Getting Some Tail At A Tailgate Party

Remember this post If The Boat Is Rockin', Don't Come A Knockin'? It was about a giant orgy that took place during a Minnesota Vikings players boat cruise. The scandal rocked the NFL and not long after Terrell Owens managed to be enough of a distraction to keep the media away from the Vikings organization and put all eyes and ears on him. We all sat and watched T.O. basically get himself fired from the NFL by not knowing when to shut up. I don't think there was a wet eye in the house when the commissioner decided enough was enough and showed T.O. the door. So that should close the door on all the embarrassing NFL antics, right? Nope, we aren't done yet. Let me be your guide to the ultimate tailgate party! Sometimes when beer and great food doesn't satisfy your party urges, strippers are called in. Such is the case at a Tampa Bay Buccaneers tailgate party. If this bus is a rockin', don't come a knockin'!

The best booty?
It is a good one, but calling yourself the best might be a bit risky
to live up to...even for a butt. I just hope that statement
doesn't come back to bite her in the ass one day.

A 40-foot motor home was converted into a strip club on wheels offering alcohol and lap dances to football fans outside a recent Bucs game just before kickoff. Police busted 6 women who performed lap dances inside the motor home, charging $20 to $40 depending on whether they danced topless or totally nude. The vehicle, adorned with a sign for strip club "Deja Vu", was parked across the street from Raymond James Stadium. Patrons paid a $20 cover charge and were served alcohol. Later it was determined that this was the 4th game this season where the mobile strip club had setup shop. Many don't understand where the justification is bringing this to a family environment like a pro football game. To play devils advocate, you can also make an argument that it was "behind closed doors". So little Junior shouldn't be too aware of the bus "riding" that was taking place next to his game of catch with his brother. Ok, it's a bad argument, but I tried.

Police charged all 6 dancers with being nude where alcohol is served and with being nude in a commercial establishment, misdemeanor violations of city ordinances. Two of the strippers, who police said engaged in sex as part of the show, were charged with a misdemeanor count each of performing an unnatural and lascivious act. Three men connected to the club were charged with selling alcohol without a license and conspiring to violate beverage laws. One of them owned the motor home and was also charged with renting space for lewdness. All are misdemeanors.

Undercover officers raided the bus after seeing people hand out fliers advertising the party onboard. An attorney for the club, Luke Lirot, said he doesn't think the alleged city ordinance violations will stand up in court. "The fact that this doesn't take place at a specific business location would render those charges inapplicable," Lirot said, likening the bus to a tailgate party where people share beverages. He said Deja Vu managers parked the "party bus" across from the stadium to advertise their club's permanent location. Lirot said the business should not be punished for promoting exotic dance, which he called a form of expression protected by the First Amendment. As long as partygoers exercise discretion and do not violate state statutes, "what goes on in the bus should stay on the bus," he said. Hey, he stole that saying from Vegas, there is his crime - not being original enough to make up his own mottos.

My question...what about that really fat obnoxious guy at every game that gets totally wasted and strips off his shirt? Why don't we arrest him for being "nude where alcohol is served"? If we are going to enforce the law here, the rules need to apply to everyone. So let's be fair and have justice served. I can't justify, nor can I stomach, a 350lb dude with man boobs shaking his groove thang beside me at the game. Alright, so I'm not that offended. I put up with it even though it's somewhat disturbing, but you get my point here. Perhaps I should just be thankful the 350lb man is not offering me a lap dance!

Smoke Crack, Get Your Job Back

Comedian Chris Rock once made a joke about the former Mayor of DC, Marion Barry, when he was caught smoking crack and got his job back! If you make a living flipping burgers at McDonalds and smoke crack, do you think they would give you your job back? Um, no. However if you are an important person in important places, we all know money talks. So just like the Mayor of DC who got away with smoking crack, so will ESPN commentator Michael Irvin. Last week Irvin was arrested when a crack pipe was found in his possession. This week ESPN has suspended him for just 1 week and next week, well expect to see old Irvin back in the saddle again giving you his insight on all the NFL match-ups. The lesson he learned...smoke crack, get your job back.

Talk to the hand 'cause the face don't wanna hear it.

