Introducing Random Ramblings

I’m thinking I might start a new blog label/tag/category titled "Random Ramblings". It would be fitting for posts like this one. A post where I talk about a lot of things, but at the same time, a lot of nothing. It would be the equivalent of mental diarrhea, where my mind just uncontrollably spews out whatever it has digested within the last 24 hours or so. It would be the polar opposite of verbal constipation. Now doesn’t that sound like fun? I could blab about pointless topics that often do not flow well from one topic to the next, like that awkward conversation you have with someone you wish to not be conversing with. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. We’ve ALL been there before and we include them on our "People To Dodge" list for future reference. A similar comparison could be made to blogs. There are some blogs we simply vow never to visit again for the sole fact that they are just excruciatingly mind numbing. And as you are reading this, who is to say that you aren’t thinking that very same thought about my blog? I can say this though, I promise not to ever blog about mundane mindless dribble - reading material that nobody wants to read, including the person who wrote it. Mundane mindless dribble like what I ate for lunch. When blogging first hit the web, I assumed (and for good reason) that blogging was a bunch of people who nobody listened to in "real life" trying to be heard online. I felt sort of sad for them, but at the same time, I wanted them to shut up and stop filling cyberspace with their pointless crap. Blog entries that read..."Today was a good day. I ate a cheese sandwich for lunch. Tomorrow I’ll post more."

Oh please, I beg of you, continue with that riveting thought! The suspense is killing me! How will I ever sleep tonight? I simply can’t wait until tomorrow to hear how delicious your cheese sandwich was! I simply MUST know what kind of cheese you ate in your sandwich and what kind of bread you put it on – white, wheat, what, what? Tell me, tell me! Did you get all crazy and breakout the rye? Mayo? Lettuce? Tomato? Chips on the side? Oh. My. Now you’re living!

Alright, so I’m a dick. I shouldn’t make fun of people who have nothing else exciting going on in their life other than their cheese sandwich. Thankfully, blogging has evolved tremendously since the mid 90s. And once blogging became mainstream in 2000, new and more interesting blogs began popping up. Today, there are lots of talented writers in the blogosphere. Writers/bloggers who have more to write/blog about than just themselves and their own personal life. Not to mention, they blog about topics that are more fascinating than what one ate for lunch. I promise I will never bore my readers with what I ate for lunch, unless of course you are fascinated by such a topic? Please shake head no. Instead we can talk about the weather! Oh yes, isn’t that what people always discuss when they have nothing else to say? Whatever happened to a comfortable silence? Can’t we just engage in that more often than feeling socially obligated to fill the dead air? Why do we need to bounce words off of a complete stranger?

There’s a misconception out there. Often people feel that by striking up a conversation and talking to a complete stranger that it will give comfort to both of you. But the reality is that it often just makes you both feel all weirded out. Perhaps you should stop trying to be Bubbly Betty and Witty Will and just shut the f up. Try keeping to yourself every now and then. Comfort may follow. I'm sorry if I sound rude or I'm implying that I'm a social misfit. I swear I'm not. But when I'm standing in the Target checkout line wanting to purchase my bottle of Downy and Nerds Rope candy, I don't give a shit about your kids. So to the lady behind me who is talking my ear off about her son's stupid soccer practice, please keep it to yourself. I understand you love your kid and he shits gold, but I honestly don't give a rat's ass about him and I couldn't care less if you are buying him a sweatshirt to wear under his soccer jersey since it will be cold at his next game. Enough already!

Can’t we just ignore one another New York-style? See, this is reason #5,487 why I heart NY. Because I don’t give a fuck about you and you don’t give a fuck about me. There is just something so endearing about that. It’s brutally honest and I like brutally honest. However, since this is a blog and not NYC, I am "forced" to talk in your ear hole and you are "forced" to listen to me. And since we aren’t exactly strangers (well in the virtual sense we are like old friends), I thought I should strike up conversation with you. So here goes nothing...

It’s cold out. It snowed a little already, nothing that’s sticking, just a few scattered flurries. It's the first time the white stuff has been spotted this year. Tomorrow should be warmer. And right now, I need to take my dog for a walk. By the way, I ate 2 packages of Nerds Rope candy for lunch today. Can I just say that Nerds Rope candy is scrumptulescent? Oops, I’m sorry. I promised I wouldn’t talk about what I ate for lunch or default to the standard conversation-starter of the weather. Oh well, too bad, so sad. You just read this entire worthless blog post and that is 5 minutes of your life you will never get back! You’re welcome.

And if that isn’t enough, this post will be continued. I believe in endless torture.

Again, you're welcome.

