Verizon To Offer Apple iPhone Lite

Hal lay lu ya. Praise the Lord. And it’s about f-ing time! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this? Finally, my prayers have been answered and I’m so excited I could piss my pants! However, I’m going to cross my legs until I finish this post and relieve my bladder later. So are you ready for the earth shattering news? You better make sure you’re seated because if you have a little geek in you, you are certain to faint.

The iPhone is coming to Verizon!

Oh my God. Deep breath. Don’t hyperventilate, David. Compose...and continue.

It seems that Verizon and Apple finally have a deal in the works to bring the sexiest phone on the planet to the #1 wireless provider on the planet. While Apple may be in bed with AT&T until their 2010 contract expires, that hasn’t stopped Steve Jobs from cheating just a little bit in the last 6 months by making nice with Verizon. It’s been a secret love affair, but now the dirty laundry is being aired! If you recall back when the iPhone was in development, Jobs had shopped the idea to Verizon first before settling with AT&T. Of course back then Verizon stupidly rejected the iPhone. However, it seems both companies are willing to let bygones be bygones and work together to give consumers what they want - an iPhone on the Verizon Wireless network. Just be warned, AT&T is about to throw a full blown hissy fit when they hear the news!

But enough about AT&T, they suck anyway and I no longer care to talk about them. So let me spill the goods on what this new iPhone deal means for you the consumer. First the bad news, this will not be the same Apple iPhone that is already on the market. The new Apple iPhone made exclusively for Verizon will lack one main feature, Wi-Fi. I know, I’m upset about that too. It’s one of the best features the iPhone offers! However, let’s not dwell on the negative and let’s focus on the positive. So the good news is that this will be a smaller, thinner, less expensive iPhone! And all the other bells and whistles today’s iPhone offers will be included in this new Verizon iPhone. Go ahead, you may cheer now.

Inside sources are saying it will be called the "iPhone Lite". And rumor has it that it will be officially announced sometime this June and will go on sale by early July. I for one will be getting it that very first day it’s released!

In other related Verizon and Apple news, another device is said to be in the works as well. Some are dubbing it the "iPad" which is a media pad that would let users listen to music, view photos and watch high-definition videos. Also, it would have the ability to place calls over a Wi-Fi connection. Pretty cool indeed!

So there you have it. The best tech news I’ve heard all year! I can die a happy boy now.

Obama’s First 100 Days In Office Checklist

News sources everywhere are a buzz about President Obama’s first 100 days in office - what he’s done, what he’s failed to do. He’s under much scrutiny and rightly so. During his Presidential campaign he made himself the poster boy for change. So it’s only natural that people expect to see that promised change from the head of the White House. The American people want/need that change and want/need it fast! However, let’s be realistic here. He has a lot on his plate! I don’t think any other U.S. President has ever had so many issues left by his predecessor on Inauguration Day. Those lingering issues are now the challenges set before Obama, issues he must not only deal with, but solve. This change will be a constant work in progress, over the course of his 4 year term. Change can’t happen overnight. But how much change can he deliver, or rather lead us to, in the first 100 days in office? That is the burning question!

Why anyone would want to be President is beyond me. The pressure is ridiculous! Although, he did sign on for it. So why some people continue to pressure him to make miracle changes in just the first few weeks in office, I honestly think it's going to take a lot longer. Still, there is a checklist floating around the Internet of goals people would like to see from their President before he reaches his 100th day in office, which is rapidly approaching on April 29, 2009.

I do like the idea of 100 days of promises to live up to. Will he fulfill them all? Well, time will tell. I don't think he will get it done in 100 days, especially considering he only has 6 days left until the 100th day deadline, but it's something to shoot for. And I for one am willing to embrace ANY change he can bring us! Or rather any change he can help lead us into.

One website, obama100days.amnesty.org states, "We don’t expect the impossible from President Barack Obama." But then they go on to include huge goals likes these on their First 100 Days In Office checklist...

Day 1: Global Economy Fixed.
Day 20: Global Warming Reversed.
Day 83: World Peace Established.
Day 94: Meteor Defense Shield Created.

