if you’re anything like me, the first time you ever attempted mediation you failed miserably. I kept thinking about how I’m not supposed to be thinking about anything! The more I tried to empty my mind, the faster it filled. I mentally scolded myself to stop it, to concentrate, to focus. It wasn’t a relaxing experience. It was a frustrating chore. And I haven’t tried it again since. This is why I often battle with insomnia. Apparently I’m mentally weak. My brain did not come with a "shut down" button to click.

I lied down on the couch last night and placed a sleepy Bulldog on my chest. Snuggling with him never fails to relax me. But as he fell fast asleep with his tongue out and began to snore, I couldn’t find that same restful state. While the muscles in my body fully relaxed, the tension in my mind only grew. I couldn’t keep the stresses of the day from entering my frontal lobe. And then...he farted. A slow, long, odorless fart. The best kind. It didn’t even wake him, but it put my mind fast asleep.

Moral Of The Story: Tension breakers temporary reshape how we're feeling and put life back into proper perspective. And in that brief moment, all of your troubles seem to melt away and you feel like a worry-free kid again, giggling. Laugh more. Stress less.

Learning How To Breathe

I don’t know how to breathe.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. What was once a natural born instinct is now something I find myself struggling with. For most people, breathing is done exactly opposite of how it should be! Studies show that around 40% of us breathe incorrectly. Breathing is more than just the process of taking oxygen and carbon dioxide in and out of the lungs. Breathing regulates your state of mind, your emotions, your concentration and so much more. Learning to breathe the right way will help you to be healthier, calmer and give you the ability to handle stressful life situations. Plus, it just makes you feel better! And who doesn’t want to feel better, to live a happier and more peaceful life?

Think back to the first time you stood up and gave a speech infront of your high school class. Your palms sweated. Your heart pounded. Your voice quivered. Your stomach felt nauseous. That nervousness, fear, stress and anxiety wouldn’t have existed if you had known how to properly breathe. It’s normal to tense up and resort to shallow breaths or hold your breath completely when faced with fear. But what many people don’t realize is our body’s natural defensive mechanism is flawed! Physical, mental, and emotional stress all put extreme strain on our bodies. We get ourselves so worked up to the point where we can’t even breathe! It’s that breath before the first kiss. Or those gasps during the last mile of the race. If we just knew how to steady our breathing we would be ok.

As a fighter I’ve been taught the importance of proper breathing. When the fight is on your feet, you gain more power in your punches and kicks if you exhale on their release. When you’re tossed on your back in the middle of the octagon and the fight is on the ground, your body is tense, but you have to train your mind to relax. In that vulnerable position, you must control your breathing and not panic while fists are raining down on your face! Of course that’s always easier said than done, but anything in life worth doing is always easier said than done. Proper breathing is no exception to that rule. And while I may know how to properly breathe while fighting, when I’m out of that cage and sitting in my office, it’s like I’ve forgotten everything I was taught!

Breathing is one of those things that most of us don’t pay attention to. As I’m writing this, I’m breathing. In fact, I’m writing ABOUT breathing and I’m not even THINKING about breathing. While my body may be automatically performing this essential task for me in order to sustain life, it’s not necessarily doing it in the best possible way. Breathing is one of the few bodily functions that can be controlled both consciously and unconsciously. The goal here is to learn the proper techniques to conscious breathing. Then, with practice, those same techniques will soon become second nature to your body. The final result will be new and improved unconscious breathing! Basically, we are perfecting the art of breathing...one breath at a time.

To breathe correctly, you must divide the breath into three parts - lower abdomen, middle abdomen, and chest. When inhaling, first fill up the lower abdomen with air, then the middle abdomen, and last the chest. When exhaling, the air in the chest goes out first, then the middle abdomen, and lastly the lower abdomen. You must physically push the abdomen out when inhaling and in when exhaling. (That is not a typo.) When done correctly, there is no need to pull the abdomen in because it is done effortlessly. If you can consciously breathe the right way by forcing the abdomen out during inhalation your body will soon pick up this rhythm. The human brain has many functions and one of them is to follow the breath. Breathing is not about just holding the breath in or out, it’s about breathing long and deeply. Do this by breathing very slowly, using the full capacity of your lungs and completely exhaling. The best way to breath properly is to build up little by little. As the lung's capacity starts to expand, your mind becomes calmer and clearer.