I’ve Been Nominated For "Best Geek Blog"

Here’s a shameless plug. There’s no way to do this tactful, so let me just jump right into self-promotion. My friend Jen felt I should be honored for the random ramblings (AKA writing) I do here on my blog. So she signed up on BloggersChoiceAwards.com and nominated yours truly for a virtual award – "Best Geek Blog" for 2009. I’ve accepted the nomination and decided to run with it. I started campaigning yesterday and in matter of a few hours, I rose from 5th place to 1st! However, to hold strong at the top I’ll need a lot more votes in the coming 365 days! Last year’s Blogger’s Choice Awards were announced earlier this week and the winner of the 2008 "Best Geek Blog" category was BoingBoing.net with 236 votes. So you see, the votes will need to keep coming in throughout the upcoming year if I am to take home 1st place in 2009. I should also note, that if you cast your vote and keep pushing me to the top, I will return the favor by voting for your blog as well! It’s sort of a win-win situation for all of us.

I’m only running for "Best Geek Blog", even though technically my blog covers a whole slew of topics and interests. However, I narrowed it down to just the geeky stuff because...well because I’m a tech geek. Besides, there’s no need to be an award whore. This is the Internet afterall and not the Oscars. I believe in spreading a lil love around. One award per person is sufficient if you ask me. So basically, I guess I’m asking for your help in awarding me 15 minutes of short lived virtual fame and then I’ll shut up about this. Fair enough?

I hope you don’t NEED a reason to vote for me, but if you do, here are a few reasons why you should nominate my blog for "Best Geek Blog"...

• Because you heart me.
• Because you heart my blog.
• Because you heart me AND my blog.
• Because you don’t want to make my Mom cry, do you?
• Because I have The World’s Most Awesome English Bulldog ever! Seriously, have you seen him? He’s ridiculously C-U-T-E! (photo gallery)
• Because you have nothing better to do right now than vote for me and if you don’t vote for me, I’ll personally come to your place of residence and slit your throat. And yes, I believe in scare tactics to get my way, Tony Soprano-style.

Ok, that last one may have been a bit harsh. And honestly, I don’t want to threaten you with violence. So just go vote so we don’t have to venture down that dark seedy path. Thanks!

To visit my nomination page and to cast your vote, just click on the badge below. It's the same badge you'll see on my blog's sidebar, bottom right hand side.

The Market May Be Down, But Prostitution Is Up!

In today’s bad economy, it’s nice to know a whore can still make a living. If you’re a whore, it’s good that you followed your dream of deflowering 40-year-old virgins who are balding, unemployed and living in their Mom’s basement. I mean someone has to do it, right? It’s good that you are giving a $5 blowjob to the creepy old guy with the prostatic leg behind the local bodega. It’s good you offer these services at rock bottom prices because we all know there are some really lonely (AKA horny) guys out there who are desperate to get a lil sumin-sumin. So you see, it’s good you followed your dream and didn’t listen to your parents when they encouraged you to be "a somebody", like an investment banker. That’s right, who’s laughing now? Who’s the smart one now? And more importantly, who’s employed now? You may be a whore, but you’re a smart whore. You’re a hard working whore. You’re employed and you’re getting yours. Da bitch be bringin' home da bacon...now what does the laid off investment banker have to say to that!

Look, our country is in a crisis. And in times of crisis we turn to one another for emotional support, spiritual support, financial support and I suppose even sexual support? I’m assuming that’s where whores come in. I mean who else is going to fuck the broke ass investment banker that everyone now hates due to the fact he had profited gross amounts of money from your naïve Nana’s pocketbook? Nana is 88 and close to her deathbed as it is, did she really need to be broke ontop of dying? That just doesn’t seem right. Regardless, a whore has sympathy. She feels sorry for the unloved investment banker and offers him a half-priced deal he can’t refuse. Aww, see, this story does have a happy ending! Not only does the P.O.S. investment banker get laid, but the whore keeps business strong. Afterall, prostitution is the world’s oldest profession so you really shouldn’t be surprised.

Now sure the $1,000+ an hour high class escort may see a small decline in clientele, but for the $5 whore, business will be thriving! I think one particular whore (promotional model turned Manhattan prostitute) said it best when she stated..."The market is down, but we feel it less. We're still busy. If men are horny, they're going to come here." Well said, my lady. Well said. See, and you thought whores are dummies. That chick is a genius! Or at least she uses common sense in understanding that her side of the market doesn’t fluctuate as much as Wall Street's side. Well she does "fluctuate" – goes up and down, but you know what I meant.

So the point of this post is this…next time you see a whore standing on the street corner about to turn another trick, don’t judge her. Don’t ridicule her profession. In fact, be jealous of her. Yes, be jealous. Because while it’s quite certain that YOUR job doesn’t hold security, her profession has stood the test of time. And during this economic meltdown, prostitution will continue to grow and prosper. You heard it here first kids. If you want job security, be a whore.

Write Your Own Caption

I’m speechless. Actually I’m not, but this is just too easy to make fun of! The possibilities are endless! I mean what more do you need? I’m sorry for being rude, but comeon now. You're almost asking for it. Seriously? Dude.

