The Market May Be Down, But Prostitution Is Up!

In today’s bad economy, it’s nice to know a whore can still make a living. If you’re a whore, it’s good that you followed your dream of deflowering 40-year-old virgins who are balding, unemployed and living in their Mom’s basement. I mean someone has to do it, right? It’s good that you are giving a $5 blowjob to the creepy old guy with the prostatic leg behind the local bodega. It’s good you offer these services at rock bottom prices because we all know there are some really lonely (AKA horny) guys out there who are desperate to get a lil sumin-sumin. So you see, it’s good you followed your dream and didn’t listen to your parents when they encouraged you to be "a somebody", like an investment banker. That’s right, who’s laughing now? Who’s the smart one now? And more importantly, who’s employed now? You may be a whore, but you’re a smart whore. You’re a hard working whore. You’re employed and you’re getting yours. Da bitch be bringin' home da bacon...now what does the laid off investment banker have to say to that!

Look, our country is in a crisis. And in times of crisis we turn to one another for emotional support, spiritual support, financial support and I suppose even sexual support? I’m assuming that’s where whores come in. I mean who else is going to fuck the broke ass investment banker that everyone now hates due to the fact he had profited gross amounts of money from your naïve Nana’s pocketbook? Nana is 88 and close to her deathbed as it is, did she really need to be broke ontop of dying? That just doesn’t seem right. Regardless, a whore has sympathy. She feels sorry for the unloved investment banker and offers him a half-priced deal he can’t refuse. Aww, see, this story does have a happy ending! Not only does the P.O.S. investment banker get laid, but the whore keeps business strong. Afterall, prostitution is the world’s oldest profession so you really shouldn’t be surprised.

Now sure the $1,000+ an hour high class escort may see a small decline in clientele, but for the $5 whore, business will be thriving! I think one particular whore (promotional model turned Manhattan prostitute) said it best when she stated..."The market is down, but we feel it less. We're still busy. If men are horny, they're going to come here." Well said, my lady. Well said. See, and you thought whores are dummies. That chick is a genius! Or at least she uses common sense in understanding that her side of the market doesn’t fluctuate as much as Wall Street's side. Well she does "fluctuate" – goes up and down, but you know what I meant.

So the point of this post is this…next time you see a whore standing on the street corner about to turn another trick, don’t judge her. Don’t ridicule her profession. In fact, be jealous of her. Yes, be jealous. Because while it’s quite certain that YOUR job doesn’t hold security, her profession has stood the test of time. And during this economic meltdown, prostitution will continue to grow and prosper. You heard it here first kids. If you want job security, be a whore.