The magic of breathing starts when you master exhaling. During exhalation there is a natural urge to inhale immediately after exhalation due to the discomfort it initially brings. When this natural tendency calms down you will be able to reach a higher level of consciousness. Retraining your body to breathe this way is harder than it sounds. But remember, anything worth doing in life is always easier said than done. Although I’m quite confident that once you learn how to properly breathe, it will be one of the best things you’ve ever done for yourself. Your stress will decrease and your focus will increase. Everyone seeks balance in life and breathing is the first step to finding that balance. So steady your breathing. And take it slowly, one breath at a time.

***NOTE***
You can also see this post featured on BrazenCareerist.com

Thin Lines

"Step on a crack, break your mother’s back." It’s an old childhood saying, but one I think was coined to install the perfect amount of fear into us. Not too much fear to paralyze us from moving forward, but just enough fear to keep us from running full speed ahead off a cliff. Lines have always been in my life. When I was a kid I was warned by my father not to antagonize my sisters, not to push it and cross the line. When I was a teenager, I was penalized for overstepping the line on a basketball foul shot. It was just a toe, but it was crossing the line. Stepping ON it was ok, but stepping OVER it was a no-no. Now as an adult I find myself drawing the lines. I teach my dog the boundaries of his backyard by showing him where the invisible lines lie. Venture outside these safety lines and he is firmly reprimanded.

I can think of at least a dozen instances of where thin lines are drawn. For example, there is a thin line between...

love and hate
romance and stalking
persistent and obsessed
sweet and pathetic
genius and insanity
opinionated and obnoxious
honest and rude
generous and being a door mat
assertive and pushy
understanding and tolerant
standing out and being an attention whore
sensitive and hyper-sensitive
praise and kissing ass
being real and being really annoying

Thin lines exist because we need them to exist. They rein us in, keep us from getting too carried away. They cap our stupid mouth, curb our spontaneous actions and put our emotions into proper perspective when our hearts spiral out of control. Thin lines calm us down and keep us grounded. Thin lines place limits on us because despite what all the starry-eyed dreamers will tell you, sometimes we need to be limited when it comes to certain things in life. We need limitations to keep ourselves clinically sane. And to keep from making complete jackasses out of ourselves and getting into too much trouble - that's always helpful too.

As we journey through life you will find yourself obeying existing lines, drawing new lines, testing the lines and occasionally overstepping the lines. Overstepping a line is always a gamble because you never know exactly what’s on the other side or how it will turn out. But yet if you’re anything like me, you believe that without risk there is no reward. So I take chances. Sometimes I put my toe on the line and other times I just leap right over it. And just like during my freshman basketball free throw, even if my effort wasn’t counted and I didn’t win the game, at least I took the shot.

Happiness Is Only Real When Shared

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

Is is a philosophical riddle that raises questions regarding observation and knowledge of reality. That theory is called "subjective idealism" and refers to a time in which objects cease to exist once there is nobody around to perceive them. However, one may argue that..."if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, did it really fall?" Meaning - the objects of sense exist only when they are perceived. The common sense answer is yes. It obviously makes a sound since we know that a tree falling makes noise regardless of whether anyone is around or not. The metaphysical answer is no. The tree does not make a sound if no one is there to witness it falling. And indeed the act of making a sound isn't even a quandary, all that matters is that the tree in fact ceases to exist if no one is there to witness it. The production of sound requires 3 things: a source, a medium, and a receiver. But what about happiness? It also needs the same 3 elements. So is happiness only real when shared?

There is the possibility of unperceived existence. That something can exist without being perceived. If no one is around to see, hear, or feel your happiness, does it not exist? Does happiness need a witness? Someone to validate it? Someone to share in it to make it real?

For years I didn't realize how unhappy I was until I was happy. And you never realize how happy you were until that happiness disappears from your life. Happiness is not tangible, but yet it feels very fragile in our hands. Hold too tightly and you smother it. Hold too carelessly and you lose it. Unclasp your hands and you share it. Open your heart and you receive it.

