Barbie Idealism

With her 39-21-33-inch curves, Barbie no doubt sets an impossible ideal for young girls to role model their body after. There’s just no reasonable comparison. Not even Victoria’s Secret supermodel Gisele Bundchen and her slinky 36-24-35-inch stats could compete. If Barbie was real with those types of measurements, the laws of gravity would actually make her topple over. But if Barbie is No Woman she's also Every Woman - cheerleader, rock star, teacher, President, Olympic skier, bikini beach babe, fearless astronaut, the list goes on and on. She’s a mover-and-shaker who's cycled through more incarnations than Madonna, Lindsay and Britney combined. The one constant, Barbie has remained the ultimate poster child for idealism. From childhood thru to adulthood, Barbie has evilly set the standard for the ideal woman. Girls want to be a Barbie and guys want to date a Barbie.

This month, Barbie turns the big Five-O! But unlike many other Baby Boomers, she shows no signs of losing her bod or her face. Ahh, hello, she’s made of plastic! Over the years Barbie has evolved from plaything to Miss Thang...and a hot thang too I might add. I know she’s 50 years old, plastic and stands less than 12 inches tall, but I would still tap that Mattel ass. Wouldn’t you? Ok, maybe that is physically impossible. But if she were real, she would be a GILF (G is for Grandma and you know the rest). If Samantha Jones can be "50 and fabulous", why can’t Barbie? Sure Samantha may be a fictional character, but she’s still a real human being. Barbie is a doll! And because Barbie is a doll, she has never gained weight, never sagged, never wrinkled and never aged. Jealous? No? Well give it time, one day you will be.

While Barbie was busy capturing the hearts of a whole generation of little girls, she was revving up the hormones of a bunch of pre-pubescent adolescent boys! Growing up with two older sisters, I saw my fair share of naked Barbies. Our living room was a sea of Barbie boobs! I literally stepped on multiple sets of plastic boobies as I made my way to the kitchen for my double stuff Oreo cookie (and no I wasn’t a fatty as a kid). Perhaps today that is why I’m not a breast man and girls with giant implants scare me a little. It brings up horrific childhood memories. It also brings up fond memories of how I would torment my sisters by taking Pink 'N Pretty Barbie and placing her in a gangbang with Malibu Ken and Rock & Roll Ken. Once in awhile He-Man and Skeletor would jump into the action with Skipper by getting a little doggy-style action over the hood of Barbie's pink Corvette. Needless to say, my Mom didn't find this as humorous as I did. With hopes of not encouraging me, it did get my sister's to clean up their naked Barbie mess in the living room.

Silliness aside, Barbie is a good metaphor for the idealism of how we live and see ourselves today. It is that Barbie idealism that often keeps us from enjoying the simple pleasures of life. The ordinary, the average, and the everyday is viewed with contempt. We miss an awful lot of life when our senses are primarily attuned to the biggest, or the brightest, or the best. The real irony, missing life is exactly what we fear most! As you can now see, Barbie idealism can leave one awful unhappy! So ask yourself, are you Barbie-like in your expectations? The following are some questions to consider...

• When you entertain, does your home or apartment have to be immaculate? Or can you close off some areas by tossing all your junk in a spare room or closet and enjoy your guests anyway?
• If you are single and dating, do you have an idealized picture of Mr. or Ms. Right? Do unrealistic expectations keep you from imperfect, but true love?
• Are you always waiting for just the right time and place to begin new projects, a new job, a big move, or other life altering decision? Do you spend inordinate amounts of time waiting?
• Have you ever skipped a class reunion, going to a party, or bailed on any other prior engagement because you didn't lose the 10 pounds you hoped to? When you look in the mirror, are you rarely satisfied with what you see?
• Are you consistently frustrated and let down by people? Does your family, friends and significant other complain that they rarely can please you?
• Have you completely given up on the ideal? Because you were unable to achieve the very best, have you settled for less that you deserve?

If you answered yes to many or most of these questions, you are reflecting a Barbie-like idealism and you are missing an awful lot of life! The good news is that it’s not entirely your fault. You were raised on Barbie idealism. It was crammed down your throat on your 5th birthday when you were given your very first Barbie doll. Then later the media fed it to you in heaping spoonfuls with beauty magazines, movies, TV commercials, etc. You ate every little bit of it up, despite the fact as you were swallowing it, you were seething thru your teeth. So what do you do now?

Do what I do. Relax and live a little. Learn to treat the ordinary and average as good gifts sent from above. Embrace the everyday. Drink deeply from life's little pleasures. Always do your best, but know that even the best is not perfect. Basically, cut yourself some slack. Idealism is good, but too much can be suffocating. Remember, Barbie at 50 has never aged, but she also has never lived.

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