During a traffic stop in Texas, Irvin was arrested when not only did police discover he had an unpaid speeding ticket, but they also found a crack pipe while searching in his car. Of course he claimed it wasn't his, it was a "friend's". Rrright, of course it was and OJ didn't decapitate his wife and Lacie Peterson just got "lost". You will have to forgive me not believing Irvin considering he has a long 10 year history of prior drug arrests. Michael Irvin was was charged with a misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia following the outstanding warrant on an unpaid speeding ticket. ESPN did not learn of Irvin's arrest until reporters began calling the network. Irvin, a former wide receiver with the Dallas Cowboys and semifinalist for the Pro Football Hall of Fame, said he had no problem with the suspension. Irvin said he didn't tell the network about his arrest because he was scared. "I was just scared, hoping and praying that maybe it would go away. I was told that I paid the fine and it was over. I was hoping it was over. Being an employee and not giving them the information, certainly it's fair."

Plastic baggies with marijuana residue were found in a sunglasses case along with the pipe in Irvin's car. Irvin said he put the items there after finding them on a friend who arrived at his house in Carrollton, Texas, on Thanksgiving. Irvin said he planned to throw the items away but forgot. Supposedly, his friend whom he's known for 17 years, had checked himself out of a Houston rehab center earlier in the week. Irvin was driving with his wife in the car when he was pulled over for going 78 in a 60 mph zone. Irvin was released after paying a $335 fine for the arrest warrant and a $256 bond. The paraphernalia charge is a Class C misdemeanor, punishable by up to a $500 fine. ESPN won't comment on specific personnel records. However, the network says they expect Irvin to appear on the air Sunday, Dec 11th to once again help host the NFL Countdown show.

What Is Wrong With This Picture?

As many of you know, my favorite show and just about the only TV show I watch is "The Apprentice". I faithfully TIVO every episode on Thursday night so I can come home, FF thru the commercials and get right to the great Donald firings! The opening song to the show pumps me up and don't think I am a shallow money hungry guy, but yeah the green does matter in life to a point. What I really crave more is the never ending pursuit of success. To take nothing and turn it into something I think is a great challenge and definitely holds my interest, motivating me above and beyond where many people dare not venture. Although, this post isn't about me, nor is it about business practices. What it's about is my utter confusion in the attraction of the sexes. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but what the f*ck is this all about...

Last night as I sat and watched yet another great episode of The Apprentice, my mouth dropped. My jaw didn't hit the floor when Trump fired 2 candidates at the same time, which by the way was completely deserving considering their Microsoft Live Meeting commercial was a complete disaster! No, my jaw hit the floor when I saw the winning team nicknamed "Excel", made-up of remaining candidates Randal and Rebecca, go off to enjoy their victory. Their reward after winning a hard fought task was taking a cruise around Manhattan on the deck of a Shearwater 82-foot classic schooner, AKA yacht. It wasn't the boat that made me stare in disbelief, it was the Napoleon Dynamite look-alike that made an appearance. That is the moment in which my jaw hit the floor.

In my opinion, Rebecca is pretty damn cute. At just 23, she has made her biggest impact as a Chicago-based investment banker, branched out doing news segments for NBC and is now a financial journalist. Obviously the girl is smart and successful, all of that plus the fact she is good looking just tells me she should have a decent looking boyfriend right? Wrong. As Rebecca is relaxing on the yacht, she is given a surprise. Her boyfriend appears. He is there to join her for the sail. The two are shown cuddling up...and my stomach just turned again as I wrote that. As you can see from the photo above, the guy is a D-o-r-k! Yes, a Dork with a capital D. I mean come on, I may not have the clearest shot posted, but you have to see that! He shocked my eyes with his picnic table shirt, his red curly fro and just being an overall pasty, puney looking guy. Do women find that type of man attractive? Please tell me because I was under the impression that anyone who resembles Napoleon Dynamite just doesn't turn a girl on. Am a right or am I wrong here?

