Panic Attacks

It feels as if my blood is boiling and my skin is on fire. I’m soaked in sweat and I’m gasping for air. My breathing is rapid and shallow. My heart pounds harder and faster in my chest. I image this is what it must feel like to be suffocated with a pillow or to fight the overwhelming and uncontrollable sensation of being buried alive. Without dirt to dig into, my nails begin clawing into a down filled mattress topper. Sheets become twisted and tangled around my ankles as if to say…"You can’t run, therefore there is no escaping." My comforter offers me no comfort, it only helps hold in the heat of being trapped in this pressure cooker body of mine. Until finally, I erupt.

panic attack - noun
An intense attack of anxiety characterized by feelings of impending doom, terror and fear. Apprehension, depersonalization and derealization occurring in major depression. This is accompanied by trembling, heart palpitations, shortness of breath and sweating. Also called anxiety attack.

The scenario that I described above is exactly what I’ve been experiencing this week. My alarm is set to go off at 6:00 each morning, but for three straight nights in a row now, I find myself being jolted awake each day at 5am from a panic attack. It seems to be coming on in my sleep. Perhaps as the minutes draw closer and closer to where I am to start my day, subconsciously the anxiety of having to face a new day overpowers me. I’m sinking in a deep, bottomless black ocean filled with ice-water. It’s what psychologists would refer to as a "fight or flight" response. The "fight or flight" response is our body's primitive, automatic, inborn response that prepares the body to "fight" or "flee" from perceived attack, harm or threat to our survival.

I have been doing some research online about panic attacks. They offer a checklist of panic attack symptoms, saying if you have 4 or more signs, then you are indeed having panic attacks. It turns out that I have more than double the amount of panic attack symptoms. So my personal diagnosis, as my very own uncertified doctor, would state that I suffer from panic attacks. And it does seem to be linked back to major depression.

The good news (if there is any) is that as quickly as the panic attack occurs, it leaves. It leaves me in a cold sweat, somewhat trembling and naturally a little freaked out. Obviously I don’t want this to keep happing, but I feel powerless to stop it. I have insomnia as it is and having panic attacks set in during my sleep only makes me want to lie in bed even less. I’m 5 again and scared to fall asleep.

I’ve never had panic attacks before and I’m not exactly sure why I’m having them now. Well actually I do know, but to explain would involved more time than I’m willing to shed on this problem at the moment. So I choose to withhold much of my prior history and details. I realize that I’m beyond the point in which I should have sought help. However, I would like to ask that if anyone reading this has experienced or is currently experiencing a similar situation of panic attacks occurring in their sleep, please drop me an e-mail at diamondkt@gmail.com Your insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.