The Princess Kisses The Frog...Poof! A Prince Is Then Born

In a few weeks Halloween will be here. Trick-or-Treat may be for kids, but dressing up for Halloween is NOT! I'm a firm believer in the fact you are a dullard if you don't have a kid locked inside of you just waiting to burst out. Those types of "adults" are too uptight for my taste and that means they are boring to hang with. They are simply no fun. I've always been the type of person who has to sneak a peak at his Christmas and birthday gifts. I just can't contain the suspense and cover-up the fact that a curious and mischievous little boy still lurks within me. So any opportunity I find to be a kid again, I take full advantage of and since it's October, that means Halloween activities!

My sister called me yesterday to say hello and as I was talking to her, I learned that my 1-year-old niece is dating! Ah, what? Ok, it's not what you think. She said she had a busy day and was now taking a late nap because she spent the afternoon at a "play date". Alright, I guess that is acceptable. Although, I'll need to checkout the young man she befriended over a Lego block session. I'm not sure how serious it is, but I heard he tried to hug her and she got grossed out. He's a younger man at only 15 months old, not that much younger than her, but when you are 1...it's a lifetime of difference. So I did what any good and overprotective uncle would say, I told my sister to have my niece call me back later so she can tell me a little more about this "prince charming" of hers.

So a few hours later I get another call. Again it's from my sister and she tells me my niece is ready to chat now so she puts her on the phone. Our conversations usually are about the same thing. She gets on and says hi to me about 4 times in rapid session "hi, hi, hi, hi". Ok great, we have the initial greeting established and now let's try a conversation. The talks are usually the same with me asking a few questions and her getting to say 2 of the words she knows best - yeh or no. I ask "did you have fun today"? Reply is "yeh". I ask "did you poop on the pot today"? Reply is "no". I then ask a tricky one, "did you get your fingernails painted today"? She loves getting that done! She had to think for a minute and told me "umm yeh....umm no". So "it's a no then" I ask her? "Umm yeh" is her reply. Nope, not confusing at all to talk to a 1-year-old is it? I ask a few more questions where she can give me either made-up baby talk rambling or use the words she already knows which isn't a huge vocabulary, but a few short phrases and words that most 1-2 year-olds know. I ask her if she knows who she is talking to and she screams out a joyful "D"! That is what she calls me because it's my first initial and it's simple and short for her to say with no problem.

After a few minutes of her rambling on about I have no clue what, I try and end the conversation and say bye. She says bye back, but doesn't seem to understand that it means the conversation is over. So she continues on and on and I can hear her saying "D, right here". Which means she thinks I'm at her house and her new thing is sitting on the floor with her toys, she points to a very specific spot on the carpet and instructs me to sit "right here" so I can play with her. If I am on the phone with her, she takes the phone with her and sits on the floor with the toys trying to get me to play with her. Cute, huh? Like most women, she already has men wrapped around her finger so I cave in and go over at her command. I do realize I am being bossed around by a 1-year-old, but with a face like hers, I can live with the humiliation factor.

They live in this housing plan which I've nicknamed "Pleasantville" (like the movie) because everything there is so pleasant and perfect that it almost seems fake. I'm all for the white picket fence complete with the beautiful wife watching the dog and kids skip thru the front lawn, but seriously this place is just about like that. Everyone is so cheerful and happy...or so it looks from the outside. If it's raining elsewhere, as soon as you turn into the housing plan entrance, the sun has come out. It really has happened before, honest. Even in the fall the leaves seem to turn there first before anywhere else and also seem to stick on the trees longer making everything that much more pretty/pleasant. It's nice, but also a little weird at the same time. I guess it could be why my niece has to be the happiest soul on earth. That's a good thing though because it rubs off on me as she never fails to bring a smile to my face.

In her lifetime I'm sure she will have to kiss alot of frogs before she finds a true prince. Nothing against the little boy she met the other day. I'm sure he's a fine young man, perhaps even a baby prince in wet Huggies? Time will tell. Right now she has many, many...no let me stress MANY years before she will probably date (at least if I or my brother-in-law have a say in it). Not to rush things, but every princess needs a prince, so how about me? Sure I might look like a frog right now with the banged up eye from last week, but just like there is a little boy locked inside me, there is a prince too. For both to come out, all this frog needs is a single kiss from the princess. So this Halloween my niece has choose to dress as a princess which I find very fitting. Therefore, I am offering to take her Trick-or-Treating as her "frog/prince". Yes, I will wear a big green fuzzy frog suit with a gold crown on my head. Laugh it up and make fun, but for my princess I would do anything. We will make a day of it going to the pumpkin patch and picking out the perfect pumpkin, grab some corn stalks for decoration, find a magic wand for the princess and if time allows, I'll put her to work bagging leaves - just kidding. She picks up a single leaf at a time and hands it to me so it would make for a long, long day.