We all know that people tend to date others on "their level" in terms of looks unless that money factor comes into play. Then you will see gross looking dudes with these super hot model types on their arm. For proof of that, we don't have to look any farther than Trump and his wife. That woman is breath-taking to put it lightly! We all know The Donald has personality, but let's be real. Melania Knauss is in that marriage for the money honey. So the reason I am so confused with this photo above is because Rebecca has money herself. She isn't looking for Mr. Money Bags. Rebecca is smart, she wouldn't "settle" for anyone, or at least I don't think so. Rebecca is young and good looking, so what is she doing with Napoleon there? I am confused. I know you have to look deeper than skin deep and perhaps this guy is one hell of a funny guy, sweet guy, romantic or something. Whatever it is, I hope he possess some amazing qualities because if not, it's really a shame she is cuddling up with this Bozo.

Randal has always been my pick for this years apprentice winner since day 1 of the show. I liked him from the get-go for many reasons. One reason of course being that he is in the same profession as me, running a technology consulting business. Beyond that, the guy is just very bright and talented. His academic career is impressive and the manner in which he conducts himself and handles business is equally impressive and very admirable. At age 34, Randal is a few years ahead of me in terms of age, but I feel like I can relate to him the best out of any of the other candidates. I love the fact that he doesn't have time for drama. That has always been one of my pet-peeves, drama. I see him going on to win this and if he doesn't win, I will be disappointed...unless he manages to royally screw up in the next 2 weeks of the show. Anyway, I'm sorry Rebecca. You are beautiful, smart and talented but I just don't see you being The Donald's next apprentice. With Randal being your competition, the cards are not stacked in your favor. However I do wish you luck. Then when you wise up and dump clown haired boy there, give me a call.

Bringing In Holidays And Closing Out The Year

Once again it's another 1st of the new month post and I've grown tired of trying to recap what went on in the past 30 days on my blog. However, since it's been my little tradition around here, I guess I kind of have to do it. If I didn't, it would be like breaking a holiday tradition. It would be Thanksgiving without turkey, it would be Christmas without snow or New Years Eve without alcohol - now that would be really tragic! So to catch everyone up to speed if they are new to my site, missed a few posts or maybe the die hard readers just like reminiscing of posts past like Ebenezer Scrooge, then here you go. This is the quick rundown on what went down in the month of November, played back like the ghost from Christmas past.

Early on in the month I gave the HNT (Half Naked Thursday) fad a try. I did it once or twice last month and I'm not sure if I will do it again. Although it was something different to tryout and being different I feel is sometimes a very good thing. By the end of the month, I had to turn on "comment moderation" to help curb a few people who liked to bitch more than T.O. himself. It's something I wish I didn't have to do, but felt was necessary and I learned that many of my readers agreed with that move. So I thank you for backing me on that.

I'm still kicking myself a little for missing out on a great moblog opportunity. My phone decided to die on me while I was standing underneath a very rare double rainbow that stretched across the sky one Sunday afternoon. I still posted about the experience, just minus the cool photo that should of accompanied it. One thing that I didn't miss is the news of David Cooperfields magical conception where he was going to impregnate a woman live on stage via magic! It's a show I have yet to see and I wonder if it has already come and gone. Anyone hear when he plans to do this or if it was already done?

I threw in a couple mods and hacks for my readers last month. I showed you how to turn a pumpkin into a working PC and then I gave you a little step-by-step guide on how to hack an elevator. I'm happy to hear this helped alot of you out during your daily commutes. So I guess doing that post was worthwhile. Later on I told everyone how they could treat themselves to a $2 lobster meal. It's defiantly not a classy date if you go this route, but it was more about the kill, conquer and the shear shock that anyone could eat a seafood meal for just 2 crummy bucks! What's dinner without a movie right? Well then grab some popcorn and take a seat to watch Panda Bear porn! Yeah, that's right. Scientists are now making Panda porn flicks to get the bears "in the mood". If that study wasn't crazy enough for you, scientists put in some long lab hours inventing bubble gum to increase breast size in women. YEAH!

