Words Women Use & What They Mean To Me

It's hot. I'm uninspired to write. It's the end of the month and the last post for July 2006. So I'm going to blog the lazy way. Nearly 1 year ago I did this post titled I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar. Today I bring you a somewhat similar rendidtion of the translation from "woman speak" to "man speak".

"Fine"
When said by a woman...This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
When said by me...Fine is the word I use when I don't feel like arguing with a woman and I give her the victory by saying "fine" - fine I'll give you the last word because I don't want to hear it anymore.

"5 Minutes"
When said by a woman...If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. 5 minutes is only 5 minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before doing some chore for her.
When said by me...5 minutes also applies to the mall. If she says she will be only be 5 minutes, just do the calculations, that means 5 hours. Pack a cooler and grab a bench seat my friend. You'll thank me later.

"Nothing"
When said by a woman...This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "Nothing" usually end in "Fine".
When said by me...Hmm, that's funny because I wasn't listening to her when she said Nothing and I'm not listening to her when she says Fine. I try my best to avoid or zone out during arguments. Works great for my sanity...I can's say the same is true for hers.

"Go Ahead"
When said by a woman...This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
When said by me...I'm shuttering just reading that. "Go ahead" has been used on me many, many times! I know very well that not only should I NOT go ahead with whatever it was I wanted to do, that instead I should go buy flowers to get back on her good side.

"Loud Sigh"
When said by a woman...This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "loud sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
When said by me...Loud sign to me means she's being dramatic. She'll get over it. Keep walking. (And in non-confrontational situations, a loud sigh means you satisfied her.)

"That's Ok"
When said by a woman...This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's ok" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
When said by me..."That's ok" is the equivalent of "sure, I don't' care, go ahead". It's a woman trap! It's NOT ok. She DOES care. And DON'T do whatever it was you asked permission to do...and yes you asked permission, wuss. (insert whip cracking sound here)

"Thanks"
When said by a woman...A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
When said by me...Simple. Finally a woman is making sense by saying what she means and meaning what she says. Prasie the lord! And a woman who is appreciative, I hold onto.

"Whatever"
When said by a woman...It's a woman's way of saying FUCK YOU!
When said by me...Yeah, "whatever" that translates pretty much the same when I say it. Actually it's more like "I don't care" - whatever. (Similar to the way I feel about blogging today. I don't care, whatever. Post over and done with.)