No matter what gets accomplished, my sister doesn't need to worry because she will be in the best of hands. Since she's not your average date, I have to do things different. In the past I brought her a rose from my backyard (which I hand picked all the thorns off for safety sake - smart, huh?) or a kids-safe lollipop since that is a great treat for her. This time however I am going to buy some pink nail polish for her and paint her nails since she told me she didn't have that done and I know she loves them painted. Yes, I think I can paint fingernails. I've done it once before to a girlfriend so I think I can handle this. Maybe if the date goes well I will even get lucky enough to earn a hug and a kiss. Now if you will excuse me, I have a date with the princess to prepare for and this frog wants to look his best if he ever hopes to turn into a "prince charming". ;)

If you have read my blog for awhile now, you know I have a very soft spot when it comes to my 1-year-old niece. So if you want to read more about her, here are a few related posts I've done in the past.

07/11/05 1-Year-Old Teaches Me To Stop And Smell The Roses
07/31/05 It's Stuck In My Head, Make It Go Away!

Teaching The Birds & The Bees

At one time in your life, one or both of your parents probably sat you down and had that ever so uncomfortable talk with you. You know the one, about the "birds and the bees". Usually they started it out with..."when two people love each other very much they"...blah, blah, blah. You may of thought "I'm confused, that is disgusting and I'll never do that - gross, girls". Then depending on your prior knowledge on the subject you were either really interested and intrigued to learn more, or you were really bored out of your mind and wanted to go watch TV. No matter from who or how you found out that babies don't really come from a stork, we all had to find out one way or another. What better way to learn anything than by visuals, right? So class is back in session and here is your final Sex Ed test! Show me what you learned. Make Mom and Dad proud by choosing wisely.
Question - Is this photo...

A) A lesson on how to wash with soap.

B) That this may NOT be the type of "family car show" your wife agreed to taking your 10-year-old son to.

C) A demonstration that squeezing a sudsy sponge over your breast not only makes your nipple erect, but gives an erection to thousands of men looking on.

D) A convincing argument that it's not pornography, it's art and you are never too young to appreciate art.

E) That the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and this is a glimpse of what my future son will be like.

F) It's simply showing where milk comes from and there is nothing sexual about tit...I mean about IT.

Letting Go

Anyone remember the movie "Meet Joe Black" with Brat Pitt, Anthony Hopkins and Claire Forlani? It got bad reviews which I never understood because I really liked the film. I know it's considered a "chick flick" so I'm being brave in admitting I enjoyed a romantic tale. If you never saw it or need a refresher in what it was about, basically it was a movie all about learning to let go. So lately I've been thinking about that little lesson they taught and how I should apply it to my life. Life is full of things we don't want to do, have difficulty doing and put off doing. All must be done no matter how terribly painful they are to face and overcome. We must learn to let go so we can allow ourselves to move forward because if we don't, a bright tomorrow will never come and you will be left with another dark day which gets darker with each passing hour.

The other day I took my dog to the vet to be put to sleep. After just shy of 17 years of her being my little buddy close to my side, it's time to let go. She has declined health wise incredibly fast in just the last few weeks to the point where if she hadn't been with me each day to see the change myself, I wouldn't even know it was my dog. If you never had a pet, I'm sure you can't relate to how you feel when your once super hyper and active dog just lays before you on a cold metal table at the vet with those soft/sad brown eyes looking up at you. Does she know why we are there? I wonder. Once I was told something pretty comforting when it comes to animals. I was told that one good thing is that when an animal is dying, they don't know it. Now whether or not that is true, I like to believe/pretend it is true otherwise it breaks my heart even more if she knows the inevitable like I do. They tell me she is not in pain and that is just side affects from medicine. So the dog told you she isn't in pain, but didn't tell me? Ahh, I see. How do they know? It's not like she has a voice to express herself. I'm tired of seeing her go thru this and I'm tired of going thru it. It's not like I am trying to take the fast way out or "just get it over with" because honestly I would love nothing more than to have more time with her - good time. Although at the same time I know the inevitable and I am forced to prepare for it, whenever that time comes and no matter how much it will hurt to say goodbye.