I mean, dudes.

Not to state the obvious, but not only are they wearing matching pink sweat suits, but they are tucking the sweatshirt INTO the sweatpants! Who does that? Actually who even wears sweats in public these days? Don’t even get me started on the "costume" portion of this getup. And that poor dog. Someone call the ASPCA or Child Services or something! Ok, I need to stop because I could go off on this all day. So instead, it’s your turn to write your own caption to this photo. Clever, humorous, rude - it’s all fair game here.

I only ask that you don’t poke fun at their sexuality because it’s obvious these two men are straight as an arrow.

(I should mention, they were dressed like this for a Halloween Pet Parade in NYC over the weekend. Still, that's no excuse to look like this.)

If There Was No Net, Would You Stop Me From Jumping?

It is an iconic structure. An engineering masterpiece. A triumph of human ingenuity and muscle over the elements. A symbol of San Francisco. The West. Freedom. And something more. Something almost spiritual, but impossible to describe. It’s the Golden Gate Bridge and it’s where more people choose to end their lives than anywhere else in the world. The sheer number of deaths there is shocking, but perhaps not altogether surprising. If one wants to commit suicide, there is an eerie logic in selecting a means that is almost always fatal and a place that is magically, mysteriously beautiful. Almost two dozen people a year are reported to end their lives by jumping off the bridge which spans the San Francisco bay. Although official figures aren’t published, in order to not encourage potential jumpers, it’s estimated that roughly 1,300 unfortunate people plummeted to their deaths 200 feet below the bridge. Want another startling fact? Every day, 89 people commit suicide in the United States. This tragic act is the 11th leading cause of death in America. And studies show that more than half of American college students have considered suicide at some point in their lives. As life, or rather death, would have it...the magnificent Golden Gate Bridge, for all its beauty, or maybe because of it, has always attracted those poor souls who saw no point in going on and decided they might as well make their exit spectacular.

Inspired by a 2003 article from New York Magazine entitled "Jumpers", written by Tad Friend, there is a documentary that was made a few years back that you may or may not be aware of. It’s titled "The Bridge" and it has been surrounded by controversy since it was released. The New York Times calls it "One of the most moving and brutally honest films about suicide ever made...remarkably free of religious cant and of cozy New Age bromides. Eerie and indelible." I have the film, but I have yet to watch it. One of these days I will, but for now, it’s a topic that hits too close to home. I hope I’m not the norm in having a family member and a best friend who committed suicide. And I hope I’m not the norm in knowing countless other people who have either attempted suicide or considered it. Even I have battled bouts of severe depression since age 11, which led to "things" – let’s just leave it at that.

I’ve seen suicide from both the outside and the inside. It’s hard to put into words because the pain is indescribable. However, it needs to be put into words. Perhaps we needed "The Bridge" to paint us the visual for when these words escape us. This grim and very taboo topic is something I’m all too familiar with, but a topic that I really think people should talk about. People need not to just talk about it. They need to see it to really feel it, because God forbid they have to experience it firsthand. If people refuse to open a dialog up and shed some light on the subject, then in the dark is where it will remain. It shouldn’t be a dirty, little secret we hide and refuse to acknowledge, but that is exactly what it is.

People suffer largely unnoticed while the rest of the world goes about its business. "The Bridge" is a documentary exploration of the mythic beauty of the Golden Gate Bridge, the most popular suicide destination in the world, and those drawn by its call. Director Eric Steel and his crew filmed the bridge during daylight hours from two separate locations for all of 2004, recording most of the two dozen deaths in that year (and preventing several others). In addition, the director captured nearly 100 hours of incredibly frank, deeply personal, often heart-wrenching interviews with the families, friends and witnesses of these suicides. The film raises questions about suicide, mental illness and civic responsibility as well as the filmmaker's relationship to his fraught and complicated material. It offers glimpses into the darkest and possibly most impenetrable corners of the human mind. The fates of the 24 people who died at the Golden Gate Bridge in 2004 are linked together by a 4 second fall, but their lives had been moving on parallel tracks and similar arcs all along. "The Bridge" is a visual and visceral journey into one of life’s gravest taboos.

Suicide doesn’t discriminate. It affects men and women of all walks of life, both young and old, and of all races and religion. And after decades of debate, the Golden Gate Bridge board of directors has decided to install safety netting (AKA, a suicide net) 20 feet below the bridge’s deck. The net, made of metal wiring coated with plastic, will catch any jumpers and allow rescue teams to easily untangle them due to its design. It is made to partially collapse around anyone who jumps into it, thus preventing the person from re-jumping and completing their mission. The 3.4 miles of netting will cost between $40-50 million dollars, so the project isn’t expected to be completed for several years. Sometimes all suicidal people need is a certain amount of time to stop and reflect in order to change their mind. San Francisco is hoping this net will do just that.