I believe happiness can exist alone in ourselves, but I feel it is far more satisfying when shared. In an ideal world, we would share a piece of happiness with someone everyday. Touch them in some way to let them know their existence matters. However, life is anything but ideal. It is often difficult to prove to someone how happy they make you. Whether that happiness is mutually shared or not, the only thing concrete about the emotion is that YOU know it to exist. I know it exists because I can feel it, like 10-million fireflies filling my chest cavity. I may not always be able to explain it or even prove it. But trust me, it exists and it's incredibly real.

So what do you think? True or false? Is happiness only real when shared?

The Selfish Giver

I sometimes wonder if the act of helping others is actually fulfilling a selfish need of our own. In the sense, if I do for someone else, it makes me feel better about myself. In that twisted way, it almost feels selfish. Like I ask myself, "Am I REALLY doing this for them, or am I doing it to feel better about myself as the return?" They say giving should come from the heart, but the cynic in me can't help but wonder if all of us don't have ulterior motives attached. Ulterior motives that are hidden or just plain ignored because recognizing that ugly side takes away from the warm, fuzzy feeling and beauty of it all.

You should NEVER give with the mindset of..."what's in it for me?" You should give freely and WITHOUT wanting anything given back. You shouldn't look for a present in return, a tax write-off, some good PR for your company, or even a hardy pat on the back. I think good deeds are something that should fly under the radar and never be bragged about. So if the gift is supposed to be in the giving experience, isn't that still sort of selfish? Again, we may be donating money, goods, or services to help but in the process we are also doing that to allow ourselves to bask in a "feel good" moment. Selfish?

This has been something I’ve been mulling over for awhile now, ever since I read Grace Boyle’s blog post titled "We’re Born To Help." And with the recent fund raising efforts surrounding Haiti, I am interested in hearing other people's thoughts on my selfish giving theory.

Long story short, a few months back while at the vet’s office, I saw a fellow English Bulldog owner struggling with a very difficult decision. She didn't have the needed funds to pay for a life saving surgery, so instead she was facing euthanasia of her young pet. I decided to pay the difference of what she couldn’t afford so her Bulldog could be saved. I would hate to see anyone have to say goodbye to their furry BFF over money! Seeing her pain nearly brought me to tears. So again, I wonder. Did I do it for her and the dog, or to make myself feel better? Giving freely shouldn’t feel selfish, but if you look at it all twisted like I am doing lately, it kind of does.

Perhaps I'm not twisted and this is just human nature. Perhaps other people feel the same way and I'm just honest in actually saying it. Perhaps I should silence the "you're a selfish dick" dialog running in my head and look at it like Life Coach Jenny Blake told me...

"At the end of the day, if helping others is selfish AND altruistic, who cares? In that case, everybody wins. And may the planet be a better place for it."

How Long Do You REALLY Want To Live?

Meet Larry Haubner, or as his friends refer to him, "Curly". Curly just turned 107, as seen below in his 107th birthday photo. From my understanding, Curly is of fairly sound mind but only has two teeth. Hey, at 107, I say he’s lucky to have them! Besides, I hear the vampire look is seen as kind of sexy in the geriatrics community. I'm teasing. Honestly, I think senior citizens are adorable! (Just as long as they aren't behind the wheel.) They're like babies - all bald, toothless and drooly. What's cuter than that? And while one would think that your body should be decaying when you're in your 100s, old Curly keeps on keeping on. So what’s his secret? I haven’t a clue. But I do know this...Curly has outlived his life savings, TWICE! And now Curly/Larry needs your help.

You see, most people don't expect you to live well into your 100s! So social security and retirement checks, the sources of income we rely on when we are old and gray, have run out. Curly has outlived all of his family members as well. In the past, for support he's relied on donations, which have allowed Curly to continue living in his home at Greenfield Assisted Living in Fredericksburg. And once again, it seems the only way he can keep chugging along is to ask for a little more help. His Powers of Attorney have set up a website called SaveLarry.org where you can read more about Curly's life and make a donation to his cause.

But this isn't a post to plug Curly's cause. And this isn't a post to make you feel guilty and trick you into donating money to him. No, this is a post to make you think. To ask yourself..."How long do I REALLY want to live?"