It's not just pets or lives you need to let go off, it's love too. I'm dealing with that also right now and the reality of it all is setting in more and more. I don't need anymore signs to hit me. I know what it means when you say you want to be with me and I fly out to spend time with you and you start a fight with me before I arrive and take off with your friends while I'm there. I know what it means when I say I love you and I don't hear it back. I know what someone means when you ask them if they are happy with someone else and they say yes. I know what it means when you call someone else your boyfriend whether on purpose, accident or whatever excuse you want to give. I know what it means when you go on a weekend getaway with someone. I know what it means when you spend time with him and not take a second to even ask how I am especially after you know what happened last week. I'm not stupid and I'm not naive. I am also not blind to the fact that she has moved on and so must I. So this post isn't to depress everyone and bring you down with me, but my goal is to help you let go if you too should ever find your own heart in a similar situation. As they say in the movie...Bill Parrish: "It's hard to let go, isn't it?" Joe Black: "Yes, it is Bill." Bill Parrish: "That's Life. What can I tell you?"

The above quote was taken from the end of the movie "Meet Joe Black." It is a movie that will move your heart and soul and you’ll find yourself sitting back to ponder your life and what is important to you after watching it. A life well lived and the ingredients needed to do so are being able to let go. Letting go is certainly one of the most important ingredients. Knowing when to cut our losses and walk away with dignity and grace isn't always easy. It helps to look back with love and gratitude for the lessons we have learned from the experience. Life is all about change and letting go. There are times when it is not only the physical rebuilding that needs to happen, but the ever so painful emotional rebuilding. I don’t always want or accept change in my life. I let go only after having white knuckles and scratch marks on my heart, soul and body. I hang on to people, places and things that no longer serve me or add to my life. There have been times when I knew I had to let go and yet was unable to do so. I was the one who suffered as a result. It is human nature not to let go easily and sometimes the universe slaps us with 2x4's upside our heads, hearts and souls before we finally release and let go for good.

When a love relationship ends, whether by choice or not, it might seem like that hole in our heart and soul will never close. Like most people, you are probably left with endless questions and "what ifs". Sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes the relationship just runs its course. We might even overstay in an unhealthy relationship due to fears of the unknown, being alone, never being loved again, financial fear or that we just don't have the courage to believe we deserve better. It often takes a lot of pain and suffering to realize there were many lessons and gifts from each of the relationships I had to let go of. I am not a bad person, nor is the other person bad. Maybe we were just bad for each other? I don't know. Rebuilding ourselves after any loss or having to let go, may take many times of letting go, attempting to take it back and then letting it go again before we finally release it enough to start the rebuilding process. We all need to let go in our own way and time. Others might believe differently, but trust your own heart to know the best way for you to allow yourself to let go. Here are a few suggestions to help you let go...

• Allow yourself time to grieve, cry and feel sad about the loss. Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are.
• Don't berate yourself because you may have made a poor decision.
• Don't allow this loss define who you are or what you are made of.
• When you know better, you do better.
• Look for the good that came out of it, look for the lesson that you needed to learn. Often it takes time and distance to figure it out.
• Don't be afraid to get professional help. Sometimes an objective party can help you sort through and process what has happened much easier and gentler than you can.
• Trust that you will come out a better person, moving ahead after all is said and done.
• Know that everything happens for a reason and you will make it through the pain.
• Try to see what is left, what you have gained instead of what you might have lost.
• Trust that the necessary strength will be there when you need it most.

Finally, always...always remember that "this too shall pass". Like in the movie, once he saw that she was happy and had someone, he needed to let go. I hope this post helps anyone else out there who also needs to let go of someone because I can relate to what it feels like - it's hard to breathe.

Girls Gone Wild Hurricane Katrina

As the Hurricane Katrina death tool rises to nearly 1,000 in Louisiana alone, some good news is in order after the disaster struck over 1 month ago. Despite all the negativity with the racial statements, delay in sending help, looting and the latest police brutality incident, something positive has finally rose out of the flooded waters. I'm pleased to announce that the nude dancers in "Big Daddy's" and the salesmen at the "Bourbon Street Strip-Tease" store are busy again! The Strip-Tease and sex toy store opened more than a week ago and has a brisk business selling to soldiers and relief workers looking for gifts. Yes, among the clothes for the needy, bottled water and canned goods there are dildos, blowup dolls and personal lubricants. It seems all our prayers were finally answered - amen!