I have mixed feelings on the suicide net. And of course this raises a very real religious, legal and moral debate. If someone is about to kill themselves, should you, would you, could you stop them? Trust me, you do not want to have the "shoulda/coulda/woulda" argument with yourself after the fact. By then it’s too late and you can’t bring them back. There is no mulligan. No second chance. No do-over. It’s a done deal and you are left with the "what if" questions that will haunt you until the day YOU die. But that is YOU. What about them? What about what they want? If there was no net, would you stop me from jumping? (This is a hypothetical question.)

Selfish vs Selfless

There are few things in life that judge one’s character more than the ability or the inability to care for another. To be able to put someone else before yourself is truly an act of love and an act that shows great maturity. For many, this act is easy. It’s effortless. In fact, it comes naturally. Although for others, it’s a challenge. And for a select few, unselfish is a foreign word to them. Last week’s post "Say It In Six Words" received more responses than I expected. I was truly blown away by some of your 6-word secrets. They were really good! So this week I thought I would do something similar.

I want you to leave One Selfish Wish and One Selfless Wish. The Selfish vs Selfless wishes can be about anything. All I ask is that the wishes are true, how you honestly feel. You may remain anonymous or tie your name to it. Feel free to be as vague or as direct as you feel comfortable. The rest is up to you!

As always, I’ll start it off with mine...

Selfless: I want "a certain someone" to be happy at all costs.
Selfish: I want to be the one that makes "a certain someone" happy.

I’ll Be Crushed To See Obama Girl Go

Whether you’re for John McCain or Barack Obama, it doesn’t really matter because we will all be equally crushed to see the hot Obama Girl go after Election Day...or at least I will be. Regardless if Obama wins or loses, I have a feeling that after November 4th, Obama Girl will be a distant memory. If you don’t know who the Obama Girl is, shame on you! Where have you been? Amber Lee Ettinger, a 26-year-old hottie now living in NYC, has been making "I Have A Crush On Obama" viral videos and shaking her ass for the last year so on YouTube and her website ObamaGirl.com Boys from both political parties may not always see eye to eye, but both Democrats and Republicans can agree on one thing – she’s hot! She’s caused such a stir that she even has her own Facebook fan club, appropriately titled "I Have a Crush On the Girl Who Has A Crush On Obama"

Watch the "I Have A Crush On Obama" video that started it all.

E has named her the hottest woman on the web. Maxim magazine asked her to do a spread. (Not that kind of "spread", I’m talking about a Maxim photo spread, perverts.) She’s competed in the Miss Hawaiian Tropic pageant and has even been crowned Miss NYC. But despite all these accomplishments, she is still best known for professing her love for Barak Obama. Now does she REALLY find him sexy? I highly doubt it. It’s just a silly and humorous way to show her support for him and quite frankly, to show off her perfect little body.

Hey, if she wants to slap another girl's ass and bounce up and down, who am I to stop her? Putting an end to this behavior would just be ridiculous! I say jiggle. I say shake. I say you bounce around as much as you want, until your little heart is content. Just keep capturing it on video, slow motion video would be best. If you wanted to throw a little bit of bass in the background too, that would be great. Something with a bow-chica-bow-wow sound should suffice. I say let your hair down and hike your skirt up. Keep on campaigning, even after Election Day comes and goes. Your message is being heard. Not sure if it's your "political message" that is being heard, but I can assure you that you are sending me a very good message, loud and clear. And I like it.

(I have a new poll up on my blog. You'll find it in the orange sidebar to your right. Not to worry, casting your vote is completely anonymous and this is just a virtual pre-election, obviously. Perhaps I should have included Obama Girl as a selection though?)

Knowledge Is Power And Power Will Overcome Poverty

***UPDATE***
I made the front page of BrazenCareerist.com today with this very post. You'll see it listed as one of their "Featured Posts". So go check it out!

The United States is one of the wealthiest, most powerful countries in the world. But yet just like every other American, I too am bitching about our economy. I’m complaining about my investment portfolio whittling away. I’m complaining about getting raped at the gas pump (although gas prices recently started dropping). And I’m complaining about how I now have to pay for the mistakes made by all the greedy banks and stupid people who took out subprime mortgages on houses they couldn’t afford. My complaints are valid, IF you live in The States. But if you live in a poverty stricken country like Nigeria or Peru, my complaints are nothing but whinny words from an overindulged and unappreciative man. Why is it that the poorest people in the world are usually the ones you never hear a complaint from? They don’t have a mortgage because they don’t have a house. If they are lucky, they live in a small mud hut with 10 other people. Gas prices don’t affect them because "piling into the family SUV" doesn’t exist for them. And they certainly don’t have an investment portfolio because they don’t have money for basic necessities like food, shelter and clean drinking water. So they definitely aren’t saving a chunk of their income to invest in stocks and bonds. They have virtually nothing and instead of saying something, they remain silent. I sometimes wonder if they’ve just given up. If they just learned to adapt and accept a life of poverty because they can no longer dream of anything better.

