Coming Out Of The Closet

They call it "coming out of the closet", the phrase given to the process in which a person openly admits their homosexuality. I imagine it must be very difficult to do and I image that it’s nearly impossible to fight off the overwhelming fear of how your big news will be received by family and friends. I can understand why one would postpone “coming out” for as long as possible. Although on the other hand, I can’t even begin to understand how horrible it must feel hiding such a huge part of who you are. To carry on a charade day in and day out would simply be exhausting! I feel for people who are gay, I really do. I’ve never been homophobic and I don’t think people choose to be gay. I think you are born either straight or gay and that’s just the way it is. Just like you are born with either straight hair or curly hair.

Now sure you can change your straight hair to curly or your curly hair to straight, but you can’t change your sexual preference. And because you can’t change it, you are FORCED to accept it. And those around you are ASKED to accept it. Accept who you are, because unlike hair, this is just not something you can change in a day. Or in a month. Or in a year. Or even in your lifetime. Although many years ago people thought you could "cure" someone of being gay by giving them electric shock therapy. What’s even more shocking than that is how my entire family had no clue my cousin was gay, not even my Aunt and Uncle!

My Grandmother broke the news to me last week.

"Did you hear, **** finally told his Mother he’s gay?"
"No, but I figured he was."

That was my reply. I wasn’t shocked to hear my cousin is gay. Although I was shocked that everyone in my family was so clueless! How could I have been the only one to notice? Do I have a keener sense of gaydar than they do? I suppose they just didn’t notice the subtle signs like I did. Like when he came to visit us in the States, he always found more in common with my two older sisters than me. Even though I am closer to his age and we are both guys, we had little to talk about. The fact that he had no interest in sports wasn’t really a dead giveaway that he was gay, because a lot of straight guys don’t enjoy sports…I don’t know who those straight guys would be, but I hear there are some of you straight sport haters out there.

I suppose "boys night out" is what confirmed any question in my head as to whether or not my cousin was gay. Even though he was only 20 at the time, I was able to sneak him into a bar. I was hoping his strong accent wouldn’t draw attention and cause anyone to ask for his ID. Luckily that wasn’t a problem because he didn’t do much mingling. In fact, he really didn’t even look, let alone talk to any girls that night. I thought it was a little strange, but I figured he was just shy. Although when a girl with the body of a supermodel and face to match strolled by us, I thought for sure he would look! But no, not even glance. Not even a peak. Nothing! I couldn’t believe it. Not only did I check her out, but my neck suffered an injury far more severe than whiplash. I believe I did a double, triple take. My head actually performed a 360 degree spin as if I was the Exorcist about to spit pea soup at a priest. Yes, she was that hot. And my cousin, he didn’t even notice her.

Right then and there I knew the truth. My cousin is gay. The way I see it, he’s family and it makes no difference to me. I never told anyone what I discovered because I wasn't going to out him. Over 5 years passed before he came to terms with it. And 5 years passed with me knowing and keeping his deepest secret, unknown to him. I'm glad he's out in the open now. I feel happy for him to have freed himself from the charade he was leading. I hope my Aunt and Uncle will not look at him with shock and disgust, but with love and support. God knows the world can be cruel enough.