Bad Romance

I met her on a Friday. She called me on a Sunday. She said let’s grab some lunch on Monday. I said how about a drink on Thursday.

After much phone tagging and schedule juggling, we came to an agreement. I asked her to dinner for Saturday. She said yes.

Not a bad date. Not a great date. Just no second date. Why? Read on.

I don’t kiss and tell, but I do Tweet. I Tweeted this...

Impressed my date by speaking French! Although translating Lady Gaga lyrics to tell her "I want your love & I want your revenge" - dumb move.

It’s a running joke and a well known fact among all my friends that I attract crazy chicks. Not just a little quirky. I’m talking full blown, white, padded room instability! So what seemed like a harmless and silly thing to do may have been a huge mistake on my part! Lady Gaga’s hit song "Bad Romance" came on the radio during the car ride to dinner. So I translated the French part where she sings..."Je veux ton amour. Et je veux ton revanche. J'adore l'amour." Not until the translation was complete and the words parted my lips did I realize I had just told her "I want your love and I want your revenge."

Now a normal girl wouldn't think much of this because obviously it was mere translation and not a statement. But you see, I never seem to date normal girls. Somehow I end up going out with the ones that are little on the mentally sketchy side. Which would help explain why I have a girl that has been stalking me on and off for about 5 years now! No joke. So anytime a girl has even a hint of nutty flavor, I'm quick to run away screaming with arms flailing, vowing never to return. I basically pull a disappearing act that would even impress the likes of one Harry Houdini.

At the time, the date seemed fine. Nothing to write home about, but nothing to arrange a fake emergency phone call from a buddy to help me escape the evening either. I wasn't sure if I was going to ask her out again. I was just going to let nature take its course. Well nature answered all right!

This date happened this past Saturday. And on this past Monday she called me. Wait, let me clarify. She called me 4 times in less than a hour on Monday! My cell phone has documented the crazy for all those non-believers. The log looks like this. (Notice how the level of crazy increases with each passing call, each call arriving within a shorter and shorter time frame from the previous call.)

4:50 Missed Call
5:25 Missed Call
5:33 Missed Call
5:35 Missed Call

A mixture of voicemail messages left and hangups. All calls were missed and all chances of me calling her back she missed. I can't even tell you what her messages said because I'll start to tremble and a little bit of pee will trickle down my leg from fright. Needless to say, there will be no second date. I'm too sane/scared to venture into a relationship that clearly has Bad Romance written all over it!