In just a few short months, my Grandma will be celebrating her 90th birthday! This makes me very happy, but I'm even happier to know that it's possible she could live to 107 like Curly! To have 17 more years with my Grandmother would be a dream come true! And I'm hoping it's something she too wishes for when she blows out the candles on her 90th birthday cake. Really, she has seen just about everything in her lifetime. The last 100 years is such a profound era in which to live. Think about it. Not only has she seen the invention of the car to the Internet, but she has also experienced life before Civil Rights all the way up to the election of the first black president. She has lived thru two depressions, several wars, man landing on the moon and so much more. It blows my mind when I stop to think about how fascinating her life has been. Although she has the joy of holding great grandchildren on her lap, she also has the sadness of releasing the hand of every single one of her friends and siblings as they passed away. I'm not sure I would want to outlive all my friends and family. Call me selfish, but I want to go before them. I don't wish to endure that type of pain.

People often wonder HOW they will die, but few wonder WHEN they will die. Sorry if this seems a bit morbid, but this sort of fascinates me. I mean, do you really want to live to see the day of saggy balls and elongated titties? A time in which your boobs tuck into your waistband and your balls tuck into the elastic of your socks. I realize these are disturbing images to imagine, let alone endure in a real life scenario, but try to visualize it for a moment. Could you be ok with it? Perhaps these are mere superficial details I shouldn't be concerned with and I should focus more on the big picture - all the things you would see in your lifetime should you be "blessed" (I use the term loosely depending on how you see this, a blessing or a curse) to live past your 100th birthday.

Right now, I'm far too young to imagine a life filled with Viagra. Today, I worry about how to keep it down rather than how to get it up. While my plumbing may be in order and in tip-top shape, I suppose one day I won't be so lucky. So if I should live to see the day when my pipes become rusty, I think I would be ok with that as long as I had someone I loved rocking on the porch right beside me. Because I don't fear dying alone, but I do fear living alone. Really, really alone for years and years. To be the sole survivor. Now that would be depressing and not a life worth living to 100.

I’m not certain I want Willard Scott showcasing my 100-year-old face on the front of the Smucker’s jelly jar, but I wouldn’t mind turning on The Today Show and seeing my Grandmother’s mug pop up there! So how long do I REALLY want to live? I still don't have an answer to that, but it's a deep thought. And one in which I'm pondering late on a Monday night.

***NOTE***
You can also see this post featured on the frontpage of BrazenCareerist.com

Blogging And Masturbating Go Hand-In-Hand

The way I see it...

Blogging is like masturbating. I only do it when I’m in the mood.

I’ll post something relatively interesting to read soon enough.

Barbie Idealism

With her 39-21-33-inch curves, Barbie no doubt sets an impossible ideal for young girls to role model their body after. There’s just no reasonable comparison. Not even Victoria’s Secret supermodel Gisele Bundchen and her slinky 36-24-35-inch stats could compete. If Barbie was real with those types of measurements, the laws of gravity would actually make her topple over. But if Barbie is No Woman she's also Every Woman - cheerleader, rock star, teacher, President, Olympic skier, bikini beach babe, fearless astronaut, the list goes on and on. She’s a mover-and-shaker who's cycled through more incarnations than Madonna, Lindsay and Britney combined. The one constant, Barbie has remained the ultimate poster child for idealism. From childhood thru to adulthood, Barbie has evilly set the standard for the ideal woman. Girls want to be a Barbie and guys want to date a Barbie.

This month, Barbie turns the big Five-O! But unlike many other Baby Boomers, she shows no signs of losing her bod or her face. Ahh, hello, she’s made of plastic! Over the years Barbie has evolved from plaything to Miss Thang...and a hot thang too I might add. I know she’s 50 years old, plastic and stands less than 12 inches tall, but I would still tap that Mattel ass. Wouldn’t you? Ok, maybe that is physically impossible. But if she were real, she would be a GILF (G is for Grandma and you know the rest). If Samantha Jones can be "50 and fabulous", why can’t Barbie? Sure Samantha may be a fictional character, but she’s still a real human being. Barbie is a doll! And because Barbie is a doll, she has never gained weight, never sagged, never wrinkled and never aged. Jealous? No? Well give it time, one day you will be.