The month of November wouldn't be complete without a handful of posts related to one of my favorite holidays - Thanksgiving. I'm not sure if anyone tried making the Beer Turkey I talked about. However, Thanksgiving isn't just about the turkey, it's about family. I made a point to convey that message in my writing. I gave everyone a glimpse how close I am with my family and what the holidays are like at my Mom's house. Sure I was thankful for all the great food to eat, but it never overshadowed the fact that I am most thankful for sharing it with the people I grew up with. To have those who have helped mold my life and the person I am today, all together in one house for one meal, is a real blessing. Even if the sadness sets in once the bird is gone and the family has dispersed again, I know in my heart that it's only a month away before we get to do it all over and that makes me happy once more. Of course it just wouldn't be November if I didn't talk about Black Friday and Cyber Monday.

Finally, I had thrown in a stress reduction kit for all of you suffering from holiday madness. I hope by now you've cleaned the blood off your desk after using the kit and you are ready for a fresh month of blogging with me. As I passed my 20,000 hit and I'm creeping up on the 365th post mark, it's almost mandatory that I keep blogging at least until the year is up. I never thought I would stick with blogging for as long as I have and I'm not sure where I'll go with it, but I suppose none of us really know what the New Year will bring. I'm finding less and less free time to do this. Enjoy the blog and all my embarrassing/humorous tales while they last.

Stress Reduction Kit

Ever have one of those days where you just want to bash your skull into a brick wall? Ever feel the uncontrollable urge to take your computer and smash it into bits while at the same time slapping a co-worker senseless? Which by the way, there was such a day to indulge in that unspeakable act in case you missed it (11/02/05 Slap Your Irritating Co-Worker Day). Maybe you take a softer approach and you wish you could grab a pillow and scream into it just to break the tension? Do you get so frustrated that you feel as if you could beat up a puppy? Ok, let's not push it here and let Fido live, but we all get stressed from time to time. I'm not angry today, but I am stressed. Sometimes those 2 emotions go hand-in-hand. So if you are feeling like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and you are ready to break, breathe. Before you are pushed over the edge and beyond, I have some relief for you. It's called the "Stress Reduction Kit". The usage instructions are simple as you will see below.

Enjoy this moment of relief because we all know even after we calm the stress, in due time it returns rearing it's ugly face. Sure there are ways to reduce stress in our lives, but I think I've already talked about that in a previous post some time ago. You are probably aware of what works for you and if not, well then give my Stress Reduction Kit here a try and let me know if it helped sooth you. Just remember to wipe the blood and fragments of human bone off your desk once you are finished with this exercise.

On a side note, I've been super busy lately myself so that is why there are delays in my blog postings. However, I've uploaded a slew of new posts so go check those out because I slaved over them! Ok, I didn't slave really, but you get the point. Somehow I've managed to get myself roped into a job for website design now. How did that happen? Don't ask, long story. It's more of an extra side project. I'm still keeping my day job, just "dabbling" in this for a new challenge. I guess it never hurts to expand your talents or work at a creating new talent. So besides work, social time and the crazy holiday season, things have been a little hectic. Yes, I have a life outside of blogging just like all of you do...or at least I hope you do. You may of also noticed that I haven't had a chance to visit some of my favorite blogs out there. As soon as time allows, I'll surf on by to see what's new and say hey.

Bubble Gum Promises Bigger Boobs

We've all seen the "increase your penis size" advertisements in our e-mail inbox, but what about the ladies? They don't need to increase their penis size, but perhaps they would like to add a few inches to their bosoms. Sure you can go the plastic surgery route, but why go under the knife when you could just pop in some bubble gum, chew and watch your twins grow before your very eyes! Yes, you can now increase your breast size by chewing special bubble gum. To many, this may be the best invention since sliced bread. Finally an experiment worthy of "closely studying" the cause and affects of what a product promises to deliver - bigger boobs. It seems the Doublemint Twins might have a job again.

Sing it with me...
"Double your pleasure. Double your fun.
Double your breast size with Doublemint, Doublemint gum!"

After a year on the Japanese market, the natural breast enhancing dietary supplement is now available to American women. The gum in question is called "B2UP" and is made by the company Good One Ltd. The makers claim that when chewed 3 or 4 times a day, B2UP bubble gum can increase breast size, give a clearer complexion, strengthened hair, improve circulation, reduce stress and fight aging. The British Nutrition Foundation said research had suggested phytoestrogens may be beneficial in post-menopausal women in terms of reducing menopausal symptoms. It may also have beneficial effects on risk factors for heart disease and osteoporosis. Other research has shown it may even be beneficial in breast cancer prevention. Wow and you thought it just delivered non-stick bubbles and if you were lucky it would help fight cavities!

