Love In The Digital Age

He Twitters, but she txts? Sigh. These days, high-tech options can short-circuit a romance. While a relationship may not end because your significant other has an aversion to a certain type of technology, it certainly may help fizzle out a new romance from ever taking form. So can a texter love a Twitterer? Can star-crossed lovers overcome wire-crossed gadgets? Can these relationships be saved? I’m here to tell you YES and to tell you how to untangle the mess so your wireless signals will never be crossed again. Technology is supposed to simplify our life. The idea is to make it faster and easier to connect to our family, friends, co-workers and of course that hottie you have your eye on. But even the most tech-savvy of us can feel a bit overwhelmed and even confused as to what is the appropriate method of getting in touch with someone when there are so many methods to choose from! Back in the good old days (the early 90s), you had one method – the phone, the landline phone. Today you have the cell phone, txting, e-mail, IM, Facebook, Twitter, the list goes on and on! Mary, from the chick flick movie "He’s Just Not That Into You" summed it up best when she said...

"I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting!"

In 2009, the process of asking someone out on a date can historically be described as such. Each form of communication has its own followers and rules, which means dating today is a law of inverse proportions. As ways to communicate increases, the chances you will date someone who speaks your technological language decreases. If you share in Mary’s frustrations, then perhaps I can be of help to you by offering some advice.

• Relax. Continuously checking your phone for an incoming txt or call is not going to make it ring faster. Same rule applies to your e-mail, Facebook page, Twitter account, etc. Obsess over this and not only are you wasting your time and torturing yourself, but you’ll come off looking desperate and pathetic.
• If he’s truly interested, he will be in touch, in one form or another. Trust me on this!
• Just because a guy says he will call, doesn’t mean he will. Get over it.
• Ok, that sounded harsh. So to be fair, guys don’t say you’ll call if you know you won’t. Enough with the head games. Grow up already. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Women will respect you for your honesty, even if the truth hurts. And ladies, keep in mind that things change. He may have had every intention of calling you, but something could have actually come up - meaning, he met someone else. So don’t go psycho on him. Accept it and move on. Besides, why would you want someone who doesn’t want you?
• Just because technology is said to be an "instant" form of communication, doesn’t mean it really is. Life gets busy for everyone, so don’t take it too personal. It may take a couple hours, a day, or more before he/she responds to your call, e-mail, txt, etc. So repeat step #1, relax.

Many feel technology has complicated romance, if not ruined it! (See my archived post from 9/12/08 - The Handwritten Letter Is A Dying Art) Since most forms of technology fail to deliver facial expression (emoticons don’t count) and voice tones, a digital interaction can feel a bit hollow. Because let’s face it, technology can feel impersonal. It lacks that warm interaction that you can only get face-to face. But that isn’t the biggest problem with technology. The biggest problem is that why some love it, others loathe it! So when it comes to love in the digital age, it’s very easy to get your signals crossed. For example: A girl recently gave me her number. Shortly after, I learned that she was headed to Vegas to celebrate her birthday with some friends. So I thought it might be nice/cute if I would send her a simple happy birthday txt at midnight. The only problem, I find out she hates txting! Thankfully I found this out BEFORE I sent the txt. However, this had led me to believe we would be technologically incompatible?

If I hadn’t found this out and later sent a txt asking her if she wanted to meet me for lunch and she doesn’t read her txts, then what? I would assume I was stood up, when in reality it was just a matter of miscommunication. In another time, with fewer technological options, we may have been soul mates. Now, we will never know. After all, a bird may love a fish, but where would they live? And how would they notify each other to meet INSIDE the restaurant? I don’t know about the fish, but chances are the bird would be a Twitterer. And chances are, I’ll just use my cell phone and call next time.

This post isn't really about technology. It's about neurotic 20-somethings and 30-somethings who will find some reason, like blaming technology, not to be in a relationship. And perhaps that's for the best, because if you can't even agree on the medium through which you'll communicate, is there any chance you'll ever be able to work through real issues? I think not.