While Barbie was busy capturing the hearts of a whole generation of little girls, she was revving up the hormones of a bunch of pre-pubescent adolescent boys! Growing up with two older sisters, I saw my fair share of naked Barbies. Our living room was a sea of Barbie boobs! I literally stepped on multiple sets of plastic boobies as I made my way to the kitchen for my double stuff Oreo cookie (and no I wasn’t a fatty as a kid). Perhaps today that is why I’m not a breast man and girls with giant implants scare me a little. It brings up horrific childhood memories. It also brings up fond memories of how I would torment my sisters by taking Pink 'N Pretty Barbie and placing her in a gangbang with Malibu Ken and Rock & Roll Ken. Once in awhile He-Man and Skeletor would jump into the action with Skipper by getting a little doggy-style action over the hood of Barbie's pink Corvette. Needless to say, my Mom didn't find this as humorous as I did. With hopes of not encouraging me, it did get my sister's to clean up their naked Barbie mess in the living room.

Silliness aside, Barbie is a good metaphor for the idealism of how we live and see ourselves today. It is that Barbie idealism that often keeps us from enjoying the simple pleasures of life. The ordinary, the average, and the everyday is viewed with contempt. We miss an awful lot of life when our senses are primarily attuned to the biggest, or the brightest, or the best. The real irony, missing life is exactly what we fear most! As you can now see, Barbie idealism can leave one awful unhappy! So ask yourself, are you Barbie-like in your expectations? The following are some questions to consider...

• When you entertain, does your home or apartment have to be immaculate? Or can you close off some areas by tossing all your junk in a spare room or closet and enjoy your guests anyway?
• If you are single and dating, do you have an idealized picture of Mr. or Ms. Right? Do unrealistic expectations keep you from imperfect, but true love?
• Are you always waiting for just the right time and place to begin new projects, a new job, a big move, or other life altering decision? Do you spend inordinate amounts of time waiting?
• Have you ever skipped a class reunion, going to a party, or bailed on any other prior engagement because you didn't lose the 10 pounds you hoped to? When you look in the mirror, are you rarely satisfied with what you see?
• Are you consistently frustrated and let down by people? Does your family, friends and significant other complain that they rarely can please you?
• Have you completely given up on the ideal? Because you were unable to achieve the very best, have you settled for less that you deserve?

If you answered yes to many or most of these questions, you are reflecting a Barbie-like idealism and you are missing an awful lot of life! The good news is that it’s not entirely your fault. You were raised on Barbie idealism. It was crammed down your throat on your 5th birthday when you were given your very first Barbie doll. Then later the media fed it to you in heaping spoonfuls with beauty magazines, movies, TV commercials, etc. You ate every little bit of it up, despite the fact as you were swallowing it, you were seething thru your teeth. So what do you do now?

Do what I do. Relax and live a little. Learn to treat the ordinary and average as good gifts sent from above. Embrace the everyday. Drink deeply from life's little pleasures. Always do your best, but know that even the best is not perfect. Basically, cut yourself some slack. Idealism is good, but too much can be suffocating. Remember, Barbie at 50 has never aged, but she also has never lived.

***NOTE***
You can also see this post featured on the frontpage of BrazenCareerist.com

What It’s Like To Date Yourself

***UPDATE***
Another featured post on the front-page of BrazenCareerist.com
My 3rd time in under a month - yeah me! Here's the direct link.

Ever wonder what it’s like to date yourself? I’m guessing you are shaking your head no because most people don’t have these odd, deep thoughts that I do from time to time. But if you’ve never wondered what it’s like to date yourself, perhaps today is the day you should give it some thought! Because if you wouldn’t want to date yourself, chances are nobody else does either. So with that said, it’s important that you possess some attractive qualities that...well, attract the opposite sex obviously. Or for some, attract the same sex. The point is, whether you are gay or straight, just make sure you can tolerate yourself or nobody else will be able to tolerate you either. Of course nobody is perfect so just like you shouldn’t look for the ideal date or the ideal companion, you shouldn’t place unnecessary and unrealistic pressures on yourself to be the ideal date or companion either.

Wondering what it’s like to date oneself...
I think my question would make Carrie Bradshaw proud.

This isn’t a soap opera. This is real life. And I have a secret for you, so come close. Psst, that guy that’s dreamy on TV, in the movies and in your cheesy romance novels, he doesn’t exist. He’s totally fake, the product of someone’s well scripted imagination. In reality, he’s probably just some dopy meathead that can’t complete a sentence without grunting and overusing the word dude. The harsh reality is that Mr. or Miss Perfect doesn’t exist in this world. Although, Mr. Perfect "FOR YOU" or Miss Perfect "FOR YOU" does exist! Simply put, the perfect guy or girl isn’t out there. But I can assure you that there is someone who is perfect for you, a perfect fit! They say there is someone for everyone. And for the sake of a feel-good post, let’s just say that’s true.

