1. Barbara Walters Recognizing Me?
I just found out that TV newsmagazine 20/20 will be visiting BrazenCareerist.com today! If you didn’t know, BrazenCareerist is a website I was asked to join about a month ago by Ryan Paugh, fellow alumni and co-founder of Brazen Careerist, Inc. I’ll keep you updated if and when the segment airs on ABC primetime TV. Any chance old Babs will be checking out my bio and writing contributions there? If not, you can. Check me out here.
2. I Had A Dirty Dream About Elisabeth Hasselbeck
I know, what? This has nothing to do with the above mentioning of Barbara Walters. And don’t ask me why I fantasized about Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the former reality show contestant on "Survivor" and current co-host on the world’s most annoying show on television, "The View". Honestly, I find her super irritating! I mean sure she’s cute, but her voice just grates on my last nerve. What makes matters worse, she never shuts up, NEVER! And she’s so uptight - so not my type. Still, I had a really great dream about her last night. Believe it or not, it didn’t contain sex...and it was still a great dream. It was just hand holding, cuddling and whispering of little sweet nothings. I think I’m growing a vagina just saying I enjoyed all of that and wasn’t upset there wasn’t any nudity or sex involved. There was however the best kiss ever! And because of that, I now have this weird celebrity crush on her. What’s wrong with me? The kiss just felt sooo real! It actually may be the best kiss I’ve ever had in a dream or in real life. Now that’s saying something! I’m sounding crazy, huh? I’m ashamed I just shared this.
3. Facebook More Popular Than Porn!
A global study says Facebook is more popular than surfing porn! Wow, what has this world come to when porn falls to the #2 slot? Hee-hee, I just said "slot". Seriously, as nation we just can’t let this happen. I say we join together and get our dirty-dirty surf on and bring Internet porn back to the prestigious title we once gave it, #1 baby!
4. Gore Invented The Internet And McCain Invented The Blackberry
You may remember a few years back when Gore made this statement claiming he invented the Internet. Needless to say, the entire Internet had a field day with his ridiculous comment. Well it seems McCain’s top policy adviser, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, waved his Blackberry in the air and told reporters "You’re looking at the miracle that John McCain helped create." Rrright. It turned out to be a lame joke the guy made, but the rest of the world blew it out of proportion and reported it as fact. I’m sorry, but that crusty old man is so out of touch with today’s technology that only a crackhead would actually believe he could have invented the Crackberry.
5. Blogging About Apple When You Work For Microsoft Is Grounds For Firing
Michael Hanscom admits it probably wasn’t the best idea. He thought the photo on his personal blog of Apple computers being offloaded at a Microsoft loading dock might get a couple of smirks from friends. He never imagined it would cost him his job! Although that's precisely what he says happened. Hanscom has found several minutes of web fame this week as the latest example of how bloggers’ blend of personal and professional can backfire. Read the rest of the article on MSNBC.
6. "Sex And The City The Movie" Released Today On DVD And Blu-Ray
OMG! OMG! Clapping giddy little hands together. It’s here, it’s here! SATC The Movie has hit store shelves. Pour yourself a Cosmo, grab your girlfriends and gather round. Now if you see me in line to buy the movie, that’s not me. It’s my body double. Yeah, that’s it. My long lost twin. Who am I kidding? I love SATC! Think Clay Aiken will watch it with me?
7. Manolo Blahnik FREE Shoe Giveway
Control your orgasm, ladies. I know the title above has you worked up in enough of a fevered frenzy that you aren’t even listening to me speak right now. So let me save my breath and just point you to the link where you can get yourself a pair of the most coveted heels known to woman – Manolo Blahniks. Thank the girls from SATC.
8. "Slacker Uprising" – Download Michael Moore’s New Film For FREE!
Love him or hate him, it's the first time a major feature-length film is being released for free on the internet. You can either download it or stream it live at www.slackeruprising.com
9. The Value Of A Dollar
I don’t mean to sound like a Grandpa, but am I the only one who understands the value of a dollar? Or rather what a dollar SHOULD mean? Seriously. $700 billion to bailout Wall Street? I can’t even fathom that amount of money! Whatever happened to being responsible for your own fuck-ups? It looks like the economy won’t recover without this massive economic bailout plan, but throwing money at a problem doesn’t really make it go away. It seems like a temporary fix and sooner or later someone has to foot the bill for all of this. Guess who that person will be? You! And don’t even get me started on the subprime mortgage disaster! That’s for another day and another post which surely will get my blood boiling. I just want to know when people are going to stop being so damn greedy and living above their means? Keep it simple, stupid. Don’t spend what you don’t have! Use common sense. Read the fine print. If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Sorry, but I don’t feel bad for anyone who has had their house foreclosed on. When you make $30,000 a year and move into a $1 million dollar house under the delusion you can actually afford it, you’re an idiot and you deserve to be homeless now. Wakeup America! It is no wonder every other country hates us. When it comes to money, we are borderline retarded here.
10. Now Accepting Applications To Be My Girlfriend
My co-worker told me today I need a girlfriend. "What", I replied. I wasn’t being a smartass. I really couldn’t hear her. I’m falling apart. First it was the week long headaches/migraines and now I can’t hear. My ears are all clogged up and it’s driving me mad! And no, it’s not a sinus infection. And no, I’m not a dirty boy who doesn’t clean his ears. I think I’m just going to have to go to the doctors because it’s only getting worse and not better. This wouldn’t happen if I had a girlfriend. She would be looking over me, taking care of me in a sense. She would make sure I went to see the doctor earlier, even if it meant nagging me to do it. I’m slowly realizing all of this and I’ve decided it’s in my own best interest that I start accepting applications to be my girlfriend. I should note, I promise to take care of you too, so it’s a 50/50 give and take here. Did I mention I’m a romantic boy? That’s always a plus, right? Interested? Apply today.
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