These sound more like the goals that a dingbat Miss America pageant contestant would naively promise to bring if she were crowed. This checklist can’t be serious, unless we elected God himself as President! So while I respect those who set goals for themselves and do everything in their power to achieve those goals in a timely fashion, setting goals for someone else and saying "here, do it, and fast" just doesn’t seem logical nor reasonable to me.

So forget finding world peace, solving the economic meltdown and reversing global warming. Those issues aren't THAT important, are they? Instead of being so critical right now, let’s just be thankful that he finally took care of that "Puppy Promise" of his - First Dog, Bo is hard at work watering and fertilizing the White House lawn as we speak. Hmm, now what goal # was that on the list? Let’s scratch it off.

***NOTE***
You can also see this post featured on the frontpage of BrazenCareerist.com

I Know Nothing About You

I wrote a post titled "I’m Beautiful And Ugly And Misunderstood", almost exactly two years ago. In it I expressed how I feel my family doesn’t even know me. I mean REALLY know me. Know the REAL me. I cited the example of how my Grandmother always thought my favorite color was yellow. It’s not. It’s red. It was never yellow. She wanted me to like yellow, so in her head she made my favorite color be yellow. She did this for both of my sisters too, decided our favorite colors for us. I never understood it, but I accepted it. I went on to state that it’s not just about my favorite color. It’s about everything. I’m misunderstood. I’m improperly interpreted. I’m wrongly judged. I feel the depth of me is unappreciated. I feel it is my fault because the depth of me has yet to be seen. I fail to show the many layers that lie beneath my skin. Everyone knows my outer shell. Hardly anyone knows my inner core. I had gone on to question why that was. Why does my Grandmother seem to know so little of me when I know so much of her? Is it the lack of my story telling? Is it my failure to openly share every aspect of my soul? Or is it the lack of her wanting to know me? Truly know me. Two years later I find myself asking these same questions once again, but not about my relationship with my Grandmother. This time around, it’s about a girl.

What I don't know about her could fill a book. So what do I know about her for sure? Well I know that I make her smile. And I suppose for now that’s good enough for me. In time, the rest will come. For now, I dread someone catching me thinking about her and saying, "Tell me about her." I don’t dread that conversation because I’m ashamed or embarrassed to have her face pass thru my mind, but because my response would be, "Umm. I don’t know where to even start." And that wouldn’t be my bashful way of saying there’s so much to her that I can’t even begin to summarize her beauty inside and out. No, it’s because I really don’t know where to start because I haven’t even got to know her that well myself. Although I'm hopeful that will soon change. That the unknown won't be forever etched in stone.

It’s not that we don’t talk, because we do, a lot! It’s just that I have no idea what we talk about - nothing of substance apparently. I guess we just bullshit the time away. Between all the joking around and flirting, I couldn’t even tell you what is really said. That sounds strange, I know. And believe me, this has come to the forefront of my mind lately and I’ve begun questioning it...or rather questioning her.

I’ve seen every inch of you naked and even brought you to orgasm, but until last night, I didn’t even know what your favorite color was. I had to ask because I wanted to know. You must have thought I was a bit odd asking you what your favorite color was, along with your favorite number and favorite food, like I was some 5-year-old conducting a survey. I inquired about your family as well because it doesn’t seem right to me that I know of that teeny tiny mark beneath the inner curve of your right butt cheek, but I have no idea how many siblings you have. The most important figures in your life are your family. And if they’re important to you, they’re important to me. Now I’m not saying you need to introduce me to your Mom. I’m just saying that I want to know that you have a family. I want to know who they are, that they exist. Is that ok?

I shouldn’t have titled this post "I Know Nothing About You", because after last night, that’s no longer true. I now know your favorite color! Although, I still have much to learn. So I ask one more thing from you. I ask that you take me out of my comfort zone. Teach me something new. Show me your world. I’m open to whatever you want to throw at me. I’m a sponge. Soak me up in you.

It should go without saying - I'm ready, willing and eager to learn.

Six Word Memoirs

When challenged to do so, Ernest Hemingway wrote a story in six words.

His story: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

Six powerful words that tell a much deeper story than a simple number count would imply. You may recall back in October of 2008 I wrote a post called "Say It In Six Words". In that post I asked readers of my blog to share a secret of theirs in just six words. I have to admit, the outpouring of secrets/comments the post received were amazing! And to this day, it’s one of my favorite posts - not because of what I wrote, but because of what all of you wrote.