If you were asked to put together a brochure on how-to date yourself, could you do it? Could you do so in a fair and objective manner? Could you include the cons to your personality, just as you could the pros? Could you give specific keys to your heart – how to win it, how to lose it? What picks you up and what puts you off? How well do you know yourself sexually, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually? These are all aspects that come into play when dating. You need to know yourself, your true self, and not just know the person who you would like to be. If you don’t know yourself well enough to put together that brochure, then perhaps it’s time to discover yourself. Often the best way to do that is thru others and who knows you better than those you date? I can say with much certainty that a woman will always know me better than a man. Around my buddies, I’m just one of the guys. But around a girl, somehow I’m able to tap into my softer/sensitive side. Women just seem to always have the ability to bring that out of me naturally and comfortably. With a girl, I don’t have a problem opening up. With another dude, I rather we go play some hoops and check all that touchy/feely stuff at the door.

Since it never hurts to get to know yourself a little better, I’ve put together my "how-to date me" brochure. Ok, I cheated just a bit because what you will read below was not written by me. It was written in the stars! Stop giggling. I’m being serious. It’s part of an astrology profile on my sign, Scorpio. I’ve always half-believed in all that horoscope stuff. I think a daily horoscope is more for entertainment purposes. Although I think there has to be a good amount of truth in what sign you were born under. At least for my sign, the Scorpio characteristics fit me to a tee! And since the below profile tips on how to date a Scorpio man are so on point and I couldn’t have said it better myself, I’m using it as my brochure. So if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to date me or any other Scorpio man, wonder no more.

How-To Date Me, The Virtual Brochure
So what is it like to date a Scorpio man, to date me? Well according to one source, they claim..."The Scorpio male is unlike any other man of any other astrology sign. He is so unique that a separate section is needed to explain about dating the Scorpio man." I don’t know if I should revel in the fact that I’m so unique or be scared that I’m so complex that an entire extra page is needed just to describe how to date me! These online dating tips about Scorpio men are a woman's secret peek into his mind, which boils down to a secret peek into my mind!

Scorpio men are the most misunderstood and mysterious men of the zodiac. Every woman should date a Scorpio man at one point in their lives because dating Scorpio men is a relationship full of intensity, passion and you definitely won't forget your Scorpio man! The Scorpio man presents a strong masculine, sexual force. The Scorpio man is easy to seduce and take home for the night, it is much harder to form a real relationship with him (cough:manwhore:cough). The Scorpio man is very sensitive and feels lonely and unfulfilled, but he will never let a woman know this. Behind closed doors, be sensitive and affectionate to him. Appeal to his emotions only if you want a close relationship with him. Do not attempt to lead him on because he will see this and never forgive you. Toying with a Scorpio male is an unwise move. He will be jealous and possessive and will never allow a woman to control him. Let him take the lead because the Scorpio male is truly a fascinating person, you can never go wrong when he is planning the night! Do not nag on him for he has a hard enough time understanding his own emotions. Scorpio men make excellent protectors and you will always feel safe under his radiating, passionate and energetic power.

The Scorpio male is never indifferent to anything, he has strong opinions and thoughts. If you are ever dating a Scorpio man, you will see that he is very devoted and feels strongly about you. Part of his mystique is his potential for sudden infatuations and then suddenly losing interest, only to come back again at full force. He is not indecisive but he feels so intensely about every emotion that when he likes you, he likes you a lot. When he no longer likes you, he despises you. This coming and going and playing hard-to-get keeps many women interested in a dating relationship with him. Unlike men from any other sign, Scorpio is not easily swayed by revealing a little cleavage or talking seductively (of course this can help sway him, but he won't be putty in your hands like say, dating a Sagittarius man). Treat him like he is special, a one-of-a-kind person unlike anyone that you've ever met before. He craves this kind of pedestal treatment, this will make him putty in your hands!

