Wanting. Wanting What You Don't Want. And Giving Up.

Ever want something or think you want something, give it to yourself and shortly after realize you didn't really want it that bad after all? That you could have made due without, but fell victim to that overwhelming greedy "want it gotta have it right now" syndrome.

It's called wanting what you don't want. And it can be applied to just about anything from a pizza to a relationship.

It reminds me of those Cold Stone Creamery cups where you must decide your level of self-indulgence. They offer 3 portions sizes - Like It, Love It, Gotta Have It. I always imagine a fat little kid's face pressed up against the glass, wide-eyed and salivating over the countless sugary choices. They all look so delicious! How could one ever decide?

That's exactly what I feel like. A kid in a candy store ice-cream shop, indecisive and drooling. Even when I manage to finally decide on one selection, I realize shortly after that what I thought I wanted I didn't really want that bad after all. I simply satisfied an urge. Acted on impulse. I indulged on a Gotta Have It cupful. Then again, it's NYC. And the streets are filled with an abundance of beautiful, single women.

Don't get confused. That's just an example. And this post isn't about casual sex. It's about the abundance of decisions we are faced with everyday in our lives! It's enough to make anyone's eyes glaze over like a fat little kid in an ice-cream shop.

People talk about not acting on things quickly enough. But think about all the things you acted too quickly on! If you had just allowed yourself to want it a bit longer. Admired it. Pined for it. Thought it through. If you had just delayed instant gratification for the soul purpose of mastering a beautiful quality known as patience, just think of how differently things could be right now.

Then there are the times that despite not being impulsive or greedy, your interest simply fades.

And you can't quite figure out if you truly no longer want it, or if you just gave up on wanting it so bad that you subconsciously fooled yourself into believing you no longer want it.

Because it's easier to say "I no longer want this" than to say "I gave up on wanting it."