Vatican Declares Technology Bad For The Soul

I already knew I was going to hell, but just in case I needed yet another reason why I’ll burn for all eternally, this is it. The Vatican has boldly declared that technology is bad for the soul! The Pope has even gone as far to say we may risk losing our souls! Scared, yet? I’m not. Let’s face it, who wants to go to heaven anyway? It’s probably really boring up there with all the goodie-two-shoe people kissing God’s ass and doing all these good deeds. Everyone is probably polite. They say please and thank you, as well as open the pearly gates for you (AKA open doors for you). They probably even compliment and hug you! Who wants that? Nope, I rather go to hell. All the cool people are there, well at least all my friends will be. Down there we will cuss and fist fight. We will insult everyone and call each other out for being gay should an attempted manhug ever take place. We will stab one another in the foot with a pitchfork just for a sick giggle. Yes, evil fun, that is what I want! Now who’s with me?

Pope Benedict has stated that the modern obsession with technology is leaving no time for spiritual nourishment, and subsequently, damaging the soul. He says and I quote..."In the age of the cell phone and the internet, it is probably more difficult than before to protect silence and to nourish the interior dimension of life. There is an interior and spiritual dimension of life that must be guarded and nourished. If it is not, it can become barren to the point of drying up and indeed dying. Today, this is a very grave threat and it is the most irreparable misfortune."

He goes on to state that the current economic crisis goes to show how worthless pursuit of money and success has proven to be and adds technology to this list as an "excess of modern life" - ouch. Interestingly enough, digital Prayer Walls have been set up and the Vatican has sent out text messages with inspirational bible quotes. The Vatican has also begun to modernize some of the contents of their library into an accessible online format. So it seems quite ironic that his message will be spread through the very medium which he has detested, the Internet.

Is it just me or does anyone else think the Pope needs to chillout? Crack a beer, hang with the boys, watch the ball game. Isn’t’ life to short to be all anti-technology? When it comes to the Internet, I have two words for you - free porn! Oops, sorry I forgot. Porn is on your no-no list too (heavy sigh). Well how about you do your thing and I’ll do mine? I’m sorry, but I’m going to get my click on. That’s just how it is. If you’re a priest, a nun, or even Amish, I understand how you can’t relate and may disagree with my need for everything tech. But for the rest of us, we like to surf. We like to point. We like to click. And we sure as hell (pardon my sinful language) like to download. We also like to e-mail, txt, Facebook, blog...you get the idea. It’s who we are, a bunch of cliché geeks. Or in your eyes, a bunch of sinners!

Deny me food, water and even the air I breathe. But whatever you do, don’t deny me my digital fix! It’s my crack cocaine. Without it, my body will surely convulse. This is one of the reasons I don’t go to church anymore, because I have yet to find a religion that embraces the tech whore within me. Well that and the fact that I can’t get up that early on a Sunday morning after a Saturday night filled with debauchery where I engage in binge drinking, sexual pleasures, and other unmentionable activity. Yeah, my body might instantly burst into flames if I step foot into a church or temple. So instead, I think I’ll just spend my late Sunday mornings hungover on my laptop.

See you in hell!