Beer Fixes Everything

Getting together with your bros or hanging with the boys is often referred to as some good old fashioned male bonding. And the great thing about male bonding is it never goes out of style! So suck on that trend setting, fad following, overly fashion conscious women! No matter how hard you try, you can’t change everything about your man. In fact, over time you will realize this and either move on to another "project" man to mold, or you will learn to embrace your current boyfriend for all that he already is. It’s sort of like how for years women have been trying to get guys to throw out their most comfy, holey jeans and threadbare, tattered tees, but as men we held onto these items with such a death grip that you were powerless to pull them from the sweaty clinches of our fists. So instead, you learned to accept with open arms. You accepted them so lovingly that you allowed them to grace the pages of your God - Vogue magazine. Yes, you made the very outfit we loved to kick it and chill in on a Saturday afternoon a thing of fashion beauty. Yes, we men manipulated you into seeing it our way. And you women fell for it - hook, line and sinker!

Of course there are things women manipulate men into liking too, take wine for example. I’ll admit that if it wasn’t for women, I might have never become a wine drinker. (Red wine that is, only women and gay men drink white wine.) But when I’m with my boys, it’s beer. Domestic, import, lager, ale, bottled, canned, home brewed or fresh from the tap. It doesn’t matter. It’s all good, because it’s not really about beer. It’s about the camaraderie. It’s about the male bonding. It’s about the unspoken, yet understood, platonic love that man has for his fellow man that seems to only exist in the presence of cracking open a cold one. How a simple beer has the power to smooth out any riffs and calm any waves between a couple of dudes. A yeast, hops and barley miracle worker! Simply put, beer fixes everything.

Male bonding is a term that is used in ethology, social science, and in general usage to describe patterns of friendship and/or cooperation in men. The exact meaning of the term differs across contexts. In the context of human relationships, male bonding is used to (sometimes jokingly or informally) describe friendship between men, or the way in which men befriend each other. The expression is sometimes used synonymously with the word camaraderie. Friendships among men are often based on shared activities (read drinking beer), instead of emotional sharing, which is more typical of women's friendships (though this is not always the case). Now someone created a Wikipedia page for the term "female bonding," but if you ask me, such a term doesn’t truly exist.

Although, I suppose one could argue that female bonding could be defined as going to the beauty salon with your closest gal pals to get your hair done. Perhaps a Girl’s Night Out giggling over martinis, or wasting away an afternoon gossiping over capuchinos then indulging in some high calorie/high fat chocolate delicacy would define female bonding as well. Scheduling mani-pedis and facials, followed by shopping afterwards, would probably be labeled as female boding too. Of course the main difference between female bonding and male bonding is that women need an activity to do when they get together. Men just need a beer. Sure there may be other activities going on while drinking beer, but the main focus is the beer. Think about it. Guys playing golf + beer. Guys going camping + beer. Guys going to the game + beer. Guys gathering around an outdoor picnic table to discus racial profiling at the White House with the President + beer. See the connection here? They all have one common factor - beer.

As you know, today is Thirsty Thursday. And in celebration, the Pres is holding a kegger! That’s right, there’s a real beer bash going down at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. So grab that red plastic cup and call up your frat brothers because it’s happening this afternoon! I believe the beer pong table is being set up as we speak, while our party animal President is tightening up his ankles for the keg stand and relaxing his throat for the beer bong! Ok, I kid. It’s not going down exactly like that. Most likely, it will be a much more dignified and sophisticated meeting of the minds between black Harvard professor, Henry Louis Gates Jr. and the white arresting officer, Sergeant James Crowley. The diplomatic in the middle, President Barack Obama...and of course beer.

There are tons of questions being asked, like what kind of beer are they serving and does the White House only serve American beer? Of course this big question today at the Suds Summit is...Can sharing a beer solve race relations? I haven’t a clue, but I think it’s worth a shot!

We all know that too much beer can lead to beer muscle, which then leads to a drunken brawl. Although the great thing about guys is that, unlike most women, we get it out of our system. If we don’t get along, the bar fight ensues. Then when we are thrown out into the street, we’re cool. It’s all over. We can then shake hands and walk away. Whereas women tend to let things fester and hold these grudges against other women often for years! Personally, I think they should follow the ways of their male counterpart. Let a beer be the diplomat. Seriously, who doesn’t feel better about a bad situation after a good beer? And if they still feel some hostility, then slug it out if need be. Besides, chick fights are always highly entertaining!

While someone is sure to scream that physical violence is not the answer and drinking alcohol only fuels the fire, the President is hopeful that sharing a beer will sooth wounds and perhaps mend years of hatred between two races. It’s true that while one consumes beer, physical violence can sometimes find its way into the male bonding session. However, just the right amount of beer leads to hugs. It leads to the happy drunk, that "I love you man" slurred speech paling around that is quite common in the male species. A Coke and a smile is for kids. A beer and a bromance is for men.