Scorpio men are very emotional and sensitive, but this is hidden under a solid exterior. Ladies, if you are interested in dating a Scorpio man, do not be overly sentimental. He hates the gushy romance part of dating. You have to be sensitive and non-critical of his ways in the relationship because he is easily hurt. Also, never tell your Scorpio man that you are reading these online dating tips because he is the one who needs to have the upper hand, he is the one who is "in the know" of peoples motives! Let it be your little secret that as you are dating your Scorpio male that you are fully aware of his mysterious ways and understand his hidden agenda! Dating a Scorpio is a slow process, trust is built up over time because he never naturally trusts anyone. Do not expect to be treated special just yet. Once the dating relationship has gotten more intimate (not sexually but emotionally), then he will let some of his true feelings show.

Beware of the downfalls of dating a Scorpio male. Scorpio men do not like to compromise so you will have to. They like to be the leaders so for all the independent controlling women out there - you'll have to let him have the power in the dating relationship (he's a good leader, he knows what he's doing, everything he does is for a reason so you don't have to worry about pointless outings and stupid boring dates). If you every get into an argument or a fight, the Scorpio male has the ability to "sting" you. He will actually go out of his way to get revenge. So never cheat on him or cross him in any way, this includes lying. Never lie to a Scorpio man because he will never forgive you and he will never forget. Be careful not to play him while you're dating. (Side Note: I may like my own way at times, but I am willing to compromise. And I don’t really go for revenge, but most likely will be nasty right back. The rest of it is definitely true. Girls who are shady with me might as well forget it. Even if I manage to forgive, which doesn't happen often, it's fair to say I won't forget. And in the back of my mind, I will forever be bother by it.)

In order for dating compatibility, you have to follow his lead and give him his space. But beware that he won't give you much space or freedom. You belong to the Scorpio man but his sexy manliness makes you feel good under his protective, jealous arm. Dating a Scorpio takes patience and time and you have to able to deal with his strange mysterious ways, but this is part of the fun. The Scorpio male will always keep you on your toes. (Side Note: Jealousy is always tied to a Scorpio, but I’m only jealous if you’ve given me reason to be. Otherwise, I’m totally fine with giving a girl space and I won’t hound you with questions if you’ve earned my trust. And girls who purposely try to make me jealous will find they fail in that attempt. I won't become jealous, but I will lose all respect for you. Trying to hurt someone on purpose just seems so childish to me and that is a huge turnoff.)

The best relationship advice for dating a Scorpio male is get ready to go with the flow and have fun being seduced by him and watch out for that voracious sex drive. In the end, he will always treat you like a lady, not just his property. He wants you to remember him forever and be mesmerized by his seductive allure - a fun experience while it lasts! And that is why regardless of your compatibility with Scorpio, every woman should date a Scorpio man at one point in their lives. The most compatible dating matches for Scorpio men are Cancer, Pisces, Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo. With a little more effort and compromise, Scorpio males are also a compatible dating match with Aries, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius. Scorpio men have the least compatible match for dating with Gemini, Sagittarius and Libra.

If you want to read the dirty stuff in terms of what it takes to attract me, what are my erogenous zones and what sex with me is like, you can follow this link. Or you could just date me and find out. Oh yeah...you can also lookup your own astrology dating profile there too. Get to know yourself. The good. The bad. The ugly. And the beautiful parts that make up you. The combination of those parts is what makes you unique. There’s only one you in this world, but would you date you? That’s the question!

When I’m Dead And Gone, This Blog Will Live On

I can't be the only one who has ever had this thought cross their mind. I would think that anyone who keeps a personal blog, a diary or any type of journal has pondered this same question. "I wonder what people (family, friends and even total strangers) will say as they read this blog...when I am dead and gone." Anyone else ever thought about that? Perhaps it's a morbid thought, however I tend to have morbid thoughts sometimes. There are some things I have written about in this blog that even my closest family and friends are clueless about. If they did know about it, I worry that it might scare them, that they would be unable to handle my raw truths. Or perhaps a bigger fear is that I couldn't handle what they would think of me, what I would leave behind to be remembered by. I suppose for my Moleskine journal, I could lock it up in secure storage – a safety deposit box or safe. That way nobody could have access to the pages while I was still breathing. And as far as my blog goes, I suppose if I could foresee my inevitable upcoming death, I could delete all I've written on the web. Although as we all know, a delete key never fully erases your electronic trail. Whether I like it or not, my blog will have a way of living on, long after I'm dead and gone.

