I Should Be Stripped Of My Class Clown Crown

I feel so lame. I couldn’t think of any good pranks to pull today. I officially suck. It’s not like me to be so uncreative and unoriginal. I was voted Class Clown in high school. So I should be the master prankster! Sadly though, it’s April 1st, Fool’s Day...and I can’t think of a single good joke to play on anyone! Well, other than my Mom, but she doesn’t count because she falls for anything and everything. She’s the most gullible person I know. Every year since I was about 8-years-old, I’ve been pulling the exact same practical joke (the oldest trick in the book) on her for April Fool’s Day. And every single year she falls for it, again! It’s become almost a tradition for me to tie a rubber band around her kitchen sink sprayer handle. This never fails to soak her from head to toe and in the process gives me a childish chuckle.

You would think I would have more important things to do with my workday than to sit in my office for an entire hour trying to brainstorm up the perfect prank. A prank to top all other pranks history has ever bear witness to. A prank that is so good that it even makes other pranksters look foolish in comparison. A prank for the century. So what ideas did I come up with during that hour long brainstorm session? Well here is my list of crap...

I’m gay.
I thought about pretending I was gay or maybe even just bi-sexual and "come out of the closet" on my blog and/or to my family and friends. But anyone who knows me well enough wouldn’t buy it for a second.

I’m giving away my dog.
I thought about announcing that I need to find Diesel a home because my busy work schedule and all the traveling I do isn’t fair to him. That would be more believable than saying I’m gay, especially following the topic of my last blog post. But even just considering to make up that lie made my stomach nauseas. The thought alone is just too emotionally stressing to me, despite the fact that it wouldn’t even be true! Still, I can’t bear to even kid about such a serious thing. I mean this is Diesel we are talking about! He’s just not "some dog" to me. And I would never ever give him up for anything or anyone.

I’m closing my blog.
I thought about saying I was closing my blog and then list a bunch of bullshit reasons why. The problem with that is that if people believed it, they would never return to my blog to read that it was just an April Fool’s Day joke. So that seems sort of stupid on my part, to castoff readers on purpose. Plus, I think I may have already pulled that lame joke in the past.

I’m pregnant.
Obviously, there’s a gaping hole in this lie that would need to be filled to make it even slightly believable, like growing ovaries overnight. So I scratched the "I’m pregnant" idea and considered running with the "I got someone pregnant" idea. However, that brought up some bad memories from a scare I had in my freshman year in college when my girlfriend was 2 weeks late. Also, a couple years ago I was dating this girl who thought it would be funny to tell me she was pregnant as an April Fool’s Day joke. Ok, maybe I can see the sick humor in that, but that joke turned into a major fight when I believed her for a second and stupidly asked if it was mine. I know, I know. Dumb! But it’s not that I was accusing her of sleeping around. Honestly, the thought never even crossed my mind. But I suppose I just blurted out "is it mine" because I was too shocked to believe it could be and didn’t know what else to say. Long story short, she flipped out on me and thought I was insinuating that she was a slut.

We broke up shortly after. I’m not sure if the joke was on me or on her. Regardless, I suggest nobody pull the pregnant card for shits and giggles.