Bourbon Street is Bourbon Street and that's why people go there to party and to let their hair down. After all, it's the home turf of Mardi Gras so it's a place that can't survive long without throwing one kick ass killer party full of drunken rowdiness and boob baring galore. Isn't America great? Almost half the businesses on Bourbon Street have reopened despite the fowl stench and garbage piles which does little to slow the customers from "paddling" their way in. Four young women holding beers and ready to party, hooted and waved at Humvee driving soldiers. One drunk girl shouted "can you tell we've been cooped up for a long time?" It may smell worse than Mardi Gras, but it's girls' night out! Who is to stand in their way? Not I. In fact if I was there, I would show them to the nearest liquor store and encourage them to take off that wet shirt. It's not about being perverted, it's about my concern for their safety. These girls have been in flooded waters and they need to let that clothing dry out before they catch a cold...and the alcohol, well that is just to "cheer them up" from all they have been thru. See, I'm a thoughtful and nice guy.

As you know, lately Mother Nature has a sick sense of humor on the entire world with the hurricanes here in the states and the earthquake in the middle east. So it's comforting to know that we can look to brighter days of breast flashing by the endless supply of drunk sluts this great nation has to offer. What will pull at your heart strings even more is the fact that the video makers of the infamous "Girls Gone Wild" DVD series will be making a special Hurricane Katrina edition. In the midst of looting a Best Buy store, college aged co-eds will be pausing to put on a sexy strip tease and perform some lesbian action for the cameras. Ok, so I'm joking but "Girls Gone Wild" plans to donate 100% of the proceeds from the sale of Mardi Gras-themed DVDs and videos to the Red Cross to help Katrina victims. They estimate that the company's donation will be in the tens of thousands. Who said a great set of twins (breasts) aren't worth a damn?

300th Post Milestone!

Can you believe today marks the 300th post here on my blog? Damn, that's alot of writing! That's also alot of time wasted. Well, I don't know if I would call it "wasted time" if I enjoyed doing it, but like I've said on so many other occasions, I wonder why I keep blogging. Sometimes my heart just really isn't into it and other times I ramble on and never shut up. I guess that's life of the blogger in the blogosphere. Anyways, I wasn't sure how to "celebrate" this 300th post milestone of mine, but I've decided to let it be represented with a 300lb fat dude on his computer. Sexy, huh? He looks like Santa cybering in the nude to me, but I thought it was funny and gross at the same time. Plus, it fit the "300 theme" I'm going for here today. Then again, I bet he is over the 300lb mark, but for argument sake we will say he tips the scale at an even 3.

In the past I've marked the 100th post and my 11,000 hit on the blog (I'm not sure why I picked 11,000 to be the number, but whatever). On a daily basis I average about 80 visits to my blog so that is pretty good I think. Who would of thought any of you would want to keep reading what I post and who would of thought I would keep posting...300 times? Well break out the party maker and cut the cake because this day will only happen once in a lifetime. Like the dramatic statement there? Now is it time for my short speech? Ok, here goes...

Thanks for visiting and all the nice comments. I hope I've made some of you laugh, entertained you and maybe even educated you on the tech world from time to time. As swell as my blog is, there are other blogs out there that should be checked out. So without further ado, here is a quick top 10 list from various bloggers who visit my site and I link to. Don't be offended if I didn't choose you to be on my list. It's nothing personal, honest. These are just some posts off the top of my head that I found to be rather good in my opinion - funny, sweet, educational, blunt, you get the idea. Here is my top 3 in order and the rest are in no particular order, but ALL are worth taking a look at.

• by "Anisa" - You're Like My Don Mattingly Rookie Card
• by "awaterpixie" - The Price Of Beauty
• by "EXSENO" - I Met A Guy Who's Penis Size Was...
• by "Mike" - If You Can't Bullshit 'Em
• by "ka" - Bootilicious
• by "fairygirl701" - McDonald's Lady
• by "mojoala" - Your Children Are Overrated
• by "Summer" - Looking For A Non-Loser
• by "Catrina" - MiMi Say It Boy
• by "TheBlondeBrunette" - 911 Can You Help Me Please? I Am A Psycho Bitch

***UPDATE***
If anyone is interested, Blogger has added a "backlinks" option. Personally, I think it's dumb, but you can read about what it is and how you can apply it to your blog at here.

