Transparent

I once read somewhere that people see you the way you allow them to see you. For those that wear their heart on their sleeve, you give the world an open invitation to what's inside. But what about those of us that aren't always as open? Does that mean we will forever remain a mystery? A dimly lit shadow that only cracks the door open for a select few. What if I were to put it all out there? What if I made it as real for you as it is for me? Would you relate to my pain and accept naked truths? Could you handle the rawness or would you run to flip the switch, turning the light back off? I've been called a "mystery man". That I omit parts of myself from others until I can fully trust them to see all of me. Maybe that is a form of self-protection or maybe I'm not shielding anything. Perhaps I'm more transparent than I thought. People can see thru you. For some, it's not hard to make an accurate assessment of your character. I realized this last night when I received one of the most amazing letters anyone has ever written me. To say it was insightful is a great understatement.

Normally I wouldn't share a personal e-mail I receive. Although in this case, I've asked the person who wrote it if I could post this. They agreed as long as I kept their identity unknown. This letter has not been edited, only a spell check has been run. Everything else is left original the way they wrote it. The way I like it. The way it should remain...in their words. I will admit that their assessment of me was pretty much flawless, minus the deep depression. I have my moments, but I think these days, I'm fairly happy. Maybe it's a misconception that I'm a great mystery. I may not wear my heart on my sleeve, but apparently I wear a transparent cloak. Perhaps others have also seen through me, but never before has anyone been able to articulate it to me with such clarity. (This letter came to me unexpectedly after I mentioned that I am considering quitting my blog, mostly due to lack of writing inspiration. A letter like this may of just inspired me to continue writing, if not publicly on this blog, then perhaps privately in my own venue.)

Subject: This is the e-mail that I didn't send you the other night.
Your writing has been great. I would even have to go so far as to say that it's wonderful. It appears as though a professional writer has crept into your body and written some of these posts you have written lately. They are fluid, and descriptive and beautiful. You make people see and feel what you are writing about. You have a gift of writing that most people would love to have, embrace it, cultivate it, be proud of it. I don't think that you realize your potential. No true artist is ever satisfied with their work.

Now about blogging. Everyone feels like quitting blogging sometimes. I have always felt that you do too many post in one week. I don't know how you do it. I'm surprised you haven't suffered from burnout a long time ago. Personally I hope you stay around, it would be a great loss to the rest of us if you should quit completely.

Sometimes I worry about you. Do you want to know some of the things that I know about you. We have established that I know that you are kind and sensitive and friendly. You are also very loyal to those that you care deeply about. But I also believe that you can be very stubborn and head strong. You also suffer from highs and lows at times. Not normal highs and lows, you can be very up or very down.

You are good at almost everything that you choose to do but, you are too judgmental and hard on yourself. At times you doubt you abilities. Although outwardly you are confident and proud of your accomplishments, inwardly you suffer from inner insecurities and depression, deep depression. Many very creative people are this way. Sometimes I think that's what brings out their creativity.

The depression will get better when you find your soul mate David, You are not complete without a significant other. Although you like the sex, a lot, hehe) It's not just the sex for you David. You like having someone lean on you, need you. You like caring for her and being her protector. You love the feeling of her needing you, it gives you that masculine high when you are with her. It makes you feel complete. In fact I sometimes I think finding that special someone is the only thing that will ever make you feel complete. Is that enough, do I know your inner feelings. Am I creepy? Sorry.

All of the things that I have said to you about your personal self are not from psychic readings. They are all from mere observation. So not to worry I'm not going weird on you. I'm just a good observer. And I think the things that I have noticed are pretty much right.

If you choose to quit blogging, keep writing , even if it is just in a journal. Your writing is well worth keeping.