I’m not one to write for the sole purpose of getting feedback, but in this case, the post can only be as good as the feedback it receives. So in a sense, you write the post! So lay it on me. Tell your story in six words. No more. No less. Just six. And if you wish to post Anonymous, that's fine.

To be fair, I'll start it off with six, six word memoirs of my own...

"Still blame myself for your suicide."
"My laughter is an amazing disguise."
"You showed me that I mattered."
"Want me as boyfriend or boy-friend?"
"2009 gave birth to David 2.0"
"I write like no-one is reading."

All The Cool Kids Moved To Facebook, Long Ago!

I have some big breakup news! I’ve dumped Tom and now I’m in an exclusive relationship with Zucky! Don’t know what I’m talking about? Then read on.

Facebook users have long surpassed MySpace users. For the first time ever in mid 2008, Facebook was able to call itself the #1 social network, a title MySpace had carried for years...but not anymore. Personally, I’m happy about that. For some time now, I’ve loathed MySpace! And because I’ve developed a small hatred towards MySpace, I’m disassociating myself from that little corner of the web. So here are my top reasons why I am deleting my very inactive MySpace account.


Top Reasons Why I'm Ditching MySpace

• Nothing good has ever come from me having a MySpace account.
• I simply cannot take one more MILF e-mailing me!
• The majority of member’s pages make my eyes bleed with dancing Care Bears and sparkly unicorns.
• To make matters worse, some unknown annoying country song that makes me wish I was born a deaf mute begins to blare.
• I haven’t logged in since last year and actually forgot my password, that’s how inactive the account is.
• Having a MySpace account is about as cool as popping your collar.

Besides, all the REAL cool kids moved to Facebook long ago and so have I, even though there was a time when I swore against joining any social networking sites. In fact, I even mentioned this on my soon to be deleted MySpace page. "I once said I would NEVER sign up for any social networking site and then...here I am. In my defense though, I was pressured into getting a MySpace account, nagged into it is more like it. Although I do have free will so I guess I need to take partial blame. One day I'll delete it."

And today is that day.

Goodbye MySpace. It's now your space. I'll not be renewing my lease.

***NOTE***
You can also see this post featured on the frontpage of BrazenCareerist.com

Exclusive Never Before Seen Photos Of My...

Here are excuses #536, #537 and #538 why I don’t feel like blogging...

• My workday is too long, it sucks up my time and depletes my writing creativity.
• The weather is too nice, I can’t sit still long enough to blog. I need to run and play.
• I’m getting busy in a Burger King bathroom.

Ok, that last one isn't true. But comeon now, you know you have the old skool lyrics of Digital Underground - "Humpty Dance" memorized too.

In the meantime, since I’m not in the mood to write/blog, I’m going to take the easy route and just upload some photos. So enjoy these exclusive never before seen photos of my boy. The breeder took these of the entire litter at 5-weeks of age and weighing in at just 5lbs a pup! Until that day, they had never seen the world outside their puppy crib. This was Diesel’s first time he ever felt sunshine on his should and it made him happy. (Sing that in a cheesy John Denver voice to experience the full swoony experience of this post.)

I’m sorry, but I will argue with anyone who doesn’t agree that there is nothing cuter on this planet than a litter full of English Bulldog puppies. It’s cute overload, pure and simple.

You Can’t Romanticize A Stripper

There are many things in life that can be romanticized. The way you tell a story, the way you capture a moment in time with photograph, or the way you create life with just a bit of paint and a simple brush. Some would argue that you could even romanticize a tragic suicide. But one thing you can’t romanticize with words - a stripper. But yet somehow, Jason Mraz tried doing just that. While Jason Mraz has a couple really good hit songs, this is not one of them. In fact, I feel this is perhaps the worst song he's ever written! Before I heard it, there was a point where I felt he may be a lyrical genius like John Mayer. Sadly though, he's no baby John Mayer. I think you'll agree as I'll let these lyrics speak for themselves.