When you’re young, you dream of growing up and being so many different things. One day you want to be a doctor, the next a lawyer. You then switch your mind and dream of being a teacher, football player or fireman. These are all exciting and rewarding careers, but what about the kids in Nigeria or Peru? Do they dream of being anything? Do they even dream, at all? This is where we can help out. We can become a "dream maker" of sorts. We can help grant their wish.

There is a saying..."Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." So if we help them today, we can change their tomorrow. I think we should start with the youngest victims of poverty, the children. They are the future face of poverty. But if we empower them now while they are still young, chances are they will only grow stronger and wiser with age. And God willing, they will escape a life of poverty. When you know better, you can do better. Knowledge is power and power will overcome poverty. Right now they lack the knowledge and resources to make this change. So to help out, I’ve decided to donate 15 XO laptops from the OLPC (One Laptop Per Child) program to 15 children in a developing nation.

So why 15 you ask? Because today is Blog Action Day 2008 and this year’s focus is on poverty. If you recall, last year I participated in the first ever Blog Action Day about the environment with this post. Blog Action Day occurs every October 15th and was created to unite the world’s bloggers, podcasters and videocasters, to post about the same issue on the same day. The aim is to raise awareness and trigger a global discussion. Basically, it’s one issue and thousands of voices. This year I really wanted to make a difference and actually DO something and not just blog about it. Therefore I decided I would donate 15 laptops in the spirit of the 15th of October, Blog Action Day 2008.

When it comes to poverty, it’s sad to think about. It’s one of those topics that if it doesn’t directly affect us, we like to ignore it. And as an American, I can honestly say I rarely think about it, let alone actually do anything about it. That is until today. Some will argue that a 3rd world country would benefit more from a supply of food, clean drinking water or help with housing. But they are also severely lacking in public schooling. I’m a big fan of education and if I can help some underprivileged kid not only dream about becoming a doctor or lawyer, but actually help put them on the right path to making their dream become a reality, then I say this is money well spent and a gift I’m happy to give.

The (OLPC) One Laptop per Child Foundation is supported by individuals, businesses and foundations. Contributions large and small are greatly appreciated and will be used to support grassroots learning innovations throughout the lesser-developed world. You can bring the light of learning to a child who would otherwise be left without adequate access to information and education with a donation of one or more XO laptops. A donation of $200 will pay for and deliver one XO laptop to a child in a developing nation, $400 will pay for and deliver two XO laptops, and so on. Your entire contribution will be tax-deductible. If you would like to learn more about the laptop, the program and how to get involved, visit laptop.org

Blog Action Day 2008 - Poverty. Are you just blogging about it, or are you actually doing something about it?

It’s Official Guys, Our Seed Is No Longer Needed

If this isn’t a blow to the male ego, I don’t know what is! I always thought I was good for something. That I served some sort of purpose on this earth, but now I’m having second thoughts. In the movies you’ll hear some naggy woman harping on her man saying he is "good for nothing". Well to that I always had a rebuttal in my head. Of course I never verbally blurted it out in the theater because that would be classified as psycho behavior, arguing with a screen actress, while she’s still on the actual screen. So I would have this inner argument in my head. Which I realize now as I’m writing this, it seems just as crazy, if not MORE crazy, then shouting at the movie screen. Anyway, I digress. Men have always been good for something, right? We are good at paying for dinner, cutting the grass, fixing a flat, moving heavy furniture, taking out the garbage and some of us can even hang a picture. These are all talents, or rather handyman skills, that a woman desires in a man. If we perform these duties in a timely matter often enough and without being asked or reminded to do so, then there is a good chance we will be rewarded – with sex. To men, this reward is priceless! To put it bluntly, a man knows no greater joy than getting laid. Often, it’s our sole purpose of existence! What else is there to live for - taking out the garbage? I don’t think so.

Once a woman is close to reaching age 30, many go into this state of panic! They feel their internal clock tic-toc ticking away. They sink their claws into the first man they see within a 20 foot radius and claim him! They club him over the head, bound his hands and feet, and drag him back to their cave. Or lair, since this is the work of the devil, the she-devil! (Obviously, there is a bit of dramatic effect here and a small amount of exaggeration. So don’t send me hate mail scolding and lecturing me that women only bind the hands and not the feet.)

When a woman has her new-found man in her cave (no pun intended, ok pun intended), she uses him for sexual purposes. Now not for pleasure, but for seed spreading. She’s looking for at least one good swimmer. A Michael Phelps in the sperm world. To a woman like this, sex can seem like a chore or a necessarry act one needs to endure in order to conceive. So naturally, they need a man to help them accomplish this goal of conception. I’m sorry fellas. I too would like to believe they want to ravish our bodies and use our giggle sticks for their own dirty, devious sins. But unfortunately, they are just using us for our prized ejaculate. Want more bad news? Now women don’t even need our semen, AKA they don’t need us! Or at least in the shark world a female doesn’t need a male to reproduce. Let me introduce you to the Virgin Mary of sharks!

