You Can’t Romanticize A Stripper

There are many things in life that can be romanticized. The way you tell a story, the way you capture a moment in time with photograph, or the way you create life with just a bit of paint and a simple brush. Some would argue that you could even romanticize a tragic suicide. But one thing you can’t romanticize with words - a stripper. But yet somehow, Jason Mraz tried doing just that. While Jason Mraz has a couple really good hit songs, this is not one of them. In fact, I feel this is perhaps the worst song he's ever written! Before I heard it, there was a point where I felt he may be a lyrical genius like John Mayer. Sadly though, he's no baby John Mayer. I think you'll agree as I'll let these lyrics speak for themselves.

Jason Mraz - "Butterfly"
Taking a moment just imagining that I'm dancing with you
I'm your pole and all you're wearing is your shoes
You've got soul, you know what to do to turn me on until I write a song about you
And you have your own engaging style, you've got the knack to vivify
And you make my slacks a little tight, you may unfasten them if you like
That's if you crash and spend the night

Chorus:
But you don't bode, you don't pay, you got everything you need
Except for me, sister you've got it all
You make the call to make my day
In your message say my name
Your talk is all the talk, sister you've got it all

Curl your upper lip up and let me look around
Ride your tongue along your bottom lip and bite down
And bend your back and ask your hips if I can touch
Well they're the perfect jumping up point
Getting closer to your butterfly

You float on by
Oh kiss me with your eyelashes tonight
Or Eskimo your nose real close to mine
And let's mood the lights and finally make it right

Repeat Chorus

Mmm mmm And all I really need to see
You pull your knee socks up
Let me feel you upside down, slide in, slide out
Slide over here, climb into my mouth now

Butterfly
Well you landed on my mind
Actually landed on my ear but you crawled inside
And now I see you perfectly behind closed eyes
I wanna fly with you
But I don't want to lie to you

But I can't recall a better day
Sun coming to shine on the occasion
You're sophisticated, lady, you've got it all
You've got it all to make my day
In your message say my name
Your talk is all the talk, sister you've got it all

You know that fortune favors the brave
But let me get paid while I make you breakfast
The rest is up to you, who makes the call
I never forget a face, 'cept maybe my own
I have my days, let's face the fact here
It's you who's got it all

I can't recall a better day
Sun coming to shine on the occasion
You're an open-minded lady, you've got it all

You've got it all, you've got it all, you've got it all (3x)

Butterfly, baby, you've got it all

Like a lunch buffet at a strip club, this song too is deeply disturbing. Titties and tatter tots don't mix, and neither do strippers and romance. Not to mention this song has entirely too many fucking lyrics to it! There are also some major flaws in the lyrics...or rather "ick factors" as I prefer to call them. Butterfly kisses and Eskimo noses - vomit! And what self-respecting man uses the word "slacks" to describe his pants? Don't even get me started on his line about wanting her to slide over here and climb into his mouth. Jesus dude! I can't think of anything more nauseating than letting my lips come within an inch of some skanky stripper. I would rather gargle with a handful of dirt and motor oil than put my mouth anywhere on a glittery stripper whose been crawling all over the filthy floor and grinding on a greasy pole. Speaking of glitter, what's up with that? Why does my crotch have to look like I rubbed a tacky Christmas card on it after a stripper doused in body glitter gives me a lap dance? It's not sexy. It's annoying. Well just to be clear, the lap dance isn't annoying, just the glittery aftermath is.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not anti-stripper. I mean, who doesn't enjoy a T&A show? It's just that romanticizing a stripper just seems so horribly wrong to me. While the idea of a strip show is supposed to be sexy, romanticizing a stripper is not. Unless of course that stripper is your girlfriend, then it's waaay sexy! If I have to explain why that is, you just wouldn't understand. The same way I don't understand how anyone ever thought that clear stripper shoes would be sexy.

In short, T-Pain's "I'm In Love With A Stripper" was a much better song! In fact, it was kind of a catchy-ass tune. He kept it real. Sorry Jason, but there's nothing romantic about a girl who grinds for a dollar. And if you disagree, then perhaps you need to step away from the titty bar for awhile. Go check out the sunlight. Or better yet, watch a sunrise or sunset - that's romantic.