Dear Santa (Part 3 of 3)

Yesterday at work, I stared at Winamp scrolling by in my taskbar for what seemed like 20 minutes. That’s 20 minutes of my life I wasted and will never get back.

Winamp [Stopped] *** 22. Track 22 - Winamp [Stopped] *** 22. Track 22

It repeated itself over and over again. No sound, only text. I sat there, just staring at it. Mesmerized by it. My eyes finally grew tired and dropped down a little, to where I began fixating on the Dell logo that is stamped just below my laptop screen. The slanted silver E. I don’t know if you would say I was in deep thought or just zoning out. I just know I’m beyond confused and for the life of me I can’t figure it out. No sign. No nothing. Or maybe I’m blind, oblivious or just didn’t want to see it...let alone believe it. I don’t get it. I. Just. Don’t. Get. It. I wish someone would explain it to me because I can’t make sense of it. And I hate myself for opening up to vulnerably a second time around. I think I need to take on a new mindset. Think little of people you encounter in life and you will never be left hurt or disappointed. It’s safe. And from the guy who is all for taking risks, I boldly declare - safe is good. If you are scratching your head and wondering what in the world I am talking about, don’t lose any sleep over it. I’m being vague for a reason, because I don’t want to get into it, but I needed to let a little out of me before it consumes my brain. Writing keeps me sane in an often insane world.

Here’s a little "did you know" fact. I hate Christmas. This time of year depresses me and I can’t wait for this holiday to come and go so this can end. I haven’t put up a tree. I haven’t hung any lights. I haven’t done any holiday decorating or sent out a single card. I haven't wished anyone happy holidays. And I haven’t even bought a single present, nor given any thought to what I would even give! And yes, I realize Christmas is just barely over a week away. Don’t remind me. I guess it’s safe to say that I just don’t care. I know that sounds horrible and cold…and well, whatever. I don’t mean to sound like a Grinch or a Scrooge, because it’s not really like that. It’s just not the same anymore. Christmas doesn’t hold any meaning for me. It’s nothing like it was when I was a kid. Of course we all have to grow up and I’m fine with that. It’s just that there isn’t an ounce of Christmas spirit in me. Not an ounce of joy. There just isn’t. For me, the Merry has somehow been separated from Christmas over the years. I don’t even try to be fake happy this time of year because it’s just too much effort and completely pointless in the end.

I know I’m not alone in feeling like this because other people have expressed similar feelings in the past. However, for many of them, their comforting words are..."Once you have kids, Christmas will be fun again." Well guess what? I don’t want any kids anytime soon! So any other suggestions? Is it too late for me to turn Jewish? That’s one way to beat celebrating Christmas.

And I know I wrote these warm, cuddly, feel-good posts titled Dear Santa (Part 1 of 3) and Dear Santa (Part 2 of 3). But keep in mind, those are wishlists. Things I WISH would come true. They are filled with fond memories of a Christmas past and wishes for a Christmas future. They are wishlists. Nothing more and nothing less. Speaking of which, naturally I feel obligated to finish up my wishlist series with the final installment, Dear Santa (Part 3 of 3), even though I don’t want to write it and I’m rambling on just to delay doing so. But a promise is a promise, and I promised. Therefore I’m keeping my promise and delivering. So here is my final submission for the 20SB December Blog Carnival.

My Wishlist Of Things I'd Sneak Under The Tree For Me, Age 13

• Nirvana’s "In Utero" album, it was the follow-up to "Nevermind". I probably requested it on cassette tape because I was stubborn into accepting the transition to CD.
• NBA regulation size all-weather leather basketball. Yes, I was specific even as a kid. This was the time when my passion for skateboarding would begin fading and I would find a new love - shooting hoops.
• Air Jordan shoes! Sadly, I would never own a pair. Although I recently thought about buying a retro pair purely to fulfill that childhood dream that never came true. (Much the same way I did with My Pet Monster.)
• The latest video game in the Mortal Kombat franchise. I played those games so much that I was one of the few that could actually pull off the complicated "Fatality" finishing moves. To this day, I still have the button combos memorized. And even though I would have trouble telling you what buttons to push, put the controller in my hands and my fingers automatically punch it out.
• A puppy. Every year it would be at the top of my wish list, but I would never get one and I had pretty much given up hope. Little did I know that age 13 would finally be the year I would get my first dog, but it wouldn’t happen until months after Christmas morning.

Now a promise to you, my readers. I promise my next post won't be lame and depressing. Also, it's highly unlikely it will be about Christmas. You can breathe a sigh of relief now.