The first time it happened, scientists thought it might be a fluke. A female hammerhead shark residing at a zoo in Omaha, Nebraska had not been in contact with male sharks for at least 3 years and yet experienced a "virgin birth". She delivered a single pup. And now it has happened again! This time a blacktip shark had spent nearly her entire 8 years at the Virginia Aquarium without any male companionship from her kind. In what some religions might call a miracle, science calls "parthenogenesis". Using DNA fingerprinting techniques used in human paternity tests, scientists have determined that the solitary offspring contained no genetic material from a father. Scientists say it is reasonable to assume that female sharks can do this on occasion. Surely it happens in the wild, but nobody has been able to prove it yet. There's no reason that keeping a shark in captivity would cause a fundamental change in the reproductive system. But yet, something remarkable is happening! This asexual reproduction occurs when an egg cell is triggered to develop as an embryo without the addition of any genetic material from a male sperm cell.

Sharks have suffered steep declines in all of the world's oceans, either inadvertently caught by fishing nets and hooks or targeted for shark fin soup marketed as a delicacy in China. Some scientists have suggested that this may be a last-ditch way for severely depleted populations to reproduce if their numbers fall so low that males cannot find females. So much for the Adam and Eve story. Adam is no longer a necessary part of the equation.

I’ve always thought women are the stronger sex. Think about it. No man could bleed for 5 days straight every month and live to tell about it. But yet women do this. And child birth? Oh, no, no, no! You will NOT see me ever going thru that! That looks excruciatingly painful! My theory is this is just the evil workings of woman to help rid the world of men. These days, women want to rule the world. And in some areas, they do! So what do they need a "good for nothing" man for? Men aren’t even needed when it comes to reproduction. Although I'm sure we will be called upon when a spider runs across the floor. Yes, that will be man's purpose - exterminator and garbage man. Women can keep the population going without the help of us, but perhaps they’ll take out our giggle sticks every now and then strictly for fun though? We can only hope.

Say It In Six Words

About 2 months ago, PostSecret asked readers of their blog to submit their six-word secret for an upcoming memoir book. At the time, I never submitted mine because I wasn’t feeling very creative. Today, I’m still not feeling all that creative, but I thought it might be more interesting to read some of your 6-word secrets rather than my own. Of course to be fair, I’ve composed 6 six-word secrets of my own to start it off. You don’t have to come up with 6, but if you can think of just 1 six-word secret, leave it in the comments section.

I still think about you, everyday.
I’m ready to be happy again.
My weakness, girls in stiletto boots.
Sorry Dad, I’m voting for Obama.
I want to be a writer.
Just six words can’t define me.

This is my last six-word sentence.

(By the way, you get extra credit points if you reply to a comment in six words. Ahh, yes. This is getting tricky now!)

Girls Whispering About Me?

Ever wish you could be a fly on the wall and hear what people are saying? Of course some things are best not to know. However, when the chit-chat is complimentary, wouldn't you like to hear it? Usually I’m the last to know if a girl likes me or even thinks I’m cute. I’m kind of clueless in that regard. But thanks to the Internet, I’ve just been filled in on this little bit of info...

St. Louis Wedding Vendor Directory - Forum
http://www.stlwed.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=18934

Subject: Great blog!
I found this guys blog a few weeks ago and love reading...I thought some of you may like his latest post about the state of our economy.
http://diamondkt.blogspot.com

Girl 1: "I really enjoy his writing and he's a super nice guy (I emailed him for computer help and he went above and beyond to help me out!)"
Girl 2: "He's hot! At least he looks hot in his profile picture. Sorry, I'm shallow."
Girl 3: "If you're shallow, then so am I. It was my first thought too."
Girl 1: "Ummm - that's why I added him as a friend...I had never even looked at his blog."

Every weekend I get a "stats report" on my blog e-mailed to me from from the previous week. In it, I’m given referral links on how people find my site on the net, like a Google search keyword, etc. So that is how I overheard the whispering, otherwise I would have remained clueless. I guess these brides-to-be like me? I know they aren't calling off their wedding over me or anything dramatic like that! But still, it's nice to be virtually loved. Well, they just find me cute or "hot", which is good enough for me. I have to say I’m flattered and I hope I didn’t just embarrass any of them by posting this. I often wonder what girls talk about and in this case, now I know.