The secret and powerful ingredient is the Pueraria Mirifica root extract also known as Gwao Krua, it is indigenous to the northern and western part of Thailand and Burma. The plant’s underground tubers contain a number of chemicals called Phytoestrogens, natural compounds which apparently mimic the effects of the female sex hormone Oestrogen. Over the years the people realized it had some medicinal qualities to it and started to use it to treat female related medical issues. The company said tests carried out by Thailand’s Chulalongkorn University found Pueraria mirifica therapy was able to enhance breast size up to 80%. Damn!

The gum, which comes in rose flavor (um, what?), has proved so popular that there are plans to start selling it in convenience stores. So what can we gather from all this scientific date and other information? Simple - big boobs are good. I'm joking...well not really. Of course with any new invention/product, there is always some skepticism. However, I don't want to hear from the skeptics. That is like raining on my parade. Although I'm not a large breast connoisseur, I do appreciate something going on in that area as much as the next guy. For now just chew the gum and let's thank science for giving us bigger boobs. You make the world a better place to live and give men a soft place to lay their head at night. Amen.

Cyber Monday, The Biggest Online Shopping Day

If you didn't fall into the chaos of Black Friday, then on the Monday returning to work after the long holiday weekend, you may be one of the millions of people that is partaking in "Cyber Monday". What is Cyber Monday? Well it's the equivalent of what Black Friday is to shopping at the mall, but Cyber Monday is shopping online. The so-called Cyber Monday phenomenon once again played out as workers returned to their 9-5 grind taking advantage of high-speed connections at the office to continue shopping. Many people are saying "forget it" to driving out to retailers and instead are jumping aboard the information superhighway and giving e-tailers (electronic retailers) their business.

Traffic to retail websites by North American shoppers was up almost 50% on Cyber Monday as compared to a month ago. Peak online shopping traffic by online retailers reached more than 1.8 million visitors per minute in North America and more than 3.1 million visitors per minute worldwide, this according to the Akamai Net Usage Index for Retail. Sites like eBay, Best Buy and Target came in as top shopping sites. Now I should be giving you all the statistics like how much is spent online shopping, how long the average consumer spends online shopping for the holidays and all that other crap, but all this shopping talk is making me feel light headed. So let's just assume that big bucks are being passed thru cyberspace and that Betty over there tucked quietly in her cubical, well she has been on Amazon.com for 4 straight hours now. Forget the TPS reports, she's busy pricing out Xbox video games for her twin boys.

I will say this though on the topic of Black Friday and Cyber Monday, you are crazy if you were one of the people who sought out this shitty laptop photographed above. Walmart is partially to blame for inducing those riots over the weekend due to the fact that they put out flyers advertising a $400 laptop, but yet they didn't understand the basic concept of supply and demand. Let me explain it to you for those that failed Economics in college. Any product is only as good as it's supply and demand tied to it. Basically, if you have an abundance of a product and there is no demand for it - the retailer loses because they can't move the product off the shelves. If you have a shortage of a product and the demand for it is overwhelming - the retailer either has to jack up the price to help curb the demand, or they may be facing some very angry shoppers. Such is the case Walmart found themselves in with this dirt cheap laptop.

There is a saying in life "you get what you pay for" and that statement is true. Who in their right mind believes this $400 Walmart no-brand laptop is any good? Trust me, it's crap. Don't think you are doing that computer illiterate person in your family a favor by getting this for them. You are doing them a disservice. Granny will go mad trying to get the thing to run right. Do me a favor, if you were dumb enough to pick this gift up, don't come to me when the thing doesn't work properly. I will be forced to smack you over the head with it for making such a foolish purchase in the first place. Hmm, maybe the Walmart laptop can serve a purpose after all - as a weapon.

Related posts of interest...

• 11/25/05 Black & Blue Friday
• 08/23/05 iBook Sale Turns To An Ugly Stampede
• 04/05/05 Studies Reveal Your Work Productivity or Lack Thereof