For people who allow themselves to be totally and completely honest about who they are and their lives, any form of a personal journal can be very hurtful or confusing to loved ones. And I imagine that pain would only intensify after one's death. Because let's face it, to be truly honest with oneself is to admit to the multifarious aspects of one’s character in all its humanity, both well-intentioned and malicious.

Your reactions to life's events, the experiences you have lived, your genuine opinions of friends, acquaintances, strangers...it all requires a great deal of resolve. Not to mention releasing one's deeply held thoughts and feelings. To release genuine honesty from one's own mind and heart, from your very being and to share it with others, it's not only brave but also complex given that the repercussions can resonate infinitely.

And then sometimes a journal is simply a place to vent about a situation, confrontation, or misunderstanding which soon after it occurs is resolved and even forgotten. I'm reminded of the scene in the chick flick "Bridget Jones' Diary" when, after she and Mark Darcy admit their mutual feelings, Mark finds Bridget's journal and reads her initial opinions of him. I don't want to ruin it for anyone who has yet to see the film (even though it's an old movie), but those who've seen it know what follows.

Overcoming Writer’s Block

Dig deeper. Open those old wounds. If there are no old wounds, create them. If you have nothing to write, try killing yourself. If you fail, then you’ll have something to write about. If you succeed, your troubles will be over.

A sick and disturbing statement? Maybe. But it definitely holds much truth and does make for a telling tale and a worthy read.

Oprah Made Me Cry

It’s a subject that no one wants to talk about, but if affects every one of us. If you knew you were dying, how would you spend your time? What would you say to the people you love? How would you live?

It’s frightening and really difficult to talk about, so I’ve decided to write about it. It’s death. Or rather living. When you look at it as “living your life”, the topic becomes less scary and much more inspiring. The most inspiring man I know is Randy Pausch. He is one of my CMU professors, as well as a married father of three. To put it rather bluntly, he is dying. He has pancreatic cancer and has been given just months to live. However, this post isn’t about death and it isn’t about cancer. It’s about life. It’s about living. It’s about living your life to the fullest and looking back with no regrets - realizing the biggest regrets are not of things you did, but things you didn’t do. And it’s about how his recent appearance on the Oprah show brought me to tears, literally.

(His speech is in the first 10 minutes of the show.)

I feel honored to know him and blessed to have been taught by him as a graduate student. Saying that I admire him is quite an understatement. Randy Pausch has inspired me with not just his words, but with the way he has chosen to live his life. So yes, Oprah made me cry, or rather Dr. Pausch’s “Last Lecture” Reprise did. It is a little embarrassing to admit I actually watched an episode of Oprah, let alone cried during it. However, I’m willing to let the world know my professor brought me to tears in hopes that it will reinforce just how important his speech is to hear. What a profound impact it had, not just on me, but by the millions of people who have now heard it. It’s literally life changing and I feel it’s imperative that I share it with you.

When I think of Dr. Pausch, I think of someone that delivers valuable, powerful lessons in the simplest of terms. “Brick walls are there for a reason, they let us prove how badly we want things.” “If you live your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself, and the dreams will come to you.” I love his outlook on so many things and find myself being able to relate to him on so many different levels, like when he suggested that parents should let their kids paint on the walls. His parents allowed him to express his creativity, drawing whatever he wanted on his bedroom walls. I would have loved if my parents would have given me permission to do that! Growing up, I told myself that one day when I have kids, I would paint their bedroom walls with chalkboard paint. So in the middle of the night when they brainstorm up the cure for AIDS and cancer, they will have somewhere to jot down the algorithm. Or if they just need a creative outlet to scribble a silly face, that would be ok by me too.

Pull out the fine China tonight and eat your grilled cheese sandwich on it. Slip into an outfit you have stashed in the back of your closet, saving for a special occasion. Toss around that autographed NFL football that is encased in an air-tight display case. What are you waiting for? Live today because you never know if you will be around tomorrow to enjoy life's simple joys.

Leonardo da Vinci once said “As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death.” It’s a beautiful sentiment and a very famous quote from one of the world’s most historic figures. Although, a message attached to a framed family photo resides with me stronger. It rests on the mantle of my fireplace, etched are the words…“Live Well, Love Much, Laugh Often.”

Nothing could be more true and I think the good professor would agree.

True Or False

It's easier to be mad than sad?