Know Your Sibling Role

I can't relate to the "only child." Their upbringing was nothing like mine. They didn’t have to share their toys, wear hand-me-downs, fight over who gets the last Oreo, call shotgun, engage in tattling, or even compete for their parents love and attention. They didn’t have to deal with the daily battles and the emotional roller coaster rides that the rest of us who grew up with siblings had to deal with. I’m part of a trio. I had two evil, older sisters. And then there was innocent me, the baby of the family. Or at least that is how I saw it at age 8. Even as a young child, I knew my role. If you have brothers and sisters, you know what I’m talking about. Every sibling has a role and it’s important you know it. Sure you may not like your sibling role and you may even want to break free of the mold, but it’s imperative to your survival that you learn to embrace this appointed position and use it to your advantage. Your job as a kid is to do the bare minimum that is expected of you (in your sibling role) and then fly under the radar when it comes to the rest...AKA, pass the buck. Your parents say they have high hopes for you, but deep inside, they are aware of your shortcomings. They know where every one of their sons and daughters stands in this world. I knew where I stood. And today, I still stand there.

My oldest sister was the brains in the family. She was creative in writing and in art, a crafty kid. She was also the diplomat and the bossiest thing you’ve ever seen! A bit of a goody two-shoes and kind of a band nerd. She was the last to be picked in gym class and often teased by my other sister and I that she was the milkman’s daughter because she looked nothing like us. My second oldest sister, the middle child, was the attention hog. Somewhat of an airhead, but nobody seemed to mind because she was the "looker" in the family and often got her own way based off her good looks alone. She couldn’t hit a volleyball to save her life, but always managed to get picked early by the gym class captain (who was also the school’s star quarterback) simply because she was dating him. Blessed with beauty in every area and the most popular girl in school, it was enough to make anyone sick with envy.

And then there was me, the youngest. The clown and the athlete. I excelled in sports and excelled in getting laughs from my classmates, which of course landed me in the principal’s office on more than one occasion. The badboy and the daredevil who had to fight from under the shadow of his sister, Miss Popular, and form his own identity. I enjoyed pushing the limits and found the mundane mind numbing "education" or lack of "education" that high school delivered to be a bore. The absence of mental stimulation frustrated me to the point where I no longer cared about school. This of course was misinterpreted and I was seen as being a lazy slacker, when really I was just bored out of my f-ing skull and needed challenged! The only reason I even bothered keeping my grades up was so I wouldn’t be kicked off the basketball team. Inside of me and behind closed doors was a kid bursting with potential. I took an interest in writing, art and music - writing lyrics, not playing it. Of course no one would ever know about these interests/talents because I was far too insecure to let the real me shine. I was much more comfortable in my appointed role of clown and athlete.

There are numerous studies out there that talk about the importance birth order plays in the development of a child. These include their interests, talents, career choices, personality, etc. As a general rule of thumb, the oldest is said to take on a parental role to the younger siblings. The middle child constantly feels they are being overlooked. And the youngest is said to be babied too much. According to these studies, as the baby of the family I would be labeled as being a bit spoiled. The baby is used to getting what they want. However, they always feel they have something to prove. They were brought up with not a lot of expectations placed upon them. So they place expectations upon themselves, unrealistic expectations they most likely will never reach. I am very much like this. Then combine it with the fact that I'm a competitive freak and you can see how this can lead to a life of self-torment. I place an enormous amount of pressure on myself to not just succeed, but to excel far beyond others expectations of me and far beyond even the expectations of myself! It's a game that no matter how hard I play, I will forever lose.

I love my sisters and I want nothing but the best for them. However, when I compare myself to them, I feel instances of inadequacy and moments of self-doubt. In my childlike mind I want to be bigger, better, faster, stronger. I want it all. I want the power, the money, the fancy car, the lush life. There is nothing they have that I don't want. Maybe that's extremely materialist, shallow and wrong. Or maybe that’s all just a part of sibling rivalry. There are some things we never outgrow, sibling roles included.

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