Python-Gator Explosion

Move along, move along now. There is nothing to see here folks...unless you have never seen a 13-foot Burmese python burst after it apparently tried to swallow a live, 6-foot alligator whole! What, you've never seen that before? Then you live a sheltered life and must get out more. Ever eat too much food and feel as if your guts are going to explode? Well take this as a warning because here is proof that overeating can lead to deadly results. If you have a weak stomach like this python did, then you may want to look away from the photo posted below. Although if you are like me, you will want to click on it and make the image even bigger so you can suck in all the gruesome details. You will see the carcass of the alligator protruding out to the right from the curved body of the dead Burmese python. It's too bad we can't also smell the rotting flesh - mmm, yummy!

Alligators have some foreign competition at the top of the Everglades food chain and the results of the struggle are horror-movie messy. The incident has heightened biologists' fears that the non-native snakes could threaten a host of other animal species in the Everglades. It means nothing in the Everglades is safe from pythons, a fierce predator. Over the years, many pythons have been abandoned in the Everglades by pet owners. The gory evidence of the latest python-gator encounter, the 4th documented in the past 3 years, was discovered and photographed last week by a helicopter pilot and wildlife researcher. The snake was found with the gator's hindquarters protruding from its midsection. It is said the alligator may have clawed at the python's stomach as the snake tried to digest it. It looks like a classic murder-suicide to me.

In previous incidents, the alligator won or the battle was an apparent draw. There had been some hope that alligators can control Burmese pythons, but this indicates to me it's going to be an even draw. Sometimes alligators are going to win and sometimes the python will win. It is unknown how many pythons are competing with the thousands of alligators in the Everglades, but at least 150 have been captured in the past 2 years. A 10 or 20-foot python also could pose a risk to an unwary human, especially a child. However, biologists don't think this is an imminent threat. So for now it's only pythons and gators that should "be afraid, be very afraid". I'm chalking this fight up as 1-0 python. Rematch anyone? Place your bets now.

Job Hunting With Al Qaeda

Do you hate your present job? Do you want a change? Are you tired of the boring 9-5 cubical atmosphere and wish you could make a living doing something adventurous in the sun and perhaps even travel across the world? Do you want to do something with your life and really make a difference in lives everywhere? If you are posting your resume on sites like Monster and HotJobs and getting no replies, well how about looking into a career as a suicide bomber? It's true, now you can work your way up the corporate ladder as a terrorist! The best part is they will train you - no experience necessary. I can't say the pay is great and I don't think they offer very good health care packages, but that is a small price to pay for world domination. Am I right or am I right?

Learn how to fly commercial planes into buildings, plant explosives in subways, hide in caves and more! You can begin learning all of these techniques as early as age 5 in a terrorist camp not too far away. Yes, you too can be a little Osama Jr! Sounds like fun, right? So what are you waiting for? There are millions of innocent people to kill so apply today so you can get started in this fast growing and exciting field of hatred.

Seriously though, an Arabic newspaper is reporting that Al Qaeda has put job advertisements on the Internet asking for supporters to help put together its web statements and video montages. They have "vacant positions" for video production and editing statements, footage and international media coverage about militants in Iraq, the Palestinian territories, Chechnya and other conflict zones where militants are active. The Global Islamic Media Front, an al Qaeda-linked web-based organization, would "follow up with members interested in joining and contact them via e-mail". However, the paper did not say how applicants should contact the Global Islamic Media Front.

Al Qaeda supporters widely use the Internet to spread the group's statements through dozens of Islamist sites where anyone can post messages. Al Qaeda-linked groups also set up their own sites, which frequently have to move after being shut by ISPs (Internet Service Providers). Al Qaeda and other groups have increasingly turned to the Internet to win young Muslims over to their war against western-backed governments in Arab and Muslim countries. Islamist insurgents fighting U.S. forces and the U.S.-backed government in Iraq have often posted slick montages of their military activities, including beheadings of hostages, on the Internet where they spread through dozens of Islamist sites. So it looks like if you are searching for a career in which you can display your talent at uploading pics and videos of death and mayhem, then my friend you have found your calling as part of Al Qaeda. Your Mommy would be oh so proud (sarcasm obviously).