The Selfish Giver

I sometimes wonder if the act of helping others is actually fulfilling a selfish need of our own. In the sense, if I do for someone else, it makes me feel better about myself. In that twisted way, it almost feels selfish. Like I ask myself, "Am I REALLY doing this for them, or am I doing it to feel better about myself as the return?" They say giving should come from the heart, but the cynic in me can't help but wonder if all of us don't have ulterior motives attached. Ulterior motives that are hidden or just plain ignored because recognizing that ugly side takes away from the warm, fuzzy feeling and beauty of it all.

You should NEVER give with the mindset of..."what's in it for me?" You should give freely and WITHOUT wanting anything given back. You shouldn't look for a present in return, a tax write-off, some good PR for your company, or even a hardy pat on the back. I think good deeds are something that should fly under the radar and never be bragged about. So if the gift is supposed to be in the giving experience, isn't that still sort of selfish? Again, we may be donating money, goods, or services to help but in the process we are also doing that to allow ourselves to bask in a "feel good" moment. Selfish?

This has been something I’ve been mulling over for awhile now, ever since I read Grace Boyle’s blog post titled "We’re Born To Help." And with the recent fund raising efforts surrounding Haiti, I am interested in hearing other people's thoughts on my selfish giving theory.

Long story short, a few months back while at the vet’s office, I saw a fellow English Bulldog owner struggling with a very difficult decision. She didn't have the needed funds to pay for a life saving surgery, so instead she was facing euthanasia of her young pet. I decided to pay the difference of what she couldn’t afford so her Bulldog could be saved. I would hate to see anyone have to say goodbye to their furry BFF over money! Seeing her pain nearly brought me to tears. So again, I wonder. Did I do it for her and the dog, or to make myself feel better? Giving freely shouldn’t feel selfish, but if you look at it all twisted like I am doing lately, it kind of does.

Perhaps I'm not twisted and this is just human nature. Perhaps other people feel the same way and I'm just honest in actually saying it. Perhaps I should silence the "you're a selfish dick" dialog running in my head and look at it like Life Coach Jenny Blake told me...

"At the end of the day, if helping others is selfish AND altruistic, who cares? In that case, everybody wins. And may the planet be a better place for it."