Old People Suck

I once read that the NFL is targeted to men ages 21-35. So can anyone tell me why Tom Petty was the Super Bowl halftime show? The dude is like 60! When were his songs even popular? I’ll tell you when, when I was playing with Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars. It was like watching my Dad rock. I was almost hoping for Janet Jackson’s 40-year-old pierced tittie to pop out again. As horrifying as it was to watch some old boobie blast onto my TV screen, it still would have been more appealing than seeing "Free Falling" being performed.

I know, next year we can really dig up the dead! How about The Grateful Dead and that parrot fairy, Jimmy Buffet? That way all the senior citizens who don’t even watch the Super Bowl can do the jitterbug at halftime. And since we are catering the halftime show to people outside the NFL’s target market, why not gear all the advertising accordingly? They could have 30 second ads with a mother and daughter walking along the beach discussing that "not so fresh feeling" or some sorry bastard who relies on Viagra to get laid. Here are the facts - guys under the age of 35 don’t need douche and don’t have trouble getting it up.

They did a fine job with the commercials, keeping it to 3 of my favorite things – beer, sports cars and Victoria’s Secret. It targeted young bachelors perfectly. So I can’t fault them there, but when it came to the halftime show, they totally dropped the ball.

My point is this, if I were in charge of the Super Bowl, I would keep my target audience in mind and adjust the half time show accordingly. That means musical entertainment should be from the current decade, that’s 2000 - 2008 people. I suppose all is well that ends well and having the Giants win Super Bowl XLII was a good enough ending for me. Technically though, they should be called the New Jersey Giants because they don’t even play in New York.