Hey God, If You Hate Me, The Feeling Is Mutual

Step right up folks. Apparently 2008 is the year I bend over and take it up the ass from everyone. Yes, I’m getting fucked left and right and not in a good way. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, it always does. The old cliché "well at least tomorrow has to be better" is total bullshit! Each day only intensifies my hate for this world. I’ve become a bitter old man well before my time. I’m seriously wondering if God secretly hates me because I just don’t see how it’s possible for life to keep getting any crueler, but then it does.

What really has me puzzled is I ask myself..."What in the world did I do to deserve all of this?" I must have royally f-ed up somewhere to be punished, but where?

It’s not like I’m some rude, selfish person with a massive ego who only cares about himself and believes he’s better than everyone on the planet. I do volunteer work. I give to charities. I do good deeds nearly every day and never look at it like "ok, what’s in it for me." I never seek payback. I genuinely do kind things because...well I don’t know why. I would like to think it’s just because I’m a good person and that kindness and compassion comes naturally, but now I’m beginning to think I need to change what comes naturally and become a total and complete asshole.

If people want to constantly jerk me around, you better believe I’m going to do something about it. I’m not anyone’s doormat. I’ll stand up and fight and fight dirty if need be. I’m no longer bringing the polite boy behavior to the table. It will be more of a "go fuck yourself" attitude. I think I will find myself getting farther ahead in life. I mean I can’t possibly fall any farther behind. I no longer believe in good karma/bad karma. I’ve put the good karma out there all my life and it doesn’t come back around like the movies would have you believe.

Just when I think I’ve hit rock bottom and things can’t go anywhere but up, I get shit on again. And again. And again. I was hoping by now that it would hit such an all-time low that I couldn’t do anything but laugh at it. Unfortunately, I don’t see the humor it in, or in anything for that matter. Constantly my head pounds with a painful massive headache because I’m beyond angry. I never get a break from it or any type of release. It just keeps building and holding me to this edge of explosion. I might have to take a metal baseball bat out to a tree and wack away or something.

Lent is coming up and if I were a good Catholic boy, I would be asked to give something up. I think I may give God up because he obviously gave up on me long ago. (Now if I get struck by lightning for saying that, it would probably be a blessing.) Hope is another good thing to give up. Oh...and fast food. Fast food is just disgusting.