Gmail Looks Out For Your Drunk Ass With "Mail Goggles"

We’ve all been there. We click send and then say "Oh shit!" We just sent a txt or e-mail out and we are having second thoughts. We want desperately to get it back, but unfortunately, there isn’t an unsend button. So what do we do, other than panic? It’s out there, flying at lighting speed thru cyberspace and has already been delivered in the recipient’s inbox in a matter of seconds! There’s no time to race to the girl’s apartment, knock the Crackberry from her hands and tackle her to the floor screaming "Don’t read that! Don’t read that!" Even if you could get there in time and intercept the message, the chances of her NOT reading it are slim to none. You’ve just sparked her interest in why you so adamantly want her NOT to read it. So naturally, now she is dying to know what it says! "I think im drunk and i think i love you" - perfect example of a txt I sent out late one night. And sooo not romantic. I’m also guilty of booty calling the wrong girl while drunk. Ummm, yeaaah. That was an awkward moment. But hey, in my defense, the contact list is small on my phone and the buttons are touchy. Not to mention my vision was slightly impaired making it rather tricky.

As if you needed yet another reason to love Google. If you remember the other week I gave you 10 reasons to love Google, but perhaps you need just one more. If so, then you’re in luck because Gmail Labs (Google’s beta testing/lab of new Gmail features) has introduced the best feature to date! I’m sure you are familiar with the term "beer goggles", but Gmail has added a twist to it with "Mail Goggles". Sometimes we send messages we shouldn't send. Like the time you told that certain someone you had a crush on them over txt message. Or the time you sent that late night e-mail to your ex wanting to get back together. Gmail can't always prevent you from sending messages you might later regret, but Gmail can give you a virtual sobriety test that may help. And when we are drunk, we can use all the help we can get! Think of "Mail Goggles" as your designated e-mailer. (Get it? Designated driver/designated e-mailer? I know, bad joke. Let’s move on.)

When you enable Mail Goggles, it will check that you're really sure you want to send that late Saturday night e-mail. And what better way to check than by making you solve a few simple math problems after you click send to verify you're in the right state of mind? But if you can’t answer a handful of 3rd grade math questions in under 60 seconds even when sober, well then you’re pretty much fucked trying to do it while intoxicated. So good luck with that. By default, Mail Goggles is only active late night on the weekend as that is the time you're most likely to need it, when you are out drinking yourself into a drunken stupor. Once enabled, you can adjust when it's active in the General settings, for those of you that are daytime alcoholics.

Blame it on the Blackberry. Blame it on the iPhone. Blame it on every cell phone that is equipped with mobile web access and txting capability. Sure the sport of drunk dialing is still around, but it seems these days many of us have moved on to drunk txting and drunk e-mailing. Whether it’s a phone call, a txt message or an e-mail, all are equally detrimental to your character when you are drunk. So hopefully Mail Goggles will prevent many of you out there from sending messages you wish you hadn't. And when in doubt, do what I do. I have a rule I follow, or at least try to follow, to keep me from saying something I’ll later regret. When my emotions are running high (whether it be anger, love, etc), I write the message and sit on it for a full 24 hours before sending. That way I have time to cool down and think it over. I rationalize it out and if I still feel the same in 24 hours, then I hit send. Try it. It’s been a life saver for me!

Although this isn't to say that I don't occasionally send totally random and probably completely inappropriate messages now and then - drunk and sober. I'm human. It happens. Please forgive.

Your Father Is Having "Cardiac Problems"

I had lunch with my Mom on Saturday and somewhere between talk of her recent trip to California, my dog and Sarah Palin, she casually throws in..."Your father is having cardiac problems." Umm, what? Why is this the first time I’m hearing this and when did you plan on telling me? She offers me little to no details and quickly changes the subject, leaving me in the dark. And that’s where I’ve been the last 48 hours or so - in the dark. Worrying. Wondering. Even praying I misheard her or that it’s some type of sick joke. Could that be possible? Please let that be the case! I’m sooo much like my father it’s scary. Just the thought that he could have a heart attack or...I can’t even say the word. I’m beyond freaked out! I find my hands shaking a little just writing this. I immediately go into denial, as I’m sure my father is there too. He has always prided himself on the fact that he’s in the same shape he was at age 18. Obviously I didn’t know the man at 18, but I can testify that he hasn’t gained a single pound since I was born. He’s in great health, or at least he/we thought. Like me, he’s a "go with the flow" laid back kind of guy. So I doubt he is worrying about this, or at least doesn’t show it. Most likely, he’s in denial. I don’t think my Mom is in denial though, but she is denying me details.

I’m having trouble thinking clear. And even if I had more details on this, I probably wouldn’t be able to write about it. It’s perhaps my biggest fear, losing my Mom or Dad. It’s something that scares me shitless and because of that, I completely shut down when it comes to talking about it. So as I write this vague post, I’m watching "Meet Joe Black" on TV. It’s a chick flick, but a favorite movie of mine. I can’t help but compare Anthony Hopkins scripted role of "Bill Parish" with the unscripted real life of my father. I wonder if he has a similar conversation with himself. If he asks himself that question...