Jason Mraz - "Butterfly"
Taking a moment just imagining that I'm dancing with you
I'm your pole and all you're wearing is your shoes
You've got soul, you know what to do to turn me on until I write a song about you
And you have your own engaging style, you've got the knack to vivify
And you make my slacks a little tight, you may unfasten them if you like
That's if you crash and spend the night

Chorus:
But you don't bode, you don't pay, you got everything you need
Except for me, sister you've got it all
You make the call to make my day
In your message say my name
Your talk is all the talk, sister you've got it all

Curl your upper lip up and let me look around
Ride your tongue along your bottom lip and bite down
And bend your back and ask your hips if I can touch
Well they're the perfect jumping up point
Getting closer to your butterfly

You float on by
Oh kiss me with your eyelashes tonight
Or Eskimo your nose real close to mine
And let's mood the lights and finally make it right

Repeat Chorus

Mmm mmm And all I really need to see
You pull your knee socks up
Let me feel you upside down, slide in, slide out
Slide over here, climb into my mouth now

Butterfly
Well you landed on my mind
Actually landed on my ear but you crawled inside
And now I see you perfectly behind closed eyes
I wanna fly with you
But I don't want to lie to you

But I can't recall a better day
Sun coming to shine on the occasion
You're sophisticated, lady, you've got it all
You've got it all to make my day
In your message say my name
Your talk is all the talk, sister you've got it all

You know that fortune favors the brave
But let me get paid while I make you breakfast
The rest is up to you, who makes the call
I never forget a face, 'cept maybe my own
I have my days, let's face the fact here
It's you who's got it all

I can't recall a better day
Sun coming to shine on the occasion
You're an open-minded lady, you've got it all

You've got it all, you've got it all, you've got it all (3x)

Butterfly, baby, you've got it all

Like a lunch buffet at a strip club, this song too is deeply disturbing. Titties and tatter tots don't mix, and neither do strippers and romance. Not to mention this song has entirely too many fucking lyrics to it! There are also some major flaws in the lyrics...or rather "ick factors" as I prefer to call them. Butterfly kisses and Eskimo noses - vomit! And what self-respecting man uses the word "slacks" to describe his pants? Don't even get me started on his line about wanting her to slide over here and climb into his mouth. Jesus dude! I can't think of anything more nauseating than letting my lips come within an inch of some skanky stripper. I would rather gargle with a handful of dirt and motor oil than put my mouth anywhere on a glittery stripper whose been crawling all over the filthy floor and grinding on a greasy pole. Speaking of glitter, what's up with that? Why does my crotch have to look like I rubbed a tacky Christmas card on it after a stripper doused in body glitter gives me a lap dance? It's not sexy. It's annoying. Well just to be clear, the lap dance isn't annoying, just the glittery aftermath is.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not anti-stripper. I mean, who doesn't enjoy a T&A show? It's just that romanticizing a stripper just seems so horribly wrong to me. While the idea of a strip show is supposed to be sexy, romanticizing a stripper is not. Unless of course that stripper is your girlfriend, then it's waaay sexy! If I have to explain why that is, you just wouldn't understand. The same way I don't understand how anyone ever thought that clear stripper shoes would be sexy.

In short, T-Pain's "I'm In Love With A Stripper" was a much better song! In fact, it was kind of a catchy-ass tune. He kept it real. Sorry Jason, but there's nothing romantic about a girl who grinds for a dollar. And if you disagree, then perhaps you need to step away from the titty bar for awhile. Go check out the sunlight. Or better yet, watch a sunrise or sunset - that's romantic.

Love You Man, In A Totally Straight Way

Not only did I defend my championship belt like Rocky Balboa, but I moved up a rank (from 9th to 8th place) in the latest "Top 10 Gen Y Blogs" list from RyanStephensMarketing.com But this isn't a post for me to gloat, although I'm highly tempted to. No, this is a post to say thank you. Thanks to those that voted for me and a big thanks to Ryan for the warm, fuzzy words he said about me. If you were a girl, I would be swooning right now. But since you are not, I won't. Although is it wrong for me to say "love you man" in a totally straight way?

From April 2009 "Top 10 Gen Y Blogs"
8.) The Rest is Still Unwritten (9) - Tech News and Random Ramblings from a 20-something year old bachelor.

