You’re Hotter When You Don’t Talk

Let’s face it, we can’t always have it all. A girl with great looks AND brains? Truth is, those girls are few and far between…and usually taken. I’ve dated girls before that were great to look at, but had little to offer in terms of stimulating dinner conversation. Usually I would discover this midway thru appetizers. I quickly realized that there really was nothing below the surface. The type of girl you would be proud to show-off to your guy buddies, but embarrassed to introduce to your female friends. Some say beauty is only skin deep and over time that beauty fades, but dumb is forever. That’s probably true, but at 18, Miss Teen South Carolina has many years before her beauty betrays her. Besides, she’s in a BEATUTY pageant, not a Spelling Bee. Who really cares if she can’t respond to a simple question with just the smallest amount of intelligence, right? Well apparently the entire world cares or at least the entire web is getting a good belly laugh out of this.

WARNING!
Watching this may hurt your brain.
(We already know hers has been suffering for nearly 2 decades now.)

Q: Recent polls have shown that a fifth of Americans cannot locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?

A: I can’t repeat her answer as it would actually make me stupider for uttering such scatterbrained nonsense. Therefore I leave you the video clip of her response, in its entirety, unfortunately.

I have a question, can anyone tell me where "Such As" is locatetd on a map? Is it part of the Asian countries? I'm confused now too. This is one of those times when “Saved By The Bell boy” Mario Lopez should of stepped aside and let me host because I would of said…"Thanks Miss Teen South Carolina. And without a doubt I can say, thanks to you we are all now dumber for listening to that." However, I give props to Mario for not busting out and laughing in her face. I would have had a hard time composing myself. I love how the "time is up bell" saves her from her own pain...and ours. Maybe she’s just one of those girls we should admire like we do small children. Onlookers could pass by and ask “does she talk?” My response would be “not if I can help it, I actually prefer she didn’t.” Just like children, maybe some pretty girls should just be seen and not heard?

Remarkably, Miss Teen South Carolina is ready for college. Rumor has it that she’s choosing to be a Graphic Design major. Whew, I’m glad she doesn’t want to major in geography. Actually, on second thought, it might not be bad for her to brush up maps. Ok, who are we kidding? She could probably brush up on every subject! Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for improving upon one's weaknesses. But there comes a point when you have to take a good long hard look at yourself in the mirror and come to grips with reality. The reality is this – she’s hot, she’s not smart. She needs to just focus on her hotness, embrace it and stop trying to play the “I have looks AND brains” card. It’s not working for you, sweetheart. You’re more like a Jessica Simpson, much cuter when you don’t speak. Stick to that rule and it will be smooth sailing for you in life. Trust me on this. After all, you did place 3rd in the Miss Teen USA pagent, despite not being able to form a single sentence that made any sense. Proof that Americans don't give a shit if a pretty girl is dumb.

SIDE NOTE: I do realize the girl is young and it was her first time on national television. That would make anyone nervous. So if all that gibberish was just nerves talking, than I suppose I can understand that. In fact, I even forgive her for speaking moron. After all, she’s hot so we all know society will never hold anything against a hot chick. And by the way Miss Teen South Carolina, if you need to cry right now, I’m offering up my shoulder for condolences…as I’m sure every other heterosexual man in America is too.