The great Bill Parrish at a loss for words? The man from whose lips fall "rapture" and "passion" and "obsession"? All those admonitions about being "deliriously happy, that there is no sense living your life without." All the sparks and energy you give off, the rosy advice you dispense in round, pear-shaped tones.

The question you've been asking yourself with increased regularity, at odd moments, panting through the extra game of handball, when you ran for the plane in Delhi, when you sat up in bed last night and hit the floor in the office this morning.

The question that is in the back of your throat, choking the blood to your brain, ringing in your ears over and over as you put it to yourself.

The question.

Am I going to die?

22-Year-Old Auctioning Off Her Virginity To Pay For School

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The Palin Interview That Will Make You Cringe

Remember on your 21st birthday when you woke up the next morning, or rather afternoon, in a haze? You were hungover beyond belief, or if you were like me, you were still drunk until 2:00 in the afternoon the next day! Remember that fog your mind was in? Remember how you rubbed your eyes, scratched your head and asked "Where am I? What happened?" Remember how your stomach turned on you and you walked around with that "huh" look on your face? Well that is exactly how I felt last night after watching the CBS Evening News. Katie Couric posed questions about Roe vs. Wade to both vice presidential candidates, as well as a follow-up about any Supreme Court decisions they disagreed with. Democratic Joe Biden why he thought Roe vs. Wade was a good decision, Republican Sarah Palin why it was a bad one. Sounds simple enough, right? I would think Palin would have nailed this question and knocked it out of the park. I mean afterall, who better to speak on abortion issues than a woman? Plus, she has a pregnant teenage daughter at home, so she should be familiar with every issue surrounding Roe vs. Wade. Right? WRONG! May I present to you the most excruciating interview I have since Miss Teen South Carolina tried to answer why a fifth of Americans cannot locate the U.S. on a world map. Post/video found here...
8/28/07 – You’re Hotter When You Don’t Talk

WTF? I feel stupider for having listened to Sarah Palin speak in this interview. Is it just me or does she leave you feeling dazed and confused too? (And not in a good way.) Seriously, did anyone manage to comprehend a single thing she said? I couldn’t make sense out of any of it and I don’t think she even partially answered the question asked. Even Katie Couric looked baffled! This reminds me of a drunk chick in a bar who rambles on giving you her life story and acts all nervous and tongue tied like she is interviewing for a date. When in reality, I just wanted to know if she was done with that table so my friends and I can sit down. However, I'm fairly certain Palin wasn't drunk. Nervous maybe, but not drunk. So unfortunately, she can’t blame her incoherent statements on alcohol.

The thing that gets me is I don’t know how Bush and Palin can be such poor speakers off the cuff. You do public speaking for a living! You should be comfortable with it by now. And if you truly aren’t dumb, you sure sound dumb when you open your mouth. Not everything can be scripted, but for these two, perhaps it should be. I can understand if you get nervous during a speech, but a couple years of college kills the jitters because everyone has to do it until it becomes second nature. And interviews, every time you meet someone new you are basically being interviewed by them.

Notice the long pause she makes midway thru with the heavy sigh? In her head I’m sure she was saying..."Fuck! I’m not ready for this. I don’t know how to answer this. Let me try rambling on about nonsense, throw in a couple big words, overuse generic statements and smile. Just smile. They’ll like me then and want to vote for me!" Palin is one of those people that the longer they talk, the deeper of a hole they dig for themselves. I’ve interviewed people similar to this for a job before. They have that same wide-eyed, "deer caught in the headlights" stare. They hemmed. They hawed. They tried bullshitting me into believing they were qualified for the position and they actually knew what they were talking about. However, I saw right thru it and cut the interview rather short to save their pain and my own.

Unlike Miss Teen South Carolina, Sarah Palin can’t even play the cute/dumb card because she’s not hot. And those that think she’s a MILF, or a soon-to-be GILF, you need your eyes checked! The only time a dumb girl gets a free pass based on her good looks is if she is competing in a beauty pageant, going for an internship or interviewing to be a bartender. If you are applying for a position in the White House, then I’m sorry, but you need to step up your game – big time!

Tonight is the first and only vice presidential debate between Biden and Palin. I’m trying to keep an open mind here and give her a chance to redeem herself. Show me that you aren’t that dumb! Because if you are, I shudder to think if you are elected. Let’s face it, McCain is a crusty old man and can very well kick the bucket while in office, God forbid. But let’s just say he does. Then you are looking at Palin as president! Horrifying. And people think George Bush is a joke? You ain’t seen nothing yet!

(I swear I don’t want to turn this into a political blog full of hot button issues because that’s just not my style. It’s something I typically don’t enjoy writing about, but just like yesterday’s post, I have to make an exception here because I would have simply bursted at the seams if I didn’t speak my mind on this! Tomorrow, I promise to return to my regular blogging topics.)