David debuted on the February edition of this list in the 9th spot and moves up a spot this month. The thing about David’s blog is it always feels so fresh to me. Fresh content, fresh ideas, fresh insights. He really mixes it up with short posts that just make me laugh and longer more insightful posts. He has a very distinct voice, and he doesn’t let himself get boxed into one niche, writing about all things that interest him (and his readers as evidenced by the fact that he’s got on of the most commented blogs on this list.)

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From February 2009 "Top 10 Gen Y Blogs"
9.) The Rest is Still Unwritten - Tech News and Random Ramblings from a 20-something year old bachelor.

And yet that description doesn’t even begin to encapsulate what David’s blog is about, which for me, his words (always completely transparent) embody his raw journey through life. I’ve recently become acquainted with David’s work as we have seemed to travel in different circles, and I’m glad I have. He discusses stuff other people are scared to put on paper, and makes ambiguity enthralling. This post is one of my favorites that resonates in so many ways.


Oh Ryan, you make a boy's heart melt. I'm kidding. Seriously though, keep up the good work over there. And congrats to everyone who made the "Top 10 Gen Y Blogs" list!

I Should Be Stripped Of My Class Clown Crown

I feel so lame. I couldn’t think of any good pranks to pull today. I officially suck. It’s not like me to be so uncreative and unoriginal. I was voted Class Clown in high school. So I should be the master prankster! Sadly though, it’s April 1st, Fool’s Day...and I can’t think of a single good joke to play on anyone! Well, other than my Mom, but she doesn’t count because she falls for anything and everything. She’s the most gullible person I know. Every year since I was about 8-years-old, I’ve been pulling the exact same practical joke (the oldest trick in the book) on her for April Fool’s Day. And every single year she falls for it, again! It’s become almost a tradition for me to tie a rubber band around her kitchen sink sprayer handle. This never fails to soak her from head to toe and in the process gives me a childish chuckle.

You would think I would have more important things to do with my workday than to sit in my office for an entire hour trying to brainstorm up the perfect prank. A prank to top all other pranks history has ever bear witness to. A prank that is so good that it even makes other pranksters look foolish in comparison. A prank for the century. So what ideas did I come up with during that hour long brainstorm session? Well here is my list of crap...

I’m gay.
I thought about pretending I was gay or maybe even just bi-sexual and "come out of the closet" on my blog and/or to my family and friends. But anyone who knows me well enough wouldn’t buy it for a second.

I’m giving away my dog.
I thought about announcing that I need to find Diesel a home because my busy work schedule and all the traveling I do isn’t fair to him. That would be more believable than saying I’m gay, especially following the topic of my last blog post. But even just considering to make up that lie made my stomach nauseas. The thought alone is just too emotionally stressing to me, despite the fact that it wouldn’t even be true! Still, I can’t bear to even kid about such a serious thing. I mean this is Diesel we are talking about! He’s just not "some dog" to me. And I would never ever give him up for anything or anyone.

I’m closing my blog.
I thought about saying I was closing my blog and then list a bunch of bullshit reasons why. The problem with that is that if people believed it, they would never return to my blog to read that it was just an April Fool’s Day joke. So that seems sort of stupid on my part, to castoff readers on purpose. Plus, I think I may have already pulled that lame joke in the past.

I’m pregnant.
Obviously, there’s a gaping hole in this lie that would need to be filled to make it even slightly believable, like growing ovaries overnight. So I scratched the "I’m pregnant" idea and considered running with the "I got someone pregnant" idea. However, that brought up some bad memories from a scare I had in my freshman year in college when my girlfriend was 2 weeks late. Also, a couple years ago I was dating this girl who thought it would be funny to tell me she was pregnant as an April Fool’s Day joke. Ok, maybe I can see the sick humor in that, but that joke turned into a major fight when I believed her for a second and stupidly asked if it was mine. I know, I know. Dumb! But it’s not that I was accusing her of sleeping around. Honestly, the thought never even crossed my mind. But I suppose I just blurted out "is it mine" because I was too shocked to believe it could be and didn’t know what else to say. Long story short, she flipped out on me and thought I was insinuating that she was a slut.

We broke up shortly after. I’m not sure if the joke was on me or on her. Regardless, I suggest nobody pull the pregnant card for shits and giggles.